Portable Carnival.
You pack it up and roll it away two weeks to the day that it arrives. The lives of these carnies have never mattered. They exist only as a part of the traveling freakshow. Something we pay money to stare at, to laugh at, to mock. It’s degrading, but it’s how the freaks have to earn their living. It’s how Two Toe Toby affords his next meal. But he doesn’t have a favorite sit down restaurant, because they keep putting him back on a bus and sending him to a different city to manage the tilt-a-whirl; And all the hurling ***** from children's’ stomachs that are full of corn dogs and cotton candy.
Portable Portajohn.
A traveling **** storm. Citizens come and give us their paychecks in return for cheap thrills on rinky **** rides that spin their minds into oblivion. Just so they can say they’ve tasted the clouds and all of the pollution that surrounds them.
And just like that, we leave again. Vanishing into our next city, for a scheduled two week period.

We all have some darkness,
But we all still have some light.
In the midst of trying to find ourselves,
We lost the endeavoring plight.
The day is too dull,
So we live in the night.
Fading the colors of this
White, bright life.

When you become a ghost,
Feel free to haunt me.
I’d be lonely otherwise.
You’re the only thing I have
Keeping my feet planted on well known soil.
I wonder if when you decide to leave,
If the same should happen to myself?
We both know we are running out of time.
Of air;
Of patience.
It’s all I can do to stay here for you, Darling.
I’m very unhappy.

I don’t speak for everyone,
I can only speak for me.
I don’t want a silly toy to
Make me feel weak at the knee.
I don’t want a handsome savior,
Riding in on a white horse
Just so years later I end up
Sad, fat and divorced.
I want to be myself,
Open and free.
No one on this earth
Who should chain me.
Not outside of privacy of my bedroom.
Can you blame me?

Equal or I walk away.
Equal.
Or I cannot stay.
Does not mean stuck in our ways-
Just expect to be treated with respect.
Discuss our decisions
Or the visions of us dies.
Open communication-
Not entangled in webs of lies.
I refuse to be used up,
Laid out to dry.
I don’t have to die,
Not yet.
Get wreckt.

He took something so precious
That it stunned me into silence.
Took a pretty princess
And treated her with rabid violence.
So tense in nature,
So aggressive in being.
The only way to win
A game of torture is by fleeing.
Running to the hills,
Never looking back
Sopping up soot on my foot
Of this lost, infinite black.
Whole body in half form,
This has become the accepted norm.
I’m hurting because of what
He did to me-
Just like the last.
These girls from is past?
He’s used us all.
Run away while he stalls.
Be sure not to fall
And crumble in his grasp.
This is not my final form.
But evil man,
You’ve finally seen the
Last of me.

Unheard-                                                                
They poke and ****.
Absurd-
I don’t fit you description of a ******-
So doctor, jump me.
I didn’t ask for the
Endless sob-
The rejection of fleshing
My health and anxieties
Into human form again.
You’re not a friend,
You’re a judgmental man
In a lab coat
Who denotes his time to
Giving patients unanswered answers
And more pills.
I’m never going to be sorry
I do not fit into this
Patriotic Addiction
That has taken so many from me-
How dare you…

Alone in my thoughts,
I stand jumping to conclusions.
Doing nothing as I was taught,
Adding to all of this confusion.
I Segway into foreplay-
But I know in this day
I’m going to feel alone
No one set on stone
To stay.
The conversation fades,
The mind detaches feeling.
If I would have stayed
I wonder if it would have
Time to be appealing.

Because… you could look me in the eyes and tell me you loved me,
When I could still smell her on you.
You could lie, straight to my face..
Which torments a humans’ sanity.
You could hold me and feel absolutely nothing for me, and to me,
That’s completely spineless.
I did nothing to deserve the empty lies you filled me with.
A forever meant nothing more than a day to you, did it?

I feel my life draining,
Slowly from my fingertips…
My hair,
Tumbling from the top
Of my
Withering scalp.
My veins,
Surfacing on my pale skin,
Bulging, pulsing,
Of the verge of bursting
To their own extinction.
And I am sitting here,
Watching the clock
With these tied and
Filthy, aching eyes.
I can’t slow my life down..
I have no time key.

The walls,
They fall.
The minds,
They crumble.
The teeth,
They shatter
On contact
With your words.
The skin suits,
They wither.
The single identity crisis,
They splinter.
Into a man’s
Multiple personalities.
The tears,
They spill.
The spines,
They chill,
The hope,
They lost forever and
A day ago.
And nothing is left
But the measly foundation;
Rotting and infested
With termites.

