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5.5k · Feb 2017
He takes care of me.
Grace Spellman Feb 2017
I found somebody who carries my soul gently.
He took the demons you left me with and cast them all out.;
He planted flowers where you left weeds.
Although I was nothing but a dimly lit star to you, he sees the opposite.
I am his sun, he is my moon.
And together we rule the galaxy.
He takes care of me like no one has ever before.

-Thank you for leaving, for if you hadn't I would never have found my diamond in the rough.
5.3k · Sep 2017
you were worth it.
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
i never did get to show you the poetry i wrote about you,
i never did get to kiss you as many times as i wanted,
and if i knew our last kiss was going to be our last
id go back and give you 100 more.

i found poetry within the knots of your hair,
and i found comfort within the warmth of your lips,
and if i wouldve known us doing this would have caused all this chaos
i would still do it all again
because youre worth it

-you were always worth it
written about a boy who broke my heart by the ocean.
3.2k · Jan 2018
dear anxiety,
3.0k · Apr 2017
his hand.
Grace Spellman Apr 2017
the rough texture on his fingers
from putting his soul into his art
his guitar, all black and shiny
a piece of art alone, extra special when he plays it
the warmth of his palm
i trace the lines that cover it
making an 'A' on the center
i clasp my hand, interlacing our fingers
rubbing my thumb against his
i kiss him
nothing makes me happier
than the simple feeling
of his hand
2.2k · Apr 2019
somberly distant
Grace Spellman Apr 2019
hey you
we haven't really talked
in a while
which is funny because
i've memorized every inch of your profile
the softness of your deep eyes
that you hate so much
that i sometimes hate too
lately i just feel so far away from you
pull and tug
tug and pull
why won't you just let me
make your heart full?

on and off as we are, you're the only one i'll ever want. stupid loyal for you bby.
1.6k · Dec 2017
why.
1.4k · Dec 2018
6 a.m.
Grace Spellman Dec 2018
i am by no means a morning person
but it was 6 a.m.
the sun wasnt even up yet
and you came rushing into my head
i couldnt help but smile uncontrollably
and im not one to rush things
but now i think the mornings might not be so bad
is this was true love feels like?
1.4k · Dec 2018
im not!
Grace Spellman Dec 2018
im not gonna fall in love
and i wont get addicted to your touch
f!ck all that
in the end it really doesn’t mean much
im not gonna be hypnotized with the way your eyes reflect in the sun
and im definitely not getting mesmerized by the bags under your eyes the morning after we stay up on the phone just a little too late
dont get me wrong, though
i cant get enough of those lips
and when you pull me in, one hand on my back and one on my hips...
oh baby
but im not gonna fall in love
not with you
not with anybody
not ever again.
boys are cool but oh, so temporary
Grace Spellman Oct 2018
i go to funerals
without shedding a single tear
i've looked the devil in the eyes
and i've been touched by demons
i've died inside so many times
and bled out more than i count
and you think
i care what you may think of me?
you're mistaken, dear.
1.0k · May 2019
starchild
Grace Spellman May 2019
i've always known
i am not from this earth
a small starseed reincarnate
embodying my sparkling ancestors
made of stardust
glitter pours out of me when i speak
the milky way lays itself out in front me
like a red carpet
begging me to cross it
it's quite lonely here
inside this human body
why doesn't anybody here
love like they did
in the stars?

take me back home.
902 · Sep 2017
him.
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
And as you looked into my eyes, confessing your apologies, you made my knees weak and tears rim my eyelids. There was a moment of silence, and in that moment my soul whispered "I miss you." And I think, maybe, ever so faintly, I heard yours whisper back "Me, too."

