What's on your mind?
in facebook you constantly find
This quote always flashes
to remind you of life's rushes

But seriously, look within
and see what thrives inside
Look for thoughts sinking in
and bade them all to come alive

Make your words artful
as that drip of ink caresses the paper
Make them a phrase so wonderful
That people may be happier

Inspire people who has no idea
and save ones that are lost
Open the curiosity jar like Pandora
and let's HOPE we make the most

From dreams in paper
to songs of unending summers
From snowdrop love letters
to eulogies of sorrowful winters

From the heart through the mouth
leave a print of beauty behind
Be it raw, bare or shouting out
never be afraid to speak "What's on your Mind"

The little life now grew
and all things thought to him
Of things old and things new
the norms and laws laid on him

And long before they know
the little man on his teens
In school and wherever he'd go
his friend and him like wearing same skins

The boy now has feelings inside
of which his parents lack guide
The feeling towards another lad
of butterflies in the stomach he had

Of his pink lips he keeps staring
of the way his eyes can captivate
Of his gentle giggles when laughing
and his smiles all problem alleviate

Of his contoured body figure
chiseled like a statue in park
Temptations he can't endure
it makes his heart spark

Then nobody surely knew
that the boy whom they gave birth to
Had grown and began anew
of his life and his secret TABOO

We came from different Tribes
Children of the great Kabuniyan
We came into being
Children of the Bamboo Forest

We hunt, we gather and fish
Living from Our Mother's gifts
The forest and the mountains
The Cordillera we praise

We chant and sing
The Voices of the Gods
Blessings we bring
and Revelations of Warning

The rituals and offerings
Dances of mystical powers
The humble Rice
and the Great forests

From Apo ni Tulao
To the humble Alan
Unto the God Ini-init
and Apo ni Gwani

We came into being
We children of the forest
Children of the rivers
Children of the ever strong Mountain

Creases and folds
Rich lustrous strokes
Bold soft voices spoke
Touch like a ring of gold

In sheets we make things
Crumpled and messy
Like a raging tsunami
A delight in all human beings

Slapping and slammings
A rhythm worth hearing
The pounding and bounding
Sweet pleasurable pain it brings

Beyond what a body could
Handle and take it would
For it is what we wanted
Like a forbidden affair sorted

The melodious chorus
Of wails and moans
The harmonious beating
With stick and stones

Like origami birds
We bend and break
To cure our heart aches
For we are like paper burned

Ashes we become so far
Fragmented in the wind we are
For we never ever will be
As happy as anyone thought it to be

For like origami birds we are
Folded and bent to hold so far
Manipulated by love and hate
Blinded by our own cruel mistakes

We will tear and break
Like every paper bearing weight
Flying into the winds of fate
And burning into the pits of heart break.

Every moment, minute or day,
we spend our waking life breathing in life
enjoying memories and cherished people around
making love and making laughs

the sweet sweet breeze, and the peach colored skies
All of it so sweet it makes our teeth hurt thinking of it
like so many photographs and records we shared
All of it in a single breath and a blink of an eye

Isn't it fun and happy?
Isn't it so perfect and so simple?
Isn't it what we wanted to all have?
Isn't it what we long for and did have?

Until we turn dark, and all the colors turn grey
until we see what we were and see what we are now
Until we crumble in each and every word we hear
until we succumb to the arms of Depression itself

Until we grab that **** bag and stuck our puny heads in
Until we reach for that medicine cabinet for the pills we need
Until we take some drugs and ease our pains
Until we reach the moment darkest in our darkest days

Breathe child, my momma would say
breathe it all out and breathe it all in again
I keep breathing and breathing and breathing
until it becomes a routine that my muscles have mastered

Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in
Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in

Day by day, it cycles, an endless horror show
Night by night my hands tingle like shaking jello
I can't seem to remember what my momma told me
Help! somebody please, help me breathe

The relentless hands of anxiety and depression
The unforgiving laughs of insomnia and ADD
the same sh*t that I go through, night after night
Caging me in like a tiger  in a circus show

Until we see the calm and grasp it like a baby holding a rattle
Ever so tight, yet ever so clumsy
The light shines and we see clearly
What we have become and start breathing in rhythm

My lungs fill with air every time I breathe
Yes, but as I fill my chest with life...
When I exhale, am I breathing out my life?
So tell me, Am I both living and dying with every breath?

