"its as if the taste never leaves my open mouth"
"that kiss only coming about because leaping into your body was easier than crawling"
"and the need to breathe was so strong"
"with the mint smoke that rose into the sky surrounding and smothering"
"everything the eyes could swallow without fear of choking"
"because feeling complete was more important that simply living in distant agony."
The door in my mind
Has been locked for a very long time;
Probably from the smoke drifting
From the alter I've built to my misgivings
There are tally marks on my stomach
Counting how many times I just stopped
And I feel my chest turn to stone
With every breath.
Sometimes I wonder what the fear
Of a storm at sea feels like,
And if it's anything similar
To the paralysis I feel when
Someone is screaming.
There are days when I wish
I could speak in color.
When a shiver goes down my spine,
I wonder what you're saying about
Maybe life was just an accident God made
When playing with dolls
Sometimes I wish everything made sense,
And that my mind wasn't so faceted
And tangled like string
But maybe Everything is a jigsaw puzzle
With missing pieces.
Maybe we're not supposed to understand.
Or maybe there's not anything we're supposed
Maybe life is screaming and color and a storm
Maybe God is still playing with dolls.
the words you left me with
left me feeling drunk
i couldn't grasp the concept of you leaving me
in my incoherent dreams
i got drunk over, and over again
just to hear the message you left;
*"i love you"
i can't handle this alone. it's worse without you
i have so many words swarming beneath my skin
they threaten to break through
they threaten to scream
i feel lost
they threaten to sing, to whisper, to sigh and laugh and breathe
they are loud, incomprehensible
they remind me of you
you and your shining eyes and the ideals you wear as armor
and your bright hair and your quick quick smile
i feel lost
these words and i
we are lost in a forest in my chest, the bird caged within me
beating against the trees
these words yearn to be written, they yearn to be read
they yearn to exist and to live and to thrive and to grow
these words are not mine
they scream for you
you are larger than life, and i
i feel lost
i am called to scream.
Words of deep love and longing
Are lost on me, today.
I've no whimsy to feed my prose,
No form of coherency in my head.
I'll write for the sake of writing.
Rustling trees swelled with song birds
Are mere echoes of a life outside
I feel like I'm suspended in zero gravity -
My face tingles,
My head is sluggish
Like a hangover without the nausea.
We've got potholes in our hearts
And the construction's lasted for months
So we just fill them all with sand and
Call it a day.
Integrated into a system
That's forgotten the welfare
Of the human soul.
There's a trickle of sunlight
And it's getting warmer.
Summer's blossoming and
I can't stand it.
The beautiful solace of winter
Melts away with my silence,
While summer months boil blood
And chaos chokes the air.
These words I write are read
Aloud in tremulous whispers -
The only proof that they're real.
Recited every night
When I lay my head down
And wonder about the difference
Between what is evil
And what is just a misled notion
And everything else in between.
Sometimes I just wake up so ungodly early.
A vast valley of empty noise.
Muffled screams ambient like static.
Dodging cunning plans and ploys.
As each friend intends to wreak havoc.
I set aflame in rage and shame.
Smoke signals soar high from my side.
As I try to decide what is wise.
Incontinence of the lips disguised as clever banter.
Hollow thoughts reveal themselves and foggy eyes gleam far and wide.
I'll have a drink of endless size.
"I'd rather be anywhere, or anything" I say whilst reaching for a decanter.
I'll curl up and write
As an escape from this mess
Under the setting sun
And the glowing moon.
I'll tell lies
But only to myself
Because you, you should be spared
From the moment when my sanity snaps.
I'll think of you
Grasping at the straws of love
And you fell- oh how beautifully you fell!
Into another's arms, held away from mine.
I'll leave you
In his arms, in his shelter,
Because I've always been good at clean breaks,
I'll even clean up the ashes.