If only I wasn’t ignored Is it because you get bored? I guess I will never be enough Even when I try I can hardly get by
My doubt cripples me Some days I can’t stand near you Even if I wanted to Because I fear the world would be better If I were invisible Like a ghost My thoughts repeating “Don’t leave a trace” "You're a disgrace" “Oh but remember that one mistake?”
I come here to this island rich in growth clear warm fluid to catch its currents and swim its nurturing depths where I can breathe underwater and leave traces of my darkness to float like drops of ink in a glass bowl.
These tropics reside on the map of my heart for me to locate when covered by layers of sand in the desert on gray slate days barren days of lost inspiration when I am turned in on me and my tottering self the me I see on my pockmarked well-traveled and aged face each morning in the mirror.
I arrive here each time with a glimmer a hope I can find within me a point of light some soft and pure place a source a force where I can rise again.
This site is a place of encouragement, inspiration and nurture in the midst of this ****** pandemic whose news has gotten me down, along with just fricking getting old. Thanks my friends for being here, for reading my droppings, for enduring my idiosyncrasies and limits, my peculiar faith, and all the rest. I love you. I really do.
Filling in the blanks. Throw away worn out pages from the journal of my past. Forgetting names, relationships that didn't last. No class, sensible sass on the *** of my jeans. Playing with words when I want to be mean. Don't want to be needy. Forgotten peace treaty with the demons eating my psyche. I'm ugly, you're boring, we're all like vampires feeding on each other. Undeniable hate, but I still always say "We should love one another." Denial undercover, smother the problems I'm not yet equipped to recover from with a sly wit. Another temporary fix to cover up the shiit that somehow replaced the mud and the blood in my veins. I'm lonely and strange and beginning to prefer it this way. Not well behaved, I don't feel like pretending to be today. That's okay, I'll try again tomorrow. Indian giver, time's always borrowed. Mostly hollow but I'm trying harder every day to gain the patience it takes to fill in the blanks.
If the men is the biggest creation of god For sure there is other men in other planets If the creation of men it's bigger than the creation of the universe maybe it's unfair to compare, since the universe there is no beginning, so many mystery around us, so many questions, it's hard to believe some avatars achieve that goal, it's hard to believe that men is the biggest creation of god.
What about the angels, archangel, seraphims? They wasn't created by god? they always exists? Are they like the Universe, with no beginning ? why some souls have the privilege like that being an angel? or it's not a privilege and the angels was men before and they have such a high level of evolution after many incarnation process who make they become angels? In the final goal, everybody will become angel? and them what, to be grateful to god? Become a god? and what? When everybody have all the process of incarnation finished and the cycle broken, everybody living in the highest level of consciousness, to do what? to help who? just to be grateful? is god needy to attention ?