18 Drafts
One receiver's address
I sigh and delete all of them
It's too late for anyone to be receiving it

Before she came
I went through hell and heaven to get her here

Once she was here
I didn't notice her as much as I should've
So she went through hell and heaven to be with me

Today she left
Just left with a small, sad wave

Now I'm going through hell
For every thought of what we could've done.

The sailors say, "Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"

Yeah, Brandy used to watch his eyes
When he told his sailor stories
She could feel the ocean fall and rise
She saw its ragin' glory
But he had always told the truth, Lord, he was an honest man
And Brandy does her best to understand

At night when the bars close down
Brandy walks through a silent town
And loves a man who's not around
She still can hear him say

She hears him say, "Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"

My courage
My strength
My bravery

It's all a show for those who see
Inside I'm hoping no one will test them
And see that they break in use
in practice
in walk
like brittle bones

Put the Broken Things together
And see the bigger picture
Things that were once
Hoped to be a whole again
Something made together
But now I carry it alone
Or do u carry some of the Broken Pieces too?
Do you look down at your hands when the sharp edges cut?
Like glass it used to shine, tempered in fire, made on the sands of distant beaches
Now I look through those Broken Pieces
I see blood on my hands

When you are up
     you don't realize the pain
of coming down
Because the higher you are
     the prettier the view
and the longer the fall

Cast into an iron box
Shut and put away
Somewhere that no one knows
Might as well be in the middle of the sea
Or in another galaxy

You can claw at the walls
Until your nails are ******

You can scream for help
Until your voice turns hoarse

You can tell yourself that you'll be fine
Until the words don't make sense anymore

You can close your eyes and try to make it disappear
Until you don't know what is real:
    The darkness below your eye lids
    ... Or the Darkness around you?

You lie in there
Until you don't know

What is up and down
What is sound and silence
What is real and imaginary
What is alive and dead

Which is you and which is the Darkness

the depth of a poem or a canyon
can never measure to what's between us

So empty
At the hole just below my ribs
Like the air ****** from my lungs
Like a hard punch in the gut

Like a cold, empty, air-tight cellar
With only a small sad puddle
Collected by an incessant dripping
From a ceiling that's too dark to see

It's like a vacuum in my chest
Each time I breathe in
It threatens to cave in
And crush me
So I take shallow breaths
A few molecules at a time
And just hope that the day doesn't come
When I will have to face
The consequence
Of that Emptiness

Does anyone see?
The grimace on my face
The showing of my teeth
In attempt to replicate the look
On everyone else's face

So wait
Is my replication faulty...
....or is it the way everyone else is too?

I'm incapable of writing poetry
When it comes to when I'm happy

He called me Hiraeth
and I never knew why
he carried me in cupped hands
like water,
like evaporating rain.

He called me Hiraeth
and i never knew why
he held me in clenched arms
like ghosts,
like people he has already lost

He called me Hiraeth
and I never knew why
he dropped me through stratospheres
like atom bombs
like war, famine, hate

He called me Hiraeth
and I never knew why
he watched me through refugee eyes
like a burned home
like a train barreling into the night

how do people deal with the loss that comes with time?
how do they celebrate aging another year when they know that time is the one that steals people?
how are you still standing even after you know you missed the last call your mother will ever leave you?

If readers were made rulers
Their knights would wield pens
Their wars fought on paper
And their subjects imaginary

a hero will love you as long as you're right
a villain will hold you through your darkest night

When you asked me if I regretted us:
I don't regret us
I don't regret any one of every thing
I don't regret a single touch
I don't regret a single word
I don't regret a single glance
I don't regret saying 'yes'

If anything, I want more and more.
But now after everything
I just wished it never happened

I said Goodbye for the first time and felt the air slip out of my lungs
I said Goodbye for the second time and thought maybe I'd get a third chance
Only my rationality slipped away
I said Goodbye for the third time and my belief in good slipped away
I said Goodbye a thousand more times, never realizing what left me

Then just as I was saying another Goodbye
Unnoticed in my litany
I felt myself scatter to the wind in all the different paths
Like a candle snuffed out by by the silencing wind

That was my Last Goodbye
And that was the last of me

So when you told me you loved me
It was a lie
Then you told me you hate me
It was a lie
You told me you lied

So was that a lie too?

It was funny
How as I stepped into my city

With its blackened air beating my face
  each breath a war with chemicals

With dust, grime and garbage at every street
  and shops which no one ever enters

With all the noise and clamor of traffic
  and the neon lights which blind my eyes

It was funny really
How much I had missed my ugly city

Whisper vices in your ear
While I paint you in virtues
There you are, my poison apple
Shining with a red of bloodiest hues

“What if we go on,” he said, “only to more pain and despair? What if we go on, only to find a horrible end waiting for us?”

“Then it is not the end.”

We open the halves of a miracle

Holy water
   cannot help you now

A thousand armies
   couldn't keep me out

I don't want you money
I don't want your crown

See, I've come to burn
Your kingdom down.

the shine in her eyes pulls me to her
but little did i know they were tears

The music ends
And yet the symphony has just begun
Everyone leaves us
Some run, some fall
But we stayed
And slowed danced in this burning room
Some called this misery
We called it home

you may have left me
saying that to believe in love is childish
but i didnt believe in it
until you came

you opened up a chasm in me
and when you left, i feared its depths
rather than exploring its meadows

when i fell
i only saw the ground
and i forgot to open my wings