Am I already dead but my body denies it?
Am I a walking corpse living in an empty shell?
Am I a machine destined to be one so lonely, so shattered
That I cannot anymore---I cannot anymore, breathe.

I cried for no apparent reason
I sobbed and teared my way out
Silently without any reason
I wailed hollowly as I silently shout

I laughed for not a single thing in mind
Smiling at everything in bliss
I stared wide eyed like in treasures we find
But deep in me something is amiss

The hollow feeling of something which is not there
The slight tingling of my numb soul
The feverish and endless hunger I bear
The empty shell drained from a gaping hole

I am born to be as one destined
To feel agony and joy
I have virtue yet I sinned
In deep eternity the lord's broken envoy

Of deep hatred and much love
The fear and bravery both halves
Like the flying crow and dove
I am a Yin and Yang created by the One Above.

I am a broken man
Broken beyond repair
Fallen deep into despair
Torched to ash like a straw man

I am a broken man
Crushed into fine shiny powder
Fragments of a ruined wonder
Now feeling empty like the Morrigan

Tempted to take the Scythe for the Hammer
I chained myself in desperation
A fools decision for a reparation
Death in turn I hunger

For life is a sweet ardor
The bitter sweet taste of reconnaissance
The salt and spice of resilience
'Tis what a broken man yearns with fervor

You are my light
As well as my darkness
For you shine bright
And I venture in total blindness

Not knowing where to go
You guide my feet with a hurtful spike
As I step, only Pain I know
And my tortured scream you so much like

In winter's cold you kept me
In a hug so tight I gasped for air
But It doesn't matter to me
As long as I have you there

You kept me warm
With your freezing touch
A stinging burn on my arm
A frozen heart I loved so much

Your harsh words
Whipping me scars of hurt
They cut deep like driven swords
In where I wake and make them worth

In every scar I receive
In every bruise to me you give
I still cherish every pain on your shiv
With you by my side I'll forever live

For we are in harmony
Like the equal yin and yang
Our hearts singing a sorrowful melody
In where our hearts in thorns are strung

I am hopeless *******
Loving the pain and torture you provide
For you are a relentless sadist
In which your punishment is deliciously divine

For what might have been my inspiration
Inside my heart's totally hollow room
You are my Salvation
You are also my Doom

Here lies my last poem
A sorrowful song indeed
In this unjustly world we heed
As I separate from thine harem

I cooked thee thy last meal
For I am afraid you are hungry still
And with ye I share smiles of coy
For my soul tonight goes with the envoy

The never sleeping envoy of the void
The never winking master of DEATH
To him my life, shall he be overjoyed
For he awaits me in his lowest PIT

For tonight I fill my "patience cup"
And this suffering I can't stop
For the sons of Shame hath given
With Depression and Anxiety I was stricken

With the last drop in full
My heart sank low and turned cruel
My mind swimming in despair
My final cut I make in my skin so bare

To all who hears this song
Heed my words and join the throng
Help a friend who needs faith
For if not, he shall suffer my tragic FATE

I am transient
I am ephemeral
I am but a blink
I am but a speck

Born Today
I will Die Tomorrow
Warm one moment
Cold the other

Celebrated my omens
Now I am forgotten
Once risen to fame
Now nobody knows my name...

