One-hundred fifty
Is a reasonable count
Of haikus, I guess.

When I just can't sleep at night
You are the one on my mind
As I toss and I turn, turning on the light
Can't leave these mem'ries behind.

Day in, day out
I think about
What has come,
What is done
What you said
How you won.
The less it hurts
The more it burns
The more I think
The less I've learned.

In the morning, blinds are closed
Lights just hurt my eyes today
My tested heart never knows
How my emotions are gonna play.

Day in, day out
I think about
What has come,
What is done
What you said
How you won.
The less it hurts
The more it burns
The more I think
The less I've learned.

And when I look for answers
The questions have already gone
And as my heartrate dances
I find I'm searching for the dawn.

*I know I'll learn.

I've felt exposed and blinded by light
And lately felt too free
But I love it when Dan says
*If you're warm, then you can't relate to me

“Do you ever feel like…
um
like in a moment you see where you were a year ago
and you wonder how you got to where you are
and you trace it back, reading through a journal or something
and you can’t remember so much
it all happened so fast
and you wonder if you’ll ever get back the time you lost
I barely ever look back
but when I do
it feels like looking down the other end of a tunnel, where it’s so bright now that it’s hard to see the light that I started out in at the other end.”

I cannot place the words inside my heart;
They speak without the language of my mind.
And no translator ever faced a part
The difficulty of this certain kind.
I think my spirit longs for something warm;
But that is too abstract a feeling, true:
Perhaps it longs for shelter from the storm...
I doubt it likes all that it's been put through.
My soul has far too much to just express;
It must be a headache to the list'ners.
Its potency is void to the masses.
O, how my heart moans; it is prisoner.
     Distant it is feeling; words cannot say
     Just how far my heart has been pushed away.

Oh look I just did
Something you never could do





I licked your elbow.

Ecce! angelus
Ab parve me considit
Eheu! cedit.

Why do you even try to say my name?
What will you ever gain from painful sounds?
I do believe your love was all a game,
Not real enough to lift you off the ground.
Why do you even try to call me back?
I know you only want to calm your soul;
It aches and feels conspicuous and black,
Because you've been despicable, you know.
What could you reach by saying you were wrong?
I know that well, and you do, too; so why?
It drags my heart down crowded halls so long:
My body your words cause to want to die.
     How long will all this pain continue on?
     The truth is, all I feel for you is gone.

You lost my poem.
You crashed and left a blank page.
I can't believe you.

Lord, I want my life to show
What it's like when You have control
And I want others to know
That I'm wholly and completely Yours.

Dreamless eyes are closed tonight
Sleepless tries to hide the light
Breathless gaze at the ceiling
Helpless haze of the feeling

Sudden drop inside, hidden trap collides
Light rushing past, flight crushing fast
Free fall through centuries past
Release all the memories last

I'm just too tired;
Last night was just frustrating...
I can barely type.

I pull my leg up under myself
Far too often for my knee
It hurts today from yesterday
And it's really bothering me.

His glory reaches over the hills,
It spreads past the mountains high;
His glory pierces every heart,
It fills the entire sky. 

His glory shines in the morning dew,
It causes the birds to sing;
His glory makes the young heart brave,
It gives life to everything. 

His glory reaches past the stars,
It makes the desert beautiful;
His glory lifts the heavy heart,
Its wonder indescribable.

Because I'm scared, and, I guess
I have a lot of shame
And fear of shame
Which is sometimes worse
Because the only thing you can do about it
Is somehow stop being afraid
And how in the world do you stop being afraid?
Especially of something like shame
Shame is a fear
A fear of rejection
A fear of making mistakes
A fear of your true, self-centered soul being bared to mankind
You're afraid to be opened wide
Before the audience
All who watch you
You believe that if they ever saw the person you are on the inside
When you're alone
At your worst
When you're a failure at best
And outcaste at worst
Because they would!
They would scorn your soul!
No! No! Nothing but perfection can stand here!
You are horrible and we cannot tolerate anything but crystal
Pure and undefiled
Never messing up
Never admitting defeat
That's what you fear
You're afraid that they would denounce you
But you can't see
Well, why should you
That you are not alone
This masquerade invited everyone
And sadly, everyone came
There's truth waiting in the shadows
If you know to call its name
Wait for the calling!
Where we all rip off our masks
Proud as we are human
Prone to make mistakes.
You have to let go of fearing
That you won't measure up
'Cause hey, join the club, we've got t-shirts
That say, “Cover me with His love”.
Shame is your slavemaster, you know it
You are bound by its fear and its hate
So break your bonds of imperfection
Live your life before it is too late.

