She lived her life like this-since she was fourteen,
Could never tell reality from her daydreams
Until she met disappointment,
that's a good tell,
This isn't wonderland Alice-
its your personal hell
And you can blame bad luck, **** cards, the wrong genes,
At the end of the day
these are YOUR seams.
This is real life,
stitches need upkeep
yet you're so surprised
its not like in your sleep-
where you're adventurous,
mouthy, and tall
Not this anxious ball of anger,
tremendously scared to fall.

What if I never get better? I can't beat the fear, I never get Noah's letters
What if I'm not the exception? I'm just the rule, ever gullible to affectionate deception
What if the damage is forever? We can't re-fall in love, our connection eternally severed
What if I'm only worth 49 first dates? You wake up on the 50th and decide this life you hate
What if I'm a Heather?  Exploding with you without knowing any better
What if I don't make it out of the car? Just wasted potential, never getting very far
What if I'm a bet you made with your friends? 10 days- I'm in love and your joke's end
And if I'm the bridesmaid, never the bride? I catch the bouquet- staring at you swallowing my pride

Maybe I'm nails on a chalkboard,
Interrupting peace with every screech.
Your two least favorite foods mixed together
A sight no one wants to see.

Maybe I’m polka dots paired with stripes,
Three clashing shades of pink.
A beat too fast, the words don’t match,
And you’ll never catch up to me.

I’m toast that's burnt, leaves left on the curb,
The promise of fun—but never the one.
And worst of all?
I’m the one who got me there.

Over 100 poems
dedicated to you

Is that love
or
Am I crazy

I could write about castles and elves and fated love all night long but then I'd ignore all my chores and dream
the day gone
I can write these enemies into perfect lovers but where's my energy to fold these freshly washed quilted covers?
The slow burn ends when my pen hits the page but when I'm met with reality
all I feel is rage
And in my poetry I find escape but I'm just staring at my wall, and hitting my vape.

I avoid my reflection,
can’t look at that woman too long.
The longer I lock eyes with her,
the more I find is wrong.

Maybe I’m over-critical,
but I hate how much she hides.
I can’t take her criticism,
and she’s terrible at goodbyes.

I know she tries hard,
Which just makes me feel worse.
She’s never been enough,
but you can’t live your life feeling cursed.

I avoid my reflection.
You see how fast I spiral—
I start with her nose,
then tear through her woes,
This hating disease must be viral.

I don't even have hobbies anymore
I just cry,
Competitively

I knew that I’d feel silly
After I had some sleep,
Because honestly, you haven’t cared for awhile-
You’ve got a new woman to keep.

I can see your game now,
You just wanted to feel tall,
And the easiest way to do that
Was to make me feel real small.

It’s fine now, it’s whatever,
I’ve wasted tears for over a month.
You could’ve just ******* blocked me
The moment you knew I wasn’t enough.

But that wouldn’t fit your narrative
Of crazy exes to collect,
Still, I hope you’ve done some healing
So you don’t peak her anxiety next.

Isn’t it so funny,
The way these things go?
Life is just a simulation-
Trust, I’m not in your loop anymore

I love love as depressing as I am
But I love the intimacy-
There's beauty in holding hands
Secrets whispered closely at night,
That deeper understanding reached after the first fight

Working together to complete a goal
With someone beside you,
feeling so whole
Their laughter engraved in your head forever-
There's never been a sound that you've loved better

Caressing their face when
sadness reigns king,
Using their favorites to make them
feel seen
The electricity between two
lovers touching,
The honeymoon phase flirting that leaves them both blushing

A lover always has that certain smirk,
When everything is new and
you love every quirk
You get to be silly no matter your age,
Like fictional romance flew off the page

I love when silence doesn't have to ache,
When it's shared, not something you fake
Two mugs in the morning and
a tangled bedspread,
A soft “good morning” with a
kiss to their head

The little things that no one would see,
Like saving the last bite of dessert
just for me,
Or hearing my favorite song
and hitting repeat,
Because love lives in gestures,
not just in lusts heat

I love how romance is art in motion,
How it mirrors moonlight
across a vast ocean
Not always easy, not always bright,
But it's something sacred in both
storm and light

Maybe I'm dark and I like
to write about sorrow
But I love love even when I have
none to borrow

The one time I wanted a chaotic shift
And instead I'm handed down time

Ask for a distraction and the universe will say *******

I am not sweet,
But I am kind.
I am not filtered,
I will speak my mind.

I don’t need saving,
I’m questing alone.
I’m bad with directions,
But I’ll still find home.

Don’t disrespect me-
Get the **** out of my way.
I’ve had too many distractions
Using my heart as their play.

I wear this armor
Locked around my soul,
But if I’m being honest,
True acceptance is my goal.

It’s like that first time you smoke a cigarette with your friends-
a little gross, but you feel so cool.

Or the first time you flash your
I.D. at the bar,
not knowing what to order, but loving the freedom to choose.

