When alone, we think
About people, things and topic
Gossips and rumors
Possible truths and murmurs

In the deafening silence,
We sit and ponder beyond
Of tomorrow with our grievance
Until in worries we but bond

The anxiety and endless choices
Possibilities and countless voices
Of guilt shouting over conscience
Of our doubts, we worry nonsense

The darkest thoughts and desires
About people we love and admire
Of things we lost in the fire
Of ****** choices we made full of ire

As social as we are
We find comfort in groups
Alone as we were
In Danger's hand our life droops

So never be Alone
In such a ***** fit
As we tend to step on sleet
In the throes of  depression and worry...
We have all but gone.

Warm amber sunlight creeping slowly
Behind heavy draped windows
Slowly illuminating faces on bed
One with pale white skin
The other sun-kissed and golden
Both sleeping in each other’s embrace

The sun-kissed boy wakes
In his arms he held a beauty of ivory
He smiled, kissed the pale one’s neck
A work of art he truly is
Rich silky auburn hair
Chiseled face and ghostly pale skin

Admiring such a beauty in his arms
Gently traced the outlines of his face
Luscious  cheeks and kissable lips
Both in shades of pale pink roses
Thick eyebrows and sharp nose
He sighed, the pale one wakes

He stared into his eyes
Burning with want and need
Those warm brown eyes
A contrast to his lonely black pools
His Dark hair like coal in the hearth
Burning in the auburn of the other’s embrace

As I look closely on that stone grave
My eyes shed tears of molten pearls
A final wish to me you gave
"Please love me beyond the Grave"...

This one goes to the one who broke my heart,
The one who kept me waiting and kept denying me my joy
While I keep denying myself of all the things around me
While you keep rejecting every reason of truth beyond doubt

Where have you been? Have you been busy? Or have you gone away?
Is your work that hard and restless that you have to cancel my calls?
Is it so hectic you can’t reply me? Or is it that you can’t enjoy my company?
Yes, I know, were together apart, but our hearts were never apart,

How is it that I have endured this thing? Is it you? Or is it me?
Have you decided to break it up to me that you have grown tired?
Or you’re too busy that you can’t text back? Or even call one bit and say Hi.
Has it been too long that you said “Many die on false accusations”.

Your final straw. The final trump card you drew out of my heart.
The trust I have given you, the endurance I have committed.
The time wasted on waiting on you, on courting you.
Because you promised, you promised you’d say YES.

And yes, I did Die on those false accusations. On those false promises you gave me.
I have been true yet you can’t even give me one piece
Not even a crumb of your precious time or company,
Not even a bit to keep my hopes up and me acting all crazy on you.

And yes, my heart did die for you.
Not once, but everytime you didn’t text me back or call me.
I die every moment you deny me of your company or communication
I die every second I have endured on courting you endlessly.

Now tell me, did I not keep my promise?
Did I not endure with you ‘till the  end?
Until all my paper thin hopes have turned into ashes
Until my love for you just burned away.

Burned like the coal in the  fireplace,
The firewood in the pits and candles in the dark
Has it all burned up that I have been spent?
Now tell me, did you keep your promise? Or do you still blame me?

Every moment, minute or day,
we spend our waking life breathing in life
enjoying memories and cherished people around
making love and making laughs

the sweet sweet breeze, and the peach colored skies
All of it so sweet it makes our teeth hurt thinking of it
like so many photographs and records we shared
All of it in a single breath and a blink of an eye

Isn't it fun and happy?
Isn't it so perfect and so simple?
Isn't it what we wanted to all have?
Isn't it what we long for and did have?