Punctuation delights me,
Spelling even more so!
Grammar—ah! Ecstasy;
Sloppy writing?....no.

O Lord, my life is short 
And my days a blink of an eye
Give me happiness and peace
So I can praise you when joy is mine

O Lord, my life is short
And my breath will soon depart
Give me trials and testing times
So I can grow and heal my heart

O Lord, my life is short
And these moments shall slip away
Give me friends to share your goodness
So I can bring them with me someday.

I think I could try this
An eternity of you
With loneliness as an option
You're the better of the two.

You're the color red
Red hair, red shirt, red hands
From speaking the truth.

If love was a feeling
It would be everywhere
The sun and trees and grass and bees
There would always be love in the air.

If love was convenient
Then it would be easy to love
Easy to love, easy to leave
Life would never get rough

If love was just effortless
Then it would not mean much
You wouldn't try hard, it wouldn't be part
Of the life-changing motion of love.

If love wasn't worthwhile
Hatred would be much more common
Rewards of kindness would be lost behind us
And no one would care if you loved them.

If love wasn't painful
Then it could never grow you
You couldn't be cut to get out of your rut
And nothing would ever caution you.

If love wasn't so wonderful
It would be something else
Like apathy or ignorance, distrust or pride,
Love wouldn't be worth it.

I'm adding paint to my 'masterpiece'
Just to make you mad
I never like the things I do
Because they're always bad.

No one is awake
The hour is late and dark
Thinking overtakes.

When the rain falls down
And it falls on you
When you have no chance for cover;
When the rain streams down
Dropping on your face
When you’re alone and with no other;

When you feel as though
It came for you
Seeking to bring you sorrow;
You may not see
The truth today
But wait until tomorrow:

Because the rain falls
On everyone
No one is untouched by the drops;
If you hide inside,
You’ll miss the chance
To see where the rainstorm stops.

Where the sky meets the earth
And horizons meet,
That’s where you’ll find me now;
Where the stars rain down
In a glittering scene
And the eye scarcely wonders how

I’m holding onto
The only One
Who knows the rainstormy weather—
If you follow Him
And come with me
We can brave this storm together.

I write from the bowels of Wish I Could Sleep
Which borders the swamp of Too Tall
Which was named for the bed that was somehow too short
Where the Sleeper couldn't stretch out at all.

I call, at this very late hour, to say
That tomorrow I'd better not forget
The car's in the shop, the WiFi's down,
And though my new book wasn't great

I can write without car and internet, too
I am capable of this
But if anyone from Luxury calls
Just tell them to talk to the fist!

That's life

Up
All
Night

Wasting away inside

Deep
Deep
Sigh

Wanting to run and hide

Worlds
Collide

As far as I can find

They
All
Lied

At least I even tried

But nothing seems right

'Cause I'm

Up
All
Night.

Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing
Or where my life is going,
But I know that without your leading,
It’ll just be endless roaming.

I’ve looked at my past and present,
And my future doesn’t look bright
Unless I accept Your leadership
And give in to your calling tonight.

I’m asking for help ‘cause I need it:
I need you most desperately;
I can’t live this life without it:
I need help immeasurably.

I’m tired, exhausted, of being alone
And giving in to loneliness;
I’ve realized that that’s You, calling me
It’s you wanting my brokenness.

Because when I have no one,
I have You;
There’s no one I need more,
But I forget the truth.

Please keep reminding me
Of how much I need Your love;
It’s not that You won’t give it,
But that I don’t think it’s enough.

I don’t want to keep searching,
I’ve done this all before:
I know that it ends in sorrow;
Your light is what I look for.

So please take me, it’s hopeless:
Without you I am done;
I’m giving up on myself
And accepting that You’ve won.

I know You’ll take me,
Of the little I do know…
It’s a comfort I find
A Friend who will never go.

You fill the longing deep inside
That I cannot comprehend
You’re the road before me
In a sea of stone dead-ends.

So don't let me forget it,
How I am completely Yours;
I cannot have grounds for despair
When I am on Your shores.

I only wanted
To be free without the cost
But it wasn't easy.