When you’re gripping the steering wheel so tight your knuckles turn white,
finally feeling tires touch concrete that isn’t a parking lot.

Decorating that ****** apartment,
paying the first month’s rent-
broke, yet so **** proud.

Holding your diploma in
trembling hands,
a piece of paper most people get,
but this one has your name on it.

That first day everything clicks at work,
a shift so smooth it’s forgotten on the rough days that follow.

That first kiss under the stars,
dopamine shockwaves flooding
every nerve-
you’ll stay up for days on the memory.

Even the devastating realization
that nothing lasts forever,
laying in bed as rain beats
against your window,
music reverberating through a hollow chest.

A talk with my sister, and something feels right,
She listens so calmly, she softens my night.
She saw all the bruises that covered my skin,
And says she won’t watch me go through that again.

She tells me I’m worthy of peace
and of rest,
That being myself doesn't make me a jest.
No more pretending, stop shrinking to fit-
It's not worth losing love to please others, is it?

And those who don’t like it? Well, let them all go,
She’ll stand right beside me through my highs and lows.
She says I am loved without mask or disguise,
And I realize I could've just been me this whole time.
I don't have to carry, I can ask for assistance without fear of being mocked or met with resistance.

I wash myself with water,
you find too hot to touch
But it soothes my aching muscles and
my tired soul so much
Relaxation is becoming me,
with eucalyptus in the air,
Soothing all my senses while I
lather it through my hair
Jelly bean body scrub in hand,
everything smells sweet
Exfoliating the day from my being, removing myself from defeat
Rubbing circles along my jaw to massage away exhaustion,
high pressured heat to free my shoulders of the burden they carry so often
Body oil to top it off,
strawberry my favorite choice
It's hard to hate yourself when you smell so good,
but it's easier to find my voice

I love burnt marshmallows and my favorite color’s green.
I’ll say I’m very open, but my favorite game’s hide and seek.
I’m kind of bad with money-
ya know, I can always make more.
I’ll distract you with jokes if we dive
too deep into my lore.

I’ll remember your birthday, stress for months on the perfect gift.
I’ll be properly obsessed with you until
I feel the shift.
I am such a lover girl until the
loving feels too real-
giving someone the power to hurt me is a soul-crushing, humongous deal.

I will fight against it-
there’s no love without the risk.
But it will be a struggle, and no one deserves my ******* fits.
One day, someone will want them, raincoat and boots in tow:
“What’s a little rain in the grand scheme,
when at the end I get to love you though?”

I bleached my hair blonde chasing a version of me that no longer existed,

And was disappointed when I didn't become her.

I'm a house haunted by our future
And things you've said
New buyers come through  and I scare them away.

You're planning a new build with someone else,

How lovely.

I think you're beautiful
From your soul to your toes
And though you don't like it,
I love your big nose
I think you're pretty,
stealing glances at me
My cheeks will get rosy but
I'll pretend I don't see
I think you're handsome,
with the strength that you carry,
a light as bright as yours,
takes a lot of effort to bury
I think you're beautiful when you feel that you are not,
seeing you smile- I loved that alot
I think you're gorgeous,
a compassionate man,
dealt lackluster cards yet
creating the upper hand
I think you're beautiful
In all that you do,
And when I picture future me?
She's sitting right next to future you.

I’m shaking, I’m breaking, I don’t know what to say,
I know I have faults, but you made me this way.
I grew you gardens, you smashed them to the ground,
Made me feel like I was horrible to be around.

You’d do anything for me, a knight at my heel,
But when I got comfortable, that’s when you got real.
Suit of armor discarded, no time to waste,
I must submit and forget freedom’s taste.

I can’t trust your kindness, it always feels fake,
Anxiety peaked, each smile feels like a mistake.
I tunneled out, broke away from your ground,
But you broke my mind, my thinking unsound.

If someone is kind, my heart starts to race,
Because kindness once ended with knuckles to my face.
Trust in this world is so hard to be found,
I’m trying to heal, but I’m being too loud.

Yet I don’t know any other way,
Than to scream my thoughts and even my pain.
It’s up and down, this chaos I’m feeling,
It’s bitterly exhausting—
But I guess that’s just healing.

I like to cook,
To cut and to chop,
Follow a recipe?
I think the **** not.

I guess and I taste
As I go along,
Each meal is different,
Every seasoning strong.

A pan so hot
With its sizzling sound,
Don’t come in my kitchen-
My chaos all around.

The water is boiling,
Steam clouds the air,
There’s flour on my face,
Chili powder in my hair.

Everyone knew
It was my turn to cook dinner,
Music blasting loud-
Master chef sinner.

I sing off-key
While I stir the ***,
But it smells delicious,
And that’s what I’ve got.

When it’s all done,
I plate it so nicely,
A centering ritual
That sometimes feels wifely.

