I don’t write to get called good
I write to be understood
Do you understand?

I don’t write for petty praise
That would be a waste of my days
My poems are my own extended hand

I just want people to see
What it’s like to be me
And who I really am

Though my poems are called “good”
I am still misunderstood
When will somebody understand?

I said I’d love you as long as my hair was brown...

I dyed my hair today

That day quarantine started
We were supposed to meet

Instead it’s been a month
Since we’ve seen each other again

The question is...
Do you care?

I want life to go back to normal
But was normal life really that great?

My mind is like a Rubik’s cube

It’s all scrambled up

And only a few people can solve it

I can write poems and songs about Victory

But what does she look like?

My life is filled with bad habits

                I don’t have the energy to break

I’m sorry I had to lie to you

                   Every time I said “I’m fine”

I don’t release the pain with tears

                                  I release it with words

             Words are much prettier

Too much cancer
Too much death
Too much sickness
I need a breath

Too much torment
Too much pain
Too little sunshine
Too much rain

Too many tears
Welling up
Too many people
Yet not enough

Too much heartache
Can’t take a breath
Too much cancer
Too much death

What is raw?
What is real?
What is simply making it worse?

All these wounds
Never heal
Because time can’t go in reverse

I can write
All these things
About how I used to be

Let it out
For a crowd
So they can all see

But it won’t help
Not one bit
If they know what’s deep inside

All it does
Is make me
Regret that I even tried

There’s so many things that I wish
I had the courage to simply say
But I can’t even stand to be alone with my thoughts
Much less bring them into the light of day

How can I be open with others
When I won’t confront the truth myself?
When I take my feelings and thoughts
And tuck them neatly away on a shelf

I take all the of the mess in my mind
And I shove it all down deep
I keep my mind occupied
So that the thoughts don’t creep

If the feelings make it to the surface
They can only be expressed one way
I wrap them up with a neat little bow
In the stanzas and rhymes I say

It brings order to the chaos of my mind
And it helps me to express
These mixed up feelings inside me
Without scaring people, this is best

If I were to truly let people in
To the nightmare that is my mind
I think they’d run pretty quickly
Though their intentions may be kind

So instead I carefully craft my feelings
Into pretty stanzas for all to see
And I’ll continue sharing my poems
As the tiny glimpses of me

The one who stayed
Oh, what a name
The only semblance
Of life being the same

A name given out of love
But it serves to remind
That the others are gone
Out of sight, but not mind

In all their travels
They’re out of sight, but not heart
And I’m the one that’s here
Dealing with all the broken parts

I’m the one that stayed
The one that’s still here
The one that sees the heartache
The one that catches tears

I’ve got heartache of my own
That cannot see the light
I’m the one that stayed
I’ve got to do it right

If I can be a pillar
Of happiness and grace
Then maybe I can keep the tears
From rolling down her face

I’m the one that stayed
And I’ve got to be strong
So that when they do come back
It’ll be the same as all along

Every night
When I get into bed
It’s cold

But I no longer care
Because I can crawl into my bed
And hide under the covers

But every morning when I get up
It’s still cold
And this time I care

Because now I have to get out of bed
Out of my sanctuary of warmth
And face the cold, cruel, world

I want to get out
But how, I don't know
I'm trapped in this place
With nowhere to go

I just feel so stuck
In this prison of mine
I want to get out
I want to feel fine

But instead I'm just scared
Trapped by my fear
Of rejection and hurt
Too afraid to draw near

I don't speak unless spoken to
I never just go sit
I feel like they're all annoyed
Though I know that's not it

God is with me
Yes, I know this
But sometimes I feel like
I'm not really His

I'm stuck and I'm tired
But I know there's hope
God is my hero
He can untie the ropes

I can't do it myself
But my strength's not my own
My King is above
He's still on the throne

He'll lift me up
Out of my chains
And help me realize
His love is what reigns

And one day I'll find
My life turned around
And I'll thank the Lord
My prison's torn down

But for now I'm still trapped
In this place that I know
But it's all in my mind
Soon I'll be able to go

I want to get out
But how I don't know
I'm trapped in this place
With nowhere to go

I've been here so long
I don't know how to escape
I'm not some hero
With a billowing cape

The thing is, I look fine
On the outside at least
But inside there's issues
I could compare to a beast

This self built prison
Is made with my doubt
And I don't think
There's any way out

My thoughts are like chains
They bind me up tight
And I don't think
I can do anything right

I just want to be
Like the rest of the world
Able to speak
Without thoughts swirled

But I'm trapped trapped trapped
By insecurity and fear
I don't know how to fix
But I'm tired of tears

I want to get out
But how I don't know
I'm trapped in my mind
With nowhere to go

I wish I knew how to help you
You’ve probably heard it all before
From other family or friends
trying to open the door

I’m sorry I’m not better at this
I don’t know the words to say
The way I express myself best
Is with rhyming words on a page

If I try in real life
They S
             T U
                     M B
                              L E and fall
And I find that I’m not
So eloquent after all

Please don’t get mad
I’m only trying to show
But I guess you don’t need me to speak
You already know

I’ll try to be better
About mincing my words
I’ll make sure your listened to
And not just merely heard

And maybe one day
My words won’t be poor
And I’ll be better able
To open the door

There’s a girl
Sitting all alone
She looks so sad
There on her phone

But If someone walks up
She quickly puts on a mask
She won’t let anyone
Take on the task

Of becoming her friend
She won’t let them get close
She protects her fragile heart
From those who love it most

She says she doesn’t need them
She’s fine by herself
Her need for company
Is tucked away on a shelf

I see this girl everyday
I wish I could assist
Let her know her company
Is definitely missed

But when I look into the mirror
And try to tell myself what’s right
I never really listen
And I go on with my life

At my church
We have a card
And getting it's
Not very hard

The racist card
You will not lack
If you say one thing
About white or black

And if at any
Culture you poke
You'll get carded for
Your racist joke

The card circles
Like a shark
waiting for
Some snide remark

So if you find
Not being racist is hard
Remember the tale
Of the racist card

The fact I can get it right away
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better to be the first half of the year
The fact I can get it right away with the new version is better to be the first half of the year and I don't have a great way of the year

I'm pathetic really
To want to end my life
When there are others around me
Dealing with so much strife

I have a family that loves me
There's nothing wrong in my house
Other people are facing Giants
I'm facing a mouse

But I'm on a chair and petrified
And almost ready to give in
But I refuse to end this life of mine
I refuse to let satan win

You need to change
You know it's true
But it's beyond
What you can do

But don't give up
Though you've tried and failed
Because God can take
Your dragon scales

I'd like to say
Hello to you
Before I have
Some stuff to do

Some stuff to think
Some stuff to say
I'd like to wish you
All good day

Good morning
Good afternoon
Good night and
See you soon!