Styrofoam Soul,
You fit the mold.
You’re light,
And hollow,
And fragile.
My fingertips
Hardly graze
The surface of your
Skin,
And yet you still
Crumble
Under pressure.
You are close
To broken.
I am closer
To putting you
Back in the box,
And shipping back
The mentally defective,
Thick-skulled,
Sulking, narcissistic,
Woe-as-me *******
To the “non-profit”
“Go fund my happiness”
*** kissing
Organization
That brought the two of us
Together in the first place.

I’d cut off my own ear and mail it to you,
To be your very own personal listener-
But I’d rather gouge out an eye of mine
And mail it overnight via amazon prime.
For it has seen many tragedies,
As opposed to just hearing them.

Golden Afternoon-
I’ve waited years
To find you
When you were
Right here
All along.
Hidden under
Frozen nights and
Frore hearts.
I tore apart my
Chest to find
You.
I never asked for
This endless game
Of hide and seek.
I am no longer
Hiding.
Let the sun showers
Bathe me in their
Golden, elegant
Glow.
I face my
Inner light.
No more hiding in
The shadows.

Dreamsicle Mournings:
I mourn your
Warnings.
Early Mornings:
A thorn in my
Rosary-
I’m stuck on the
Same prayer.
I’ve torn my
White wings-
Forever falling.
Forlorn for
Rosemary.
God, get me
There.

Running cross country
Just so you can hurt me.
Desert me in the desert,
Leave me tethered to the sky.
I fly just fine
As long as
I’m high enough.
I’ve been staying dry enough.
Been getting by- sly enough.
Not shy enough to be alone
In my own personal reserve.
Haven’t you heard?
Awkward, anxious caterpillar
Took her time off too cocoon.
Now she watches you all swoon
Over her metamorphosis into
Social Butterfly.
I will be friendly,
I will not try to please the masses.
I soar through open sky.
With looks that serve and wings
That swerve.
All you insects
Are disturbed by the words
Of my accomplishments.
I can’t wait to see the astonishment-
I love who I am.
And if you are perturbed by
My self love,
Then Darling, I’m
Sorry your self esteem has
Fizzled out so low.
But you can still support others
From a friendly distance,
Rather than watching
People succeed
And immediately feeling
Resistance.

You’ve moved on.
And that’s just fine.
You were nothing
But grime under my nails.
A stale hit.
The key didn’t fit-
So go ahead and mail it back.
I need a new one
To get over the
Old act.
Matter of fact,
I need a new one altogether.
Someone who will show me off better.
Bored of the
Mundane brains surrounding
My skewed one.
I’m just a dainty demon,
Who wants to have some fun.
Rearranged blame, pounding in my head-
Seeing red
Until I find the right one
Who feels the same.
I am not the one to blame.
Reciprocate my passion-
Stop playing in my feelings.
Guessing real love is too old fashioned
For a young boy like you to be feeling.

Pretty pink princess with wetness
Dripping down her thigh.
Puddle humpin’ *****
Pumps the water
While she cries.
Take it down the throat and hope
He doesn’t make you ride.
You’re haunted-
But memories taunted.
Hope the feelings subside.
And hope you don’t choke
Playing ******* with a hard rock.
Stop, you slithering snake.
I provoke the stalking of the body,
The watching of the skin.
Pretty pink princess
Soaking in the sin.
Satin curtain, forced open.
Moisture beaded on the fabric.
Crushed velvet on your tongue-
Here is where he wreaks his havoc.
A blank canvas for him to abuse
With bruises of all different colors.
Of course I let him have it.
He got into my mind.
Used his knowledge that I was the
Only princess of this kind.

Used to the abuse
Of this kind.
He makes me whine-
Designed to cling to his knee.
Can’t you see?
Peel these soaking ******* off of me
And make me need more than one round.
Throw me to the ground,
And I bow with a thank you
Leaving my forever ***** mouth.
I enjoy my endeavors down south.
Cherry juice dripping down my legs.
I hang my head.
I bled.

I’m Longing and Learning.
Constantly, I’m yearning
For a man who isn’t mine.
A divine being- I find
The time is turning.
I’m older,
I’m bolder,
Unsure if you’ve grown colder.
Too frisky to care-
I dare to find someone
Completely new.
Tired of feeling blue for you.

