Solo - Clean Bandit

This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I never meant to leave you hurtin'
I never meant to do the worst thing
Not to you (this solo, solo, everybody)
'Cause every time I read your message
I wish I wasn't one of your exes
Now I'm the fool (this solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
Every single night I lose it
I can't even hear the music without you (it solo, solo, everybody)
Ah, yeah, yeah
Try to stop myself from calling
But I really wanna know if you're with someone new (it solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So do it solo
Can't do it solo
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own (here on my own)
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
So I do it solo

I don't understand what's going on in my own mind anymore

I am internally screaming.
But I keep my mouth shut,
And my scars hidden.

It hurts to imagine you beside me,
Because I know it'll just never be.
But everywhere I look I find you.
Never with me, but it's all I see.

You left fingerprints
In my heart.

Why can't i just sleep without dreams
And not dream about you for a night
I don't want to die
Nor do we want to live
Live for those scarse seconds
Of absolute happiness
But I feel nothing
And When This feels
I feel you
And i'm still not supposed to

WAVING THOUGH A WINDOWWWW

The person reading this is beautiful.

Six feet under,
Down the drain.
Lie my feelings,
Is my luck.
Six feet under,
Under this dirt.
Is my hapiness,
Is my love.
Six feet under,
Or hidden anywhere.
Depression is here,
Right inside me.
Six feet under,
Where we live.
I try to
Cover this sadness.
Six feet under.
I try to hide,
Alcohol, Drugs, Cigarettes.
I'm slowly suffocating.

I'M GETTING A BINDER

.       Quiet
                      -s           Quiet

Quiet ~

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 5, Books
Books, Sounds a little like the first one, poetry. but they are different. Because poems show you two sides of the story a book shows you your own. Ever walked into a book store and wished you won the lottery so you could buy them all? Walking home from the libary with a bag full of books. The old smell of paper. Did you ever got taken into a book so far people had to scream before you realised you should stop reading? Do you still remember that first time a book made you cry? Ever found back stories you wrote when you were six years old? Remember that feeling.

Everything hits different at night

It's scaring me,
What humans can do.
To others, but mostly ourselves.
Cut,
Drink,
Take some pills.
Talk yourself into depression,
And out.
Humans scare me,
Am I one?
Or am I the monster on the opposite side of the mirror?

Dear {Deadname},
It's been a while, I'm sorry. I don't know if you want me to write to you, or if you want me to just talk. Maybe you don't even want that, I don't know. Maybe you just want me to show you how much I love you physically. (I don't mind any of that.) It's okay. Take your time to figure it out. Love's a weird thing. So is writing to you. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it's different now you're mine. The world changed, in a good way, but even good changes are different. I know that I want to love you. I just don't quite now how to love you yet, but I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Maybe it's kissing you every day, maybe it's writing a letter every night. Maybe it's both, or none at all. Love is not 'a thing.' It's different every single time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. You have needs, things you want. So do I. I don't think I know you that well, and that's alright. (I hope...) I wanna get to know you. In every way. I don't know how. I don't know what the meaning of this letter is, but maybe that's the meaning.
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me

I never knew such things existed.
"Love at first sight."
And I'm still not completely convinced.
You're all I've been thinking about the last few days though.
I'm so ******* confused.
Don't even know what I'm feeling.
People would call it 'Love at first sight'
It has all the symptoms though.
Or whatever you want to call it.
But again, I'm still not entirely sure.
I don't feel anything at the moment itself.
But when we both turn around,
And walk in the opposite direction.
I can scream from hapiness.
Because it's not love.
But what is it?

