Stop looking for me everywhere and let me
please
rest in peace.

You searched for ...*
Are you sure you want to remover your search?
Yes, god ******. I can't handle this.

He is so much to bear. This pain of this
Distance is so much to feel. I don't want to
Die with a sharp shard in my heart.

you were so ******' miserable for messing up my life like that.
what do i do now with all those praises you meant so well?
what do i do with your words and your face and your morning texts that keep beeping today even when I have your number no more - hammering my head
your memories leave no chance of torturing
like you didn't

the same pinch of obsessed
the same twinge of distance
the agony, the agony, the agony of love.

If both the people
Are continually waiting to meet each other
At the end of their respective, tiring circles
Why can't they be cojoined?

Why can't we just be us?

Like an undigested morsel of food,
a word comes to my throat; sickening me
until I ***** out
this poem.

I have understood the fact that you were bad for me
toxic, indeed
I have understood the fact that it wasn't meant to be

But who will explain this to my stupid heart?

I am more than too sad.

A quiet question hangs between us,
invisible like heartache,
and just as heavy.

Sometimes I wonder if you are actually just a text message away

Poetry
so
stupid
it
makes
you
puke.

'Hey yeah so I really miss you right now'*
and every day
and every moment of every day.
Please come back.

Could it be true --
That you miss me too
And all this while,
I wasn't the only one wanting?

af.

I don't miss you,
I'm not waiting for you,
I have forsaken hope.

Never loved you

Is a great time to go back through his texts
and regret the chances you didn't take.

what do you do when you feel down?

what when you can't find a way out?

what do you do when silver's gone,

what do you do when you're in doubt?

what do you do when you feel alone,

what when there's no one about?

what do you do when you feel a void,

what do you do through out?

how do you know it will be okay,

how do you know it won't last?

how can you tell one to feel better,

to not worry for an unseen or past?

how is it that I don't feel safe

even when I've told myself that all

why is it that I still can't say

if I'll be stronger after this fall-?

can you find for me
a remedy
to ease this pain of separation?
it was supposed to have ended way earlier

Please let me forget you. Please let this pass. Please let me be. Please, just go. Forever and ever and ever.


Please do not try to compensate for this damage. It's mine to mend. I don't want you near, why don't you get that?

Please help me, I beg you: **Leave.

EXPRESS YOURSELF
says the daily prompt
That’s totally impossible!
Cried the girl and stomped

Tell us about it
They repeat again
What am I to say?
her protests go in vain

tell us about a time
you had no words to say
Well that happens a lot!
with my senses do they play

Tell us, tell us, do they call
Tell us about it, tell us all

Fine then I shall, so said her
and unveil here some moments blur
But listen to me with heart brave
Cautions she with a sound grave

I’ll tell you about that time last..
her eyes surveying parts of past
I’ll open to you each hint, imprint..
Her mind throbbing, as she squint

I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you
suddenly she screams
Rubbing her clenched fist
In emotions extreme

I’ll explain to you such happenings
of haunting nights and mornings

I’ll tell you, I’ll tell each and all
shouts she, before she stumbles and falls
Her pattering heart skips fast a beat
thud and thump as she dropped on feet

Whimpering, limping, she strives to stand
a hand advanced, she couldn’t withstand
You never came forward, you never helped out
she looked blankly, eyes filled with doubt

Weren’t you the same to ask her speak?
where are you now as she dies, weak?
Didn’t you ask her to express, to try?
but you’re nowhere close to stop her cry

You’ve gone because you had come to go
It will take time yes, I’ll get this though
just make sure you never ask another to ‘express’
for it’s harder than you know, to speak or confess.

1:05 PM.
I am sitting on my bed, laptop in front of me.
Searching vague terms.
And then it hits--
It was you. I remember the dream now.
It was your text, after all this time, and only I on this space can imagine the feelings it brought.
It was your text, and then I had replied, and then...
And then I couldn't find it in my phone anymore.
The dream ended on searching and searching
has seeped through in my day since.
Maybe another night? Maybe another day?

i don't miss you anymore
i don't cry at nights
i sleep well
nothing haunts me--
not your unsaid goodbye,
not your unmeant love-talks,
not what i did, not what you didn't,
nothing.
i don't go back to read your texts
nor do i look at your photo a hundred times
i do not, simply do not care anymore where you are,
what you do, and if you slept peacefully at night.
it doesn't matter now to me. what i went through is history.

they tell me repeatedly
we only help the wound grow
by licking it again and again

it doesn't heal like that

they also tell me I must accept
what I feel about you
and then forgive you!

it makes things better, they say

what they don't explain, however,
is why I haven't got another option?
and how long am I supposed to wait eitherway
when I have already tried everything?

am I supposed to wait even?

Today, I am not going to write poetry.
Today, I shall bleed poetry.

Oh you know, there's this way where if I turn my Facebook chat off, it will show me in a light screen which people were online how many minutes ago.
It's usually a different list from my active ones. And well,
I lost your name when we didn't chat for more than a month.
I do that so I can see you.
It lets me see that you were there even if we aren't

It hurts to miss you.

It's so obvious that I miss you.
Don't wanna handle it delicately.

It was fine;
you went because
it was meant to be.
But I can't help counting
each day as it passes,
and months,
and sometimes I would even
calculate the seconds
spent
without you.

I realized I cannot do with you
I realized I cannot do without you

But then
this light heartache you don't wanna acknowledge --
cuz you think you can beat it but this heavy, heavy knowledge
that it's already beating you --
does it come as soon as does Attachment?

