That's life

Up
All
Night

Wasting away inside

Deep
Deep
Sigh

Wanting to run and hide

Worlds
Collide

As far as I can find

They
All
Lied

At least I even tried

But nothing seems right

'Cause I'm

Up
All
Night.

I cannot place the words inside my heart;
They speak without the language of my mind.
And no translator ever faced a part
The difficulty of this certain kind.
I think my spirit longs for something warm;
But that is too abstract a feeling, true:
Perhaps it longs for shelter from the storm...
I doubt it likes all that it's been put through.
My soul has far too much to just express;
It must be a headache to the list'ners.
Its potency is void to the masses.
O, how my heart moans; it is prisoner.
     Distant it is feeling; words cannot say
     Just how far my heart has been pushed away.

Diving deep into the blue
There’s shadows enough for all
Take the cue from the setting sun
Hide when the curtain falls

No one lives inside these waters
Where nothing stirs or wakes
Your soul will never worry
When your life it slyly takes

Sink into the depression
That the boulder made in sand
Where once lay masked intruders
That stole the life you planned

Your mind has less to wonder
When you let your life be taken
Led helpless to the slaughter
When will your cold heart waken?

It’s easier to float beneath
The water lukewarm and bland
If you learned what you’re missing
You’d fly onto dry land

But lying here is easy
It’s effortless, it’s true
So why not stay a couple days
In the thoughtless ocean blue.

Too much in my head
Voices, songs, condemnation
There's no room for you.

Why do you even try to say my name?
What will you ever gain from painful sounds?
I do believe your love was all a game,
Not real enough to lift you off the ground.
Why do you even try to call me back?
I know you only want to calm your soul;
It aches and feels conspicuous and black,
Because you've been despicable, you know.
What could you reach by saying you were wrong?
I know that well, and you do, too; so why?
It drags my heart down crowded halls so long:
My body your words cause to want to die.
     How long will all this pain continue on?
     The truth is, all I feel for you is gone.

Anxiety, fear,
And doubt that I could be one
You'd listen to now.

You lost my poem.
You crashed and left a blank page.
I can't believe you.

It isn't the long nights that I dread
It's the short ones where I lie in bed
Trying to get thoughts out of my head
Wishing I had more time to rest

Long nights of staying awake to talk
Nights of finding new ways to stalk
Going out in the moonlight to walk
Laughing and crying, those nights are best

Saying someday we'll do these things
Talk of names and talk of rings
Overwhelmed tears just one look brings
When all the emotion wells up in my chest

What matters is not what we do
Or where we go, whatever the view
The best part is just being with you
Delightfully oblivious to all of the rest

However the day comes to an end
Whatever time we've spent with friends
Even if messages won't send
Knowing you're there loving me is best.

Should I drive you from my mind?
Shall I stop my heart?
Or are you even close to me?
Do you play a special part?

I forget to think of you
When I am alone,
And I can't say I like to say
Our names in a loving tone.

I admire you, I know that,
But are you in my soul?
Have I even written your name?
Or imagined us on a stroll?

In fact, am I infatuated?
Or do I fancy it
So that my heart longs to feel,
And yet, it doesn't?

I don't know what I'd do
If you suddenly loved me,
And I don't know what I'd say
If your eyes began to see.

Perhaps my heart's run out of love--
Perhaps I am a yawn:
Too tired to think romantic things
And to friendship go beyond.

Finally, I have defeated
A meaningless urge:
The wish to be your only one,
Under tiredness submerged.

I've felt exposed and blinded by light
And lately felt too free
But I love it when Dan says
*If you're warm, then you can't relate to me

I want to scream


I want to melt


I want to *****


I want to breathe


I want to survive


I want to sleep


I want to dream


I want to be more than I have been the past few days


I want to eat right and sleep right and exercise


I want to start being able to think enough to write things that rhyme


I want to stop saying "I want" all the time


I'm sad.

Lord, I want my life to show
What it's like when You have control
And I want others to know
That I'm wholly and completely Yours.

Whoever I am
Whatever makes up the me
It's a mystery
That only One knows for sure
Someday, I will know myself.

I think I could try this
An eternity of you
With loneliness as an option
You're the better of the two.

Oh look I just did
Something you never could do





I licked your elbow.

If love was a feeling
It would be everywhere
The sun and trees and grass and bees
There would always be love in the air.

If love was convenient
Then it would be easy to love
Easy to love, easy to leave
Life would never get rough

If love was just effortless
Then it would not mean much
You wouldn't try hard, it wouldn't be part
Of the life-changing motion of love.