Blank yellow pages
Empty writing lines
Yet filled with thoughts
A poet at it's finest
A flower, Harnessed by the wind
Inspirational nothing
Words don't rhyme
Everything goes on, except time
My feelings, never fully good
And you'll never see through the eye of a true poet

I Wonder
Is There Enough space
To Hold Us
To Stop Us
To Encourage Us
I Wonder
Is There Enough space
To Keep Us
To Help Us
To Make Us
Is There Enough space
I Wonder

I'm losing my mind,
But you're here to catch it.

bad idea! - girl in red

It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea 'cause now I'm even more lost
It was a bad idea to think you were the one
Was such a bad idea 'cause now everything's wrong
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
"Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough
It was a bad idea meeting you so late
Was such a bad idea 'cause I can't think straight
It was a bad idea to bring you back home
Was such a bad idea, I need to be alone
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
"Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough
Bad idea, bad idea
Bad idea, bad idea
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
You said "Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough

DEH but "Anybody have a map" is called "Distressed moms and connor finished the milk"

Dear {Deadname,}
Hi, it's me again. I just... I needed to write. I feel like I'm losing you, if I ever had you. You feel like a stranger to me, like somebody I used to know. It's like you're here, but you've dissapeared. Maybe that's because I am, in fact, losing you. Maybe that's because you're losing yourself in this place. Or, we're not losing anything. I don't know, And I want to figure it out but I don't know how to do that. I want to get to know you. I thought I did, but recently the world's been changing a lot, you know? We're all a little lost, and I know I need you here. You're mine, I know that, that's more than I could ever ask for already, but still.. It just doesn't feel right, and I wanna make it right. I don't know how, but maybe you can help me out. I'm sorry. I really am. For not knowing how to love you, or for not knowing how to help you. I wanna be there for you, but I feel like I'm failing. As a person, a brother, a boyfriend, a son. I'm falling, but maybe you can help me up?
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me

I believe that these poems changed me,
That they changed the way I view the world.
I believe they changed the way I think of things,
And the way my feelings wirl.

My soul craves you
A deep aching in my chest
For my life in your eyes
My heart in your hands

                                                          ­           I have lived a thousand lives
                                                           ­    In none of which I've found you
                                                          My body vibrates with recognition
                                                     ­    Oh, how I wish you'd know me too


                 Lord, let us be ten minutes
                 Or let it be a lifetime
                 Just take my hand, and drink the wine
                 I shall pray to be in your prime

{ "Here, take this test I made for you." }

"Okay?"

{ "Step/Question one: How do you really feel?" }

"I guess I feel... numb? I'm not supposed to, there's no reason, but I feel so, so empty. I mean, I can write about a lot of obvious things I feel. You know, everything you see in my poetry. And people think: Oh, this is just a little part, She must be so sad. But in reality, everything I write, is everything I feel. If you take away [name] and all my feelings for [pronouns] I feel nothing. I'm just dark inside. Dark, empty and numb.

Ur cute

I got my first masculine haircut today
:) :) :)

[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I trust you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I really do
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I love you (platonically)
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I really, really do want to help you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: So let me in

[15:44, 6/5/2019] Me: Sorry I'm crying just a little

[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I don't care how dark it is in your mind, how desperate you are or how much you want to scream or cry
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I will hold you and help you, help you get back to lighter places. And until then, you can scream and cry but with me on your side
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I promise
[15:44, 6/5/2019] (response to 'sorry, I'm crying just a little') You: Hey it's okay, I'm here

[15:45, 6/5/2019] Me: Why are you saying this?

[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because I mean it
[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because you deserve so so many good things
[15:46, 6/5/2019] You: Because I want to help you

[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: It's just
[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm so tired of saying that I'm fine but as soon as I say that I'm not people shut me out
[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm not used to anything else

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: I understand, I've been there

[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: Really?

