i'm lonely and I miss you
wish for enough courage to kiss you
don't know what i'm saying
games you're playing
i most know i'm lonely
and i want you to hold me

i don't feel like doing this
but
i hope it'll make me feel better
first
i have to say
i really did love you
a lot
i would have done anything for you
but
whatever
second
i really don't think
that you ever felt like i was anything special
and i get that it's annoying
when someone likes you
and you
really
don't like them
but
couldn't you have even tried
to be gentle
third
i know i shouldn't say i hate you
because
you're not a bad person
but
you
really
really
hurt me
fourth
i know you won't read this
but i hope someday you'll know
that you ******* tore me apart

don't you hate it
when you want to cry
but you can't
because your eyes are too dry

a feeble word
weak
in the liars mouth
false
is the promise
called "trust"
so easily broken

but

it can be strong
it can be wonderful,
I'm the protecter's mouth
loyal
promises
meant to be kept

sadly,
i have known both
and false truth is burrowing under my flesh

Talking next to you for hours
Turning cigarettes into flowers
Listening to the cricket's song
Can't sleep, awake all night long
Thinking of your, your voice, your heart
Being away from you tore me apart
Dancing by the lake
Moon's reflections shattered
Darling, I will wait,
You are all that matters
Found a plastic bag,
filled it up with violets
Listen to the sound
Of forgetting the violence
Streetlights
And store lights
Wandering with you
Darling how
I wish I knew
What I mean to you

it's simple
i'm crazy for you

I can't

i saw you
at sunset
while the sky
went dim
it made
me smile
happiness
to the brim
something about you
that makes me feel right
i'll be thinking about you
for the rest of night
i love the rare
sunset talks we have
while the sun goes down
and we smile and laugh
the sky is pink
orange and blue
i love it when
im next to you

i lost you
the one i love the most
i'm scared of you
scared of your ghost
you're killing me
stuck in my head
haunting me
though you're not even dead
you're stuck there
floating in my mind
hurting me
every second, all the time
you're gone
but you're still here
taunting me
filling me with fear

when i think of you
words spill out my brain
when i'm with you
they all disappear
when i talk
i have to make sure
that they don't spill out of my mouth

Sunday, 10:03 pm

You broke your word
Now my heart bleeds like my salty eyes
And like the dark in the inky sky
Do you even still...

Love me?

He said he loved me
and I gave him my heart
Then he left,
and I fell apart
All I wanted
was to have something real
But I left my smile on my face
for him to steal
He's not here
to kiss the cuts on my skin
I should have known
that I would never win
I let his poison under my skin
Because I was so desperate to let him in
So desperate for the taste of his lips
That I let him tear me until he covered me in rips
I miss the stories that he would spin
No one ever told me that love was a sin
Watching my tears fall to the ground
Hoping there will soon be enough to drown

"You're mental!"
They say.
"Completely suicidal!"
but
i just wanted to go home.
now
i dont sleep in my bed
i tell all these people that there's nothing in my head.
but they don't listen
so my tears glisten
as i look in a mirror
made of metal.

i think you're awfully poetic
when you look at me and smile

without you,
          i can't seem to do anything
                                               but
                                                       f
                                                         a
                                                           l
                                                             l

                                                               a
                                                                 p
                                                                   a
                                                                      r
                                                                        t

i can't sleep
but i don't want to

i deserve nothing
but i want something so bad

i thought i was immune
from hurting anymore
but i remembered again
and it hurt like before
i'll cry my way to heaven
i hope i don't fall down
my heart's a little heavy
i almost wish i could stay around
i loved you a while
as long as i could
it's taken its toll
like i knew it would
i'll leave you my legacy
for everyone to read
tell my story
plant the seed
i'll miss you forever
i promise you i tried
maybe i'll see you again
but for now this is goodbye

i think that
without our shadows
we wouldn't know what we'd be like
with nothing but darkness inside of us

emp t tt yyyyy y yy y

   and tired



and

   i'm

so

   s o rry

Rolling in the grass
Hands around my brain
Squeezing
Can’t get them out
Screaming
Hurting
Rolling in the grass
My body is constricting
My eyes are burning
I feel like
I’m gonna explode

