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1.4k · May 2015
When I Argue. Why I Paint.
Michael Ryan May 2015
I try to explain the world--
the deeper meanings to my mumblings
all of it a frustrating mess,
an artist canvas splashed with too many colors--
that it becomes impossible to depict which is what.
Is that blue or is that aqua, I don't even know anymore.

When it comes to understanding my thoughts,
it becomes a psychotic break from reality--
where I imagine my fingernails scraping
chunks of flesh from my neck.
I plead for my hands to place themselves around my throat,
"Please suffocate yourself please just let me out"

Begging for someone to understand the mess,
that the khaki colored object actually means something.
Each splotch a representation of myself
every detail aligned to explain a greater idea.

As arguments end, they scribble deep within
a sketch book of sickening black ink;
Marks its place in the drippings of my thoughts,
making those colors lost in translation
so not even the painter knows how they feel.
How I feel when I argue or dispute with a person.  I honesty just want to rip myself out of my own skin so I don't have to be there anymore.  Because I want is for them/me to understand each other and be happy.
1.4k · Jul 2011
Cannibal(s)
Michael Ryan Jul 2011
See beyond the struggle is Hannibal

eating the face of identity and smoldering the heart

the repetition of bewildering sequels

names that don't match and feelings that can't compare

the original is the peak of a syndicate to steal

where the prequel is death

being left to, cult film destitution.
Life repeats some repeats are good while some are the end.
1.4k · Nov 2015
The Realtor's Table
Michael Ryan Nov 2015
I don't know what wood
this table is made from
as I bought it from a yard sale,
but to be brash
it seemed the people's home
had been foreclosed.

Knocking on the table's surface
imagine the beating sounds
of drums, a native tribe
secluded from the river of reality
and yokes the essence
of their seclusion to be culture.

Now imagine the opposite
and you'll understand the quality
of the table I just bought--
who has no history
and most likely
rested on IKEA's factory floor,
it's welcoming to the world.

There is no grain to this creature
as the metallic hands that crafted this beast
lacked a soul and its creations lack one too--
fittingly, it's perfection is a symptom  
to the disease that lies in it's faux-wood.

Placing the poor table frame
inside some high rise studio in Manhattan
I can't help, but imagine--
the hands that will enviably gloss over this shell
and preach to their acquaintances
of a life the table never had.
I think this is a comment on industry; how they cause the lost/abuse of culture as well as constrain society. Which they implement on themselves and those around them.  Also how some socialites(people)/groups/societies are ignorant to reality.  Something about Something.
1.4k · Oct 2015
Coffee Shop Dreams: title's
Michael Ryan Oct 2015
Mr. Nobody--
A wrangly thing
some could call him a snob
or a high chinned minister
who was ordained
with a polished Apple-Phone
and his signature
swirlesque embroidered
wrist cuffs and tie clip.

He is the founder
to any computer based company
that processes tiny micro-chips at a price of
99 cents, and charging 100 dollars
for each "upgrade".

In his spare time
he's sponges around
lofty paintings,
filtering through new and old antiques,
but always coming back
to lackadaisly lounge
around his things.

Where a house is
up-kept by maids,
and in his closet
hangs the silhouettes
of personalities,
that he likes to try
around his family.

This is what I imagine
of Francisco, the boy buying coffee
at this Local Caffè
and as he leaves
that Apple-Watch lights up
reminding
about a job interview today.
I think this involves the idea of who we think someone is and who they really are.  Every perspective on someone can be infinite possibilities.  Maybe I told the life he is going to live or just a life he could live or is it even my own life?
1.3k · Feb 2016
Shower Thoughts
Michael Ryan Feb 2016
"Do you want to be with me"
sorry I don't know what to say--
as I hold their hand, it ripples
it is the rush of anxiety
but feels like water combing through my hands
as I get shampoo out of my hair; in the shower.  

There is a tremble in their breath
reminding me of catching droplets of water
in the canal of my ear
and having to tilt my head
for them to drop back into obscurity.

Their smell is fresh an aroma so soothing
feeling the clean scent of oranges and apples
a flourishing sample I briefly enjoy
when I pour a quarter sized dollop of shower gel.

Their eyes are watery
while they struggle to hide the parchness of their smile
is a somber reflection of hot water running out
and not having any heat left to turn towards
so the only option
is to get out of the shower.  

Their words are mumbled, but I can understand "why"
trying to hide the shakiness in their hands and breath
I can't help but imagine the endorphin's frantically
trying to take control; to fight or flight--  
A similar feeling I have when rushing
to get warm after a cold shower.
Even showers have to end.  Comparisons.
1.3k · Nov 2015
A Mysterious Walk: Surprise
Michael Ryan Nov 2015
Hands on your shoulders
eyes closed and attempting
to follow the flow of your body
with each step I faithfully
plunge my feet
into where yours must
have been only a moment ago.

I gently tinge each finger of mine
so subtly that I wonder if you even noticed--
it's a habit of mine
where I need to stretch my hands
to find some focus.
It didn't really help
since I have my eyes closed,
although I do feel less
lost in this empty space.

Did you know that your body hums
I could feel it radiating in the cracks
between each finger--
more likely it was my anxiousness
of floating through the galaxy
with you as my only guide.
Honestly I began to
wonder where we are going.

Stopping my silence
I lean closely to what
I am assuming is your ear
and whisper, "you didn't tell me
we'd be walking so far"
your reply was sarcastic as usual,
"Oh, sorry didn't know
you would make us walk so slow"
with the usual eye-rolling chuckle.