I am Ephemeral
In the eyes of the celestial
As we all are
You are also Ephemeral

As my feelings for you blossom
Not into a warm sun-kissed flower of summer
But into a snowflake of cold and bitter winter
I see myself regretting, for you are a possum

An actor of sorts with a lukewarm feeling
A half-baked maniacal schemer
A specter conjured from hell yonder
And the person in which I had a one-sided loving

My hate for thee grows tenfold
It grows tenfold the times my love for you
It grows tenfold the tears I shed for you
It grows tenfold on every **** you told

And as my fire you left started to die
I will rise again as the ashes fly
I will move forward and not look back
I will swear onward and fight hate back

But...I see myself also in that lie
For this heart, no matter how shattered and dry
A paper thin husk of a once healthy guy
Deep inside it...my feelings for you won't die

No matter how hard I drench it with freezing water
No matter how long I submerge below a glacier
No matter how many girls and guys, I encounter
No matter how many flings and flirts, it's still a disaster

For no matter how lukewarm my feelings are for you
An actor of sorts like a lying possum
Inside the hollow echoing halls of my *****
It still and will not die out just for you

That little cinder, a tiny spark of hope
Keeping me warm enough to cope
That no matter how lukewarm it gets...
In this lonely winter, the warmth of you I'll never forget...

Must we suffer to uphold?
Must we die to please?
Must we do what we are blindly told?
Must we fall into the greedy Abyss?

For all the Covenants man had made
A broken race we have been
A swirling mass of ink destined to fade
For we follow Prophets of Chaos within

Must the world die with us?
Must it slowly rot with each torn flesh?
Must we burn all innocents for GODS?
And how She wept as old wars open bitter scars

For all the Wills and Whims of ALLAH and GOD,
Nameless beings capable of terror
In their name, we shed people's BLOOD
In these covenants, we still  worship human ERROR

So here is a question why,
For all the good things we are
Of love, compassion beauty and dreams that fly
Must we spill another innocent blood in the name of a nameless Avatar?

I am a being born,
From the ashes of my past,
From inside the hollow shell of mine,
Burning through my own fears and worries;

I am a being born,
From the cages of serpentine words,
From the tar of my own making,
From the burns of my own troubled beginnings;

I am a being born,
From the depths of my sorrows,
From the icy glares of the soulless world,
From the dark embrace of relentless nightmares;

I am a being born,
I am a Phoenix,
I am ever Transient,
I will forever Change.

These Memoirs
Ghosts of the past
A solid reminder
Of what had come and gone

Purple pink sunrise hues
Bright red orange sunsets
Interlocked fingers
And sweet seething kisses

Warm hugs in bed
The smell of morning breath
The feel of your skin
The fluttering from within

The fights we never won
The funny moments we own
The laughter we  shared
And the tears I had to bear

You see, it still haunts me
The outline of your face
And it takes all my power away
Just to see you there everyday

Deep in the comfort of another
A peace in your face without utter
A deep calm I craved
Of the memoirs we evenly shared

You see it shatters my heart
Every time I see us apart
You in another man's chest
While memoirs of feelings bleed out with zest

If I could turn back time
To correct what was wrong
And give my life a chance
To redemption and atonement

If I could turn back time
To ease the scars of my childhood
To wipe my  tears as they fall down
To save my laughs for bitter moments

To correct mine and their frustrations
To fill in broken expectations
To be the child you want me to be
To be the perfect son you crave with glee

If only I could...but I could not
Even if I try I still fail
So hard and yet so easy
A moment of my total despair

If only I could...but I could not
I could not ease my scars and the pain
Every  night as I scream for help
As my sister cries in a corner

I could not wipe my tears and snot
As my father strikes my mother's poor face
I could not turn back time
To stop my revelry and anarchy

I cannot be the one you want
The son you oh so dearly wanted
The child you ought to be the prodigy
The one to lead the future as you see

I have been stained by time
Fate made me weak and crumbling
My face a distorted angel's in anguish
My voice ever cracking when I speak

My bitter sweet past...
If I look back at you now
I would smile bitterly with sorrow
And wish that if I could...I'll change my fate

But...The Wheel of Fate Just Crushed Us All

So you spent all your life here,
in these walls of virtual reality
Within the confines of sweet sweet fantasy
that holds you dear every moment

The unrelenting love you receive
The security and ease
All bad things at bay
The firewall keeping it away

So you live in your perfect little globe
the place where you control everything
In where you can be someone else
and not care if you hurt anybody else

How long has it been since you got out?
The sun in your skin and wind caressing it
The laughter and sweat you spent playing
The hellos and goodbyes we love giving

The trips to your friends for tea time
Choosing trends in malls with friends
The fun of riding in an attraction in a park
And the pure joy of doing it all...Physically

So while you're at it
Staring into the hollow monitors and screens
Take back what once was you
Hit refresh and do what you want to.