Until we turn dark, and all the colors turn grey
until we see what we were and see what we are now
Until we crumble in each and every word we hear
until we succumb to the arms of Depression itself

Until we grab that **** bag and stuck our puny heads in
Until we reach for that medicine cabinet for the pills we need
Until we take some drugs and ease our pains
Until we reach the moment darkest in our darkest days

Breathe child, my momma would say
breathe it all out and breathe it all in again
I keep breathing and breathing and breathing
until it becomes a routine that my muscles have mastered

Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in
Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in

Day by day, it cycles, an endless horror show
Night by night my hands tingle like shaking jello
I can't seem to remember what my momma told me
Help! somebody please, help me breathe

The relentless hands of anxiety and depression
The unforgiving laughs of insomnia and ADD
the same sh*t that I go through, night after night
Caging me in like a tiger  in a circus show

Until we see the calm and grasp it like a baby holding a rattle
Ever so tight, yet ever so clumsy
The light shines and we see clearly
What we have become and start breathing in rhythm

My lungs fill with air every time I breathe
Yes, but as I fill my chest with life...
When I exhale, am I breathing out my life?
So tell me, Am I both living and dying with every breath?

Am I already dead but my body denies it?
Am I a walking corpse living in an empty shell?
Am I a machine destined to be one so lonely, so shattered
That I cannot anymore---I cannot anymore, breathe.

Ragged breathing turns into rhythm
A slice of the flickering light
A tender soul in a weak body in spasm
A convulsing loved one fighting with all his might

Yet you stand there in the corner
****** faced and cold, unwavering
Your face a blank canvas for the painter
A silhouette of sorrow never lingering

You look hollowly into empty eyes
The same emptiness reflecting the vanished life
The same emptiness holding in your cries
The same emptiness keeping you wrapped like a vine

Yet you stand there in the corner
With the repetition doing it all over
Loved ones passing by one by one
Until you of all people have no one

Yet here you are, standing by the bed side
An insistent tear in your cheek glides down
Dropping into the forehead of the one who died
Sobs at bay so you won't feel down

Yet here you are, agonizing in pain and misery
Facing Life's one final mystery
A moment where you face the greatest fear of everybody
By the bed side of a dying one you'll see

I flung myself in a sudden reckless abandon
Strung myself with every willing person
Drenched in lust for a quick action
Needing the rush to feel a sensation

The thrill of seeking hearts
The feel of touching parts
Needing to find my own inspiration
By the way of candied prostitution

Needing to find the right heat
Grinding to find the right beat
Seasoned with the salty tears of fame
Glazed in bitter-sweet laughs of shame.

This syrupy tongue who went through mouths
These amber sapped eyes taking away doubt
This dripping voice who tells sweet acid lies
Behind the truth of cheating everyone else denies

For one such person is ready to give
As much as he is ready to recieve
The poisoned berries of adultery and sin
Like the flaming desire of someone from within

For what makes someone who yearns
Find love in dizzying patterns
So broken and loss with none to please
One who just wanted to find aching release

I'll pick you a bouquet
Just for your special day
We will meet once again
So long has it been

As I pick these lovely pieces
To pile on cold stone places
To stare at you in silence
I begin to reconnaissance

Moments we had of each other
Laughter and tears together
The fun and high we had
And terrible moments so bad

Of these memories we share
Forever I will bear
In sickness and in health
'Til death do us part

But my dear lovely star
You went away too far
Embraced an old friend
And death with you happened

A message to the people who pretends,
The guy on the bus, and the lady next to me,
Last time I talked about depression,
Do you really know?

How it feels that something nonexisting
Eats you up and fills you with guilt?
How every waking moment is a painful reminder,
Of what have come and gone

Of every rejection and disdain,
Of every scorn and contempt,
Of every single word cutting like knives
The blood inside rolling down bare skin,

Do you really know?
The terrible tragedies my eyes have seen,
The constant rings of dead sounds in my ears,
And the memories replaying over and over,

And over and over and over
Like an endless sea of perpetual agony
Like the putrid breath unable to come off
It sticks like a velcro on glue.

Nowhere near have you seen
Nowhere near have you heard
Nowhere near have you experienced
The metallic taste of depression and the fear...

Of every friend and family dying
Of every rejection and frustration
Of everything in this whole ugly
Twisted and convoluted world

Do you really know?