-g.r.s.
   5:53 pm
him.
and that was the end.
790 · Jul 2020
letters
Grace Spellman Jul 2020
i reread your letters today
the ones where you compliment my smile and promise you’ll never leave
some tears rolled down my cheek and smothered the ink
i can tell since you wrote em your heart’s started to shrink
I just wanna know what happened to the person that used to write those letters for me.
774 · May 2017
protest
Grace Spellman May 2017
breaking down the barricade
we march, flags high
this is our time
our rights

we fill the streets
hundreds upon hundreds
chanting, screaming
laughing, yelling

and still our flags reign
high above our heads
like the birds in the sky
screeching for thread

we are unstoppable
marks of color on our cheeks
our roar fills the streets
we are unstoppable.
this is about gay rights if you couldn't tell. hope you enjoyed.
770 · Jul 2018
pretty boy
Grace Spellman Jul 2018
because when i trace your skin
i can hear music
and when i look into your eyes
i see an ocean
now please tell me how
do i just let that go?
ill never understand why you got so cold.
Grace Spellman Feb 2019
¨so am i ugly?¨

¨some days most definitely.. others not at all, never in between- except for sometimes.¨

¨what am i right now?¨

¨a happy medium!¨

¨so when do i look my absolute best?¨

¨when you really really try.¨
and those words made me feel like the ugliest ******* the planet, and im so disappointed in myself to admit that.

//have you ever completely loved someone who cant even feel love? it hurts, let me tell you,
689 · Oct 2018
the way it is.
Grace Spellman Oct 2018
i guess
i’ll love you
the way the sun
loves the moon
and you
will love me
the way the grass
loves the trees
perfectly in synch
but just a little too different
to ever truly
be.
i think the love of your life and “the right one” are two different people
663 · Jul 2017
watching the waves crash
Grace Spellman Jul 2017
watching the waves crash
reminding me of the impact of your lips on mine
looking into the depth of the blue ocean
reminds me of your sparkling eyes
as the cool water brushes against my skin
im reminded of your kisses on my face
how you tugged at my hair
its all physical
so why do i feel
so mental
somethin about a boy i met by the ocean
646 · Feb 2017
homeless
Grace Spellman Feb 2017
i can no longer have you as my home because i will end up homeless time and time again.
you made me homeless.
646 · Jun 2018
i told u
Grace Spellman Jun 2018
i told you
to be happy
even if thats not with me
i told you
you deserve the best
even if thats not me
i told you
i love you more
and i guess i was right
//if she makes you that happy, go get her, darling.\\ ill never forget the poetry i wrote for you; ill never forget how your curls felt; ill never forget your lips on mine; ill never forget the color of your eyes. thanks for loving me while you could,, i know its draining. this is for you, e.❤️
Grace Spellman Oct 2017
i promised myself i wouldnt fall for anyone new
i wasnt supposed to love you,
no especially not you
but now i know you
now ive been with you
and i think its kinda obvious
loving you
is something i wanna do.

12:48 AM
the best thing to happen to me.
accidentally fell in love, purposely never planning to get up.
595 · Sep 2017
"How are you doing today?"
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
"How are you doing today?"
******* horrible, not like you give a ****.
"Great, and you?"
As if I actually give a ****
"I'm great as well, thanks for asking."
Are you lying like me? Are you secretly hurting too?
"Yeah, no problem."
I want to ******* die.
"Oh dear, you look so tired."
Probably the insomnia. Thanks for noticing.
"Yeah I haven't been going to bed on time recently."
I haven't been feeling too much recently, either.
"Aw, a routine is something you need to get into. Going to bed early will make you feel better the next day."
They said the same thing about anti-depressants, yet here we are.
"Yeah, you're right, I should probably get on top of that."
When will this conversation be over When will this conversation be over When will this conversation be over
"Well you have a nice day now!"
I won't, but thanks for the concern.
"You too! Lovely chatting with you!"
That just took every last ounce of energy I had left in my body. Oh god I'm so sick I'm so tired I need help I need help I wanna die please someone see through me and help me I need-
"Hey! How are you doing today?"
Inspired from a day when my mom picked me up from school because i was having a ****** day mental health wise , and she asked me if I was "excited to get a homecoming dress"and i said yes. Not because I actually was-because truthfully i wasnt feeling anything, I was beyond spacey and emotionless- but because I knew I shouldve been. The italics are a persons thoughts who is suffering from mental illness inbetween the sentences exchanged in a conversation.
590 · Aug 2018
to me you were everything
Grace Spellman Aug 2018
under-eyes of purple and a heart of blue;
that’s all i have to remember you.
love u endlessly.
576 · Dec 2018
x
Grace Spellman Dec 2018
x
ive been living on make out hill
ive been high on her touch instead of pills
she wont let me out of her hypnosis
anytime soon
oh how i love you
551 · Dec 2017
magic
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
you are a type of magic
that i've never seen before