I hunger for anything
A dangerous feeling
Greed to me beckoning
To devour myself in wanting

I hunger for all beings
Be it be beasts or non living
A horrible truth so appaling
Yet it keeps me craving

I hunger for what I had
I hunger for what I have
I hunger most for love
I hunger for everything I can't have

I flung myself in a sudden reckless abandon
Strung myself with every willing person
Drenched in lust for a quick action
Needing the rush to feel a sensation

The thrill of seeking hearts
The feel of touching parts
Needing to find my own inspiration
By the way of candied prostitution

Needing to find the right heat
Grinding to find the right beat
Seasoned with the salty tears of fame
Glazed in bitter-sweet laughs of shame.

This syrupy tongue who went through mouths
These amber sapped eyes taking away doubt
This dripping voice who tells sweet acid lies
Behind the truth of cheating everyone else denies

For one such person is ready to give
As much as he is ready to recieve
The poisoned berries of adultery and sin
Like the flaming desire of someone from within

For what makes someone who yearns
Find love in dizzying patterns
So broken and loss with none to please
One who just wanted to find aching release

I wish I could talk
To you it isn't easy
All things go amok
My stomach feels so queasy

I wish that I can chat
To you I'll be a speechless gnat
Every time I open my mouth
"NO!" my brain forever shouts

I wish I could be your everything
So that smiles on your face I bring
My chapped lips beckoning
My parched throat swallowing

For everything I wish
That we could be like this
I still fear and doubt
That with you...I'll be in a blackout

The guy with the deep red hair
Feasting on blood red wine
To drown his bleeding red heart
In sorrow with his red rimmed eyes,

Sulking in pure rusty despair
With his red rusted hair
As his rusted feelings push through air
For which he received a rusted affection to bear

Full of projections of hollow care
The games he played, it wasn't fair
Hearts he sets on fire like his flaming hair Warming his cold heart with empty promises and hollow dares

Is waking up everyday a sweet life warranty?
Or is it the most cruel punishment for people like me?
You see, everyday is a Sea of Perpetual Agony,
What with my head filled with Stress and Anxiety,
With all my warped and f*cked up perception of reality.

With all the voices urging me to fail, for every step is steep,
The flashes of graves and coffins are memories I'm forced to keep,
With it in my dark Void of a bedroom I wallow and weep,
For even if I try to fight a little, I always trip,
Always landing in the pit of Depression hurting me with it's jagged tip.

You see, everytime I stand at a crowded grocery aisle,
I feel my stomach lurch and taste the bitter rising bile,
Even when I am ready to bolt and cover up the mile,
I just crumple there, a wheezing and weeping heaping pile,
Frozen yet I am burning in a hellish pyre made up of unwanted people smiles.

You see, people close to me kept trying to ease with a high cost,
To bring out the Happy in me from my heart covered in biting frost,
To make my eyes shine which already have an emotionless gloss,
To find 'Me', yet answer a question I have asked most,
How can you have found me if I myself am lost?

You see, every part of me screams in absolute Pain and Anguish,
Everyday a lethal poison more caustic than it is feverish
For every word I hear, claws from a monster so fiendish,
A cruel reality with dark creatures full of malevolence, ready to ravish,
You see... this is why for me Death is a welcome friend and my dying wish.