If love wasn't worthwhile
Hatred would be much more common
Rewards of kindness would be lost behind us
And no one would care if you loved them.

If love wasn't painful
Then it could never grow you
You couldn't be cut to get out of your rut
And nothing would ever caution you.

If love wasn't so wonderful
It would be something else
Like apathy or ignorance, distrust or pride,
Love wouldn't be worth it.

Because I'm scared, and, I guess
I have a lot of shame
And fear of shame
Which is sometimes worse
Because the only thing you can do about it
Is somehow stop being afraid
And how in the world do you stop being afraid?
Especially of something like shame
Shame is a fear
A fear of rejection
A fear of making mistakes
A fear of your true, self-centered soul being bared to mankind
You're afraid to be opened wide
Before the audience
All who watch you
You believe that if they ever saw the person you are on the inside
When you're alone
At your worst
When you're a failure at best
And outcaste at worst
Because they would!
They would scorn your soul!
No! No! Nothing but perfection can stand here!
You are horrible and we cannot tolerate anything but crystal
Pure and undefiled
Never messing up
Never admitting defeat
That's what you fear
You're afraid that they would denounce you
But you can't see
Well, why should you
That you are not alone
This masquerade invited everyone
And sadly, everyone came
There's truth waiting in the shadows
If you know to call its name
Wait for the calling!
Where we all rip off our masks
Proud as we are human
Prone to make mistakes.
You have to let go of fearing
That you won't measure up
'Cause hey, join the club, we've got t-shirts
That say, “Cover me with His love”.
Shame is your slavemaster, you know it
You are bound by its fear and its hate
So break your bonds of imperfection
Live your life before it is too late.

Ecce! angelus
Ab parve me considit
Eheu! cedit.

I'm just too tired;
Last night was just frustrating...
I can barely type.

I write from the bowels of Wish I Could Sleep
Which borders the swamp of Too Tall
Which was named for the bed that was somehow too short
Where the Sleeper couldn't stretch out at all.

I call, at this very late hour, to say
That tomorrow I'd better not forget
The car's in the shop, the WiFi's down,
And though my new book wasn't great

I can write without car and internet, too
I am capable of this
But if anyone from Luxury calls
Just tell them to talk to the fist!

Punctuation delights me,
Spelling even more so!
Grammar—ah! Ecstasy;
Sloppy writing?....no.

His glory reaches over the hills,
It spreads past the mountains high;
His glory pierces every heart,
It fills the entire sky. 

His glory shines in the morning dew,
It causes the birds to sing;
His glory makes the young heart brave,
It gives life to everything. 

His glory reaches past the stars,
It makes the desert beautiful;
His glory lifts the heavy heart,
Its wonder indescribable.

You're the color red
Red hair, red shirt, red hands
From speaking the truth.

And I don't know
How many times I asked
Where to go
When I was looking at the past

I can't look ahead
For all the times I've made mistakes
Faults so dripping red
Don't believe I have what it takes

So give me rest
When I'm just trying to survive
When I'm not my best
Let me know that I'll revive.

Why do I
Seem to do the very same things
I'd try to fly
But never with these broken wings

It was just too cold
When I started out anew
But as I grow old
I'll try to keep my eyes on You.

Dreamless eyes are closed tonight
Sleepless tries to hide the light
Breathless gaze at the ceiling
Helpless haze of the feeling

Sudden drop inside, hidden trap collides
Light rushing past, flight crushing fast
Free fall through centuries past
Release all the memories last

I pull my leg up under myself
Far too often for my knee
It hurts today from yesterday
And it's really bothering me.

I need to let go
I need to let him mess up
And do things alone
Even if he fails, badly,
He won't learn with me watching.

When the rain falls down
And it falls on you
When you have no chance for cover;
When the rain streams down
Dropping on your face
When you’re alone and with no other;

When you feel as though
It came for you
Seeking to bring you sorrow;
You may not see
The truth today
But wait until tomorrow:

Because the rain falls
On everyone
No one is untouched by the drops;
If you hide inside,
You’ll miss the chance
To see where the rainstorm stops.

Where the sky meets the earth
And horizons meet,
That’s where you’ll find me now;
Where the stars rain down
In a glittering scene
And the eye scarcely wonders how

I’m holding onto
The only One
Who knows the rainstormy weather—
If you follow Him
And come with me
We can brave this storm together.