Suddenly you stop
and because of how flustered
your response made me
I misstep and glide into your back
and before I can even see from behind you
an earthquake of sound explodes
"surprise!!!"...."happy birthday!!!!!"
I just imagined how it would be for someone to be led around for an unknown reason to their surprise party.  Yes random.
1.3k · Mar 2013
What is Pie
Michael Ryan Mar 2013
Strange danger, awaits around not the corner, but within ourselves.
The danger is present in every crevasse of our being.
No we do not possess the danger to wreak havoc upon ourselves.
It is as dangerous as a thunder storm in July.
When fireworks should be booming, spelling out words, and making us dream, just like Walt Disney.
There should be pies and pies and only pies, because why not have only pies.
They should be of all kinds blue, red, purple, orange the taste of a rainbow should rest in our tummies.
Everyone that passes by won't wonder how did they get so many pies, they will wonder, can I have some?
And I will tell them, why are you asking, the pies are begging to be eaten, can't you see?
Because in July when there should be Thunder storms, not this day, I offer you pie.
There will be no mistreating, no mistaking, no one will pronounce your name as cobbler in this day.
And when all the mighty and delicious pies that were never mistaken for cobbler, are gone.
All will know this was some very special day in July.  Where the thunder storms stopped.
Where someone just as special as those pies, but probably not as delicious.
Came to give us all what we were craving, and represented it with pie.
To those that weren't there, they will always think, pie pie pie I wonder what was so unique about this pie.
What is pie?
1.3k · Jan 2017
Language Barrier
Michael Ryan Jan 2017
Corruption
is an overflowing
abundance of inadequate language.

As few will fathom
the misleading of those in lead,
and those who think they see
may be mislead;
even more than those who don't.

Our ends
are never the beginning
madmen are not our conquerors
but instead the folly of commoners.

It was our lack of a auspicious aptitude
that begets us to lament
even the foggiest of concepts
beyond our notion to conceive even simplicity.

It was only eager creatures
that  yearned for the world to be theirs
so instead of uniting the kingdom;
we were segregated into classes
and left without language to communicate.
Bad things happen, because we've allowed them too.
1.3k · Apr 2021
Passion Project
Michael Ryan Apr 2021
I'm a brick layer
by incarnation
by aspiration
by luminosity.

I find unfinished buildings-
toppled skyscrapers-
imaging their foundations
their structural intelligence.

With a brick here
and some love there;
once demolished
can be reassembled.

I'll reconstruct
your finest details,
the youthful aspirations
of an idyllic generation.

Too naïve to
understand that unforgiving
weather can happen
to even the kindest of buildings.
It's a passion project
1.3k · May 2013
Whiskey Sundays
Michael Ryan May 2013
Whisking through the whiskey
my senses begin to fail
losing one ability at a time
all I want is to lose them all
but I guess that's the day in age problem
everyone is unwilling to sense
I'm just trying to deal
by tapping into understanding
losing it all, because no one else is willing to try
my friends it's difficult to find the time
boozing and loosing; where can we bond
it's so hard now, when no one else wants to be young
struggling and staggering: I can't join
whisking is not my thing, clear and conscience
enjoy clarity, that's what I bring you.
Sometimes, being different is the greatest gift we can offer the world.  Not having any strong feelings right now.
1.2k · Aug 2011
Be the effect
Michael Ryan Aug 2011
Add effect
synthesize
bring together ones soul
simple rhymes make us fold
leave behind the familiar mold
believe that you're made of gold
this is what my father told
grow to be young not old
the world is  not cold
love can not be sold
life isn't on hold
be the bold
revolutionize
We all blend no matter how different we look we all end the same.
1.2k · Dec 2015
Scooping Out Rain Clouds
Michael Ryan Dec 2015
Clear Skies Vanilla
is the only soft serve
on the days we have no clouds
and none can be seen
floating on our horizons

it is our seasonal choice
that we wish could come
all year long,
could be as predictable
as *Pumpkin Spice
in October
or Eggnog in December
even uncelebrated Baseball-Nut
springs up at the right time.

If only our skies could
be the layers of a sundae--
a limited selection
that always comes down to
hot fudge, nuts,
with a defrosted cherry on top--
then our decisions
would be made for us
we could never
be wrong.

Instead we deliver
Icy Thundery Blueberry BubbleGumy hard serve
on those days--
too complicated to understand
too unwilling to shorten their title
too difficult to be simply BlueGumTuesday
because the sky,
too mixed up to be...Blue.

We raise our scoop
for each serving to dish out--
with them we learn our taste
what calms our nerves
and how to evaporate the rain,
because when we get
to have those cloudless days
we'll have the day
to be flavorful.
Happiness? Effort? Purpose?
1.2k · Dec 2015
Handing Out Stars
Michael Ryan Dec 2015
Meeting the wonderful
people who will sparkle in the night
are the guiding lights
to blossom in the world--
even as despair tries
to take place in our minds.

Shootings will gander
the cross hairs of our media
causing freight to spread,
even in those we
call our friends.

Bombings will spark
national outcry
in between each sentence--
people will begin
to speak hatred.

Terror will be uprising
creeping into homes
pushing out demands,
to replace our happiness
with their fear.

