I should sleep
But I want to write about you
My dreams of glass
Are dreams of you
Shattering threats
You could fall apart
Any second
I'll protect your heart
It's getting late
But I kind
Because I'm staying up
With you on my mind

watching you draw
all the beautiful things you saw
creating worlds
with the movement of your wrist
drawing the lips you've kissed
i see my eyes form
pencil creating a storm
fingers grasping
holding it tightly
lips parting slightly
creating my curls
dark golden locks in swirls
you look up and me and smile
and i want to look at you a while
fingers entwined
as the masterpiece is signed

i'm at a loss for words
when i think of you

you fill my flesh
with warmth

let's die and stay dead

She felt as though her face was on fire and her face was on fire and she felt on fire and she wanted to burn.

my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i keep thinking about the sky
but i can't go back now
remember what it was like
dancing upon the air
wind in my soul
cotton in my hair
i miss the hum
of distant planes
i used to be free
now i'm weighed down by chains
my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i fell from the sky
and lost all i found

What
Have you done
But tear me apart
Little tiny pieces
Of my broken heart
A day
An hour
A second
A year
Darling
It's useless
This irrational fear
I've been waiting
For relief
From the pain
But all
You do
Is hurt me again

When the inky sky holds the sun
She'll pull him closer
The stars dancing in her hair
I'll slowly forget you
Even though I promised never to
I have to
So it doesn't hurt
At twilight
My thoughts
Turn to black velvet sky
Vast and star-lit
The night will kiss the sun
And say
I love you
Her eyes will shine
With her galaxy tears
And say goodbye
My memories fade
And I whisper goodbye
As you slowly disappear
From my mind

Sweet
Little
******
Boy
Let me wipe your face
Stand up
And smile
Your pretty smile of grace
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
You will be alright
I will hold you closely
And tell you in stories at night
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
I promise I will love you
And I swear
On my life
I won't let anyone touch you

What did I see
Was it you looking at me
Or am I lying to myself
And storing up pretty lies on a shelf
Were you really smiling at me
Or are you lying to me
Am I thinking to much
Desperate for a touch
Is there something wrong with my mind
Or could you really take your time
To stay and lie with me
Stars and velvet and dark trees
Is this real
How I feel
Memories of how we used to be
Every single one is killing me
Ink on skin on skin
It was so easy to let you in
I miss you
The way you used to be
I miss the old words
Us and we

Time to see
If today will make me buckle
With tears
Or bubble over
With joy

****
with a smile like that
you could get away with ******

the sky was gray
a dismal day
the water was still without you
my mind was astray
the rain made clay
there's just something about you
the stars have lost their shine
like marbles in the sky
the whole world seems lost
and i think that i know why
you left me on a sunny day
gone without a trace
now the world is filled with sorrow
everything is gray

I love the way you smile
And I'd like to stay a while
But it's really hard to know
If I should stay or I should go
If I should love you even more
Or if I should let you go

I love you
I think I need you
I don't believe you
When you took speak
Your mind

Say you love me
Even if you don't
Say you want me
Promise you won't be alone

Darling I wish you would stay
Darling I'm going insane
Darling we're playing a game
Darling love me without shame

every word you say
plays on repeat in my brain
until you tell me more
don't you worry
I'll keep walking towards you
even when my legs are sore
you call me obsessed
but you love the attention
i call you stupid
but i love your attention

a trembling child
a fragile heart
"handle with care"
he was labeled from the start
growing up
the tossed him around
rough words from dry mouths
the string was tightly wound
it was filled with cracks
band-aids and fissures
more fragile than a feather
lighter than a whisper
all he wished for
was for someone kind
to take it in their hands
and give it time
time to heal
so he could love
but to everyone else
he just wasn't enough

The poor boy
Had his heart
Taken away from him
His mother
Didn't approve
His lover
Wasn't his
She taunted him
His mother
Would beat him
"Brat!"
She called him
His not-his lover
Would cheat him
Of happiness
"****!"
She called him
Til he fell onto his knees
And wept
And said
"I can't take this anymore"

My eyes
Politely ask for sleep
It pains me
But I must decline
I have things to do
Places to be
But I also would like
To stop and dream

my eyes are tired
wish i could sleep
smells of coffee
and cologne that's cheap
the clicking of nails
on the slick wood table
everything i do
is so unstable
a sound from my stomach
i'm really hungry
looking in the mirror
the reflection's ugly

To my only lover
I’d like you to know
That all those I times
I made myself hurt
I did it because of you

To my only lover
Despite your asking
Despite my lies
I did it because of you
I’d like you to know

To my only lover
The pain I felt
Didn’t feel like pain anymore
But it still hurt my heart
I’d like you to know that

