Hearing words of kindness
From a stranger, a new friend,
(Or anyone for that matter)
Is a rarity these days.
I only bring pain
And disappointment,
Or at least, it seems that way.
But to hear sweet, beautiful words
From a newfound friend
It makes my heart flutter
And fills my somber mind
With joyful, blissful thoughts.

I talk to myself;
It scares me how much I do...
Maybe I need help.

Let them run freely;
Let the tears mend your broken
Heart, my dearest child.

Teenage boys staring,
Thinking ***** thoughts.
Teenage me wishing
They would just go away.

A picture of me
In a dress now ruined,
Because of their
Disgusting thoughts.

"You wish she
Was taking it off,
Don't you?"
They asked my friend.

"You wish you
Were in getting that
Dress, don't you?"
They asked him again.

I was angry,
Hurt, and humiliated.
I took it out
On my family.

My parents became
Angry and upset
With me and my
Friendship paid the price.

No longer allowed
To speak to him,
See him,
Or be friends.

That was the
Price of teenage boys
Sexualizing an innocent
Photo of a broken girl.

I could end it all;
Right here, right now.
I'm home alone,
And I shouldn't be.
I'm dangerous.
I'm ugly.
I'm stupid.
I'm an addict.
I'm awful.
They shouldn't have left
Me all alone with my thoughts.
Because my thoughts
*May just get the best of me.

The death of a loved one
Hurts so **** bad.
Everyone says "They're in a better place"
Or "At least they aren't in pain".
But what about me?
I'm left without a friend,
A lover, a piece of my heart.
My world is shattered;
I cut myself with the shards of glass,
As I try to piece everything back together.
You may be in a better place,
But I'm still here.
Sad.
Alone.
The death of a loved one
Hurts.
So.
****.
Bad.

I'm young.
I'm scarred.
I'm traumatized.
So why do I want *that?

Liar, Liar, pants-
Pants? Pants? It's more like: Liar,
Liar, soul on fire.

I have a feeling
That if I had said those three words,
You wouldn't have said them back.
And I would be sad;
Because that would mean that the
Magic of us would be over.

This holiday...
This delightfully cheerful,
Wonderfully happy,
Endlessly beautiful holiday,
Is also so terribly lonely.
Every year I spend it alone,
No Valentine to give my heart to,
And no Valentine gives me their's.
I'm happy for those who
Have found love and
Have Valentines,
But I can't help but feel
So lonely and sad on this day.
Because the cute couples,
The sweet letters,
Kind gifts,
And warm cuddling
Just reminds me that
I can't have the one I want.

"I woke up."
   And wished I was dead.
"I walked through the house."
   Like a zombie.
"I kissed and hugged my mother."
   And my body was in so much pain.
"I ate my breakfast."
   And felt sick to my stomach.
"I grabbed my clothes and got dressed."
   But I stared at my scars and cuts first.
"I started my schoolwork."
   And wished I could disappear.
"I turned in assignments."
   But I already knew what my grades would be.
"I ate lunch; I had a sandwich."
   I didn't want to eat. Why do they make me?
"I went back and did more school."
   And wished I wasn't alive; did I mention that already?
"I did my chores."
   And thought of all the ways I could leave.
"I ate dinner."
   Because they always make me eat.
"I did more school until ten."
   Then collapsed into bed, not wanting to exist.
"I laid in my bed wide awake, thinking, until about two a.m."
   I didn't want to sleep 'cause I don't like nightmares.
"I thought about life, conversations, etc."
   Ways I could off myself, why I hate myself, etc.
"I finally fell asleep around two-fifteen."
   The nightmares get worse and worse.
   Please don't make me do it again.
   I don't want to live another day.
   Please don't make me live life.
"Then the day started again when I woke up at about five."
   *Please.

The anger screams at
My mind.
The pain rips apart
My soul.
The shame hides
My face.
The sadness climbs down
My cheeks.
The trauma reminds me
Every day.

They care not
For what I can be,
Only for what I am.

*And what I am
Is nothing good.

I thought I was done,
I thought it was over;
I thought maybe I had it beat.
I thought I had won,
I thought I got better;
I thought it was gone.
But I guess that, after everything,
*I thought wrong.

dreams crushed
hopes shattered
here i sit in my
thoughtless wonder

joy diminished
sadness increased
here i walk in my
thoughtless wonder

heart spoiled
brain rotted
here i tie my
thoughtless wonder

peace disturbed
anguish expanded
here i hang my
thoughtless wonder

pain interrupted
madness depleted
here i die in my
thoughtless wonder.

Today is the day
I stop worrying.
Today is the day
I win.
Today is the day
I love myself.
Today is the day
I...
*Keep telling myself lies.

My type of poetry
Is not meant to bring
Joy, happiness, and warm feelings.
It is meant to cause
The hardest of hearts to feel,
The driest of eyes to cry,
And the toughest of men to feel weak.
It is not meant to be read aloud;
It is meant to be read while
You are alone at night, crying
Because you are tired.
It is meant to let you know
That someone else out here
Feels your pain and knows what it's like.
It is meant to break you down
And help you build yourself
Up again because you are strong.
You will make it through this.
You'll make it through
Because deep down,
You know you aren't searching
For poems about depression
Late at night because you want
Inspiration to **** or hurt yourself.
No.
You want to know someone else
Out there in this cruel
******* world understands.
You want to know someone cares,
And that someone else feels the pain.
You want to know it gets better,
That there is in fact a light
At the end of the tunnel.
And let me tell you,
I struggle too.
Most days, I can't see that light,
That faint residue of hope.
But that's okay.
Because it's the journey that counts.
And you and I
Are on this journey together.