Against this
I speak for you
one human to another
do not give in
even in desperate times
there are amazing people--
please sparkle
because I know you can.
Do not let fear take over.  There is always a guiding light, something of positivity  to look towards.  Be the good.
1.2k · Jul 2013
Is the Good Worth the Bad
Michael Ryan Jul 2013
What if the thing that brought you the most joy
Was also the monster in your life
That with every glimmer of desperate happiness
Something else decided to slide it's devious knifes into your side
Is the good part of the deed that is done
worth sacrificing the little bits of your heart that are left
It's always been this way with you
deviating between the good and the bad
Always going with the delightful and enchanting look first
then changing to a different hue, that we all know so much better
This always could be so much longer
not today, today was a day spent bleeding
Don't you wish today was just like the day at the beach
instead today was just like the day after the beach
No longer enjoying the rays and the waves
instead metaphorical blisters represent realistic screaming pain between us
Hope for tomorrow
and pray for the next day after.
Since tomorrow is a good day for us to talk, your voice will bring me joy
I'll break the cycle here, to see if it'll fix our lives as well.
Everyday is a battle some worse than others.  Definitely not something most people will understand.
1.1k · Dec 2012
Leaving Las Vegas
Michael Ryan Dec 2012
I could never tear my flesh
never see the flood begin to spread
I could never be numb
never letting pain subside
I could never spread my feelings
never truly telling how deeply I burn

I can walk in the realm I deserve
can punish myself for how I feel
I can bruise my body and bellow it's contents
can punish oneself to reach my ends

Seeking for a hand bruised as badly as mine
seeing only a refection
Seeking a twist to turn this plot
seeing the end I envision finally change

I turn to the shower to fine pain
turning to sleep to never forget
I turn to people for rejection
turning to sleep to never remember

Tonight is not a night I will forget.
nor will my flesh as I begin to bleed.
"Leaving Las Vegas" is a movie where the main character slowly kills himself.
1.1k · Apr 2015
Worlds apart: Our Adventures
Michael Ryan Apr 2015
We never met, but we've done more than most do in a life time.
Traveling around the store picking those little greeneries
Our own little adventure, tuning into the show as I pick the bestest apples
While at the same time you can only find sour grapes
My store named Ralphs and yours, you tell me, is called Mandals
As I joke about how those are man sandals, you just laugh at me.
Worlds apart for others means, in a different town
For us it means a different time zone
Our hands may never touch
But our mind's hug and kiss each and every morning
For those that live worlds apart. Your love is more powerful than the borders that separate you can ever be. **I could write more, but I need to sleep.**
1.1k · Sep 2016
Strawberry Shade
Michael Ryan Sep 2016
Today was the day
I decided to clear out--
no real reason to keep
the junk that has began to rot.

Smelly like moss on a crumbly tree,
or the fashionable nonsmokers room
smelling like there's been quite a few
rebels striking back at a budget motel--
probably because they didn't have enough
television channels, to pacify these poor souls.

The inanimate fixtures are posed for display--
once complex industry
were personified to a fleeting idea of 'purpose',
instead smothers its surroundings
with the validity of indifference;
the forgotten hallows that
truly signify my closing hours.

Inside me now
are the cooing sounds
and the beating wings of fragile pigeons
that seek shelter from a world
trying to forget them;
beginning to call them pest
even though they are snow,
so they must hide within me
and survive with my blood orchids
that begin to bloom--
spilling out of me.
A written expression of an interesting art print.
1.1k · Sep 2016
Burgers and Lilies
Michael Ryan Sep 2016
I am
the beauty
that which captures
even my own canvas.

An illustrious
painting to things undeserving--
wrapping up ugliness
with the truth of nature--
these shrubberies
will hide
and protect those
from the dangers
within myself.  

Convincing
the world that
We are not dying or struggling,
but merely making art--
is this not the means of artistry.

If I do not suffer
then I will never complete
my Sistine chapel
or find the real Mona Lisa
hidden amongst these frauds.  

These fears are real,
and every day
they are realized--
where my peers, friends, family
say 'I will be fine"
so I act as if I am.

No longer eating
instead I portray the art of eating--
the sun has found out
I am defenseless against it,
but I still paint myself in the light
so my lilies can survive
off the energy draining out of me.
A perspective on perspective and art.  Hiding in plain sight.
Michael Ryan Apr 2015
A silkworm burrows through the building
creating narrow passages for the many to follow.
A path designed to teach them how to live,
as it slithers through each hallway
it spews out gray compost for the people to thrive on.

Mindlessly this creature repeats it's pattern knowing no better;
each corridor the same blend of dreadful and brain dead.
Beneath it the muddled mix of moss green and **** brown tiles
symmetrical caverns line it's domain as feeding homes for the children.

Third stage monstrosities recycle what they have ate for the young
what they seek is what they are losing the longer they feast.
Their lust for creativity and a sense of humanity fades with each nibble
minds that were ever able of change become part of the cycle.

Ripe with potential until swallowed by the worm
losing their limbs: Hands that could have sculpted new halls,
feet that could have spread the news "to escape while you can",
and their minds for the future can only relish in repetition .

They themselves become part of the system of life--
where rotten fruits of thought are absorbed and digested by all.
The struggle for survival of the fittest
becomes the fight to find your own knowledge,
keeping your mind fresh and alive.
Education/Society really needs people to take a step out of what was implanted into them and learn from the past not repeat it.  It's about growth and improvement not about just doing it all over again.
1.1k · Nov 2013
A poem about a Dragon
Michael Ryan Nov 2013
I fear understanding
you can't understand me
that's fine
No, one can
I'm just a jumble mess of a fruit salad
and you wonder what each piece is
is that watermelon?
nope that's a very strange strawberry, I think some one took a bite and put it back in
Does that not make sense?  I hope so I tried to make sense
but if I just let myself go and talk and talk and talk
well it's hard to think, hmm will you understand these words of mine?
or are you just smiling and agreeing to be nice(even though I think that's pretty rude of you)
Open and understanding of the things around me, it's hard to know what to do
what is the right thing for me to do
There's people out there smoking all sorts of things
There's people studying all the things they want to know
people becoming drug dealers, people becoming doctors
Hmm, can't I just be Michael?
Yup, I think that's the one for me
You'll just write a poem instead of doing either of those things
it's easier that way
become successful? naw bro, I"ll just become a poet
and when I become old and gray and eventually pass away
many years after that fateful departure
I will become the most famous out of all these people
All of them, just because I chose to write and write and write
random things, that when I'm no longer there to explain what they mean
people will be able to ponder, hmm I think this one is about a dragon(none of my poems are about dragons, although maybe I'll write one now)
People will get all my writings wrong wrong and more wrong
the longer I am dead the more mysterious my writing will be become
My fragmented words will begin to mean new things
and further off the trail those people will be
and more a genius they will think I am, even though they will have just read a poem about a dragon.
It's not about a dragon, unless I'm a dragon in someway...I dont' like this poem...
Michael Ryan Dec 2012
You know what fear is?
Would be a grand expression.
Girl, you are the only one that I fear.
and I am everyone's greatest fear.
Sorry to say but you do not fear me.