and i want to learn all your tricks
i was writing my boyfriend his birthday card and one of the lines was "You're a type of magic I've never seen before." and it inspired this. Happy Birthday, e.
538 · Dec 2017
i want to know you
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
troubled soul
let me hear all of your secrets
the ones youve let pile up and up
pour them into me
i swear i’ll listen to every single one
i want to know what put those bags under your eyes
and why youre so scared of falling in love
tell me why your dad screamed at you everyday when you were little
and tell me how it felt when that one person broke your heart
explain to me why your brain feels scattered when you try a math problem
and tell me that the reason you like the piano so much is because each key holds a piece of your heart.
let me know it all
let me store it up for you
you deserve some weight lifted off those shoulders of yours
inspiration for this: how i wish someone felt about me.
527 · Oct 2018
madwoman
Grace Spellman Oct 2018
she is like wildfire
contagious -- burning
everything in her path
to ashes

she is crazy
she fears no consequence
of her actions

she knows -- she won't get caught

do not try to contain this one
she will break free
of any walls you build around her

do not try to understand her -- she does not need your understanding

instead
embrace her
tag along

or get burned in the flame she leaves you in
its me, and its you, and its us,, because we are all flammable under her touch.
519 · Sep 2017
im so wrapped up in you
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
time goes by so fast with you
one moment im wrapped in your arms, listening to your heart beat while playing with your beautiful blonde hair
then the next im home, alone, thinking about the next time i get to be with you
im so wrapped up in you.

*-you're the one i've been waiting for.
as i talked about a boy i love, my mother said "youre so wrapped up in him." And it inspired this.
519 · Feb 2018
Hole
Grace Spellman Feb 2018
There is a - hollowness - inside of me
A gap I can’t seem to fully locate
A hole - a cave -  somewhere inside of my chest
It sinks - it fills up
With an emotion I do not think exists
It feels like tidal waves, I feel it shaking inside of me
The first time I felt this hole
Was when the boy with messy brown hair and a heart even bigger than his smile
Lost the battle between him and his demons
And they swallowed him whole
The second time I felt this gap
Was when the kid with a loud laugh and cheesy dimples
Lost control of his mind
And now he floats in the sky
The third - and last - time I felt this hole
Was when I heard the screams - of children
Who knew they were about to die
Their shrieks and sobs
Radiated miles and miles from their tiny district
Into my heart, into my lungs, and made their way into the hole in my chest.
And now I’m just curious
What horrible thing is going to happen
That will make this feeling
Happen yet again?
we need more love.
518 · Apr 2018
scattered.
Grace Spellman Apr 2018
i believe i get left wherever i go
little bits and pieces of me
are scattered all over the world
a segment of my heart in the ocean
became one with the water and with the sand
so now whenever the big blue body engulfs me
i feel found again
some pieces of me floated away in the breeze
of my favorite forest
so now when i am barefoot in the dirt
sprawled on the grass
i feel connected to myself again
nature is a place you can always go
its okay if your soul whispers into the gravel
because you can always retrace your steps
and be found there again
but what about places you cannot return to?
places that are not places
but people
lost lovers, lost trust
how am i supposed to find myself again
when you've buried my most crucial piece
within yourself?
could you give it back, please?
497 · Dec 2017
The Ocean
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
Nobody understands, really
Why I obsess over the big blue body
Why I ache each and every day/month/year I am away from it
The waves crash onto the shore, much like the thoughts in my mind
She ***** people in and they enjoy her, but cannot seem to handle her bad weather
You see,
When the waves engulf me
I am purified
When I get thrown around, and salt enters my throat and my eyes and I can barely breathe
I am momentarily freed
And I enter a different universe
I guess
I find comfort knowing
The ocean
Is much like me
I will always believe nature has healing powers,, especially the ocean. She’s alive in more ways than one.
488 · Dec 2017
a break up.
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
i knew i had to leave him
not because i didnt care, because God knows I did.
but because he didnt inspire me
no words of love came to me when i looked at him
i did not think it was adorable how his nose was crooked
i did not think the way his hair flopped over was imperfectly perfect
i did not think that even in his saddest, angriest, or generally unhappy states that he was still somehow wonderful in a jaw-dropping, ‘god youre still so perfect even like this’ way.
i write poetry, thats what i do
and all i could write about him was how supportive and comforting he was.
it became one sided
being near him was draining;being with him was a chore.
i was becoming the type of person
that he would be writing the sad words about
i was giving him the distance
he could feel in his heart
even when we were together.
and i couldnt continue on like that
i couldnt let myself become a monster to him
one of the monsters even i write about at night.
His whole family might hate me for breaking his heart,, but i did it for myself.
468 · Jan 2018
a funeral.
Grace Spellman Jan 2018
pulling up to the lot, walking up to the doors
every instinct in me is yelling, screaming for me not to go inside
right in the front of the room, is a picture of you
the person we all knew: a jokester, an easy going, happy person
or so we thought
your friends are all crying, you can see the heartbreak on their faces
and i dont really like crying in public, so i try to hold back
but the tears wont keep themselves contained; they demand to be let out
i meet your mom for the first time, and wow does she look just like you
i smile for her, try to suppress the true emotions im feeling for her
cause god knows how she must be feeling right now
i see you inside the casket, and my stomach drops as i remember the first time we talked, the last time we talked, and everything in between
i wonder if i missed a signal or a sign that couldve clued me in to how you were truly feeling inside
and before i know it, it's my turn to say goodbye for the last time
but i cant stay there long; i cant look at you too deeply because truthfully i dont see you. i see an empty shell, a clone, a fake of what is supposed to be you but simply isnt you.
we hug everyone goodbye
we tell each other to be safe and that we'll be in touch soon
and then we leave
and that is all.
suicide doesnt end the pain, simply spreads it. never be scared to reach out for help. someone loves you. rest in peace jd, we miss you.
464 · Feb 2017
small star
Grace Spellman Feb 2017
Your love is my disease
So sick, got me falling to my knees
I'm begging you
please don't leave
But you can't hear me
Too busy falling like a meteor
Creating all these internal craters
Before you
I was the sun
I used to shine so bright
You cut me down
And now I'm just a small star
In your universe
Which is so infinite
a small star to you
452 · Oct 2018
addicted
Grace Spellman Oct 2018
i got addicted to you
so easily

