A black knight rides, up my spine. Sticks his blade in my mind, then I'm told the fault is mine. That despair should take me heart and soul, and darkness may swallow me whole. Lose the arrow and take me where only hope fills the air.

Ink stains, and wire frames. Shadows dance in my brain. Cotten cashes in my teeth, the demon breath still stinks within.
A single drop for every sin. In the bile reflecting pool, made up of a broken mans drool. Is what is left of what I was before I took the demon buzz.

So sick of fighting the personal war. Like swimming never to see the shore. No I'm not *******, because I'm not four. I'm venting because my best friend is the door.
the one that's slammed in my face, every friend from every place. I don't exist there is no trace. Like no one loved me in the first place.
every connection I've ever had has always ended so ******* bad.
If this is my war god I understand. If not please lend a hand.
Maybe a love or just a friend someone to be there at the end. To say: "I knew this boy, he was ok."
If I die before I wake, I'd rather not be gods mistake.

The math adds up I can't deny. I find most men weren't made to fly. Solid bones pull me down, wingless I still touch the ground. I yearn for something higher.
standing wordless yet repeating my desires. I feel the smoke on my soul, my heart like a coal. My minds a machine, churning out dreams. Unreachable, unreachable, without means I lie still. And hope to find a way to reconstruct my will. So I can float in a apparatus surviving but not striving like every other human being.

My hearts black, my hearts blue. Sunrise against a falling sky. Inverted symmetry in my eyes. Inside out, falling again.
miles and miles of endless shore,
In my heart this is the end. Close my eyes and call me " friend"

I'm all bottled up with no where to go. So much to say and no way to say it. I'm so lost at sea, open me up and read me please. Like a telephone on hold forever, a elevator stuck at one level; let me escape this agony. Let me be set free.
let me sing my song, scream all day long, feel a breath in my lungs, exhale the smoke, from yesterday.
Let me find a way to say I'm not okay.

I've seen breath leave a body for the last time.
A miracle of a pill closing doors, never to be opened again.
A noose around my faith.
Russian roulette with my soul. With my name.
You think you understand, please don't let this be gods plan.
Not another wandering soul, not another soulless toll.
Not the price we paid not the crimes we made.
Not the guilt of joy. No survivors here.
Let me breath through my fear.

Nothing lights the darkness now, no way to breath no way no how. As I feel the weight crushing me down, I get used to the sound of the silence all around. I go to where you are now weather in darkness or light I follow you now. Breath easy my love we are all death bound.

I see bullets in the water. Gently floating down, out of sight, not a sound. I see bullets in the water, they float slowly to the ground. Water fills my lungs and slowly I drown.
Children all around come crying at my wake. A single bullet is all my life could take. Dont feel sad when I'm gone, don't even sing along. All ths bullet did for me, was set me free.
yes the bullets in the water.
And you just watched me drown.
Yes there were bullets in the water. But no gun was found.

I commuted to school so when I say bus boy I really mean: fool.
the ride was over an hour away but I always tried to find a reason to stay. Then I met a girl with blackish brown hair. Her eyes gave off a ghostly stare. She saw me and all of my flaws.
I intently fell for all of hers too. I hate myself for letting her go. She sits on my friends page. She still doesn't know. I lost one love before. How could I be so stupid to let her out the door.
I miss her every day. I scream at the past to go away.
don't haunt me with that beautiful girl she was always to good for a guy like me. I know that I'm ******* but please understand. I am a ***** when love is in hand.

Colors paint across the rain, pavement melts into a black-gray stain, the sun goes cold and sky goes dim. The music is the roaring wind, smiles split across the sky lightning laughter, passes by. A tapestry of the untamed, a symphony of wild days, operatic shifting shades. days pass by but it never ends the artistry of gods plan.