The fear runs underneath every word that trembles out.
Perhaps the mumbles are my stifled voice.
Grasped by an ever clenching throat.
Each "I'm here" fills my lungs with another desperate breath.
I approach my foggy glass door smiling at your ghostly shadow.

My flesh does not peal back nor blur into a gnarly wound.
Scents of plush comfort and feeling of opiates flourishing.
Granting my hemoglobin, plasma, and marrow.
One does not fear ones flesh but the eagerness to provide.
Fearing not the donor but the blood they give.

Pledging to yawn and inhale your tranquility
while expelling my own insanity
Finals. I think they may be rotting my mind, if it's not already gone.
1.1k · Apr 2016
Behind Closed Doors: .01%
Michael Ryan Apr 2016
Behind our doors
there is speak
of an underworld
where instead of Hades

lives the politicians,
but they are worst than the devil
because these folks were never
fallen angels.

governmental deities
whose sole goal is power
or the enjoyablility of having
not to answer any tough questions.

We pay them
not to find the fine line
or to do the correct thing
for our country--
instead corporations corrupt them
to hide their skeletons
behind closed doors.

How can we expect
them to provide for us
when their true investment is held in money
capitalism--
a form of life-sized monopoly
trying to collect all the paper bills.
How can we expect our countries, our homes to improve when they are financed by greed.
1.1k · Mar 2013
Into the Paces
Michael Ryan Mar 2013
Depression
Pain, anxiety, fatigue
Not physically just mentally
The activities of life are shambles
merely there to associate life
meaningless attempts
to persuade the carcass
the space occupying monstrosity
hopelessly slumped into the paces
ever arching patterns of sobriety
a single evanescent ending
enlightening the crevasses
how the end can and should
come abrupt.
Awakening
Feeling the feels. So fleeting.
Michael Ryan Sep 2016
The bodies of paradise
are the fledglings of humanity--
little chicks
that peeped for love
and instead found
what we attempt to purge.

Which is reality
instead warping
and mourning
the placate scene
into what our creation
has never meant to be.

I've become fond of
literature and statutes
that line a facetious library.  

One which mangles
others from stepping inside
yet holds the truest heart.

My finest lines
are not those spoken
but those read
from paper or stone,

because
it is only
to those un-living
the crēvit are not divined
and which Veritas,
can come find
*Amor est vitae.
The things you seek will more easily be found in books and stones, than people.
1.1k · Nov 2013
Kicked out of College
Michael Ryan Nov 2013
Kicked out of college.
I can't be successful,
and it's all because I can't succeed.
You say my grades are not good enough for you.
I'm sorry.
That I can't keep up.
You don't give me enough time to understand.
Maybe if you taught me I would.
Maybe if my family had been here before I wouldn't need extra time.
I go to college to be taught,
but all college offered me was the books;
books at a high price.
You say I lack the ability, but it seems like you lack the ability to understand yourself.
Unable to see past the constraints of this rigorous campus,
and see that I'm struggling on the inside more than the outside.
Unable to perceive which way to go, making life decisions can't be that fast.
I love you education, but your bounty is too bold.
Simple minds deprive you of what glory you could hold.
College, simply glance past me as if I'm another person you have tried to educate.
but failed you, where I feel more like college failed us both.
Your unwillingness to see that life is going on,
and mashing people together thinking that we are of one mold.
College you failed, you don't offer diversity, but attempt to hide your singularity.
I'll figure out what's going on inside.
Then I'll teach myself what I need to know.
An institution blinded by their bills.
Can no longer educate.
One day you'll do the same as me,
and open up yours eyes.
I'm on the border of being kicked out of college because of bad grades from my first two semesters, and I am doing poorly in my calculus class this semester.  If my professor doesn't find a way to help me get a passing grade, then I will have to go back home and tell my family about how I failed them and myself.  It's just hard to convince oneself to do work, when you live on the brink of life and death.
1.0k · Dec 2013
Nothing but original
Michael Ryan Dec 2013
Merry Christmas, but this is not a Christmas gift
This is more of an appreciation of you, Janet
I can't make you art, and I am sorry that I can't
I am sorry that I can't give you something other than my words
So I'll do my best to tell you how much you mean to me
I don't think you'll ever know how deeply you matter in my heart
and I don't want to express my feelings in some generic sort of way
I've made many friends this semester, if I had to count it'd probably be a strong 40
40 people that I am willing to say are my new found friends
Yet leaving after this semester I will only have 1 reason of why I'll be sad to leave
I only had 1 person that it was hard for me to tell I'll be gone soon
I only took one person to the side to tell them about next semester
There's only 1 person I've been trying to see more of before I go
and no this is not some big build up to say some one other than yourself
JANET you are the one person that I will miss
The 1 and only person I feel some anxiety to leave
My very being aches a little thinking
knowing that I won't be able to knock at your door
I won't be able to come and hold you up
I won't be able to look at you and wonder what you are thinking
I'll no longer be able to sit next to you in the MPR or anywhere
You have been if not the best person I have met in a very long time
You make me feel wonderful when I'm feeling terrible
Maybe you did lie to me the first time we met, but we're way beyond that
Maybe you do always walk ahead of me
Maybe you do always make me feel awkward in front of other people
but none of that matters, other than it got us to where we are
Two people that will forever have memories of each other
No matter how much time goes by I will always know Janet Kung
We will always have our poem of lovely improv
The enjoyable meals of me doing everything for you
and our luxurious night at La Traviata
The end: I love you Janet
Some day this will be posted I assume.  It is 12/18/13 and today is the last day before everyone moves out and goes back home for winter break.  I will not be coming back after coming home break, instead I will be taking the next semester at the community and life here changes in years so I will never be able to have this experience ever again.  Janet Kung the only person I will miss.  I love her and she is wonderful.
Michael Ryan Feb 2021
New Job.
New Drive.
New Interest.