Moon was bright that night
Stars shone and wheeled over us
How could we go wrong?

No one is awake
The hour is late and dark
Thinking overtakes.

O Lord, my life is short 
And my days a blink of an eye
Give me happiness and peace
So I can praise you when joy is mine

O Lord, my life is short
And my breath will soon depart
Give me trials and testing times
So I can grow and heal my heart

O Lord, my life is short
And these moments shall slip away
Give me friends to share your goodness
So I can bring them with me someday.

First one awake, now how do you feel
For falling asleep so late?
You should have known,
                     when you're on your own
Up first is a permanent state.

These thoughts run around
But my soul just wants escape
An escape through sleep.

Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing
Or where my life is going,
But I know that without your leading,
It’ll just be endless roaming.

I’ve looked at my past and present,
And my future doesn’t look bright
Unless I accept Your leadership
And give in to your calling tonight.

I’m asking for help ‘cause I need it:
I need you most desperately;
I can’t live this life without it:
I need help immeasurably.

I’m tired, exhausted, of being alone
And giving in to loneliness;
I’ve realized that that’s You, calling me
It’s you wanting my brokenness.

Because when I have no one,
I have You;
There’s no one I need more,
But I forget the truth.

Please keep reminding me
Of how much I need Your love;
It’s not that You won’t give it,
But that I don’t think it’s enough.

I don’t want to keep searching,
I’ve done this all before:
I know that it ends in sorrow;
Your light is what I look for.

So please take me, it’s hopeless:
Without you I am done;
I’m giving up on myself
And accepting that You’ve won.

I know You’ll take me,
Of the little I do know…
It’s a comfort I find
A Friend who will never go.

You fill the longing deep inside
That I cannot comprehend
You’re the road before me
In a sea of stone dead-ends.

So don't let me forget it,
How I am completely Yours;
I cannot have grounds for despair
When I am on Your shores.

I'm adding paint to my 'masterpiece'
Just to make you mad
I never like the things I do
Because they're always bad.

Sadness is when
You see someone beautiful
But they don't see it
They hate the body God made
They run from themselves.

Sadness is when
The world is full of beauty
But they don't notice
The earth is singing God's praise
And only the earth.

Sadness is when
I try to be someone good
With my own niceness
But I don't depend on God
To help me, and fail.

Sadness is when
I try to impress others
By the way I dress
Or by the makeup I hate
When they love me now.

Peace, it is when
I want to tell of heaven
But I have not words
They only scratch the surface
And I'm unworthy.

Churning deep inside
Fear and anxiety strike
Overcoming me.

To be one who chooses
Right, not wrong,
To be one who follows no crowd;
For he knows the truth
And prospers long
He sings God's praises aloud.

But oh, to be one
Who evil commits
Just for the sake of fun;
His fate will come
When he does not admit
That he is a wicked one.

The mightiest among the birds is the eagle.

The mightiest among the domestic animals is the bull.

The mightiest among the wild beasts is the lion.

And the mightiest of all is man.

I only wanted
To be free without the cost
But it wasn't easy.

Drip and drop
A river ensues
Carving deep
Sarchasm cues.

You dream of living:
Broken is your favorite word;
Yet whole and too young,
You have never grown so strong,
And then fallen far
Far enough to face your fear,
To dash all your hopes,
Taste mockery of defeat
And feel death's cold sting.
You wondered why you were cold;
You were just so young
Too young to feel a thing.

There's something about this room
That I've decorated recently
I'm saddened by all walls blue
And reminded by curtains green.

If you want my thoughts
In a non-poetic form
Follow my twitter.

˙uʍop ǝp!sdn s!
ǝslǝ ʎpoqoN
ʍou pǝpuǝdsns
ɯ,I 'ƃu!ƃuɐH

uʍoɹɟ pǝʇs!ʍʇ ɐ oʇ
uɹnʇ ǝl!ɯS
uʍop ƃu!llɐɟ
uo ʇǝs sɐʍ I

punoɹɐ oƃ puɐ
oƃ ʇ! ʇǝl o┴
uʍop uɐǝl oʇ
p!ɐɹɟɐ sɐʍ I


Upside Down


I was afraid
to lean down
To let it go
and go around

I was set on
falling down
Smile turn
to a twisted frown

Hanging, I'm
suspended now
Nobody else
is upside down.

Air isn't life force
I am sustained by Jesus
Lord, help me today.

the days grow shorter
the nights bring the need for these
artificial lights