Alas it was but in that moment, when your soul cascaded into the night sky, that I understood what a goodbye truly meant. A chill crawled down my spine as your body grew colder by the minute beneath my touch; a solemn awakening on my conscience as grief greeted me yet again. This familiar path I feared to embark on again has resurfaced, baring with its somber recollections - I witnessed you…finally at rest.

Her arms would never turn the corner to greet me as I landed from my flight,
The warmth in her laughter shall fall to silent ears as the house ceases to echo,
Those eyes would never challenge the radiance of the sun again,
For it was in this moment I embraced the season of change, the art of letting go.

Letting go is a natural part of life that arises in manners we may never consider. May it be a goodbye placed upon a past lover, a former roommate, an old apartment, even a job site - goodbyes signify the end of a chapter. 2023 bore many moments of letting go for me as I relished in the art of departure. I lost my grandmother, the woman who raised me. This emotion was overwhelming as it marked the beginning of her legacy that I am now adorned to live. I have encountered many moments of goodbye this year: moving states, a heartbreaking end to a relationship, ending a program, seeking a new field of employment, ending a friendship - the list is exhaustive. Yet, it wasn’t until the passing of my grandmother I truly recognized the beauty of letting go.

The art of departure entails embracing what once was whilst creating space for what is to come. Letting go is freeing yourself of expectations - rather having abundant expectancy.

life is unpredictable in its fickle nature,

moments can transform into a lifetime of shared splendor or somber recollection,

healing isn’t linear nor is life’s trajectory as we tread this path scattered with trials and tribulations,

time challenges our wit and forces our hand at resilience as we build ourselves countlessly to brace the changes that come our way,

that is the beauty of existing— understanding the significance of loss and relishing the triumph of union,

savoring the essence within us and radiating faith amid our silent prayers,

healing isn’t linear, nor is life’s trajectory as we are riddled with fates that at times make us question our purpose in retrospect to the everyday,

this breath is but a gift of chance for us to continue walking mindfully with the beauty that surrounds us,

you are but a flower in the garden of tomorrow; blossom endlessly.

looking up looks good on you,

you weren’t of this world,

your heart was beyond the realms of reason,

a ray of sunshine returns to its source today,

continuing to shower her light on life as she did for 84 years.

Looking up looks good on you,

you make mortality beautiful with such celestial hues,

bringing peace to the plants you tended,

solace to the animals you fed,

and warmth to the hearts you touched.

looking up looks good on you.

Watching her as the last breath had already left her grasp… to see a light cease… was a conflicted reality. She was there — but gone. Finally freed from the cycle of samsara. Touching her face, seeing the color wash away the pains of yesterday, and feeling her body chill to a gruesome cold… it was in that moment I realized she won’t complain i’m cold anymore. She will warm and light up the sky with her smiles now.

Mortality is but a fickle yet omnipresent reminder to cherish each moment as it scatters past our horizons. It is but a gentle reminder to hold onto hugs a minute longer, savor a conversation a sentence deeper, and sit in the sunshine till dusk greets our departures. It is in the everyday we remain rooted in the reality of what lies hidden in the inevitable. Thus, in the moments mortality beacons at our doorstep — sending the gruesome chill of conclusion up your spine — cherish the warmth that radiates within your waking breath. It is in the inhale and exhale we seldom forget the gift of today that is bestowed on our conscious.

The ability to create, to debate, to deliberate on the topics that itch our fascination lies within mere moments of the now. She taught us to immerse ourselves in the ravishing splendor that life is because the inevitable looms above us all. Such a kindred spirit was she, a woman with a heart of gold. A soul that radiated in a light blind to the common eye. She held onto a glow that constellations graced — a burning light in of herself.

looking up looks good on you.

the trials she fails scatter her decisions -
she harbors quiet chaos in her mind's wake,
fathoming a reality unfit for spoken prose,
a truth vested in ambitions stretched; striving.

the moon rises and illuminates the darkness,
the night beckons confessions from the willing,
here - together - they unravel the intricate layers of their being,
a vulnerable act of expression to comprehend inner turmoil,
with parsed memories and melancholy anecdotes they ramble,
a vocal embrace of unity; discoveries.

