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Michael Ryan Sep 26
Some days, being me is a burden.
Not onto others, but onto myself.
Those around me do not respect me.
But when they seek memories of better times,
I will be the one they ask to speak.

Education was a tool intent on developing me,
instead it became the ropes that bind me to my family.
These ropes latch me to a home I have outgrown,
but no one allows me to leave.

Instead of vindication
I have found desperation.
Those who know me speak fondly
of my aspirations, but do not realize
that their praise weighs more than,
the stone god was unable to budge.

I lie to you -
true agony is not shelved upon by others,
it is the listless illusions I pander to myself.
The ambitiousness of decision making
and feeling that any course directed by my own hand
will end wastefully.
A few months truly out of undergraduate studies, and I fear that all my time/knowledge will be wasted on a life I do not enjoy.  I want to do things that I am proud of, and helping myself grow as well as helping those around me.  A simple life will **** me.
Michael Ryan Jan 15
I've grown
I've become a person
worthy of truly being
called a good guy.

If anyone wants
to meet a genuinely good guy
here I am and I can prove it.

I can accept your rejection
I can do it---
come to me and tell me
that you don't love me
that everything we've said
meant something different to you.

Saying you found me attractive,
that you found me so cute,
that you wanted to cuddle with me,
and much-much-more.

Maybe all these things
you say easily and they don't mean as much.
It's okay to be the person that you are,
and it's my honest mistake to assume
love for you was like love for me.

Now for the proof.
Even with tears in my eyes,
with a fools heart in my chest,
and despair all throughout my mind.

I'll tell you this--
and this is all I have to say.
Love to is being the best friend
that I can be, and that won't change
even when our relationship does.
There's part of me that honestly wishes for you to see how I feel and have that convince you to take a chance, but if life has taught me anything that's not how things are meant to go for me and I'm learning to accept that.
Michael Ryan Dec 2018
Merry Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas Eve.

If I said holiday cheers one more time
it'd become redundant,
but to each of you
that chance upon this--
know that if I could
I would wish you a thousand splendid
Christmas Eves.

I would become the chain
children make in school
counting down the days till Christmas.

I'd become the warm smiles
with hands holding
even warmer coco
to keep you toasty; tis the season.

I'd bring fresh pine scent
and logs for the fire,
these will be here
to bring the aura of the holidays to your home.

I may not be a rich man,
more near to those you see
pitching for spare change;
this would never stop me
from finding you a gift to cherish.

I would give you all the time
you ever wanted and needed,
because I know that around the holidays
we all need a little bit more care.

Merry Christmas Eve.
For everyone out there, sincerely, from me to you I heartfully ❤ wish you the best holidays, and
Michael Ryan Dec 2018
If there was boat
with paddles
I would use them
to sail away from here.

There wouldn't even need
to be paddles.
I would use my hands
to gouge out the water
to create an open
wound between the two us.

I'd have something
to look at to know why
every time I'm near you
I can smell fresh blood in the air.

I'd find splinters in the wood
and push them into my chest,
because at least then.
I'd know why I'm suffering.  

I'd get an infection
and I'd finally be able to go see my doctor
for a diagnosis on what was ailing
our relationship.  

He wouldn't know,
but you'd be able to tell from his expression
that he wanted to lie to me--
to spill some philosophical rhetoric
into the sea around my boat,
so I might stop sinking.
Michael Ryan Nov 2018
She's been next door
since my birth
and you may wonder how that
is even possible
when I am four or five years older than her.

I met her at a time
in my life
where my world changed,
and in this change
I tried to live--
to live for anything.

In my futile attempts
to find purpose
to conquer the beasts
of mental illness,
she's been at my window
to see this eternal struggle of mine.

She's wonderful
completely and utterly--
of course this doesn't mean she's perfect
and even more of course she's far from it.

But maybe it's that imperfection
that has allowed
her and I
to have open windows,
open hearts,
and open conversations--
no matter the
Time zones, languages, or illnesses
we always come back
understanding each other
just a little bit more.
Michael Ryan Nov 2018
People on the internet
are like any others
and talking without reason
terrifies us.  

‘Everyone you meet
is the monster under the bed
the skeleton in your closet
the psyche of horror
haunts their dreams.’

every fable
we’ve ever heard
is lingering behind
the veil we call
our lives.

Or maybe,
if we were
really honest
for one moment,
a single breath.

We’d all come to know
spooks and goblins
didn’t come from tales told–
it is our personal fears
hiding within the mind.

Our unwillingness to believe
that anyone could come to love us
and the doom that suffocates
is the feeling no one will ever know,
who we are.

If people ever caught sight
of our bones
sleeping underneath skin
they’d run
leaving us with scars
scratched so deeply
we’d never be able to recover.
There's nothing to fear, but fear itself.   He probably didn't mean it about the strangers that we meet on the street, in grocery stores, or online I think it apply applies to today's societies.  I'm always open to meeting new people.
Michael Ryan Oct 2018
A person can be depressed for an eternity
but they could be happy
for a split second
and that would be enough
to push them off the edge.
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