Crucifix is my name. Sounds odd even in my brain.
see when I was a boy, my dad was a fed every night I was scared he'd come home dead.
I spent my days creating heroic plays. Bat man and robin. Daredevil too. They were the playmates, I wanted to be. That is the real tragedy you see.
Born in this world away from the rest, my true character is beneath my chest. I named him crucifix you see. A dark crusader, and the Christian in me.
He's what I still wish I could be. If I could publish a book one day.
It should be his. And in some way star me.
I could be the hero I wish I could be.
yes I know that's not very humble of me. But there seams to be a human urge, to stand away from the rest. To be the star of the show.
Makes me wonder why we shun thoughts with celebrity glow.
Crucifix is me. He will always be.
This is just a little you need to know. Because that's where my name comes from on this page.

“Errant knight, and samurai, man of god left to die, by sword and sorcery we fix his body to this crucifix. By storm of blade and blade of bone. He will stand a man regrow. When the hour draws late, he will shatter swords of fate and bring dark heavens crashing down. In his wake I pray the lord your souls he takes. To burn your evil with the might of excalibur so bright. The crucifix will rise again and usher in evils end.”

Kiss me cyberlight andromeda. Twist salt and sea to fluorescent foam.
Her gaze can rubble rocks, sand sandstone, and grind granite.
Lamplit soul where did you go?
Cold clandestine callous kindness broke my beatdown bladed bleeding beating broken heart.
Like the hot hollowness of furnace fire you lift white iron from my head. Steel the sterling silver sword song of sorrowful saints singing soft sonnets into sunless summers. such a silly sin we now suffer for.  
Forlorn lore long lost, like lighting lingering little and limp lashed against the locked lonely light of tinder embers and the soft glow of days end.
Tomorrow torrents torment of tidlewaves, tornados, tempest. Thoughts of thorny thickets thrash thunderously turning tides of mind to thicker thoughts of trepidation.
We sail on.

How do we sin what's the code its written in?
How to decode and how to judge? Does god only speak through you, my love?
I only wonder who will read me my rights one day? Why do I answer to you today?
If the final daylight is finally here. Don't break my faith.
It isn't you I fear.
Bullets bounce inside my skull. The echoing takes its toll. The voices so filled with Dred. You don't choses the life I've lead.
Only god can judge the dead.

I am the devil hear me cry. I am the devil you wish me to die?
I am the devil I cannot lie.
I don't get goodbyes, no one misses me, no tears in their eyes.
I don't get to wonder why. Cause I'm the devil the prince of lies.
In shadows I make my home, my tomb is a bed of iron and stone. Watch me rise to my throne. I am more then blood. More then bone.
I am the devil, hell is my home. I live where demons roam, I make my bed with fire and ice. One or the other either will suffice.
And you can feel all my rage, flames that consume every age. I am the devil I make it so. The world will watch me grow. Like a flower in winter I only sleep now, I dream of days when the sun would shine. You with yours and me with mine.

She asked me what I like to read. Caught a smile when I told her what. She asked me what I like to write. Caught a smile when I told her. She asked me what I listen to and smiled and said the same. Pity I didn't catch her name.

Critics are our best friends, they show us out flaws.
But all as its true "self critical" a nation cannot due.
No one truly sees mistakes we made.
how many innocents fear our blade.
We all pretend we have the right just look at our nations fights.
How many of my ancestors did you **** that day?
When "little boy" came out to play.
"We were saving lives."
The only price you had to pay: a million children and still this day.
And when Germany fell the day before. We packed our bags and walked away.
the Russians ***** them all that day.
We were not responsible. We were drinking ice tea and O.J.
don't pretend we were in the right. There are no morals in a fight.
Responsibility and honor. Was never practiced by the forefathers.
call me the anti Christ. Anti American is that nice?
I'm not I swear its true. So next time you ask me how I feel just know it was you who greased the wheel.
I can only tell you how I feel.

Am I wrong for beliving,  for giving a ****?Racking my brain, throwing a fit? For finding meaning in it all, wanting to live life standing tall? With the whole world burning down? I need some light or I will drown.

The colors pop against the page. Thunderous frightening monsters lash, men in tights begins to clash, a thousand cities come crashing down. A thousand worlds end without a sound, bound by a comment goal to portray heroes and villains of old. To make them timeless, to tell our tale, of a simpler time of villains dark and heroes light.