I saw your ghost on a train downtown -
it beckoned me to walk down memory lane once more

What a feverish recollection of unspoken dreams,
for familiarity of passing your stop created this melancholy haste -
the agony of persisting despite the lack of closure

your shadows still linger on the platform as I push forward,
ever reminding me of what could have been; nostalgia.

To give life to the inner workings of my mind I ink the surface of these pages with secrets untold,
A breath of fresh air is this release of suppressed expression that now flows freely,
Life is but a muse to the poet’s pen.

Poetry is a universal language that defies all boundaries,
Such serene stanzas touch souls with hidden splendor,
This prose awakens dreams in the heart of the wanderer,

Lost is the mind as it travels across the words on display,
Connected is the spirit as it creates meaning unique to the self,
Life is but a poem waiting to be discovered.

& now I know this life is mine -
to embrace the change that awaits,
& relish the beauties of the vast world,
capturing the essence of the everlasting,
this is where I reclaim my solace -
& now I know this life is mine

Infinite rays trace the waters ashore,
Warmth radiates year round - engulfing the winds with glee,
How serene it is to have an endless summer,
A splendid decree.

& the next time the wind blows that familiar scent,
Reminisce on the benevolence of what we once had,
The essence of what once was,
& the potential of what was left behind,
A time adrift.

To sit with myself and the mayhem that lies within,
listening to the inner voice that was silenced by ridicule and speculation,
to understand the longing hidden in the whispers of my mind's scape,
I choose peace,
for the stagnant waters that once frighten me welcome my decision wholeheartedly,
I am not afraid anymore,
drawing boundaries and barriers to my spirit,
dimming my outer appeal and channeling my intuition inward,
I choose peace.

Weary is the wanderer who travels with no true destination,
Hesitant is the past he's abandoned home,
Unconscious is his pursuit with no avail,
Forgotten is her memory as he treads sporadically; endless turmoil.

& as you shade me with relief from scorching rays I bask in your benevolence,
For you are a creation of infinite cycles,
A manifestation of life itself,
An essence of soul's past,
A recollection of karmic accounts,
My friendly companion.

October arrives baring autumn chills,
Warm tones splatter the streets as nature sheds its many colors,
Mystery lingers in every street corner,
A spooky season reigns yet again.

Take me away,
To the brighter days where daylight trickles into the crevice of my despair,
To the sweet escape that lingers in the air,
Take me away,
For I am of this sphere no more,
I long for you as you play in the wind,
As you brighten universal hues of contentment,
I seek your benevolence.

To settle down and reflect on the months passed,
Relishing memories and moments kept sacred,
Looking inward and healing a child once forgotten,
A year's end to really pause and live,
For self actualization is as complimentary as winter and rain,
A chill flourishing among a fresh becoming; annual.

A woman who shatters glass ceilings with cognition and reason fights with fortitude,
She is a scholar in the works,
Armed with ink and post-its she readily crafts her voice,
Expelling knowledge as she ventures into uncharted feats,
Victorious is her journey as she lives the unspoken dreams her ancestors could only fathom,
A testament to their contributions she decolonizes the dominant narrative,
Her enrollment is a keepsake for their sacrifices,
Marvel at her composition for resourceful and informed is her prose.

Universe vested within and galaxies scattered beyond,
A moon child fathoms her demise.

Living in contrasting hues their duality clashes,
Oppositions transcend logic and bare pains of confusion,
Words take form and pierce the fabric of union,
Timeless ventures into the abyss,
A departure premature.

Arbitrary numbers scatter her mind's surface,
Operationally stunted she scurried,
For no deviation could solve the turmoil vested within,
It was hope vested in the cosmos,
An escape adorned in constellations,
The unwinding of a student.

Infinite was the reservoir of love she poured for him,
Abundant was her acceptance for the imperfections he held,
Tireless was the pursuit of her loyalty,
Wasted was her time on a man momentary.