It's all so new,
yet so-so familiar.

All there is, the heat -
encased in a fireplace
or a furnace.

Smoldering,
the ashes
never filter through
these windless lungs,
instead of oxygen
the flame kindles
on anxiety.

Life is going splendidly - no hiccups -
Breathing is easy
but all that rushes in
is the flagrant blossom
of ragged thoughts,
all the possibilities
for how helpless
the wind is
when it's always being
knocked out.
I started a new job, I started driving, and there's a girl of course that I like too much.  There wouldn't be much of a story if there wasn't the drama of a boy likes girl, right?   Everything can and is going smoothly, but when I am home I feel like it's all falling apart.
Michael Ryan Sep 2013
Babe your smile I can read
that's something that seems so genuine
You think I always got my normal sun burn going
but honestly you got me blushing
Making eye contact and that smile, brings such a rush
Sorry if you think that staring at my lips is not that noticeable
because honestly you do it way too much
How you laugh at every little thing
you give those tell-tale signs
that speak volumes more than our words
It's not a mystery of why you always grab onto me
always wanting one more touch
even if for an instance you get the pleasure of how my skin feels
You want to know who I am, and all that I am
So you laugh, flirt, throw things at me, and eventually bite me
To see if I taste as sweet as you would think
I'm no candy apple, even if I may be so brightly red
Even with everything fittingly the right place
I can't do this
No matter how much you want to know me
I can't do this
With every second I feel like I'm dying, once I get pass those goo-goo eyes
I can't do this
Sorry babe but I can't tell if this is some where new
or some where that I died before
Meet new girl, get to know new girl, does things that only people that "like" you do, Don't believe that they like you, accept being alone forever, die.---"what if a person likes you more than a friend"---This is my response, even though I just deflected it in person.
1.0k · May 2013
Bring Me Home
Michael Ryan May 2013
Bring me home
the place where I have escaped from
is it not quite funny, that I will open my arms to jail
embracing the qualms of prison
accepting that in-equivalently freedom is overrated
silently I myself will shackle this life
swallow my breath and strangle identity
depravity will bring awareness
spurring life is the spontaneity
After being away from home for 9months I will willing embrace going back, even when the option to not was there.
Michael Ryan Dec 2015
Those **** things
lurch around each turn
as if they are lost children
who's mother is also lost
in some isle at Costco.

I know those arching
towers of rows
that hold cardboard boxes
reaching to skylights--
where each passing cloud
blinks for me
as I wander wide eye
for Costco brand cat food
hidden somewhere in the back.

*** holes are not the best at digging
but it's impossible for
my town to fill them,
as each one is a reminder
to our people
that we are irreplaceable.

That when time comes
and the clouds find their resting place
we will no longer crowd the isles
of Costco nor will clouds keep
blinking for us.

Instead our personality
will have dug it's trench
a minor engravement
into the cements and asphalt
of which we called our home.

For us they will leave
our history, appraisal
to the life that has thrived
a marker
that there was beauty
before us
and beauty with us.
Impactful.  That's humanity for you.
Michael Ryan Jan 2016
In his head was the world
an ocean of detail
that even Bob Ross
could never handle the brush.

He was the average bob
a minority amongst an epidemic
sandpaper was meant for wood
instead people wore without grain.

Speciality was unknown
as his art did not lack depth
but appreciation by
those who handed him
minimum wages
and a life of struggles.

Some day he stopped
once there was an ocean
the next there was only
muddy puddles
because without clouds
there was never any rain
so the paint dried.
End. I don't know.  Blah blah usual ******* of current life.
953 · Jul 2013
Just a Phone Call
Michael Ryan Jul 2013
A phone call.
What a terrible invention.
They only bring depression,
If I could never receive a call again I'd be happy.
It's a constant reminder no one wants to speak to you;
Someone calling has only brought misery.
But with each glance I pray that someone knows my number;
hopefully they didn't have chubby child like fingers.
Maybe they wrote it down wrong, because we were in a rush.
Maybe I'm just under the wrong name, maybe they heard it was James, even though that sounds nothing like Michael.
Maybe just maybe my carrier is down, my phone is not working.
I'll check, nope everything is working.
Why would I ask for such a call to come to me?
When the only things I've ever been told in a phone call have brought me to tears.
Things like I think we should break up, no longer see each other, just be friends.
Being told hey this family member is sick and dying of cancer,
while I'm lucky sometimes to get that call that notifies me that someone is sick.
I get those delayed calls, how your best friend just died from a brain aneurysm.
While my second mother sounds like she may be dying as well.
I don't know if she called to say I was lucky to know she's sick, or to tell me my phone *****.
Because to be honest I hope no one knows my number.
So I'm going to keep talking to only chubby friends, so they keep messing up my number.
I may not always be in a rush, but I'll give an ink pen that spills
I'll tell them to put me under that name James and never bring it up again, so they forget.
can't do anything about my carrier, but I can do something about my phone
I don't have one, it rest with my best friend.
I don't like this poem, but my friend rj said he liked it so whatever.
949 · Jul 2017
Better Luck Next Time
Michael Ryan Jul 2017
Large and unburdened
these hands show my true weakness--
spread across silken sheets
and the gentle touch will feel
as if desert sands were
wedged between the threading--
those threads do not breath as easy
as these hands of mine do.