Warm amber sunlight creeping slowly
Behind heavy draped windows
Slowly illuminating faces on bed
One with pale white skin
The other sun-kissed and golden
Both sleeping in each other’s embrace

The sun-kissed boy wakes
In his arms he held a beauty of ivory
He smiled, kissed the pale one’s neck
A work of art he truly is
Rich silky auburn hair
Chiseled face and ghostly pale skin

Admiring such a beauty in his arms
Gently traced the outlines of his face
Luscious  cheeks and kissable lips
Both in shades of pale pink roses
Thick eyebrows and sharp nose
He sighed, the pale one wakes

He stared into his eyes
Burning with want and need
Those warm brown eyes
A contrast to his lonely black pools
His Dark hair like coal in the hearth
Burning in the auburn of the other’s embrace

What if, we go out together
Watch movies that take forever
Eat popcorn on a early hour
Sit dearly on the spot of ours

What if, we stand by the moonlight
Kissing with the breeze on flight
Tiptoeing into our secret site
endless  giggles we try to fight

What if, we go marry each other
Never look for any other
In our lovely bliss, live forever
With our loving son and daughter

What if, I promise you my love
As the stars twinkle above
And so will it blaze, my love
'Til we finally meet in heaven above

What if, just what ifs
A plan I hope to be a gift
A heaven sent item of joy and grief
For it is just as it is, What if?

Through the eyes we see,
A woman battered and ******,
A man angry of envy,
And children traumatized and wary;

A boy whose lips are ******,
Bruises in him are many,
A girl scared and shaky,
Who can do nothing but see;

The man tries to hit,
But the boy took it,
Head bashed to the wall,
Everyone screams as he falls;

The father leaves,
The mother hugged his son tight,
The older sister wailed,
The son trembling with fear in his eyes;

Through the eyes we see,
What a gruesome word it is,
To call it a necessity,
This thing called Family....

In this dim lit monotonous world
I see myself in a bottomless urn
Not knowing what to do
Not knowing who to go to

Ragged breathing turns into rhythm
A slice of the flickering light
A tender soul in a weak body in spasm
A convulsing loved one fighting with all his might

Yet you stand there in the corner
****** faced and cold, unwavering
Your face a blank canvas for the painter
A silhouette of sorrow never lingering

You look hollowly into empty eyes
The same emptiness reflecting the vanished life
The same emptiness holding in your cries
The same emptiness keeping you wrapped like a vine

Yet you stand there in the corner
With the repetition doing it all over
Loved ones passing by one by one
Until you of all people have no one

Yet here you are, standing by the bed side
An insistent tear in your cheek glides down
Dropping into the forehead of the one who died
Sobs at bay so you won't feel down

Yet here you are, agonizing in pain and misery
Facing Life's one final mystery
A moment where you face the greatest fear of everybody
By the bed side of a dying one you'll see

Once we were agents of peace and prosperity
Using Nature's gifts for love and harmony
We always heal and never hurt
For we bring healing and love into this earth

We always lived without insecurity
Never in our minds came rebelry
For we live as good as we can be
And never thread the path to obscurity

But once we were also set aflame
By merciless acts to us, our great shame
The ****** of someone we love
Or the theft of precious things we did have

An infamous thing done to us
A dangerous thing came crashing fast
Scars began to form in body and soul
Reminding us of things most foul

The jilting of a sweet lovely human
The genocide done by something inhuman
The taking of an artifact we kept and protected
The petty tricks of humans, we are abused and molested

Now we cry in despair for the Dark
A last resort for the Pain and Mark
A deadly art we dared trespass
For we crave vengeance and execute it we must

For love and redemption
Evil actions of our own volition
Lost in the embrace of Oblivion
The last move we have in Preparation

Teach me to love you right
So that I can love you best
Teach me to how to fight
So you can worry less

Teach me to care for you
By caring for me too
This mutual thing we do
It is what binds us two

Teach me to crave you more
So that I'll miss you when I bore
Teach me to hate you more
So that I can love you forevermore

Teach me to entirely forget
What and where broken hearts went
Teach me to rememeber sorrows, so I can cry myself wet
Teach me to smile for tomorrow, so I can laugh at memories when we met

Teach me to say goodbye
To you dear my heart still flies
Teach me never to pass by
So I can keep going on, 'til this heartache dies

There is always something in the blood
Something fascinating even for a god
The rush of euphoria and high
whenever a blade cut comes nigh

The thick red syrup of life
Like rubies cascading on flesh pipes
The feeling you get when
You have cut your skin open

The act is mildly repulsing
Yet, to watch it is deeply fascinating
As you see your life flow by
And lose it in a blink of an eye

The only question once you go high
When Death is sitting nearby
And all hopes come to die
Is one on your lips so dry

How long will it last?