It is not a mere assortment but a testament to the sentiment we share,
A bundle of heartfelt glee I present to you,
An array of colors crossing symbolism itself,
A gesture reigning classical to say the least,
A bouquet of roses for you my dearest,
My sincerest regards.

The monotonous haze of suspicion clouds her perception, Uncertainty meddles with speculation as she ponders,
A decision avowal.

An exhale to rid the conscious of deliberation and doubt,
to cleanse the body from worry and anxiety,
to center the soul to its origins,
a moment to bask in solitude;
a solo journey through life and it's many triumphs.

The final cadence of our union dismantled at the maestro's gesture,
A well sought forever concluded in nevertheless,
Promises ceased at the symphony's end,
A distraught reality remains.

A companion through the seasons you welcomes our every phase, From the bittersweet triumphs to the deafening cries,
You stood alongside us through the mayhem.
Whilst mortality is fickle and forevers aren't certain,
You were the constant that prevailed,
Alas at summer's end you submerged with the currents,
Washing away any potential of tomorrow's sunlight,
Basking in infinite radiance you rejoin the promised,
Memories strike annually of your departure,
A forever friend.

Grace your presence on each living entity that roots itself solemnly in your grounds,
Rejoice at the mercy of the infinite as he showers his benevolence on your path,
The road to redemption is a tedious feat,
May you guide the course with light and serenity.

Life is but a brief blink of an eye,
Awakened at the clock's end to infinite light,
An endless continuation of the benevolent.

& when it doesn't make sense,
& the wind blows in your direction,
I'll surrender to your will,
For in your benevolence I rest my faith,
Abundant expectancy.

His memories echo in yesterday's silence,
An abyss of agony singing in her wake,
Forgotten symphonies.

A forsaken smile crawls forward as she greets her past,
Rushing with euphoria and glee - his call beacons her,
Uplifting and fulfilling does he compliment her every day,
A mistaken encounter solidified as she prays.

And when life moves you,
Bend to its call,
For just as the water dances with the breeze,
So shall your spirit gloat with life's current.

Casted aside I reside in the broken remains of yesterday,
What we saw together,
an everlasting forever is now in ruins ...
I'm numb.
Devoid of thought - forsaken is my heart - and now I cry,
But there's no tears in my eyes,
Drifting beyond my grasp is the hope i once clasped,
Gone with the wind I've fallen in sin,
I'm numb
I'm numb,
What I want is not what I'll have,
Perhaps she is glad,
I sit in shambles wondering why my thoughts ramble,
Incoherent repercussions.

It all led up to this moment,
The dedication we casted our ambitions in,
The triumphs we rooted our adversities in,
It brought us to the next chapter of our lives,
And for you I'm forever grateful to,
Thanks for joining me on my journey.

The California dream is what we were living,
From the adventurous summer splendor,
To the heartfelt bittersweet departures,
Those unified celebratory cheers,
It was summer 21' of unprecedented affection,
Onto the next phase of life we go where unknown possibilities lie dormant,
Here's to the discoveries to come,
The gratitude to bestow,
& memories we'll create.

Awakened she stumbles upon the remains of her conscious,
Forever being a fantasy she held onto solemnly,
Fragments of realization pieced with passion left astray,
Broken hearted prayers uplift and revive,
A warrior goddess prevailing.

& in the fragrance of yesterday I'll bow my head in humility to pay respects to the child that roamed free.

For she was a mischievous character who tended to nature, heeding the wind's call.

She was a ferocious mine, eager to answer the precarious pondering of mental illness and abandonment.

She was confused because she was young and couldn't handle such complexity.

She found solace in lavenders.

A scent that rooted her in spirituality and happiness.
A scent that reminded her of happiness and rebirth.
A scent that provided her refuge from the uncertainty of life.
A simple embrace from the mystic himself.
A simple flower carried her through tedious transitions and remained a stable symbol in her ever shifting life.

Bowing her head in humility she prepares to transition into the next chapter of her life.

