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Grace Dec 2019
Every night
When I get into bed
It’s cold

But I no longer care
Because I can crawl into my bed
And hide under the covers

But every morning when I get up
It’s still cold
And this time I care

Because now I have to get out of bed
Out of my sanctuary of warmth
And face the cold, cruel, world
Yeah... idk. It’s cold and I don’t wanna get it of bed so I’m procrastinating by doing this.
Grace Mar 2020
Just because my crutch has gotten smaller

Doesn’t mean it’s disappeared

Now it just fits in the palm of my hand
Grace Mar 2020
I do not “have” depression

I refuse to claim it
It is not mine and doesn’t come from my Heavenly Father
Grace Jan 2019
You need to change
You know it's true
But it's beyond
What you can do

But don't give up
Though you've tried and failed
Because God can take
Your dragon scales
So i was thinking about Eustace from the Chronocles of Narnia and his whole situation and then I came up with this poem.
Grace Feb 2020
I am alone
And I refuse to believe that
People are my friends
It’s true that
They all just pity me
I’ll never accept the fact that
They like me for me
I can see that
They barely put up with me
I’m tired of hearing
It’ll all work out fine
I know that
I’m a loner
And I’m tired of thinking
Hope exists
I believe
I’m fine by myself
I’ll never say again that
I need people
The truth?
I’m pathetic
And I won’t believe that
People care

These are the lies I believed for so long, until I flipped the script.
Read it bottom to top to see the truth.
Check out my Instagram account @words_ofgrace to see a video of me reading this.
Grace Jan 2020
There’s so many things that I wish
I had the courage to simply say
But I can’t even stand to be alone with my thoughts
Much less bring them into the light of day

How can I be open with others
When I won’t confront the truth myself?
When I take my feelings and thoughts
And tuck them neatly away on a shelf

I take all the of the mess in my mind
And I shove it all down deep
I keep my mind occupied
So that the thoughts don’t creep

If the feelings make it to the surface
They can only be expressed one way
I wrap them up with a neat little bow
In the stanzas and rhymes I say

It brings order to the chaos of my mind
And it helps me to express
These mixed up feelings inside me
Without scaring people, this is best

If I were to truly let people in
To the nightmare that is my mind
I think they’d run pretty quickly
Though their intentions may be kind

So instead I carefully craft my feelings
Into pretty stanzas for all to see
And I’ll continue sharing my poems
As the tiny glimpses of me
Wrote this one last at night, that seems to be when all my thoughts and feelings try to fight their way to the surface.
Grace Mar 2020
My life is filled with bad habits

                I don’t have the energy to break
And I don’t really feel like trying anymore
Grace Mar 2020
My heart is hurting

But my brain says “don’t bug people”
So y’all get to hear about it instead
Grace Jan 2019
I'd like to say
Hello to you
Before I have
Some stuff to do

Some stuff to think
Some stuff to say
I'd like to wish you
All good day

Good morning
Good afternoon
Good night and
See you soon!
for my first poem on this site I just wanted to say hello!
Grace Nov 2019
I want to get out
But how, I don't know
I'm trapped in this place
With nowhere to go

I just feel so stuck
In this prison of mine
I want to get out
I want to feel fine

But instead I'm just scared
Trapped by my fear
Of rejection and hurt
Too afraid to draw near

I don't speak unless spoken to
I never just go sit
I feel like they're all annoyed
Though I know that's not it

God is with me
Yes, I know this
But sometimes I feel like
I'm not really His

I'm stuck and I'm tired
But I know there's hope
God is my hero
He can untie the ropes

I can't do it myself
But my strength's not my own
My King is above
He's still on the throne

He'll lift me up
Out of my chains
And help me realize
His love is what reigns

And one day I'll find
My life turned around
And I'll thank the Lord
My prison's torn down

But for now I'm still trapped
In this place that I know
But it's all in my mind
Soon I'll be able to go
There is hope for me yet. But I'm not quite there. But I'm hoping that I'll get there soon
Grace Mar 2020
I’m sorry I had to lie to you

                   Every time I said “I’m fine”
Grace Apr 2019
I wish I knew how to help you
You’ve probably heard it all before
From other family or friends
trying to open the door

I’m sorry I’m not better at this
I don’t know the words to say
The way I express myself best
Is with rhyming words on a page

If I try in real life
They S
             T U
                     M B
                              L E and fall
And I find that I’m not
So eloquent after all