I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the soft colors of fall. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the cold blanket of snow so I could keep you warm. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the morning, sleepy and cuddly. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the heat of the summer, my mouth like ice on your tongue, cooling you down. I'm sorry but I love you. I need you. I will beg and I will plead you. I will only want your happiness. I'd like to trace my hands on your shadow, while you shiver from my touch. I want to lean into your kiss, your arms around me. I'm still here, and I'll stay here, waiting for you. I know this is a lot that no one will probably read, but I need to get this down. I've never wanted someone like this. It might be cliche, but I want you more than oxygen. Need you more. I know I get confused sometimes but I know what I want. You. And I'm sorry that I keep hurting you, and everyone else, but I just want to make you happy. Make you feel loved. Because you are. I want to sit next to in the woods with a Dr. Pepper with the radio on and wear your shirt. I wanna wake you up and watch Adventure Time with you and snuggle my face on your shoulder. I want you to watch me draw, with your face so incredibly close to mine. I want to write stupid poetry with you on the couch while you show me your stupid tricks that love so so much. I wanna listen to Cavetown and blackbear with you and just be next to you. I don't even know if this is a poem, but I hope it's poetic, at least to you. And I doubt you'll even read this, but maybe one day... maybe. I wanna adopt a cat with you, maybe even a kid someday. To take in someone who has no one. I wanna live a life with you. I wanna grow up and grow old with you. I know I don't seem to focus a lot on the future, but I wanna focus on you. A future with, a present with you, make a past with you. You mean SO much to me. I wanna breathe in the same air as you, and run my hands through your hair and make little tiny braids while you fall asleep. I wanna sing to you, and write songs about you. I wanna make you feel happy when you cry. I want to be there for you, to make you smile. I wanna be yours. Because I love you. I can't say it enough, but I love you, I love you, I love you.

my eyes
are drawn
to your lips
i want
to kiss
your hands
and touch
your fingertips
i want
my hands
to hold
your heart
and i want
you to
softly tear
me apart

i just
i thought i could give up on you
i thought i could forget you
but
i guess
i'll always love you

A cool gust of wind
In a once inhabited shell
Candles blown out
From a pair of ghostly lips
That feel ghoulishly similar
To the ones that once touched my own
Left in the dark
Like I was years before
Time and time again
Overwhelming fear is breathed into my lungs
Shivers climb down my back
As if traced by the delicate fingers of an apparition
From a past that haunts me
A voice murmurs in my ear
Sweet nothings a cruel reminder
Of a love that froze me in my place
Slowly turning each corner
Stepping one in front of the other
Twisting hallways lead me to the darkest chamber in my heart
I look for myself in a pulsing mirror
But all I see
Is you

You said
You didn't
I cried
You didn't
You promised
I didn't
You died
I didn't

I’ll watch you
Passing by on your cloud
Waving at me
Tears like rain, pure and loud
I’ll say hello
One last time
As you feel relief
For once in your life
No more heat
When your wrists bloom red
No more pain
When you get stuck in your head
No more pressure
From behind your eyes
When you hold it all back
Trying not to cry
You gave it all to me
When you cut your ties
You gave it all to me
When you decided to die

i have a question
for the boy without wings
with a twinkle in his eyes
who collects many things
dear boy, might i ask
why do you try
when you already know
it's impossible to fly

e  m  p
  t   y
    m
    e

of my s o u l

It hurts
And I'm tired
And messed up
But I still have hope

divinity
your body
is divinity
elegant
and hollow
save for the rot
eating away at precious flesh
so many colors
smeared on your bare skin
i've never seen
something so magnificent
spilling from your eyes
glossy and crimson veined
is ocean water
the one you're so afraid of
fingertips dripping a crystalline glaze
painted onto a canvas
of a distorted face
that almost looks like you

i think there are too many colors.
what if
love was a color.
sad.
angry.
lonely.
love would be such a pretty color.