If I'm fire your the sun. I'm the tides your the moonlight eyes reflecting on the shore.
If I'm stone your diamond clear as can be.
if I'm the wind and your a cloud away lets make it a rainy day.
our hurricane ruptures sound and splits the atoms of the ground.
Steel bends and nearly breaks, heavens above begin to quake. And still my body shakes.
all our love comes pouring down drowning logic where none was found. Its taken shape and is roaming free, its the beast inside of me, a hellish hound colliding into the roaring name, my love sings your name.

"Keep your rage in check.
your life's a ******* wreck .
all you do is ***** all day."
I don't hear a word you say. I have a temper yes its true. I try my best to keep it down it never shows when others are around. I take it mostly on myself. Then I paint the walls with my scars.
Still I could never be you. Hitting girls where the bruise won't show. Your no uncle of mine. Not by blood not by choice.
Drinking beers to hide my fears. The only thing to fear is me.
You can **** on me all you want.
spit and **** and call me names.
But touch my brother or sister still. Ill bring your world down in flames.
They are all I have, there is nothing left. No friends, no fears, no hope, no rest.
There is no ledge, no line in sight.
No moral code, no fair play, no even fight, or honor here.
Only the horror all should fear.

Clouded eyes lie broken down. Bloodied broken is the crown, the princess hanged, the prince to blame. Even is the grass untamed. Still he stands alone, against the odds just flesh and bone. "Such hell is this?" He comprehendes, "what evil seeks such ends?" Then he stares into the abyss and sword in hand he charges forth, to tame the grass and reforge the crown. And to keep the sky from crashing down.

I look but never see, stuck in reflections of me. Shadows in the looking glass. Past pasts by so fast. Time retreats to a recluse refuses service to my muse.
How stuck I am in memory, like thunder striking at the sea.
I falter now but when I fall, I hope time will not stall.

We try our best.
god willing he will understand the rest.

The streets have begun to settle, the lights are getting dim. The clouds roll in like shadows, the songs have turned to sin.
Where were the heroes on high? Where were the stories they told? The sun has sank into the graves with the heroes of old.

I can see god playing games. Half the world in the rain. War, disease, famine; please don't let me name these pains.
And yet I see you standing there and the rain begins to leave the air. If god can make such beauty too.
So much evil can't be true.

A million miles of light between earth and sky.
a million miles of stars before the sun goes by.
A million feet between a line in the sand.
and I'm still not sure where I stand.
A million feet trample the ground. A million muskets like trumpets sound.
this is the moment to stand your ground.
Where a million lives are lost only one martyr is found.
and another star still shines in the sky. A star that stood for good men willing to die.

The moon shines cold in the dark hollow, unyielding against the starless abyss. Below iron and neon bellow forth from the rain soaked, pavement.
Silent citizens march quickly through the night, fearfully of the long alleyways that weave their way throughout the shadows.
Fearfull of what the dark might hold.

Screams, laughter. A flash of iron and fire not to far in the distance, death follows the sound as a close friend. Grown men panic scurrying into shadows. A roar of a would be master of men echos into the darkness.

And it echoes on forever. Until the darkness shudders, something twists from liquid to smoke. It whispers warnings in dark tones, fit and full of ill intent. The cold takes hold of the spine, and a shadow descends, black and threatening, blood and bone snap beneath its weight, and death itself retreats in fear of its mighty wings.
It is the guardian of such a place. A immortal soul chained to a mortal coil.
A everlasting spirit of vengeance and the night. Cloaked in the shadow of the bat.

All my life is leavening, is this love or am I still dreaming.
I'm a thousand miles up don't drop me now.
my heart was made of brass, one look at you and now its made of glass.
I feel the world crumble to all but sand, only with you will I stand.
I'm a thousand miles up don't drop me now. A thousand miles up please don't let me down.
if I'm to go let me make a sound. Give me the chance to hold my ground.
don't wake me up. Don't hold me up. Dont want to float way up, only to fall and die.
gravity don't set me free.
don't let my heart shatter into eternity.
Don't let me down. Don't let me down. Don't let me down. Down. Down.
Down.