Swim away with me deep down under
to a place where all my thoughts gather
A ruthless torrent of pain and anger
A trench of sorrows and endless hunger

The eternal pit of restless slumber
Of broken songs in deep dark water
Where pain stops when fear take-over
Drown with me in this heedless stupor

I am transient
I am ephemeral
I am but a blink
I am but a speck

Born Today
I will Die Tomorrow
Warm one moment
Cold the other

Celebrated my omens
Now I am forgotten
Once risen to fame
Now nobody knows my name...

I am Ephemeral
In the eyes of the celestial
As we all are
You are also Ephemeral

I cried for no apparent reason
I sobbed and teared my way out
Silently without any reason
I wailed hollowly as I silently shout

I laughed for not a single thing in mind
Smiling at everything in bliss
I stared wide eyed like in treasures we find
But deep in me something is amiss

The hollow feeling of something which is not there
The slight tingling of my numb soul
The feverish and endless hunger I bear
The empty shell drained from a gaping hole

I am born to be as one destined
To feel agony and joy
I have virtue yet I sinned
In deep eternity the lord's broken envoy

Of deep hatred and much love
The fear and bravery both halves
Like the flying crow and dove
I am a Yin and Yang created by the One Above.

I wish I could talk
To you it isn't easy
All things go amok
My stomach feels so queasy

I wish that I can chat
To you I'll be a speechless gnat
Every time I open my mouth
"NO!" my brain forever shouts

I wish I could be your everything
So that smiles on your face I bring
My chapped lips beckoning
My parched throat swallowing

For everything I wish
That we could be like this
I still fear and doubt
That with you...I'll be in a blackout

A fickle heart
Begets a fickle
Mind of fickle
Thoughts

Shatter, shatter, shatter
In my mind I dumbly wonder
Shatter, shatter, shatter
Is my heart torn asunder?

Like the broken window
My panes are cracked
My billowing sorrows
In a corner I stacked

Till someone comes
I wait in the twilight
To warm my heart so numb
My heart of glass, in the darkest night

So you spent all your life here,
in these walls of virtual reality
Within the confines of sweet sweet fantasy
that holds you dear every moment

The unrelenting love you receive
The security and ease
All bad things at bay
The firewall keeping it away

So you live in your perfect little globe
the place where you control everything
In where you can be someone else
and not care if you hurt anybody else

How long has it been since you got out?
The sun in your skin and wind caressing it
The laughter and sweat you spent playing
The hellos and goodbyes we love giving

The trips to your friends for tea time
Choosing trends in malls with friends
The fun of riding in an attraction in a park
And the pure joy of doing it all...Physically

So while you're at it
Staring into the hollow monitors and screens
Take back what once was you
Hit refresh and do what you want to.

There is always something in the blood
Something fascinating even for a god
The rush of euphoria and high
whenever a blade cut comes nigh

The thick red syrup of life
Like rubies cascading on flesh pipes
The feeling you get when
You have cut your skin open

The act is mildly repulsing
Yet, to watch it is deeply fascinating
As you see your life flow by
And lose it in a blink of an eye

The only question once you go high
When Death is sitting nearby
And all hopes come to die
Is one on your lips so dry

How long will it last?

Hush now my love
Care not of the world
For tonight we'll sleep
Forget all sorrows we keep

Hush now my love
For tomorrow will come
The throes we keep
We will bury deep

Hush now my love
The sun will soon rise
And with it gone our demise
Rest and be at ease in mother's arms

Hush now...
Keep still...
Close your eyes...
And I'll hold you...

'Til the sparks and morning light
And across another world
I'll keep you with me
'Til after this war, be'd both be free

Hush...