I had coffee and tea,
just the way I like.
I played music all day,
some loud, some quiet.

I didn’t panic once-
no shame, no crying.
I washed my face,
took care of my skin,
was gentle with myself.

I chose strawberry cheesecake body oil
over bed-rotting despair,
I deep conditioned and
re-dyed my hair.

And tomorrow I might do less,
or maybe more-
but today I loved me
in every pour.

I placed you upon my highest shelf,
Where no one ever sat before,
My prized possession, the collectable
I’d always been yearning for.

All my toys end up broken or lost,
A fate that eats me alive,
But you- I was determined not to break,
So I kept you out of these hands of mine.

I adored you from a distance,
Too scared to get too close,
You were lonely on that shelf,
To be played with, you wanted most.

My hands clumsy, your heart so fragile,
A dangerous game we played,
Measuring my worth around your presence-
If you looked fine, then I was okay.

But looks have always been deceiving,
It doesn’t mean things were smooth,
My sweet trophied, prized companion
Just wanted me to hold him too.

Slowly, I became bolder,
Taking you down from that shelf,
And for a while, it was heaven,
But soon enough, we needed help.

You were fragile, and I was clumsy,
We know how this story ends-
I was angry, you were gentle…
I should have never held you in my hands.

In the middle of an ordinary cornfield,
In an ordinary place,
Stands a small group of trees
Spared from agricultural fate.

Chosen by fairies–
Forever their glade,
Or spared by corporate greed,
Property line arguments man-made.

Whatever the reason,
It rests in the fog,
Magical as ever,
Eerie, a bit odd.

Yet it doesn’t look out of place,
It fits just right,
A hidden little wonder
Tucked away out of sight.

I hope there are fairies,
Or witches, or gnomes,
Living in that haven,
Their whimsical home.

Yeah I'm so funny for the stories I tell, but I lived my twenties thinking living was hell
Sure, now it's hilarious that my past was so **** wild but is it really?
I was just a child
I did what I needed to-
I stuck it out, I took my beatings and I tried not to pout, he was the path I chose and there was no way out.
I was seventeen living miles away and when I needed it most, my family never came.
We wonder now, why I stayed, all the things he did to me I should have felt betrayed.
Though he was my captor, he felt more like a savior and maybe thats why for so long-
I excused his behavior.
When no one else would help me, he would stand right there, yeah sometimes he would hurt me, but so did everyone else who cared.
I know now it wasn't love-
just possession and control,
but that 17 year old girl in me was always desperate to prove that wrong.

I like when it storms,
the push and the pull
I'm addicted to the adrenaline and playing who's the fool
I've got a boat to survive the hurricane,
It's a little rickety and there's a few holes but what's love if you can't thrive in the rain?
Sometimes we drown but it's not forever, something about gasping for air makes that first breath of understanding better
I might run from your thunder until I match the beat,
find me in your orchestra-
the very first seat
It's always a shock when my lightning strikes, sudden and bitter and riddled with spite
But the worst part is when quiet comes, can we afford to rebuild or do we leave our land destroyed as it was?

She would trace flowers along my
warm skin, her nails sharp yet gentle

You couldn't tell me loving her was a sin, a shot in one hand and
in her other a menthol

The concrete cools, no longer burning my feet as the sun slips away for his evening retreat
Sometimes there's fireflies and other bugs do sing, but I'm waiting on the moon and the tranquility she brings.

The street lamps will highlight small places in the dark, but the moon and her stars did it better from the start,
She makes a liminal place feel serene, mapping constellations and discussing what they mean.

In this silence I feel so free, the air is not heavy when she's looking at me, I just admire the way that she glows, intergalactic wisdom pouring over my head to my toes.

I could stay out here for most of the night, from the suns purple goodbyes to his pink morning highs, when they switch shifts I'll return home, until it's time for my iridescent friend to show.

Recently I was asked to write something happy and while that seems easy,
I don't like being sappy
I rarely find beauty in things that don't bleed,
Tears and pain all over paper is much more my speed,
Should I describe a sunset?
And the peace that it brings?
The end of another day-
When the moon rises and sings
I could write about love but I've become bitter,
honestly a hopelessly hopeless romantic turned heart racing storyline quitter,
Maybe a thoughtful soliloquy about a bug, nah-
I'd think of men and that paints a mean mug
I'm sure I'll find something to pique my intrigue,
And pull me out of this pessimistic league.

It’s small things that mean nothing
But say everything to me,
Because everything has a reason-
A meaning I just have to see.

I can’t let things be as they are,
No, nothing’s a simple coincidence.
You linger in my atmosphere;
Surely, that’s not an accident.

But why?
And what does it mean?
I’m presented with puzzles
But not all pieces are seen.

I wish I had never looked,
My thoughts no longer free,
Now my conscience is booked,
Chained to what it perceives.

I just can’t help myself,
I just had to know,
Now I’m drowning in questions-
When I should be letting it go.