Sometimes I pretend I can still talk to you. That the voice in my head was sent from on high. That the one I loved never did die. That the dreams of tomorrow, I still somehow dream.. that this endless depression isn't endlessly obscene.
That the pain on my heart  could finally scab.
I sometimes regret all the happiness had. For happiness lost, is like hell for the mad.

We fell like fire, a streaking ball of thunder, and in our slumber we found each other. Twin wicks on a single candlestick burning bright, fighting back the night. How long we will last before we burn our last? How long will we echo through the ground with every loving lasting sound?
A beat, a pound, heartbeats lost and once more found.

Passing by you caught my eye, and the moment stayed a second more I herd your name witch I adore, adrift in dreams you visit me. A single fish in a stormy sea, I pray you hear my unconscious plea. Keep me from drowning in animosity, be not a atrocity.
Just say hello

Her hair could catch fire to the wind.
Her emerald eyes gave her name away, made the earth stand still every day.
Her body was the sun, she said I was "the one" now I wish to god I wasn't because all that's good is gone.
she didn't leave me without trace of sin, my tears carry on the wind. She left a fire in my soul. Even if she's dead and gone she
didn't leave an empty hole. I can now stand atop the moral totem pole, and god can play his games. But I will only answer when she calls my name.

There is a hole in my head. One of silence and of dread. A madness pulling me apart,
Oh look another hole in my heart.
Fight fight fight for your life. Show her that you are still alive. That something is beating in your chest. Your brain is gone let the madness in. Let love be the one to win.
Don't be a zombie so deprived, show her the reason your still alive. A part of the world she could not see. Let her be the reason, and wait and see.

I want to create a home for me, a no mans land where we can be.
A place unhaunted by tragedies past. A place where the good fight, is the only that lasts. Where love trumps evil. And there is nothing to beware.
Where children don't go missing at bus stops. And cops don't come to late.
A place where we don't fear what our neighbors might hide.
A place where justice doesn't break stride.
Where evil has no where to run and no where to hide.

I do not write words of passion or sorrow, I write them for thoughts who won't see tomorrow. For she was my angel who fell from grace, ice to my fire she left not a trace. I am Able, Electra, shadow and fire. I come for thoughts who evil inspires. The fire in my belly is quite literal. my friends are the 4, there are worse things then death, and worse things than war. 7 sins and 9 ways to hell. I will be there as well. I will becon you here as a angel on fire, I will carve a path in your blood to my little hell.  And we will rest here forever. Now isn't that swell.

I lied about the person I am inside. I've done what you asked I've swallowed my pride.
I've done everything I can to hide.
But I can't get it out. And I can't hold it down.
like ***** and bile its not something that should stay for a while.
Its the monster inside of me. A Million sharks eating me. The glass in my throat cuts higher and higher. The breath of fire, a scream is all I desire.
I just want to live, and I don't want to lie.
Keep the violence contained, smother your flame. Choke it down and away.
Don't ask me to stay.
If I could I would be with you every day.
but duty calls.
The world needs a changing and my heart needs rearranging.
I just can't lie to the monster inside.

I wish you knew my poetry about you. Maybe then you would know me too.
Words are hard to write. How the memory tend to bite. I once lost one I loved. Not a breakup.
I don't know how to make this a poem.
Nothing seams authentic if I try.
Its so hard to be "just the boyfriend."
They lost a daughter. I need to grive but its all out of place.
They say each kind of loss is equal but different let me tell you how mine went:
This little voice inside you starts poking a finger at you telling you her suicide was your fault. Then it jabs harder and harder until you want to die.
you run the scenario every ******* way you can but it doesn't help.
Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up. Be there. And you know what you know you were there. You know you were. So why does it hurt so bad? Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up.
Repeat that last paragraph about 50,000 times. While everyone else moves on.
2 years of my life. Made worthless without
her.
supposedly it gets easier right? It doesn't. It gets more manageable? Someday I just can't manage it.
I know this is me ******* and flailing my arms but I feel this is a better place then any to get it out.

Sunrise fleeting by.
Cherry blossoms falling by.
like stars in clear sky's.