Please don’t get mad
I’m only trying to show
But I guess you don’t need me to speak
You already know

I’ll try to be better
About mincing my words
I’ll make sure your listened to
And not just merely heard

And maybe one day
My words won’t be poor
And I’ll be better able
To open the door
I have a friend going through a lot and I try to help but sometimes it doesn’t work so well
Grace Apr 2020
I want life to go back to normal
But was normal life really that great?
I mean. Before quarantine I was crying into my pillow a lot. After quarantine I’m STILL crying into my pillow a lot. So I don’t see how one is better
Grace Apr 2020
I said I’d love you as long as my hair was brown...

I dyed my hair today
Grace Jan 2019
When did we lose the good in good morning?
When did it become acceptible to wish each other "morning"

You know what morning sounds like?
Mourning

Mourning for a world that is broken and lost
Mourning for a child that will never know love
Mourning for lives that will never see light

Maybe that's why we wish each other "mourning"
So, I'm not completely sure where this came from but here it is.
Grace Jan 2019
I'm pathetic really
To want to end my life
When there are others around me
Dealing with so much strife

I have a family that loves me
There's nothing wrong in my house
Other people are facing Giants
I'm facing a mouse

But I'm on a chair and petrified
And almost ready to give in
But I refuse to end this life of mine
I refuse to let satan win
I wrote this when I was really struggling with suicidal thoughts and I read this book that was full of letters from these kids to this motivational speaker talking about their bad situations. After I finished the book I was really down in myself for feeling the way I did. Now I'm better, though I have my days of feeling worthless. I just want to say that no matter what your facing, be it a mouse, a giant, or something in between, your feelings matter. And God can help you through them.
Grace Jan 2020
So many things are buried there
My hopes
My outgoing nature
My old personality
All long dead and buried

But some good things are buried too
Things that needed to be laid to rest
My temper
My annoyingness
My pride

But with so many things
So many parts of me buried
What is left?
An empty shell of what I used to be

And when I finally take a walk
Through the dark shadows of my mind
I feel the same foreboding feeling
That one gets
When walking through a graveyard
I was finally letting myself feel the things I’ve been pushing down and this image came to mind. Somebody pray for me.
Grace Mar 2020
What is this normal we’re all seeking?

Has anyone ever found it?
Grace Feb 2020
Little snapshots of life
Moments of
Joy
Sorrow
Peace
Memories of days gone by

How far back
Would I have to scroll
To see
The light
In my eyes again

To erase
The dark circles
Which seem
Permanently etched
On my face

To find
My true smile
Which has long been forgotten

To remember
My inner
Child

How far back?
Grace Feb 2020
What is raw?
What is real?
What is simply making it worse?

All these wounds
Never heal
Because time can’t go in reverse

I can write
All these things
About how I used to be

Let it out
For a crowd
So they can all see

But it won’t help
Not one bit
If they know what’s deep inside

All it does
Is make me
Regret that I even tried
I write as an outlet, as a way to let all the nasty things running though my brain come out in a neat little package. And I post poems, poems about whatever I’m going through, as a cry for help... but people never listen
Grace Feb 2020
If I asked you
To prove yourself



Would you?
Not that I’d ever ask cuz I’m scared I know the answer.
Grace Apr 2020
That day quarantine started
We were supposed to meet

Instead it’s been a month
Since we’ve seen each other again

The question is...
Do you care?
The answer? Probably not.
Grace Mar 2020
I sit alone
In the dark
Crying
Because I’m SO lonely

And it all seems like a bad dream
Or like a story I read somewhere
Where everything turns out fine

But right here
In this moment
It’s all
Too
Real
When did it get this bad again?
Grace Apr 2020
My mind is like a Rubik’s cube

It’s all scrambled up

And only a few people can solve it
I am not one of them
Grace Jan 2019
At my church
We have a card
And getting it's
Not very hard

The racist card
You will not lack
If you say one thing
About white or black

And if at any
Culture you poke
You'll get carded for
Your racist joke

The card circles
Like a shark
waiting for
Some snide remark

So if you find
Not being racist is hard
Remember the tale
Of the racist card
I had to write a poem for school about racism. This is what happened. And yes, my youth group has a literal racist card.
Grace Apr 2019
There’s a girl
Sitting all alone
She looks so sad
There on her phone