To my only lover
I don’t regret it
I feel not a single drop
Of remorse
For what I’ve done to myself
I’d like you to know
It was all because of you

i don't really know why
i let myself believe in lies
i know you kinda love me
but i'm still kinda scared
i'm ready to love you
but i'm still not prepared
i've got three months until it's all new
three whole months til i see you
i wanna be yours
want you to be mine
sick of feeling lonely
kinda wish i was high
i miss your watermelon vapor

oh, don't act so naive
how ignorant you pretend to be
the lies you tell for just one kiss
you remember what they told you was bliss
to tell the truth i wish i was like you
i want to be happy, too

**** makes you happy
**** makes everything okay
It solves all your problems

i can't remember
when i knew
an entire group of people
who were pure
i'm not talking about
people saying ***** jokes
those ones are the best
i'm talking about the cruel people
the ones who hurt
who cause pain
for fun
maybe
the world is cruel
or maybe
i'm just easy
to hurt

darkness in my heart
flashing lights in my brain
the rise and fall
of your breathing
as you sleep next to me
i can imagine it perfectly
soothing my rapid breath
the warmth
of your chest
as your arms are wrapped around me
i can feel it on my skin
like it's real
casting my anxiety
far from here
thinking of your body
hands exploring
comfort in a familiar place
relieves the burning sensation
on my fingertips
lips on mine
pressing softly
petal soft
my favorite kind of dream
chases away
all my nightmares
hands in my hair
twisting my tresses
braiding with ribbons
calms my buzzing nerves
walking barefoot
in clear water
hand in mine
pacifies the static behind my eyes

I'm lonely
Wish you could hold me
I'm tired of boring
My feelings are storing

I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll lose you
I'm afraid that I'll love you
I'm afraid that I'll hurt myself

I wish
I wish I was okay
Wish I had something
Wish you would love me

is this a joke
you're kidding me
right?
you're lying
you don't
love me
right?
you're messing with me
you're trying to make your friends laugh
just another funny story to tell
right?
i don't understand
this is
fake
it has to be

she remains silent.
she is silent when the world is screaming.
she is silent while her soul is dying.
she is silent while she burns.
she is silent while the people pass by.
she is silent as he watches.
she is silent as he does nothing.
she is silent while she loves him.
she is silent while he loves someone else

I'm
Not
G O O D   E N O U G H

I found a piece of glass in my bed this morning
Perhaps
My dreams
Were meant to bleed

So
Controversial
So I want you?
Do you want me?
Thinking of you
Thinking of me
Drives me absolutely wild
Watching you
Watching me
Makes me wonder
What do you want?
It's kind of dark
When you think about it
How lonely it is
Inside my head
But when you're there
It's like
The world
Gets brighter

I'll never be recognized
For who I want to be
No one will care about me
For the things I see
The beauty in my words
No one really cares
None of my efforts
Really compare

in your shadow
i see roses bloom

welcome
to the city of night
devoid
of all kinds of light
stars
twinkle but not very bright
eyes
see without sight

welcome
to the city without sun
count
but now there's only one
start
but soon you'll be done
hide
but soon you won't be able to run

There's something about the way you smile
That lights my heart on fire
With a flame that shines through my eyes
The way you laugh
Fills my soul with content
A lazy smile
Stretches across my face
When you look at me
I can't help but feel
Worth it
Like I could be
The love of your life
You give me butterflies
When you say my name
And I feel
Real
Emotion
And I know
That I'm in love with you

i need you
but
you're not

h
e
r
e

your absence
is like a wound
made by
the moon

hold me
i know i say it too much
love me
i'm not afraid of your touch
im scared
that i'll never be enough
i'm starving
for a taste of your love

it's morning and i'm awake
count up all my pills to take
eyes are bleary
bones still weary
but it's morning and I'm awake.
no breakfast for me
no coffee or tea
i'm still tired
wish i was wired
i'm running late
for a not-very-important date

and my darling,
i cannot wait to your face again
after so long
the lips
i wish to kiss
the hands
i wish to hold
the hair
i wish to muss
i will be back soon
i promise you

They all
...
Love you
...
In some way

So I guess I'm not special

you're a ghost
in my head
but you're not
even dead
haunting me
with the words
you said

I yearn to rest my eyes
Blanket them with my lids
Sleep deprived
I miss the night
I'm tired
And I know you are, too

My heart says "Hello."
My heart wants to say "I love you"
My heart whispers
"It's nice to see you again"
My heart is crying
But it still sings for you
"How lovely you are, my one and only"
It says "Stay"
"Stay, for I have no one else"

When it hurts to breathe
I have to stop

Don't I?

i risk
my existence
as i fall
into you

i love pangolins

my favorite animal

but their almost extinct

the most heavily trafficked animal

they're pretty cute

you can find out how to help at

https://www.savepangolins.org/conservation/

i feel d r a i n e d
after i cry
but so full
of false things
l i e s  i tell myself
to feel better
b l e e d i n g  i watch
i watch people r u i n themselves
And it hurts
it h u r t s
I hate it
how c r u e l  the world is

it's
odd
i suppose
but all i really want to do
when you're around
is hold your hand

if i held your heart
in my hands
i would kiss it
and hold it to my chest
i would give
you mine
and all
of my time
and i wish
you'd hold
me dearly