I haven't been sleeping a lot lately

The world's been awfully rough lately

My decisions are a little

Hasty

Old friendships have long since rusted

I'm not liked and I'm never trusted

Yet I'm okay with being hated

Then at least I know where I stand

The old habit returns sometimes

It shows up at the door

Maybe it expects a handshake

Or a hug

An "I miss you" as I fall back into it

It entices me

Waves around the pain and blood

The 3 o'clock in the morning trips to the bathroom

Were I had nothing better to do

And no idea how I should really treat

The temple of a body I have

And the catacom that is my mind

And how not to listen to its rotting words

"Woe is us of the 60s and 70s.

Technology is ruining our lives.

Millennials don't talk to eachother but to screens.

Change is bad.

Thomas Edison was a witch."

Let us enjoy our commodities,

Our youth,

Our technologies,

And our expression,

As you do yours.

Please.

My head is a tangled mass of string and wire

They don't connect

They don't lead into something greater

I am full of yarn and old embroidery thread

She used to write poems about slitting her wrists

About monsters that did but did not exist

About band aids and stained paper towels

About grubby toilet seats and empty bowels

And well, now

She regret the scars

Fishing line trails out of them

Transparent until noticed

Then tangled and messy

Catching on hot sweaters in the summer

On the eyes of friends

Of her grandparents

She found them to no longer be the uneven lines of art she loved

She'd stick to colored pens

Stink bugs sit on the toilet seat

Their fat bodies hide in the shadow cast by a bar of soap

Thumping against the mirror, the light bulb

Hiding in cabinets

Waiting for me, dead on counters

I used to go to bed at eight, and wake up at six.

I used to play hopscotch and leapfrog, and believe in magic tricks.

I think I've changed.

It's 2am

The back of my phone is hot

My eyes are burning and tired

My mind is wired

Tick

We are alone in our horror stories
Silent as demons eat us alive
Trapped in a leering land
Dying to survive

Ignore her lies
Ignore her wrist
Just pretend
That she doesn't exist
Watch as she falls
It's not that hard
She isn't the girl
That you'd typically miss

I am thirteen
With a view of this world
As slender as a pin
But this tiny point is deep
And sometimes I dive within

I drown
I thrash
I scream

Yet when I look around
Everyone breathes but me

Long ago
I had a glinting sword
A mighty steed
And a honorable word

Times of now
My steel has rusted
My horse has lamed
And my word never trusted

Never again will I cry
Never again will I crawl
Never again will I allow my heart to fly
For I will be nothing at all

Our moral glass
Breaks easily
Like a feral beast
With a china mask

Don't make fun of my scars
You see,
They have minds of their own
And loathe disrespect

Lilly's little birdbath
Sitting on a dirt path
From the bowl she did drink
In the water the did sink

There is something powerful about the night
There is something terrorizing about the dark
No matter how much history and knowledge we gather
We are still terrified if we are to small to reach the lightswitch

I carry little worlds
And open them to peek and look
Some I visit daily
Between the worn covers of my book

When do you die?
When you are shot by a bullet?
Or maybe burned at the stake?
No.
You die when you are forgotten.

Forget guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
But everything is cool as long as I’m thinner

Being tough
Being disciplined
Being perfect
You're a straight A student
Or employee of the month
You’re always smiling
You’re such a social human being
When anyone needs help, you’ll be there

But then, you’re home alone
In your own room
You look into mirror
Look yourself in the eyes
You see the world through the looking glass
Crippled and shattered
You see the real you
Just as broken and beaten
As the real world

She flew on the line
Of sweet sanity
A tightrope of harsh reds
Beneth all our feet

One
           day
                     she
                                  fell.

Raindrops on roses
And bloodstains on lines
Razors and longsleeves
To keep her scars hidden
She jumped off a building
Like a bird without wings
Those were a few of her
Favorite things

This is how I feel
Maybe that's not how I look
But this is how I feel
And that's whats important

Some one has been sneaking
Tentacles rummaging through my mind
They never asked to
But they have left their trails of slime

Raw bits and pieces of my phyc
Have been overturned
Spilling the secrets of my life
Which I have rightfully earned

If you wanted to see inside my head
You could have just asked
For even though you are my mother
This side of me should stay masked

Oh mom
I was just starting to recover
My glass house finally being rebuilt
Has been smashed by my mother

Poetry was supposed to my open window
A place to write down what I see
But now you are a camera clicking
Illegal shots of me

Don't worry though
I still love you
I am like a dog in that sense

But mommy
Please next time just ask
I know it my seem hard
But it is a crucial task

An invisible girl
Who knows where she's gone
Hidden in plain sight
Because she was wrong

I am so confused
I can't figure it out
All of the voices in my head
Shut up, there's no need to shout

There is now a window
Replacing a locked door
I can't make heads or tails
Of this mess anymore

My mind keeps on shrieking
And I left one foot in the grave
You should get out of my way
I am the one woman rave