I am a broken man
Broken beyond repair
Fallen deep into despair
Torched to ash like a straw man

I am a broken man
Crushed into fine shiny powder
Fragments of a ruined wonder
Now feeling empty like the Morrigan

Tempted to take the Scythe for the Hammer
I chained myself in desperation
A fools decision for a reparation
Death in turn I hunger

For life is a sweet ardor
The bitter sweet taste of reconnaissance
The salt and spice of resilience
'Tis what a broken man yearns with fervor

I am a being born,
From the ashes of my past,
From inside the hollow shell of mine,
Burning through my own fears and worries;

I am a being born,
From the cages of serpentine words,
From the tar of my own making,
From the burns of my own troubled beginnings;

I am a being born,
From the depths of my sorrows,
From the icy glares of the soulless world,
From the dark embrace of relentless nightmares;

I am a being born,
I am a Phoenix,
I am ever Transient,
I will forever Change.

If I could turn back time
To correct what was wrong
And give my life a chance
To redemption and atonement

If I could turn back time
To ease the scars of my childhood
To wipe my  tears as they fall down
To save my laughs for bitter moments

To correct mine and their frustrations
To fill in broken expectations
To be the child you want me to be
To be the perfect son you crave with glee

If only I could...but I could not
Even if I try I still fail
So hard and yet so easy
A moment of my total despair

If only I could...but I could not
I could not ease my scars and the pain
Every  night as I scream for help
As my sister cries in a corner

I could not wipe my tears and snot
As my father strikes my mother's poor face
I could not turn back time
To stop my revelry and anarchy

I cannot be the one you want
The son you oh so dearly wanted
The child you ought to be the prodigy
The one to lead the future as you see

I have been stained by time
Fate made me weak and crumbling
My face a distorted angel's in anguish
My voice ever cracking when I speak

My bitter sweet past...
If I look back at you now
I would smile bitterly with sorrow
And wish that if I could...I'll change my fate

But...The Wheel of Fate Just Crushed Us All

I hunger for anything
A dangerous feeling
Greed to me beckoning
To devour myself in wanting

I hunger for all beings
Be it be beasts or non living
A horrible truth so appaling
Yet it keeps me craving

I hunger for what I had
I hunger for what I have
I hunger most for love
I hunger for everything I can't have

I'll smile
Even if the weather seemed pale
Even if seasons came harsh
Even if the rain won't stop

I'll smile
Through every heartache
Through every physical and mental pain
Through every moment of grief and sorrow

I'll smile
For every person I meet
For every person I bid farewell
For every person I lost

I'll smile
Even when I can't seem to do
Even when my lips won't move
Even when I cry my endless tears

I'll smile
Because it makes everything easier
Because in it a hope blossoms deeper
Because it makes the pain weaker

I'll smile
Through every memory I'll have
Through every trips I've come and gone
Through every trials and blessings I recieve

I'll smile
A word I will keep
For a promise it will be
In death a promise It will be

I'll smile for you
For me, my friends and family
For someone to remember me
My smiling face the only memory

Inside
We see differently
Talk differently
Feel differently

Inside
We keep our secrets
We bury our past
And dig it back up

Inside
We hope for the best
We hope to feel rest
To be at peace's loving caress

Inside
Just inside we are
What we are
And we are not

The shadow, behind where darkness lies
A glittering coal flowing with grace,
The robe of a thousand agonies,
The angel who fell from grace;

Behind him is the Chase,
A pack of hellhounds,
Burning eyes and feiry mouths,
Snapping jaws full of fangs;

The luminous girl runs,
Her broken wings tucked,
Her silvery gown ripped,
Her golden sandal missing a pair;

Through the Howling forest,
Where the shadows lie,
A trap she did not expect,
A contraption snapped;

Her foot caught on a jaw,
A steel mouth full of teeth,
Scarlet streams oozing,
Deep pools in the earth;

Now the Agonies come close,
The Chase opening its maw,
The liquid fire bursts,
And Ivy finally burns...