I miss him;
I wonder if he's thinking about me?
I wonder if he's missing me too?
He says he does, but sometimes
Doubt just creeps into my mind...
It says "He doesn't really love you.";
"He doesn't really want
To be with you.";
"He wouldn't care if you..."
And that's where I must stop.
Because what follows would
Show just how pathetic I am.
I don't want him to see
Me as pathetic and pity me...
He might leave if he sees my true self.
I don't want him to leave.
Please don't leave.
*Don't leave me...

Gasping for air,
Sobbing;
Trying to grab ahold
Of something.

Crying out in pain,
Shaking;
Trying to call out
To anybody.

Screaming at the world,
Trembling;
Trying to make them
Hear me.

Going silent once more,
Hiding;
No once cares enough
To listen.

Struggling to breathe,
To live,
To do something.
But I can't.
My faith is failing;
My depression, overwhelming.
Temptation hits me
As hard as a train;
I feel guilty for it,
Though I haven't
Done a single thing.
I'm tired and hurting;
I'm just falling apart.

I'm so tired.
Not the tired that people
Normally say to express themselves;
Not "I've been working" tired.
Not "I need sleep" tired.
(Though I do need some..)
My kind of tired
Is deep within my soul.
Like someone has taken knives
And chains a-and whips and... and ropes
And tortured my poor soul.
Which, I suppose they have.
And by they, I mean him.
And also myself.

He cut into it with his lies,
He cut it out of me, my soul,
And held his prize for all to see.
Torturing me with memories,
Little things;
Sometimes it's a song,
Other times it's a phrase.
But most often,
It's the shame and regret I feel.

The shame of saying those ***** things;
The regret of ever even saying hello.
The shame of being so stupid,
And not seeing him for what he was.
What he is.
The pain I brought to my family;
All of my self-esteem- gone.
The harm I brought to my wrist
As I sought for a way out.
Some days, it's harder than others;
But all of my days are dark.

Except for when I forget
For that brief moment what I did,
And then the light shines through.
I'm smiling at him;
Laughing, even.
His eyes are my saving grace,
And his smile brings me joy;
He makes me forget all of those things,
Even if it's just for a moment.
And when those feelings,
Those memories,
Those things resurface,
He simply smiles at me and says:
*"I still love you, no matter what."

"Once upon a time, I knew you.
I knew your quirks and comebacks,
Your fears and failures.
I knew when you were sad before you did
And how to cheer you up (cheesy jokes and vanilla ice cream).
I knew which Dum-Dum flavor was your favorite,
And the ritual you'd perform before a game.
I knew how you acted just before you broke up
With yet another girlfriend that you deemed wasn't The One.
But now... I hardly know you at all.
I suppose we've become like strangers.
Wandering and tip-toeing around each other,
Not sure how to approach and say hello correctly.
But of course, the most obvious question to finally ask
Would be the one that I am terrified of.
The one that's kept me awake at night as I've imagined
Meeting you again.
'How have you been over the years?'
A simple question. But a hard one.
Because I'm terrified of how happy you will tell me you are
Without me."
       *-an excerpt from a book I will never write.

This weight on my shoulders
Is too much to bear;
I'll eventually break,
But no one seems to care.

Someone, please, save me
From my unwanted demise;
How is that no one can see
The tears in my eyes?

My cries for help
Fall upon deaf ears.
Don't you think that
I've cried enough tears?

Apparently the answer is "no",
Since no one answers my calls;
So I'll quietly wait
Until my whole worlds falls.

you should check my blog out

"Shhh....
No one needs to know..."
The razor whispered
To her skin as
It violated her.

Angry tears stream down
My face as I fight to control
My demons, my thoughts,
And my body.
Because all I want to do
Is just slam a fist into the wall
And curse the world.
But I can't do that.
I mustn't make things worse.

You're funny,
I'm funny,
We're quite a humorous pair;
Even though sometimes,
We get into each other's hair.

You're a dork,
I'm a dork,
We're both tons of fun.
Don't you worry,
This poem has only just begun.

You're tall,
I'm short,
We're funny that way;
We talk and laugh
And play all day.

You like reading rhymes,
I like to write them,
You're a poet's best friend;
And please, don't fret.
'Cause we'll be friends 'til the end.

Home.

A single word can fill you
With a thousand feelings
And memories.
Some are warm, happy,
Fuzzy feelings that you enjoy;
Others... not so much.
Yelling, pain, insults;
Dysfunction, blame, guilt.
But "family" is not always
The same thing as *home.**
Sometimes home is a person,
Who makes you feel loved.
They make you feel wanted
And secure in their embrace.
They give you those happy, fuzzy
Feelings and light thoughts
On your dark days.
And you, my friend...
You are home to me.

Oh, the darkness overwhelms
Every minute I'm sinking deeper
It's hard to see the light
When your thoughts are black as night

But then I see your face
An' the shadows dissipate
An' I'm not so alone
You're the one I've been waiting for

Now you've opened up the door
To my sad and scarred soul
An' I'm so thankful
You're the one I've been waiting for

You've made me feel
Alive again.
After so many years of
Being dead.

You've made me feel
Safe again.
After so many years of
Crippling fear.

You've made me feel
Happy again.
After so many years of
Excruciating pain.

You've made me feel
Loved again.
After so many years of
Searing hate.

You've made me feel
Something*  again.
After so many years of
Lonely nothingness.

*You've made me feel
Alive again.
After so many years of
Being dead.