They look and feel
as privileged as my ghostly appearance
would lead the World to believe--
even watermelons harden in the sun,
but these hands of mine
are closer to being ballet dancers
except they've never
had to learn to dance.  

They've never had to be successful
and I've been led to believe
failure was optional--
that with each attempt the World
will give me a do-over.  

Sometimes or maybe always
people eventually run out
of opportunity,
and instead they are left
with

...better luck next time.
Sometimes people didn't give up, but instead were never given another chance.  We see where people or things end up, but that's not how they/it  really got there.
928 · Aug 2015
Braille To Find The World
Michael Ryan Aug 2015
The only way I can see
is by touching the world around me;
the faint scent and crunch to images
that linger around my fingers.

They are my hounds
who sniff and howl--
at the other animals around them
each crackle and groove
sends each dog into a frenzy.

Diving right into the riverbeds,
underwater is supposed to be where all is unknown
but right before the tips of my eyes are only questions:
is this the right land of water
where I can open the blinds to let sunlight flood in.

Reminds me of Rome
where pillars do not only stand in front of buildings,
they float into the sides of my body
ricocheting and piercing me at the same time--
the only reminder that this is a sidewalk
is the large crack that starts at my front door
and ends some where near an Oak tree.

Someone's daughter has gone missing
yet these hands yonder the forest to find her
seeking the essence of philanthropy;
but how can they expect me,
to find someone,
when I can't even see myself
as I'm mislead through the shadows of these trees.
Another random thought poem: I came to write a poem about something else but I can't remember what it is.  Instead this came out about being 'blind' and how it would be to be a blind person in a world that only knows how to function with sight.
924 · May 2013
Smoking not Allowed
Michael Ryan May 2013
When things go bad.
All I want to do is smoke!
I don't smoke, but if it can cure the problems of others then why not mine?
Everything seems to crash upon the shores of Michael;
rocking the sea and the boats abroad that mighty cruise.
Cracking the shell of a mighty tortoise that once lived forever,
while a shell-less beast like myself crumble beneath the turtle.
Choking on each breath of air as if everywhere was Beijing;
a quick mist of miasma seems to clog the senses.
Where shall I go when all I can do freeze my body,
and decline my minds wishes to haphazardly stagger forward.
Today I do not smoke, but the next day I still do not smoke!
A sink hole appears insight and possibly everyone else will wonder in;
they may find what they were seeking for in the depths, but I cannot follow.
I cannot end a smokers fate,unless I also choose to break my will.
Today I wish to smoke, but the next I will wish to live.
I'm very upset with the out come of some school stuff, since it was very unexpected.  It's the things that blind side us that attempt to ruin us.  I think we have all experienced this, since when you accidentally bite yourself it hurts the worst, but do it now and it will not hurt one bit.  [
895 · Sep 2015
Blooming Shadows
Michael Ryan Sep 2015
Spring time is snapping
the lamp dragon flowers twirl on the ground
as a flush of air tries to drive them to the sky.

It's the season to be living
the lovely aromas of life and heat
are sipping beneath the beating wings of humming birds.

They tease and taught
all of those whom can only reside inside
to me the bees outside
are .20mm bullets in disguise.

The luminescent strings of light
that attempt to tarnish my fair skin
are the enemies atomic bombs
trying to make me fade away.

While all else can thrive and bloom this season
I am a Dragon Fruit and to see me blossom
is to bring back my nightly blue skies
and the heavily shaded afternoons.
Meh, but I wanted to write something.  It all has purpose I suppose, someone in the world will enjoy it even if I don't.
894 · Apr 10
To the Moon
Michael Ryan Apr 10
Our final steps
are never meant to be
one step on the moon
or a leap for mankind.

It was your memory,
intangible.
metaphysically physical
synaptically existing.

My mother's
mothering
mother, Bernice.

or

A lover's
loving
love, Helena.