I miss you
What do I do?
How do I stop myself from trying to scratch away your feeling from my skin
Your breath from my bones

How do I feel normal again?

You tell yourself this is the limit
I'll wait until 10 then I'll stop missing
When it's still 6 hours until then
And you sleep, don't weep, work and run
Out of time. He doesn't return
Ever.

There was only one thing that was important for him to know:

it wasn't love. love isn't this.

So I made it clear

but now

I feel as if

it wasn't for me to teach.

You are mine,
and that is the greatest lie
I have ever told myself.

When something bad happens in my life, I start spending most of my time sleeping,
And all of my time distracting.

When you came, I was already on my early-to-bed formula-for-peace,
And when I realized you wouldn't stay, I once again became a princess locked in a castle covered in soot-black night.
The only windows were too high, the only light was flickering hope.

When something bad happens in my life, and if it's great, I wait for time to settle the whirling ***** and rack them in a frame
Because I saw most of my pool ***** fall in place but you hit the final score and now I cannot trust an effort's worth anymore.
I thought I would part with grace this time. I didn't know you could hurt me on my way.

When you left, you forgot to fasten the doors as politely as you had tried to open them
Behind you, they were left at the mercy of the storm that started soon after.
Rattled until shut, of course. But the noise was so loud it still rings in my ears
Like your promises echo against the walls from dawn to dusk, your poems perch on my eyelids when I lay on bed
To sleep, too weak.

I only hope I didn't come across very vulnerable, that you didn't linger a little longer to see my shadow on the same window,
That my metaphors didn't tell my tale,
That I didn't lose myself if I couldn't win you.

recurring dreams, a pill, a fight,
flight for safety? fright for life.

a poem in my pocket, a rose pressed dry
scent of a memory; a tender, tearing sigh

Please don't do that. Look at me. You are better than this.
Please don't hit him. He's just a baby. He is too young to understand what you've been telling him to do.
Please don't hurt yourself. Stop drinking. Please stop throwing glasses around.
Please don't scream. You'll scare your boy. Look, he's covering his ears with his little hands. He is crying.
Please don't cry, you. Come to me. I'll take both of you.
For I am death and I am that sweet escape
I am what all of you have since always asked.
I am here now. I will take you.

So I was planning to write
something for you
today. Finally.
but then somehow all of a sudden
my insides hurt so bad
and the ink I had collected
spilled all over the bed sheet
as I twisted and turned;
the pain didn't go then
even when I told it
I wasn't writing you a poem.

It's been 40 days since I last saw you.
40 days since my stomach twisted that disgusting yearn-ish
and I haven't called you since
So it's 40 days of heavy, heavy courage
One that almost takes my life away
                  eversooften

Because he will leave you as soon as he realizes you are not unattainable.

You can't not miss them, it's not written in your fate
Your fate's an unlucky champ, got pain scribbled on its skin
So yearn - yearn for the moment that is never coming again
For a sense of togetherness which is now uncountable fragments
And hurt yourself, feel the flow... from your heart to your scalp, your nails, your intestines
Wait until it disarms you, disembowels you, and finally drinks you whole.

Writing a poem can be so difficult at times.
You know what you want to say, you know it's piling up inside you.
And yet you can't.

You just cannot put it--the pain into poetry
because your words which could once come out
swiftly
form some kind of a froth, disabling you
from spitting a verse even.
What's worse
your throat chokes with the hurt,
and your body aches too
only God knows why.

Maybe, I think,
keeping secrets like those of love
and leaving things unsaid for an undetermined time,
--perhaps forever--
is the most dangerous form of torture;
self-inflicted and helplessly nurtured.

If regret was a bird, it would be a blue thrush
Singing songs of yesterday that you no longer want to hear
but can't shoo away.
This feeling. It leaves speckles of blue like dust on the ground
Every time it flies, round, round, and round.

Thinking of it just
Gives me a twist in the stomach
And a terrible, terrible pain

If you come back today
I will have to find
a million more ways
to cope for later
when you leave
because you always do
and it's too much for me
to bear.

Just never come back again.
Ever. Ever. Ever.

If you wanna be sad it's okay
Be sad.

2.
If you think you can, block him.
Delete his messages and his number,
and his emails.
Delete his poems if you can't delete his thoughts.
You will get to that. (If you want to. It's fine if you don't.)

3.
You think you're happy one moment- exuding joy, energy, ecstasy-
and melancholy the other. You feel you're fluctuating between two shifts
I want to tell you that's okay. It happens. Breathe.
Let it be.

4.
You show me your arms that are tightening with some sort of feeling you're abiding, your feet hurt
You can't name this, words don't get it, I know.
I know we can't know. I know it's Real, though. It is.
We are in it together. It goes away. That's what they all say.
I am believing in it and I hope you can too.

Happy New Year.

I can't speak
I am too full of fear:
Like bubbles of soap,
It has filled my mouth.

I can't speak
It's running in my veins:
This speedy ******
element I know nothing about.

I now know nothing

I can't speak
  Because if I do
  I'll be doomed to find
  Nonsensical, unconnected words spilling out
  Cursing me
  Cursing everything
  That led me to become this.

          I am an apology
          Of everything that went wrong
          That I can't seem to heal
          About which, I can't seem to talk

Was it so important that we said goodbyes? Couldn't have we just always remained?
Why are there no possibilities to just always remain? Why?

My hands sit on the keyboard in eager anticipation.
I wait for a word to form–any word–that might look wordly,
or worldly if not heavenly.
But the bubble bursts and I fail to see.
Its existence remains a mystery even to me.