Hush now my love
Care not of the world
For tonight we'll sleep
Forget all sorrows we keep

Hush now my love
For tomorrow will come
The throes we keep
We will bury deep

Hush now my love
The sun will soon rise
And with it gone our demise
Rest and be at ease in mother's arms

Hush now...
Keep still...
Close your eyes...
And I'll hold you...

'Til the sparks and morning light
And across another world
I'll keep you with me
'Til after this war, be'd both be free

Hush...

I'll pick you a bouquet
Just for your special day
We will meet once again
So long has it been

As I pick these lovely pieces
To pile on cold stone places
To stare at you in silence
I begin to reconnaissance

Moments we had of each other
Laughter and tears together
The fun and high we had
And terrible moments so bad

Of these memories we share
Forever I will bear
In sickness and in health
'Til death do us part

But my dear lovely star
You went away too far
Embraced an old friend
And death with you happened

Inside
We see differently
Talk differently
Feel differently

Inside
We keep our secrets
We bury our past
And dig it back up

Inside
We hope for the best
We hope to feel rest
To be at peace's loving caress

Inside
Just inside we are
What we are
And we are not

I like to be with you yet I can't
Because I need to go back alone
And it hurts as we speak in silence
A voiceless conversation of helpless air.

As I suffer and bleed
To the never ending pain
To which once, I cried "yield"
All things in vain, all in vain

I hear them speak
Whispers in the harsh winds
Like a snowstorm at it's peak
The Humans' unmerciful fiends

I bleed once more
My weary, troubled mind
My heavy burned core
In myself thorns I did bind

Thorns of unending Agony
Of Anguish and Despair
Like the endless sea
The deeper it is, the less I care

But for all this Pain and Trials
I stand at Fate's own door
Happiness to myself is in denial
I begged to make all this no more

So once more, we rise
We fall and stand high
Toppling in our own demise
Until we learn to try and try

Deep into ourselves we scarred
For all of this, we alone bore
Even when our faces with grief, marred
There's still Plenty More To Suffer For

You are me in another body,
The same soul split in two,
A double dose of insanity,
From all things we share and do,
Both full of poise and profanity,

A Recluse and a Star,
We are both bright and dim,
Born of Love and War,
We are pushed to Sanity's rim,
Both so near yet so far,

You are the emmisary of Hope,
As I am the envoy of Despair,
You are the kind Antelope,
As I am a terrifying Bear,
Together we gently Develop,

To be relentless and cruel,
Yet just, kind and fair,
To be Iron Handed on our Rule,
Yet Gentle like a Mother's Care,
To both be the King and the Fool,

For you are my twin,
My other side of the cosmos,
My hollowed soul piece within,
My piece of Olympus in Erebos,
For we exist in each other's skin.

I lost myself
In a bubbling stream
Of chaos and doubts
Blinded by anxiety
Full of vanity I was
A total insanity
Wanting to fit in
Wanting to mingle
Wanting to be them
I am but a copycat
In this lonely cesspool
No one seemed to know
I am dying silently inside
When times get dark
I always play it along
I pretend to not notice
I have changed so much
I became nothing like me
I was who I am

I'll smile
Even if the weather seemed pale
Even if seasons came harsh
Even if the rain won't stop

I'll smile
Through every heartache
Through every physical and mental pain
Through every moment of grief and sorrow

I'll smile
For every person I meet
For every person I bid farewell
For every person I lost

I'll smile
Even when I can't seem to do
Even when my lips won't move
Even when I cry my endless tears

I'll smile
Because it makes everything easier
Because in it a hope blossoms deeper
Because it makes the pain weaker

I'll smile
Through every memory I'll have
Through every trips I've come and gone
Through every trials and blessings I recieve

I'll smile
A word I will keep
For a promise it will be
In death a promise It will be

I'll smile for you
For me, my friends and family
For someone to remember me
My smiling face the only memory

Must we hurt ourselves
Diving into the fray?
Must we **** ourselves
Hoping in misery?