or

Writer's
writing
wrote, poems.
Some people never quite stop living.  You'll carry on and be carried on.
876 · Nov 2012
Only a Monster
Michael Ryan Nov 2012
I just have one request
I have talents, skills, and compassion
I have a heart, a mind, and love
I can share, feel, and learn
I can keep secrets, challenge, and inspire
All the things that I can do
All the thing that I want to do
Like a werewolf I want your heart
Like a zombie I want your brains
I see how different you are just like King Kong did
I see you Beauty, because I am the Beast
Baby you think I am a monster
Babe you think I treat the world like this
Try to see for what I am
Try to understand where I am
I think that you lead me to the depths
I think that you are the one with the torches
I know that you have taken all I possess
I know that you enjoyed taking it all
I just have one request
-"to be continued"- this is it's continuation
Just want me.
875 · Jan 2013
I slept for 5weeks.
Michael Ryan Jan 2013
Sleep for 5 weeks
and tell me what you feel
I slept for 5 weeks
and I'll tell what I felt
Can I tell you about how unlucky bears are
to hibernate
Maybe I tell you that it's like cardiac arrest
an abrupt darkness to revival
Perhaps it's what Haley's Comet experiences
a forever cycle of nothing, that's glorious
That isn't what I felt
Congenital Insensitivity?
That is what I felt
Something that thrives then sleeps--dies, but comes back to life--something forever fleeting--Never feeling that fatal touch.
I hibernated
I had cardiac arrest
I was something that shows beauty, but never gets drawn all the way in
I was consumed with being unwantedly numb
What do you feel in 5 weeks?
I was on Winter break and it felt more like nothing than living.  You should respond to this one?
872 · Aug 2013
Not Worth A Read
Michael Ryan Aug 2013
All I got for you today,
and tomorrow,
and the day before that.
Was a cluster of emotions and lack luster words.
No day will ever be different.
I am a hack!
You are the abused!
My duty was some sorts an easy one.
And my ****** nature has come to nothing.
We've gained nothing!
No insight, not even a trivial hint at understanding.
One year has nearly passed, and seriously I've squandered our time.
"Writing", "poetry", ****.
I am sorry!
My ego and sensitivity has gotten us further down the rabbit hole.
Elegantly telling the future and the drawbacks.
Instead I've haphazardly struggle to cope with concepts,
and with that I'd drugged thousands into thinking I could do something.
Well my thousands I don't think I should do that to you anymore.
No more should I keep on going.
I will stop, because a hack can never stand the same ground as true poets.
Soon I will cease to exist and to your pleasure good bye.
Rejoice in the freedom that I no longer waste.
Enjoy your idle times in better tidings.
Some where else, without me.
For nearly a year I have written a poem once a week almost every week.  Some weeks forgotten and made up on other weeks. And I think it may be time for me to admit that I ****, and give up on my follies and let those rest from my bad writings.
870 · Jun 2012
Flip the switch
Michael Ryan Jun 2012
Click
light, energy breathes in
the machine comes to life
knows nothing, new and fresh
see symbols, hear clicks
one room full of ONE thousand friends
facebook, twitter, reddit, youtube
tweet, like, spread, watch
program after program
you spread what you thought
another mega byte out of your life
data stored in the "cloud"
past saved in imaginary space
enter the net to endure a flix
another box opens but this ones RED!
open another portal and jump on in
tab to google to find your best friend
can't ask for direction it shows where you live
words of the past, "call me"
now instead skype, oovoo, tiny chat ME
glitch in the system, there's an upgrade for that
version 1.29875CYBORG
complete!
*click
the energy goes down and your world is DEAD
walk outside when you want ONE real friend
I doubt it is any good like anything else I make.
Michael Ryan Feb 2015
The greatest of poets probably went unnoticed,
so when you are out there exploring with your words--
when those people never come to give you praise.
Take some pride in knowing that they probably haven't found you yet
just keep writing because eventually you'll write a master piece.
That your children's children will be able to find in their history books--
Until that day comes, write until those hands fall off,
So history can look back at how you never stopped
and how prideful you were of your work.
That even when people didn't acknowledge your poetry to be poetry--
You kept on writing the hooplas and sweeneytoons until you could not.
Because those hands of yours are the only ones that will ever exist.
The lines that you wrote, today, will be ones to live tomorrow.
That when your life ends, your writing can begin to live for you.
Your voice unlike many others will be unable to die;
secretly you may wish to be found
just like many others before and after you will be found
just remember that some lost treasures are forever lost--
but they are the treasure that everyone is still seeking.
I just know that I myself feel rather defeated when my poetry is not recognized in some formats, but when I show it to people they fall in love.  So know that sometimes your words may not find the people, but there are people that will find your words.
865 · Feb 2016
Down to Earth: Changes
Michael Ryan Feb 2016
I am told that I am down to Earth
and that makes me wonder
that if we were to get onto our bellies
scouring the forest floor
would we find pieces of my personality.

Would you find my laugh
hidden amongst rabbits in their burrows,
mistaking their animal talk
for the hiccup caught in my throat laugh
that I do when I am nervous.  

Would the scraping of bear claws against trees
be the clitter clatter of me rushing to brush my teeth--
the morning/midnight/everyday gust
that I have to put into each part
of my day to keep up with the world.

Would the change of seasons:
cold and determined, young and lively,
warm and strong, regrowth and understanding--
be the change of perspective I share
with each talk we have,
you come to see the seasons change
and with them you want to grow--
inside me you find the same
willingness to cherish
all the world.
Open minds will find beauty in all the seasons.  Some may be your favorite, but the will to find something special for everything is the deeper meaning of love.
862 · Aug 2016
DIY-- LIfE Style
Michael Ryan Aug 2016
My mother
My father
My brother
and even my Grandmother
are all liars.

They lie
not because they know
what they are lying about
but because their world
is built on the foundation
of false truths.

Do not draw on yourself with ink
because if you do
you will become sick--
is a simple lie
that is spread just like disease.

The true black plague
of this generation
is not a virus of biological form
but an infection of the mind
one that lingers in our thoughts.

It causes us to error
corrupting what is truth
for what we think is true--
over-implosion of convoluted thoughts
make even the simplest
of ink and skin to be mixed too much.