But If someone walks up
She quickly puts on a mask
She won’t let anyone
Take on the task

Of becoming her friend
She won’t let them get close
She protects her fragile heart
From those who love it most

She says she doesn’t need them
She’s fine by herself
Her need for company
Is tucked away on a shelf

I see this girl everyday
I wish I could assist
Let her know her company
Is definitely missed

But when I look into the mirror
And try to tell myself what’s right
I never really listen
And I go on with my life
I promise I’m not this set in my ways. I’m trying to spend less time alone. Hope y’all enjoy.
Grace Jan 2019
The fact I can get it right away
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better to be the first half of the year
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better to be the first half of the year and I don't have a great way of the year
Just me spamming the middle button
Grace Dec 2019
The one who stayed
Oh, what a name
The only semblance
Of life being the same

A name given out of love
But it serves to remind
That the others are gone
Out of sight, but not mind

In all their travels
They’re out of sight, but not heart
And I’m the one that’s here
Dealing with all the broken parts

I’m the one that stayed
The one that’s still here
The one that sees the heartache
The one that catches tears

I’ve got heartache of my own
That cannot see the light
I’m the one that stayed
I’ve got to do it right

If I can be a pillar
Of happiness and grace
Then maybe I can keep the tears
From rolling down her face

I’m the one that stayed
And I’ve got to be strong
So that when they do come back
It’ll be the same as all along
This is the first year of my life that neither of my siblings will be around for Christmas. It’s hitting me kinda hard.
Grace Feb 2020
I look just like
A time capsule
Emotions locked away
Safe til another day

But really I’m a time BOMB
Tick
Tick
Tick

It’s only a matter of time
Til I explode
And somebody
Gets caught
In the shockwave



It’s only a matter of time
Grace Mar 2020
Too much cancer
Too much death
Too much sickness
I need a breath

Too much torment
Too much pain
Too little sunshine
Too much rain

Too many tears
Welling up
Too many people
Yet not enough

Too much heartache
Can’t take a breath
Too much cancer
Too much death
R.I.P. Cadence, and Lord help the ones who are left here.
Grace Nov 2019
I want to get out
But how I don't know
I'm trapped in this place
With nowhere to go

I've been here so long
I don't know how to escape
I'm not some hero
With a billowing cape

The thing is, I look fine
On the outside at least
But inside there's issues
I could compare to a beast

This self built prison
Is made with my doubt
And I don't think
There's any way out

My thoughts are like chains
They bind me up tight
And I don't think
I can do anything right

I just want to be
Like the rest of the world
Able to speak
Without thoughts swirled

But I'm trapped trapped trapped
By insecurity and fear
I don't know how to fix
But I'm tired of tears

I want to get out
But how I don't know
I'm trapped in my mind
With nowhere to go
This was written at like midnight and the next morning I wrote one with a little more hope. I'll post that one in a separate post. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps you realize you aren't alone.
Grace Nov 2019
Truth
Truth
What is truth?
So many people
So many different "Truths"
Being shoved down my throat
Truth
Truth
What is Truth?
God's word is Truth
But so many opinions
So many versions
So many "truths"
Coming from all directions
Truth
Truth
What is Truth?
If you look at "Truth" enough times
It stops looking like a word
Just like if you look at
People's "Truths" enough
They no longer look real
Truth
Truth
What is Truth?

God is Truth
He is beginning and end
He is love
He is alive
He is Truth
Just a late night thought stream.
John 14:6
Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No inebriated comes to the Father except through me."
Grace May 2020
I don’t write to get called good
I write to be understood
Do you understand?

I don’t write for petty praise
That would be a waste of my days
My poems are my own extended hand

I just want people to see
What it’s like to be me
And who I really am

Though my poems are called “good”
I am still misunderstood
When will somebody understand?
Grace Mar 2020
I can write poems and songs about Victory

But what does she look like?
Why
Grace Mar 2020
Why
Why is it
That when I see
any
other
girl
I think, “oh! She’s so pretty!”

Why is it
I describe
Other people’s eyes
As
oceans
forests
streams
But mine are just ***** dishwater?

Why is it
I must change my hair
Damage it
Color it
In order for it to make me happy?

Why is it
That I am
my own
worst
critic?
I believe everyone is beautiful, why can’t I believe it about myself?
Grace Mar 2020
I don’t release the pain with tears

                                  I release it with words

             Words are much prettier

— The End —