With a humble heart I tread forward.

Onto a new state, a new journey, a new chapter.

Nationally we rejoice at the drop of the sun,
Sending explosives that dazzle the skies in parotic hues,
Silenced are the fears of the weary who cower in the corners of oppression and differential treatment,
Misjudged are the BIPOC who do not mirror the sentiments of the majority,
Forgotten are the fallen who lie in unmarked tombless foregrounds, Be cautious of the realities faced by the neighbors hidden in solitude, Be mindful of the friends who decide to stay indoors,
Be compassionate for our nation is hurting,
Though mass media may have muffled their cries,
Their lived experiences echo at an amplitude regarded by the awakened.

Graceful is her stride as she treads through the journey of life,
Peace lies within as she harbors solace among the mayhem,
Organic affection towards the world unbound she travels through the myriad of phases,
Embracing the unknown and entrusting the sovereign she persists fearlessly,
Effortless charisma engulfs her trance,
She is a woman warrior,
Defying the odds and living her ancestors dreams,
A raw glory to be seen.

Coasting along the interstate the sun trickles down the horizon,
Bleeding into the land darkness casts its cloak on the land,
Moonlit fantasies decorate the skies as she shifts her gears to surge ahead,
Euphoria of the ride engulf her mind's eye - matching heaven's every stride,
An endless wanderer,
Lost in the journey's mayhem.

Beyond the eye can see is where my beloved waits for me,
Amid my despair he guides me everywhere,
Casted into this realm of mortality I dance with my sins,
Seeking to cleanse my accounts and embark on the journey within,
I sit in prayer,
I uplift in meditation,
I transcend the arbitrary.

Departures casted in moonlight decorate her heartbreak,
Feverish realizations settle,
A forgotten union dismantled at sunrise.

A full rotation.
Another year cycles by marking your arrival,
You entered this world with uncertainty and lived it gracefully,
You had mishaps along the way that formed you into the being you are today,
Further you propel into the vast,
Beaming with wisdom more than the year last,
Blossom forevermore on your birthday oh soul,
You are a speck of the divine,
A true marvel to witness.

Trickling down the skies above does rain kiss the land solemnly, Moonlight hidden from eyesight to protect lunar fantasies from brutal realities,
The storm rages.

Casted aside I reside in the broken remains of yesterday,
What we saw together,
an everlasting forever is now in ruins ...
I'm numb.
Devoid of thought - forsaken is my heart - and now I cry,
But there's no tears in my eyes,
Drifting beyond my grasp is the hope i once clasped,
Gone with the wind I've fallen in sin,
I'm numb
I'm numb,
What I want is not what I'll have,
Perhaps she is glad,
I sit in shambles wondering why my thoughts ramble,
Incoherent repercussions.

Moonlight cascades down her spine highlighting the subtleties forgotten by sunrise,
Masking realities flaunted by recognition,
Soft corners celebrated at midnight's call.

When hope simmers down and despair sets in,
Look up.
See beyond the clouds,
Past the sunlight,
Into the abyss,
And receive the abundance that lies above,
The universe loves you,
You're here for a reason,
Embrace your individuality.

Fickle to the ears and solemn to the soul is the truth she unfolds,
A tedious maze of reckoning lies with every answer she shares,
A woman of wonder.

Bending to the moon forevermore the waves collapse against the shore,
The push and pull a rhythmic tantrum abiding by natural cause,
A sparkling realization to the infinite balance vested beyond our reach,
A tale predestined transcending script and linguistic compression,
Oceans galore.

a stranger to all and family to few I stand before you,
unknown and masked in anonymity my pen speaks volumes my voice could never reach,
today I lift the veil and show you the woman hidden between the lines,
introductions.

A treacherous journey one embarks on to heal,
With unexpected turns in the path it is not linear,
Through adversities there will be triumphs,
In hardship you will prevail,
Keep going in the direction the universe has set for you,
Keep growing at the pace that is right for you,
Individualize your experience and embrace your process,
You are deserving of the kindness bolstering within.