Scampering, Scurrying
Everyone a Worrying.
From behind the lines
Of time,
It’s hard to find a passion.
Haggling, Hurrying
Society in a flurry.
Fury of consumer
Wrapped pretty for distraction.
This mutual attraction towards
Things instead of people,
Is done at the satisfaction of
Big corporations
Instilling evil.
From behind the lies of lime
It’s hard to hide reaction.
No grip to prevent slip-
No citric acid traction.

Endless Highway,
Molded Hideaway.
Folded Golden Bay,
Baking in the Sun.
Friendless- my way.
Hold it; Warm Rays
Sold it- For a Rainy Day.
Faking all the Fun.

Never trust a Florida boy,
In that muggy, humid heat.
I'm telling you, little girl,
Your heart will soon taste defeat.
Them deep fried southern marshes,
Raising mosquitoes and deceit.
The greatest place on earth can keep its ******* receipt.

The air as thick as my blood was,
When I met your eyes.
And yours met hers,
And your monster claw,
Tore her smooth skinned thigh.

I felt that painful scream.
Boiling up. Melting my chest inside.
What's the point of being still while my mind is feeling fried?

So I packed my heavy load of anxiety,
And headed for the coast.

I watched the orange sunset,
As I brought up a salty toast,
From my eyes.
Solemnly, spilling into the sea.
And I felt the spirit of an old friend.
Leaning rigidly against me.
So I turned on heel and didn't speak a sound.
As I turned to leave the now known ghost town.

And I gave one last grim look back out at the sea.
As I write these tattered goodbyes,
To where my feet have rambled me,
And I let my tongue wrap around the ribbons of goodbye,
Escaping my parched lips.
And I shutter as I listen to the sound of my heart as it rips,
An angered storm of sea,
Flooding down my eyes.
Knowing this is where the memories of escapades in our days, lays down and dies.

I feel the faint.
Bleak pain, blanketing us,
Weak and weary.
And I know our story has a melancholy mood of dreary.
And this is where I end it.
And cast it all out to sea.
And I leave the tragic bays of what I once called Rosemary.

A mother's love is forever,
Though her baby's life may not be.
The heavy death weights
Sitting upright on her tight
Chest.
Making it harder to breathe.
Quietly, softly, he did not make a sound.
Though she searched frantically
In the heat of the night
Under pressure and cracking
Leaning over the caged bed and hearing
Silence.
No still beating heart was found.
The heaving sobs in the night.
The sweltering chest pains of the next day,
They would linger over her constantly,
If she insisted to visit that grave.

She had turned him into a life,
And now forever separated.
Her love as strong as rock,
Now crumbling and faded.
If her baby's eyes were green,
The world made them super jaded.
And now he wastes away.
A life that was prematurely complicated.

We could be runaways.
We could change us.
Spend our days
Availed in fake trust.
You could hold me closer
So I can feel your breath.
My body aching next to yours.
On your lips I taste fresh death.
Clog the drain you call your mind.
My sanity is so hard to find.
Its easier when you're held by
Someone you can stand by.
And even if I do die,
The burial plots have been bought.

There is no more rest.
There is no more time.
My mind is facing extinction.
And I jumped off of a cliff,
And swan dived into my own insanity.
When all I was trying to do,
Was get you to catch me.

For everyday, she cakes her face
With a coated mask.
She does it to hide the pain.
Otherwise, she feels attacked.

She feels that pressure everyday.
She has to laugh.
Even if the joke is mundane.

And everyday, she hides behind a fake, withering smile.
But by night, it turns into her twisted insides; vile

She's not herself.
But she is her.
Her personalities fuze
And merge.

She's done.
She's relieved.
She draws in her final breath.
As she drowns herself
In a liquid ruby red.

Her lips whispering softly.
Her pain waves coming deep.
Her wrists shouting violent blood.
Soaking through, and
Now seeped.

She let's go, as she feels the little girl she used to be die.
She slips away.
Unaware and induce.
And off of her tongue
Escapes a goodbye.

You're the sin of me,
A claustrophobic situation
And I can't breathe.
I'm an epidermal hot mess,
With a side of downers
To suppress.
A hypodermic allergy.
Charge me with my felony.
Caused by this anorexic magazine.
I'm starving.
Brothers; Our own flesh.
Nail me to this cross
And watch me burn.
They want us to be self reliant,
And give us controlling rule.
Impossible standards
In a
Hypocritical disease head.
They give us psychotheism
But take away our earth.
We're supposed to be coexisting,
So give us equality in worth.
I am my own
Anarchist Antichrist
Feed me
To
The broken system.