Drip and drop
A river ensues
Carving deep
Sarchasm cues.

Churning deep inside
Fear and anxiety strike
Overcoming me.

Air isn't life force
I am sustained by Jesus
Lord, help me today.

The mightiest among the birds is the eagle.

The mightiest among the domestic animals is the bull.

The mightiest among the wild beasts is the lion.

And the mightiest of all is man.

˙uʍop ǝp!sdn s!
ǝslǝ ʎpoqoN
ʍou pǝpuǝdsns
ɯ,I 'ƃu!ƃuɐH

uʍoɹɟ pǝʇs!ʍʇ ɐ oʇ
uɹnʇ ǝl!ɯS
uʍop ƃu!llɐɟ
uo ʇǝs sɐʍ I

punoɹɐ oƃ puɐ
oƃ ʇ! ʇǝl o┴
uʍop uɐǝl oʇ
p!ɐɹɟɐ sɐʍ I


Upside Down


I was afraid
to lean down
To let it go
and go around

I was set on
falling down
Smile turn
to a twisted frown

Hanging, I'm
suspended now
Nobody else
is upside down.

First one awake, now how do you feel
For falling asleep so late?
You should have known,
                     when you're on your own
Up first is a permanent state.

These thoughts run around
But my soul just wants escape
An escape through sleep.

And I don't know
How many times I asked
Where to go
When I was looking at the past

I can't look ahead
For all the times I've made mistakes
Faults so dripping red
Don't believe I have what it takes

So give me rest
When I'm just trying to survive
When I'm not my best
Let me know that I'll revive.

Why do I
Seem to do the very same things
I'd try to fly
But never with these broken wings

It was just too cold
When I started out anew
But as I grow old
I'll try to keep my eyes on You.

Cross my heart, I hope I'll die
I try to look you in the eye
I do not love you anymore
And I may break the oath I swore.

You dream of living:
Broken is your favorite word;
Yet whole and too young,
You have never grown so strong,
And then fallen far
Far enough to face your fear,
To dash all your hopes,
Taste mockery of defeat
And feel death's cold sting.
You wondered why you were cold;
You were just so young
Too young to feel a thing.

To be one who chooses
Right, not wrong,
To be one who follows no crowd;
For he knows the truth
And prospers long
He sings God's praises aloud.

But oh, to be one
Who evil commits
Just for the sake of fun;
His fate will come
When he does not admit
That he is a wicked one.

If you want my thoughts
In a non-poetic form
Follow my twitter.

This wretchedness unbearable is
I used to think that I was His
But now it often seems to me
That he has gone and let me be

I didn't want him to be gone
I was to his love always drawn
But now He's left me, I am here
Waiting to see what's drawing near

My future is dim, blurry, and dark
My mind catches fire with this one little spark
He left me because I have no will
To drive away sin that eats at me still

I feel so abandoned, lonely, alone
With dreading fear I crouch and moan
The horrors of this world are so, so tall
I feel so minuscule, so small

But then a light in darkness black
Lights up the world, nothing I lack
To see the things that troubled me
I find myself down on one knee

The weight of all I thought was lost
I find is here, but at a cost
My Savior, yes, he died for me
And how could I not see?

Things now become so clear
I wish I'd always been right here
For here I know I needn't hide
He'll never, ever leave my side.

Oh what do you want?
I can give it to you now.
You only need ask.

There's something about this room
That I've decorated recently
I'm saddened by all walls blue
And reminded by curtains green.

Up and down the stair she goes
Whither all a-wander
And whether she blames me or not
It's my fault her time is squandered.

You’re dizzy, lightheaded
Did you wonder where it was from?
Your eyes still sting, they’re blurry
Did you think you couldn’t close them?

Not sure if tears or screaming
Caused this pain so true
You’re breathing fast and falling past
Just hoping something catches you

You’re tempted and tried to just let go
It’s pulling at your grip
Not sure if the broken glass is a sign
That if you walk you’ll trip

Oh, but don’t you know
Don’t you remember?
There’s someone out there waiting
He’s been keeping you together.

Don't hurt yourself
    because you're hurting.
Don't break yourself
    because your heart's breaking.
I know you're sinking, drowning,
    tearing apart inside.
But someday I see you smiling
    And that's why I keep loving.

You're close the end
When you draw breath and forget
That I used to breathe.

Moon was bright that night
Stars shone and wheeled over us
How could we go wrong?