Shall we beat ourselves
On being an imbecile?
Shall we treat ourselves
Lower than we feel?

Shall we pick roses
Thorns and bladed leaves
Blood-red colors in corsets
Of Pain and Lust that lives

To be born is innate
Yet we change a lot
Challenging our fate
And trying to cut the knot

To face our fears
To conjure our strengths
To love one so dear
And travel great lengths

To change our skin
Like a trickster fox
To bare all within
And go outside the box

Our time we all but borrow
Wisely must be spent
Through the great dark sorrow
And the great joy of content

For this human strife
Alone we fiercely met
To be one with life
And be at peace with death

The Dark ominous corridor beckons at me
In my mind, deep within delicious Agony
Reminding me of moments of my Idiocy
A weakness to Purge by hurting me.

Pierce my Eyes so I can't see
Carve it from its own sockets free
I'll cry myself in ****** tears of glee
For these lenses sinned by looking at thee

Shut my Mouth so I can't  speak
Or taste kisses that make me weak
Sew it up with threads so thick
For these lips have sinned kissing a *****

Cut my whole Body and throw it in a bag
From my head to my torso and my every leg
With my pounded bones and flesh turned to rag
For my whole body sinned, your touch I still beg

And lastly for the finale of my Purification
Take my Heart away as a final decision
Rip it all out with reckless abandon
For it sinned, loving you with devotion

For hurting Myself is my final solution
My penance and truth from this horrid Illusion
An act I will make with my own volition
To ******* own love for thee with Self Mutilation.

The shadow, behind where darkness lies
A glittering coal flowing with grace,
The robe of a thousand agonies,
The angel who fell from grace;

Behind him is the Chase,
A pack of hellhounds,
Burning eyes and feiry mouths,
Snapping jaws full of fangs;

The luminous girl runs,
Her broken wings tucked,
Her silvery gown ripped,
Her golden sandal missing a pair;

Through the Howling forest,
Where the shadows lie,
A trap she did not expect,
A contraption snapped;

Her foot caught on a jaw,
A steel mouth full of teeth,
Scarlet streams oozing,
Deep pools in the earth;

Now the Agonies come close,
The Chase opening its maw,
The liquid fire bursts,
And Ivy finally burns...

Which is it?
Have I?
Where is it?
Should I?

Questions... All of them
Bugging me and my life
Harder and harder
It gets worse all the time

Forgetting something?
Depressed over everything
Even the tiniest speck
Even the slightest streak

The doubt
It fills me with guilt
Terror and frustration
Of anxiety and suicidal thoughts

That is...what?
Who am I?
Who are you?
The doubt never stops...

I wonder how long has it been
Since you left and never been seen
Not even a flicker of a candle shadow
Not even a voice, it brings me sorrow

The absence of warmth in my bed
The sweet embraces finally  at end
The futile fights we always have to pretend
The simple regrets we share by the bend

How I wish that we can still do
The things you and I used to
The moments we shared with gusto
The blissful thought of me and you

The painful moments we shared both
Those silly words you put on a post-it note
Those linen sheets we cuddle and loved
Those promises we made under the stars above...

Sadly all these were but distant memories
A reminiscence of a haunting eternity
A memento in our colorful past which came
A gravestone carved with your name  

I sit here awake at the edge of our bed
Holding your plush bear and being sad
For everything that we ever had
Was taken away since you've been dead

I look into the mirror
I see faces
Perfect copies
Different identities

Some faces
Lined with fear
Regret and love
Of shame and envy

Others with expressions
Of anger and lies
Stone faces
And cold hearts

Everyday I look
Into the mirror
Questions I have
Fogging the glass

Which one?
The real one?
Which of it?
Is it me?

Strip, strip, strip
My shirt on the floor
Strip,strip,strip
My body on the door

Strip,strip,strip
Red stripes on my skin
Strip,strip,strip
Strip me bare within

Strip,strip,strip
The drip of deep red blood
Strip,strip,strip
My body bathes in blood