Vastly and taken, among us
We walk alone
As have we always
And shall we continue
Our minds aren't always
As silenced as we should be
We listen and evaluate,
As if its our job, to gain the knowledge of you
To figure you out.
To know our jobs of further corruption.
Against anyone and everyone
And we watch, as to gain power
To know what to do to make you ***** inhabitants of our mother earth live in fear and restlessness.
We are the control
You, our puppets
We decide if and when to free you from your strings
Only attached to crosses as
To represent religion
Falling far from it in your falling out with a god, after being cut
Only to figure out you knew nothing of what religion really stood for
Because after all? Who really knows?
But us.
We are complete control. Learn to obey and get into our rythm of speaking, so you lip it, they think its opinions.
We.the collectors.
Gathering stars
In an infinity of black charred sky.
We must add color to our canvas.
We, gathering your glass tears in our paper jars
Throwing them to the sky.
So you'll forever remember mourned loved ones until you become that as well.
And you think stars are some beautiful representation of life, we all burn out.
Some might be.
Tears of joy. Proposal on a sunny day. A new family. Warm and fuzzy memories for you to store.
But to collectors, stars are to remind you
That even in a black nothing land
There is still suffering.
The sun isn't getting closer
But only bigger and still enlarging rapidly
As there will always be pain
And suffering
Tragedy in great masses.
Broken hearts.
Stars are to show remembrance in bad times.
What else is there out in the cold of space?
You don't know.
Exactly.
You know nothing of what is to come.
Of what you are to become.

Father Time wanted the future.
Mother Earth begged him to stop.
Bleeding, hurting, dying inside,
And Father still turned the clock.

Mother Earth gave us compassion.
Father took it away.
He argued it was too old fashioned,
And that compassion was too mundane.

Father Time gave us sinful, skinful pleasure.
Mother Earth pleaded against so.
She knew it'd make her baby sick.
It'd make time fly out the window.

Mother gave us crystal waters.
Father dried all the lakes.
Father Time, some figure head father
We're to believe he doesn't make mistakes.

Father Time is our god.
So we should all believe in him.
Mother Earth will no longer nod.
She knows our god has sinned.

Mother Earth isn't stable.
Mother's choking last breaths,
Begging for another choice
Father knows she is unable,
He lets  women have no voice.

Cutting her down
For the last
Heartmolding
Time,
That awful man
Cruelly ended
Something so divine,
Mother Earth was mine.
And now?
I cannot find her.

Father spun her purely out of existence.
Father of it all,
Cackling still,
This ******* persistence
Of death
I hear my earth wilt.

Amalgamate your love to mine.
There's no more faith.
There's no more time.
Gorge our brethren,
Our sisters true.
There's no more hope
For saving you.
Demented? Maybe.
But love tastes so sweet.
Love is simply remorsed.
My love is antiquated.
My felonious crime
To steal your heart
Seems to be outdated.
The caricature of a heart so nice.
It tastes much better when ordered off ice.
I try not to beleaguer you.
Its not my intensions at all.
But sometimes,
Humans have this problem of over picking a scab until it falls off.
And darling,
If I pick at you,
The pain only hones.
Its worse to the pain that now
My pain is drone.
Used to the pain of a flesh eating heart.
'O Romeo, Tis only a start.
Of vast suffering
Of a flesh eating wound.
Save me, 'O blood stained Romeo,
Or meet your destined doom.
Dally if you must,
But please keep in mind.
The ****** of yours is the only I can find.
Your love being relief for my pain.
Darling.
Please let me hear you speak my name.

Always is a strong word.
To me, more than a forever.
It means "I am here for you
Through this infinite endeavor"
Your forever could end in seconds.
Always is a word unexplored.
Forever found a dead end.
Forever lies in a morgue.
Always never ends to me.
Its never thought of in time.
Always can part the sea.
Always you're on my mind.
Always get me with those eyes.
Always beautiful, bright and blue.
Always stopping me, dead in time.
Always I'll be loving you.

See the empty
In my eyes?
But mute out
My sound.
Hold me back
By my hands.
I'm held tight
And bound
In the ropes
Of your entangled ways.
Kick me to the ground.
See the empty
In my eyes?
****** fuzz
I downed.