I lost myself
In a bubbling stream
Of chaos and doubts
Blinded by anxiety
Full of vanity I was
A total insanity
Wanting to fit in
Wanting to mingle
Wanting to be them
I am but a copycat
In this lonely cesspool
No one seemed to know
I am dying silently inside
When times get dark
I always play it along
I pretend to not notice
I have changed so much
I became nothing like me
I was who I am

To be born is innate
Yet we change a lot
Challenging our fate
And trying to cut the knot

To face our fears
To conjure our strengths
To love one so dear
And travel great lengths

To change our skin
Like a trickster fox
To bare all within
And go outside the box

Our time we all but borrow
Wisely must be spent
Through the great dark sorrow
And the great joy of content

For this human strife
Alone we fiercely met
To be one with life
And be at peace with death

It isn't easy to say
For thoughts might sway
And in some faithful day
In your ears I'll whisper it and say

"Love me now, tomorrow and forever,
Love me until my final breather
Love me 'til the sun sets in the west
Love me with all your heart's best"

For these words were trapped lightning
In my heart feelings like the waves are whipping
In total chaos of what I feel for you
I am in a conundrum in trying to love you

As my feelings for you blossom
Not into a warm sun-kissed flower of summer
But into a snowflake of cold and bitter winter
I see myself regretting, for you are a possum

An actor of sorts with a lukewarm feeling
A half-baked maniacal schemer
A specter conjured from hell yonder
And the person in which I had a one-sided loving

My hate for thee grows tenfold
It grows tenfold the times my love for you
It grows tenfold the tears I shed for you
It grows tenfold on every **** you told

And as my fire you left started to die
I will rise again as the ashes fly
I will move forward and not look back
I will swear onward and fight hate back

But...I see myself also in that lie
For this heart, no matter how shattered and dry
A paper thin husk of a once healthy guy
Deep inside it...my feelings for you won't die

No matter how hard I drench it with freezing water
No matter how long I submerge below a glacier
No matter how many girls and guys, I encounter
No matter how many flings and flirts, it's still a disaster

For no matter how lukewarm my feelings are for you
An actor of sorts like a lying possum
Inside the hollow echoing halls of my *****
It still and will not die out just for you

That little cinder, a tiny spark of hope
Keeping me warm enough to cope
That no matter how lukewarm it gets...
In this lonely winter, the warmth of you I'll never forget...

These Memoirs
Ghosts of the past
A solid reminder
Of what had come and gone

Purple pink sunrise hues
Bright red orange sunsets
Interlocked fingers
And sweet seething kisses

Warm hugs in bed
The smell of morning breath
The feel of your skin
The fluttering from within

The fights we never won
The funny moments we own
The laughter we  shared
And the tears I had to bear

You see, it still haunts me
The outline of your face
And it takes all my power away
Just to see you there everyday

Deep in the comfort of another
A peace in your face without utter
A deep calm I craved
Of the memoirs we evenly shared

You see it shatters my heart
Every time I see us apart
You in another man's chest
While memoirs of feelings bleed out with zest

In the darkest hour of his darkest night,
A man sat hunched with his dwindling light,
A sliver of hope behind all his fright,
Memories keeping him from giving up the fight,
For he just needed to make it through alright.

In the deepest crevice in his hollow heart,
Like an ancient piece of forgotten art,
Lay his very soul that keeps falling apart,
Every second stung like a poison dart,
His very being crumbles part by part.

In his sickened body runs so many a mark,
In his bloodless skin looks so very stark,
In his hollow head the eyes became dark,
Lifeless and empty as an abandoned park,
His parched throat struggling to bark.

He just needed to pass through tonight,
Keeping all the monsters at bay with all his might,
Making most of the warmth from his dying light,
And yet after all this senseless flee and flight,
His very old friend found him and said 'Goodnight'.