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: But you can always say the truth to me, always
[15:48, 6/5/2019] (Response to 'Really?') You: Yes really
[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: And god, how I wish I could me honest to someone, anyone
[15:49, 6/5/2019] You: But I'm here, and I don't care how bad you feel just be honest

Dear G,
Maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't. It's up to you, really. I don't wanna say I miss you, because it feels wrong to admit that I, in fact, do miss you. I'm not supposed to miss you, I'm supposed to be happier now. But I do miss you. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world, and every day I feel a little worse about letting you go. You're probably already over me, you're a strong person. Although, I still have no idea how you're doing. I know you're still talking to my best friend, but I have no idea how are are or what's going on in your life right now. I kind of wanted to stay in touch with you, but I didn't know how and you didn't seem that interested. I think I understand. I broke your heart, probably. I never meant to, but I just don't know how love works. I think I do understand why it hurts after almost 11 months of dating. I don't regret a single day though. I think I was already gone in my mind, months before. I thought I would feel better with this decision, but I feel lonely, so lonely. I'm not lonely, but it feels like it's growing every day. You don't have to take me back. God, I don't think I'd even wanna see myself again if I did that. I wouldn't take me back. But still, I want you back. I miss the way that the weekend sparkeled a bit because you were there. I miss the way you'd laugh, I miss the way you kissed me and I miss how you taste. Oh, I'd love to taste that again. Well, this is how it is now. I don't even remember your face. But maybe, if you changed your mind, we could be again. Only as friends, if that's what you want. Or you never speak to me again. No matter if it pains me, I just want you to be happy.
Sincerely, yours. Lillie.

What I think and feel in my head is very clear.
It's the truth.
But when I say it, it always comes twisted out of my mouth.
It always comes out als lies.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 12, You.
I'm looking for ideas, can't be inspired by the world around me. My head is full of unwritten, unspeakable poetry only when I see you. My muse, almost. And I try to feel- and feel- and feel. But the scenery changes. You left. Take the blame for other's actions, and your own. And every time you leave my mind, somehow always inspire me. Wether it's your tears from reading my suicide note, or your laugh from, well, anything. And the "you" is so many people, so many ideas. Past, Present, Future. "You" is a broad understanding. It's 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or even more people. All the same, Yet so different. After such a short time, everyone leaves, and returns to my mind again. In so many different ways. The slightest is necessary. A tap on the back, and a wink. A smile, or a few tears. A hug, or guilt. My own depression. It's true what you said a few minutes ago. All my poems are tagged with depression. I'm just too sad for you, I thought. But i said; because uhh well I wrote those things a long time ago. I hear a lot; "I'm worried about you" aswell. I asked if it was a good or a bad sign that i did, and you said: A BAD SIGN OF COURSE! I laughed. Because maybe this isn't understandable, but enjoyable. Maybe the feeling, and the realisation people cared was the reason. Because it almost makes me feel happy seeing people cry. I'm a psychopath. And sometimes I see myself. And I Can't explain in words how much I hate myself for doing this to you, but mostly, for not being sorry. Don't be like me.

In a pitch-black world
Anything goes
No telling where the wind will blow
In a pitch-black world
Anything goed
In the dead of night
Strange things happen in the dead of night
When the lights go out
All around
And the whispers fill the air
In the dead of night
Better hold on tight

Words fail

Tja, ik probeer wel nederlands te schrijven,
God weet dat ik het niet kan.
Ik ga niet nog een ******* boek lezen,
Dus we maken er het beste van.

Eerst moet je bedenken wat je überhaupt gaat schrijven.
Geen idee, niet dat ik ooit goeie ideeën heb.
Dus dan gaan we maar weer rijmen,
Alsof het van een rijmwebsite komt, het is haast "nep"

Als je dan eindelijk inspiratie hebt,
*** ga je het dan verwoorden?
Nederlands is gewoon een kuttaal.
Rens, ik ga je op een dag echt nog vermoorden (misschien)

En nu is het klaar met die kutrijmpjes,
Het werkt alleen maar in het Engels.
Ik wilde een rijmwoord bedenken,
Het eerste dat in me opkwam was "soepstengels"

Help lol

MISTER JACKSON
OWOWOWOWOWOWO

If you ever look for poetry,
In this weird place.
Just look under my alarm clock.