Who am I?
I don’t see who I thought I was in the reflection of this mirror.
I see a girl with faded lines at her mouth, the remnants of her laughter.
I see the crinkles at the corners of her eyes; her eyes used to smile.
Her mouth is a straight line, her laugh only a memory.
Her eyes are tired and glazed, uninterested and unfocused.
Where did that girl go?
I feel her inside, I want to smile and laugh,
But I don’t have the strength to try.
Everything is a task, an arduous task that I cannot attempt
Lest I fail, for then the pain of failure adds to my pile of emotions.
I am exhausted; I cannot feel anything anymore.
Why can’t she try to return?
I have saved every last drop of pain, stored it in my soul.
No one should have to feel pain, I’ll feel it for them.
Everyone should be happy, even if I am taunted by their joy.
She knows that I have reasons to be happy, she makes me aware.
But happiness is energy better offered to the “common good”.
How did I lose her, anyways?
She was adventurous, that girl I used to be; she had *****, so to say.
She let herself feel freely, falling in love painlessly, easily.
That love turned against her, threw away every definition of trust she knew.
I had to protect her, hide her from the pain.
So I put on my armor, and stood strong in her place.
When did she disappear?
She stayed hidden for a while, a warmth trying to break my cold heart.
She’s the smile that cracked my stone face, if only for a moment.
But she was pushed away to make pain easier to handle.
She got tired of trying to make me feel emotion.
She’s still there, deep down, but she hasn’t put forth any effort in a long while.
What will bring her back?
The fleeting moments of giggles and cuddling,
The warmth of a hand over mine,
The strength of two arms enveloping me in a hug,
The patience of a voice that brings her out of me;
Love.
Love will her back to me.