The convenience of information
has oversimplified our lives
and with it
people produce less
and consume more.
Most people will probably never learn what true effort is anymore.  What is true success? Will convenience save the world or destroy it?
858 · May 2013
Papier-mâché Life
Michael Ryan May 2013
Day in. Day out.
Do we know what this is?
I'm happy to say that I don't!
But maybe you do,
and to be honest I can't tell you that I understand your life.
I don't.
Possibly it's the motions of glimmering lights flashing off your blindingly tinged windows;
that seem to let the outside world spill into your unnatural mountains.
Where it only cast looming shadows across everyone else's day.
People that once could see castles and dragons, now only see 9 to 5.
Specks of compost are the only waste left of their Papier-mâché landscapes,
an area that once composed vast fjords and lava pits;
things that only existed in fantasy have been sliced for the day in day out.
Although this is all speculation, since I don't know the day in day out.
I am only a college kid, and my day thrives on speculatory dreams.
Is this the institution that sold parts of your identity away?
I'm sorry to say, but I don't know,
until then I can't understand,
some day I will,
then I'll know if it's them or was it just us the whole time.
That slowly stole ourselves away.
I wanted to make another poem since school is almost over and I know that I won't have enough emotions going on to write anything in the Summer.  Even if this is not that great, at least I was still motivated enough to write it.  To anyone that reads this,  Did they **** you or did you do it yourself?
857 · Aug 2017
We're All Watching
Michael Ryan Aug 2017
There is beauty in tears--
trembling to the floor
they represent passion
the truest expression
of magnificence
the meaning of human
rest inside these feelings.

This is our fantasy
the wonderment:
of watching their pain,
bearing themselves,
and perching each step
nearer to the fifteen floor edge,
that extends itself to the bottomless
apartment complex.

The stangers are preying from below
just out of sight, but close enough
to hear an echo of cries
bouncing off the empty space between them.

This is some form of release
the 'rubbernecks' sing a song akin to Kumbaya,
but instead of seeking harmony
they are predators only desiring
of blood and flesh
to distill their minds
of indiscretions.

They are burdened
by their own unflinching enthusiasm
and ravenous emptiness.

Displacing myself from my perch
I feel an unpleasant revel growing through the crowd,
as I clear their 'emptiness'--
it is always an unpleasant sight
when seeing it all come to an end.
Stop and help; not stop and stare.
855 · Nov 2012
Just the Truth. Just a Lie.
Michael Ryan Nov 2012
You want me to be Brutal                                     You want me to be Brutal

or do you want me to blunt.                                or do you want me to be blunt.

Disregard your feelings.                                        Realize your feelings.

Let me crush your soul.                                        Let me find your heart.

I'll show you the real me, once again.                I’ll show you the fake me, once again.

I just want to hurt you.                                         I just want to care for you.

Do you enjoy my truths?                                     Do you enjoy my lies?

I would speak truths upon truths for spite.      I would speak lies upon lies for love.

I'd share this poem.                                              I'd share this poem.

To break your spirit.                                             To embrace your spirit.

The truths only breaks you.                                The lies only breaks me.

I could never speak them.                                    I could always speak them.

I would fall to pieces.                                           I would fall to pieces.
She'll never see this so I can name it directly after her, but I didn't anyway(almost though). Only if I could change my feelings.
851 · Dec 2012
Spineless
Michael Ryan Dec 2012
*****.
What are you thinking.
are you so unaware of what is here.
what the **** are you thinking.
It's crazy to think what you think.
nothing.
I've told you it all already,
how can you say you don't see;
dense maybe.
that's too kind, I mean obtuse or impaired maybe mentally *******.
something must be wrong with you.
I'm happy that it's over.
just ****** for how spineless you are and only thinking of yourself.
grow up and use your words.
Don't spew out ******* I want the truth.
Don't spare feelings just speak the despair.
Don't waste more of my time saying you're crying,
because I've wasted too much time caring.
I'll find someone to care just like I do.
where you can find someone to hide with knifes just like you do.
Watch me as I walk away.
Because at least when I do you will get to see it.
*****.
Really quick poem, the poems of resent about a girl well it's all done with.  Now I am a little ******, but not sad.  Spineless ****.
841 · Nov 2015
Nothing Past 24
Michael Ryan Nov 2015
That is three numbers
above my echelon numeric
and happens to be my 2nd
favorite.

I never thought about why
that from a really young age
I'd fallen into romance
with a 2nd lover.

One that only sits
three buildings down the line.
We didn't meet by chance--
6am a dimly lit haze
in between our
transition from home
to not home.

It's where our bonding of
digit to digit formed
and new meaning
came to our realization
that if time was to end.

It would happen
on the 24th hour
in our 24th day
the final 24th year.

Because to imagine
existing I will always
be a youngster
a brandishing elegance of a mind.

Who understood
time was our own conception
and beyond the end
was an abyss of nothing
that I hope I'd never see.
I leave it to you.  For this one.  24?
835 · Jun 2013
Do you Feel like Swimming?
Michael Ryan Jun 2013
Grasping for straws and always heaving for some air.
When swimming in the ocean you never forget that you are swimming.
You keep on kicking and paddling without ever thinking of it;
no one whispers in your ear, "hey buddy you gotta keep going."
And that's how most of life is handled.  You just do it.
But if you think you don't want to swim anymore,
then it becomes something much more difficult.
Having to whisper lies and secrets into your own ear may keep you clear,
but every battle will be a struggle, and no side will win like they used to.
The end will be the end of most real wars neither side knowing if they won.
Both sides wishing that it never happened in the first place.
Dreaming of a place of where you both stood in the beginning.
one day you'll come to a conclusion of whether you have been defeated, or you have been defeated.
No one else will ever be able to tell you otherwise except for your other self.
When your blood soaked insides finally decide they feel too much.
When feelings turn into mush and not even a touch can bring a rush.
You'll either have to lie to yourself one more time or ask yourself the question.
Do you feel like swimming anymore?
For the struggle that some of us fight every day.
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