but then
would love be a "girl color"
and anger, a "boy color"

would little girls
fall in love with little boys
who are filled to the brim
with toxicity.
or little girls shunned,
for wanting love

or would love
be love.
without limits.
and anger
is temporary.

i think
that if you looked up from the sky
you would see so many colors
because every person
is so colorful
with love
and anger
and sad.
and lonely.

today i set aside
all the pain you've given me
and daydreamed about
all the days you've spent with me
about feathery kisses
and gentle touches
paint splatters
and pencil smudges
blurry photos
on an old camera
of a vanilla sweet boy
far more than average
soft hands holding mine
pressed together
fingers entwined

words don't mean much to you

but they mean the world to me

i think you are pretty
when you ask
if your face is crooked.
i like your freckles
and your dandelion-soft hair.
i think you are quite pretty,
for a boy.
"Am I ugly?"
You ask me.
"I think you are cute,"
I say.
"Tell me the truth,"
you tell me,
although I have never lied to you.

im sorry
i am so ******* sorry
im sorry for the way you see things
im sorry that i thought that maybe i was the only one who understood you when nobody else did
im sorry that i was wrong
im sorry im blaming your illness on you
im sorry for feeling like im about to cry
im sorry that you wont read this
im sorry that you dont understand how ******* great you are
im sorry
im so
so so
so
so
so
so
so
s
os
soso
sososo
soso
so
sososos
os
oso
s
soso
­so
sorry

Do you remember
The summer before December
You stole my sharpie from me
And wrote my name on a tree
It said Ana was
But Ana wasn't
ever really here

starry eyes
i love you too much
but it's still not enough
I want
want
want
need
you.
starry eyed
even though it's not night
willing to beg
darling I'll plead
just one taste will never be enough for me

i did something stupid today
and i loved it

i dream when i'm awake
of things i would like to see.
to see in front of me,
and not behind the darkness of my eyes.

though my dreams could never compare
to the effervescence of his smile.
the feeling he gives me
when he looks me in the eyes.
or the feeling i get
when he says her name.

simple seconds of sweetness,
before he leaves without a goodbye.
so much effort, to be beautiful,
and he doesn't utter a word.

rip into me
im just a vessel
a vessel for pain
so rip into me
with the pretty shards
of my broken heart
cut me with the tips
of my feathers from my wings
that you tore from my back
no longer seraphim
no longer yours

why

cant breath
burning burning
my wrists are burning
my eyes are burning
my chest is burning
my brain is burning
i cant breath
stop stop stop
get out of my head

Ugh

and you lie
you lie with lips like petals
and eyes like jade
you lie with a heart shiny like gold
and cold like stone
you say you care
pretty words from a pretty mouth
you make promises
but they're just lies
and i believe them
every
single
time

please go away
i don't want you here
please

go

♥ love is not a sin ♥

feelings rise above the surface
bubbling up into my throat
sweet nothings form in my brain
my lips ache for yours
my heart beats fast
and the world spins slowly
i can't help but look at you
eyes like oceans
i could drown
an imperfectionist's perfect smile
when i see you

Run
Run girl
Run

Through the woods
he follows her
Up and down
Goes the path
In and out
Goes her breath

He follows her
And she is
Careless.
Crack
Goes the branch
Rustle
Goes the leaves

The only wise decision
Made that day
Was the dark clothes she wore
But her converse
An attractive
Bright
Red.

She didnt want
To leave them behind.
So she tucked them
Into her shirt.

Snap
crack
The twigs scream.
She doesnt hear
The sounds of footsteps
Drumming into his skull

The glint
Of a knife
From the moon
Attracts
Her attention
And she hits him
With her precious
Converse.

She runs
To the street
And the steetlights
Fill her eyes
Pools
Of fear
And yellow light.

She runs
And he leaves
Her alone
For a while.

The next day
She comes back
To find
The stench of rotting flesh
And red converse
Stained
With
redder blood.