the withdrawal
almost killed me
is there a rehab for broken hearts
448 · Jan 2018
selfish.
Grace Spellman Jan 2018
and i guess i am selfish. because i really, really want you to be happy, always. i wanna see that smile that made me fall so hard for you. but i dont wanna see you happy if its with another person. i dont want you happy holding someone elses hand. i dont want you happy celebrating an anniversary with someone else. and i definitely, definitely dont want you to be happy, in love with someone else. because i want to be enough for you, i want you to feel your most excitement and wholeness and inner peace with me. i want you to be in love with me. i cant just be all poetic and beautifully tragic about it. i cant just think "i want you to be happy, even if thats not with me," because its not true. i want you to be happy, and i want to be the person that makes you happy. its as simple and frustrating as that.
love is confusing.
Grace Spellman Jan 2018
please put the blade down, put the alcohol down, put the pills back in the bottle, put the rope back in the garage, put the belt back on the rack, put the gun back in the safe, and throw that note away. instead, pick up the phone and call someone you love, pick up the pen and paper and write how you feel, call 1-800-273-8255, cry it out, punch a pillow, go hug your parents. because let me tell you, as tempting as it is, death is not the answer. you may think you're doing everyone a favor; you may think everyone is better off, but honey that's just not true. your friends will search for you in everyone new they meet, they will search for a laugh that sounds like yours or a joke that sounds like one you would tell or a personality that even slightly resembles yours, in hopes to catch a glimpse of you. they will think of you during the day and will dream of you at night. they will think of every single thing you have ever said to them and wonder what they missed, what they could have done better and why things are as ****** up as they are. your mom will be completely broken. every piece of her heart will be scattered along, all over the place. your dad will shut down emotionally, wondering what more he could've taught you and wondering if he was really that bad of a father. please understand you will break more hearts than you think youd be saving. losing you will put clouds over peoples heads and bitterness and grief in their hearts. please, do not do it. do not take away the most precious thing you own. your life. please. you are worth so much more. someone out there loves you.
someone loves you. if you feel you cant talk to anybody PLEASE pm me on here. please please please please please.
rest in peace jd.
425 · Oct 2017
all i ever need
Grace Spellman Oct 2017
i wanna put a thousand kisses on your neck
and then listen to your heartbeat through your chest
i wanna look into your bright eyes
and be looking into those same eyes for life
i wanna write you a million love notes
and then write you a million more
i wanna stay up late at night
and go look at the stars
then go home and fall asleep
cuddled up in your arms
i wanna let you know
youre all i ever need