Many speak of love in spring of their lives but I felt the winter deep set in my bones when I was young. A stone cold dessert of bone and ash the pieces of my life irrevocably torn from me before you had found me in my hollowed out hell. You were the first light I could see through the fog.  Behind the curtain of our ***** faith we hid our bodies in each other. And all that was ash was suddenly silk and satin.
It was a a failed baptism to be born into this world stuck beneath the surface drowning in a guilt not my own and a shame in my heart. Never before had I felt air like you breathed into me in that book store corner our faces flushed and barley touched.
I am sure I was to be pulled into the drink if not for your love. Your kindness and rawness shown back at me in that fire you carried in your hair and your eyes. At just 16 and now at 28 you have been gone longer then I ever knew you and yet the memories feel longer still. I still see movement behind that veil but you are not behind it and I am haunted by that shadow. I still feel the heat of your fire, but it is the shadow of a forever fading warmth to never truly leave and let me chill and  yet to never find the breadth to allow me true comfort. I fear I am to become a wraith in your absence although I walk forever in the sun you showed. Over the hunch of the earth I have traveled now, seeking my comfort. Seeking your fire again and if I am to become a wraith, of ash with only the memory of fire to torment me until my end I will be grateful it was your fire. And when I fade even as a wraith into the cusp of the world and the void takes my memory of you I will find you again in that place. Never have I been so sure that I lost the love of my life. I have returned to winter knowing warmth and am more and less for it.
And I wouldn’t trade it for gold.
I love you. And I always will.

If fire and wire spin webs of desire, what then cuts shadow and fog away?
Neon streams of gold carve rivers through canyons of darkness, a newborn sun.
That's what you are, you illuminate the void no matter how far. How lucky we are to have one such as you, for life without light is a life without love. How many thankless nights you were here. Keeping watch over our fears seeing they don't grow out of control. Seeing your light is what kept me whole.

Shallow hearts hold my soul.
Whispered words keep me whole.
In the darkness so alone.
Your my guiding light back home.

You held light in your hands. Molded art from the sands, made beauty out of ash.
How did this come to pass.
Your inspired words don't amount to much ask the beasts and the birds. How they cringe away as if your darkness came to stay.
There are no shadows you can hide. We lightcasters can see inside.
Judge you for what you have done. Knife edge of the world son.
Your wickedness can't be undone. If you change a lifetime away maybe on that earth the light will find a way to let you stay.

I'm standing above the ground, detached and rearranged. Atom bombs are in my brain. So strange.
Electricity tumbling down, but there is no way to touch down. Fear of death keeps me up at night, fear of a thunderstike.
Then the Lightning is in my mind, and I need Someone who won't hide, and who will be my lightning rod.

The world might be round, but we are in a box. Starry sky's and wishful eyes. We still can't see the locks.

I fall to the lonely fire of faith. The burnout stars of past designs shine there. Lost drowning in the lake of time, soundless effigies hanging in space like crystal lights on Christmas nights.
In tonight we find them in the aftermath of red sky. Tomorrow they faint to draw their blades behind the shields of clouds. Hiding in the thicket of Smaug they still burn there just out of reach. The lonely fires of faith.

All alone I carve my path in stone. With a blade. And with a bone.

Everyone I ever loved never loved me back or loved me too late. Everyone I ever loved only loved to wait.
Fate.
Fire.
Faith, I’m lost and found. Waiting to be claimed from beneath the ground. I want a love that you can’t satiate.
I want a soulmate.

Its bitter and sweet. Its messy yet clean. Sacred and yet dark. It is the sun in the night. The moon of the day.
A silent prayer of the heart. We all wish to meet, one we could love.
One we would sacrifice sanity for. The one we would fight death himself for.
like a parchment of oil set fire in my chest. The heart doesn't always know best. But life was not made on logical steps. But on a reverse escalator we all must climb. Its echo is really gods slow grind. And if on the way we should pass by. Please just kiss me. I don't care why. Life without love is not living at all. I should rather die falling in a moment of grace. Connected to you, in this miserable place.