You are my light
As well as my darkness
For you shine bright
And I venture in total blindness

Not knowing where to go
You guide my feet with a hurtful spike
As I step, only Pain I know
And my tortured scream you so much like

In winter's cold you kept me
In a hug so tight I gasped for air
But It doesn't matter to me
As long as I have you there

You kept me warm
With your freezing touch
A stinging burn on my arm
A frozen heart I loved so much

Your harsh words
Whipping me scars of hurt
They cut deep like driven swords
In where I wake and make them worth

In every scar I receive
In every bruise to me you give
I still cherish every pain on your shiv
With you by my side I'll forever live

For we are in harmony
Like the equal yin and yang
Our hearts singing a sorrowful melody
In where our hearts in thorns are strung

I am hopeless *******
Loving the pain and torture you provide
For you are a relentless sadist
In which your punishment is deliciously divine

For what might have been my inspiration
Inside my heart's totally hollow room
You are my Salvation
You are also my Doom

In this dim lit monotonous world
I see myself in a bottomless urn
Not knowing what to do
Not knowing who to go to

Creases and folds
Rich lustrous strokes
Bold soft voices spoke
Touch like a ring of gold

In sheets we make things
Crumpled and messy
Like a raging tsunami
A delight in all human beings

Slapping and slammings
A rhythm worth hearing
The pounding and bounding
Sweet pleasurable pain it brings

Beyond what a body could
Handle and take it would
For it is what we wanted
Like a forbidden affair sorted

The melodious chorus
Of wails and moans
The harmonious beating
With stick and stones

Like origami birds
We bend and break
To cure our heart aches
For we are like paper burned

Ashes we become so far
Fragmented in the wind we are
For we never ever will be
As happy as anyone thought it to be

For like origami birds we are
Folded and bent to hold so far
Manipulated by love and hate
Blinded by our own cruel mistakes

We will tear and break
Like every paper bearing weight
Flying into the winds of fate
And burning into the pits of heart break.

As I suffer and bleed
To the never ending pain
To which once, I cried "yield"
All things in vain, all in vain

I hear them speak
Whispers in the harsh winds
Like a snowstorm at it's peak
The Humans' unmerciful fiends

I bleed once more
My weary, troubled mind
My heavy burned core
In myself thorns I did bind

Thorns of unending Agony
Of Anguish and Despair
Like the endless sea
The deeper it is, the less I care

But for all this Pain and Trials
I stand at Fate's own door
Happiness to myself is in denial
I begged to make all this no more

So once more, we rise
We fall and stand high
Toppling in our own demise
Until we learn to try and try

Deep into ourselves we scarred
For all of this, we alone bore
Even when our faces with grief, marred
There's still Plenty More To Suffer For

I wonder how long has it been
Since you left and never been seen
Not even a flicker of a candle shadow
Not even a voice, it brings me sorrow

The absence of warmth in my bed
The sweet embraces finally  at end
The futile fights we always have to pretend
The simple regrets we share by the bend

How I wish that we can still do
The things you and I used to
The moments we shared with gusto
The blissful thought of me and you

The painful moments we shared both
Those silly words you put on a post-it note
Those linen sheets we cuddle and loved
Those promises we made under the stars above...

Sadly all these were but distant memories
A reminiscence of a haunting eternity
A memento in our colorful past which came
A gravestone carved with your name  

I sit here awake at the edge of our bed
Holding your plush bear and being sad
For everything that we ever had
Was taken away since you've been dead

Is waking up everyday a sweet life warranty?
Or is it the most cruel punishment for people like me?
You see, everyday is a Sea of Perpetual Agony,
What with my head filled with Stress and Anxiety,
With all my warped and f*cked up perception of reality.

With all the voices urging me to fail, for every step is steep,
The flashes of graves and coffins are memories I'm forced to keep,
With it in my dark Void of a bedroom I wallow and weep,
For even if I try to fight a little, I always trip,
Always landing in the pit of Depression hurting me with it's jagged tip.

You see, everytime I stand at a crowded grocery aisle,
I feel my stomach lurch and taste the bitter rising bile,
Even when I am ready to bolt and cover up the mile,
I just crumple there, a wheezing and weeping heaping pile,
Frozen yet I am burning in a hellish pyre made up of unwanted people smiles.