and i always hoped thats the way it'd be.
he loves me back, guys.
Grace Spellman Jun 2018
lost in the music
lost in the sky
lost in the ocean
that lives in your eyes
//for my lovely e. although we’ve fallen apart- your name is still tattooed on my heart, my one love.\\
416 · Jul 2018
cuddles
Grace Spellman Jul 2018
in my arms
lies someone new
but in my heart
i wish it was you.
i miss you.
404 · Dec 2017
all for you.
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
keep focusing on the bad between us
because our good is never good enough
keep focusing on the past with her
because your present with me isn’t enough
keep ignoring me for them
because my words will never be provoking enough
keep telling your pen and paper im not worth your time
because ill still sit here breaking my heart in two
all for you.
what happens when broken boy meets broken girl
397 · Feb 2019
your touch is so sweet
Grace Spellman Feb 2019
i think somethings wrong with me
i cant stop thinking of how good your body looks on top of me
do you wanna get on top of me
slip off my shirt - slip off my insecurities
bring down my jeans - bring down my anxieties
your locks are so soft on my face
but your lips softer on my neck
everytime we argue
my soul tantrums with a “please, not yet.”
so come on over baby
and get on top of me again
so our souls may whisper back and forth
until we reach our end
i guess its just more than you being on top of me
i guess i like your soul being so close to mine
Grace Spellman Apr 2019
time heals all wounds
writing a little poetry does too
because of you

i keep my secrets hidden away
between my pen and paper
shall my thoughts stay

at my funeral
when they look through my brain
and they find your name on the bullet

which my blood now stains
i hope they go through my poems
to know
the trigger - you pulled it.
363 · Feb 2018
go
Grace Spellman Feb 2018
go
something just feels
off
and wrong
something isn't sitting right inside me
it's telling me to get up - go go go go go
go do that one thing
but im not sure where it wants me to go
or what one thing it wants me to do.
it's a feeling of urgency
without a proper cause
what is wrong with me?
anxiety
360 · Dec 2017
I said after I kissed him
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
”Quit being so far away.”
i will never go away no matter how far you push me.
337 · Dec 2017
nothing.
Grace Spellman Dec 2017
nothing felt better
nothing was quite worth the wait
nothing freed me
nothing helped me see in true color
nothing made me happy
nothing ever made me fall to my knees
thanking God

except getting over you.
*******.
329 · Sep 2017
over.dose.
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
you loved me with every bit of your ******* heart, and i guess i overdosed.
written about a childhood love.
306 · Apr 2019
today
Grace Spellman Apr 2019
today i saw you smile
and it was like i was meeting you for the first time all over again
today i saw you look at me
and i swear for a split second, the earth stood still on its axis
today i saw you living
and i was so grateful that someone amazing as you actually exists
today i held your hand
and no matter what may happen to us
today, at least for today, you were mine.
i never thought id write another love poem again but 10 months later and here i am.. not heartbreak, not longing, not desperation... no, just a pure love poem. Enjoy, it has been awhile.
update: Happy 6 months, M. <3
305 · Sep 2017
i want to travel the world
Grace Spellman Sep 2017
Ever since I was little, I've said I want to travel the whole world. But now I've met you, and I no longer feel the need to see the whole world. For your eyes go deeper than any ocean, and your tongue tastes better than anything else the world has to offer; You yourself are a bunch of different little adventures.
Actually, I guess I do wanna see the whole world- my whole world.
And that is you.
i wrote this for a boy i love while he was having a suicidal episode one night.
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