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rachel redwine Mar 2020
Closed my eyes
While the feeling
building up inside of me
  Stands on my chest, that caves
     Makes it hard to breathe.

Let's do this again
And again. Like my mind can't forget
Every single word they say, speaking to my anxiety.

And so it begins
Like it ends
Then I'm left to pretend
It comes easy as friends
that I have made,
But not today

I'd rather isolate.

My intentions stood
On everything good.
Tried to fix it
But can't skip the inevitable

Merciful his grace
Discovering my faith
Can you fix it
Can you  make my mind quit

Confusing thoughts with words, why can't I make it work.
It's a mind game
And I dont want to play.
Nascent thought provoking
threads flit to and fro
unseen solitary pinball wizard
cavalierly fiddles indiscriminately
leveraging outcome

silently holistic thought fragments
strewn staccoto scattershot
attenuated blitzkrieg
brain storm saturates,
par for course sandtrap engulfs,

chaos reverberates within
besieged cerebral corridor,
quotidian mental onslaught
spurns refugee exodus,
psychological ploy asper viable coping

function forgoes figurative
foothold toe tully forfeited
tenuous grasp slips forcing migration,
Sans psychotic shrapnel
clefts emotional well being,

without rhyme or reason
sense and sensibility rent asunder
rational, overall logical
modus operandi quashed
dealt fatal savage ******

soundless insanity relentlessly pounds
fifty plus shades gray matter
noiselessly bombarding
lofty craft cognitive faculty atelier
strafed emotional rescue

relegated to twilight zone
outer limits house barbed bereft ken
dolled, hallowed, and lobotomized
mined kempf desecrated sacred reliquary

orbits like a neurological asteroid belt
Self healing fragments repelled
despite fervent application grounded
evincing proof of positive thinking
courtesy Norman Vincent Peale

fore gone conclusion crowning
accursed albatross gussied as SPD
(schizoid personality disorder)
undefeated champ decamping forever
within noggin of this mortal male
til death do me part!
Ryan Hoysan Dec 2016
Yesterday I found an odd little place
A real hole in the wall sort of joint
Where the doldrums of life roll on and on
Where day changes to night, but leaves no one the wiser
Where today could be tomorrow even though it really seems like yesterday
When now and then are full of the same thing

It's an odd little place
A real hole in the wall joint
Just look through the looking glass
And dive down the rabbit hole
And you'll discover this world within ours.
The other night I did something I hoped I wouldn't have to do. I went to visit a very close friend of mine in the behavioral health/psych ward of the hospital. It's not that I didn't want to have to go to a place like that, it's just that I hoped I could help make it so that those closest to me wouldn't need to go there because things wouldn't get to that point. At least they're getting the help that I can't give.

— The End —