You see, people close to me kept trying to ease with a high cost,
To bring out the Happy in me from my heart covered in biting frost,
To make my eyes shine which already have an emotionless gloss,
To find 'Me', yet answer a question I have asked most,
How can you have found me if I myself am lost?

You see, every part of me screams in absolute Pain and Anguish,
Everyday a lethal poison more caustic than it is feverish
For every word I hear, claws from a monster so fiendish,
A cruel reality with dark creatures full of malevolence, ready to ravish,
You see... this is why for me Death is a welcome friend and my dying wish.

The guy with the deep red hair
Feasting on blood red wine
To drown his bleeding red heart
In sorrow with his red rimmed eyes,

Sulking in pure rusty despair
With his red rusted hair
As his rusted feelings push through air
For which he received a rusted affection to bear

Full of projections of hollow care
The games he played, it wasn't fair
Hearts he sets on fire like his flaming hair Warming his cold heart with empty promises and hollow dares

I am a familiar creak in your floorboards,
A poignant sound ringing inside your skull,
A tiny screech in the desert of your shattered thoughts,
Keeping you awake with many restless nights,
Hauntingly humming to the tune of my broken life,
For I am familiar creak in your floorboards.

Even when the greatest clouds came to raise you up,
Higher than what I could reach with my ***** hands,
I am there to watch your fall from grace,
To laugh in mirth as you tumble down your house of cards,
To sink you further down the pit with force so harsh,
And then coddle you back into my sickly embrace.

For I am a familiar creak in your floorboards,
A ghost so restless from our immature past,
Between torn sheets and dilapidated beds,
Across pillows and saliva covered bedheads,
For I am a the one you always seem to regret,
An afterthought in your every waking moment.

Must we hurt ourselves
Diving into the fray?
Must we **** ourselves
Hoping in misery?

Shall we beat ourselves
On being an imbecile?
Shall we treat ourselves
Lower than we feel?

Shall we pick roses
Thorns and bladed leaves
Blood-red colors in corsets
Of Pain and Lust that lives

The Dark ominous corridor beckons at me
In my mind, deep within delicious Agony
Reminding me of moments of my Idiocy
A weakness to Purge by hurting me.

Pierce my Eyes so I can't see
Carve it from its own sockets free
I'll cry myself in ****** tears of glee
For these lenses sinned by looking at thee

Shut my Mouth so I can't  speak
Or taste kisses that make me weak
Sew it up with threads so thick
For these lips have sinned kissing a *****

Cut my whole Body and throw it in a bag
From my head to my torso and my every leg
With my pounded bones and flesh turned to rag
For my whole body sinned, your touch I still beg

And lastly for the finale of my Purification
Take my Heart away as a final decision
Rip it all out with reckless abandon
For it sinned, loving you with devotion

For hurting Myself is my final solution
My penance and truth from this horrid Illusion
An act I will make with my own volition
To ******* own love for thee with Self Mutilation.

Strip, strip, strip
My shirt on the floor
Strip,strip,strip
My body on the door

Strip,strip,strip
Red stripes on my skin
Strip,strip,strip
Strip me bare within

Strip,strip,strip
The drip of deep red blood
Strip,strip,strip
My body bathes in blood

I fear in your mouth a single thought of power
An uncertain word yet so vast for me to ponder
An inconsiderable adverb you began to consider
That at a certain time-frame  I will ease or suffer

The thrill and suspense rising
Anxiousness and nausea in me boiling
My sleepless nights never ending
My broken mind always just thinking

Have you no mercy for  a feeble creature as I?
For every word is Provident as you let them fly
My poor soul aches, agony and anguish combine
In my mind helpless thoughts divide

For what may have been done is an answer
Of uncertainty and forsaking with crooked laughter
As I asked if I can have you forever
You said SOON so now I'll restlessly wonder

I like to be with you yet I can't
Because I need to go back alone
And it hurts as we speak in silence
A voiceless conversation of helpless air.