What you see
Is a confident woman
And everyday I have to remind myself I’m strong
that I am that person.
But deep inside I know,
I’m not.
I’m still that girl
That lonely girl afraid of being left
that girl terrified of rejection and abandonment
That girl yearning for a hug.
I want to be that woman.
You help me become her.
The inside slow fades.

Everything’s going to be okay
Because I love you
Because I’m here for you

Today might not be your best day
Tomorrow might not be okay
But that’s okay
Because I still love you
Because I’m still here for you

I know that’s not very logical
But that’s okay for me
Because I really do love you

It’s 1 am and all I can think about is you
How there’s so many adventures waiting

So many people for us to meet
Places we can visit
Moments for me to love you

There is so much waiting for us together
I’ve met my match and I can’t remember life before

It’s 1 am and I’m looking at rings
But I’m really thinking about our future

The steps we’ll take
The plans we’ll make
The new is waiting for us

Soothe

He didn’t know how he made the voices in my head be silent,
He didn’t realise his presence stopped the raging storm.

He didn’t see how the change engulfed me.
How in control i feel.

Your presence soothed my soul?
Your words hushed the wave and I’m not drowning?

When I breathe out it’s not from releasing unsaid words and thoughts.
My lungs can breathe deeply, freely.
He didn’t understand how he lifted that weight for me.

I feel so free.
Like a candle flickering all night long.

For once I don’t want to listen to her or me.
For once I want your presence to keep soothing me.

Love is stupid
Love makes you do stupid things
Sort your **** out Cupid
I don't want to jump of buildings
With the hope you'll catch me
That's stupid.
I don't want to walk through fire
To prove my love
That's stupid.

But if you asked me to jump off a building,
I would for you.
But if you asked me to walk through fire,
I would for you.
I know that's stupid but without you I'd be so blue
I would do anything because I need you.
I would do anything because I love you.

People in love do stupid things
Because love has their limbs on strings
Making them think they have wings
Making them think they're kings
But darling please don't misconstrue what I would do
Because the truth is, I would gladly do stupid things for you.

Near you

My books and poems don’t excite me
Neither does swimming in the endless sea
but the presence of you-

My brushes and paints are now lost on me
the pages that excited me are pale now
but when you’re nearby-

My words fall out all at once clumsily
but when you’re near me
my thoughts flutter around your mind
my words build an eloquent house around your sentences
art grows from my tips and all I want to do is paint your lips

My palette is static as my mind
but when you’re near me
the colours change their hue

Like the flying chaos of the world I am soothed by the presence of you

Home is your arms wrapped around me
And bringing me a sweet tea

Home is your silly little laugh
And where there’s a sleeping bison calf

Home is discussing the world at midnight
And planning our next flight

Home for me is around you
And feeling close to a little grey Blue

Home is being myself
With a love like yours that lets us be.

You don’t want to talk,
So quietly in the snow we walk
I have so much to say
But you’re just going to look away

You don’t want to talk
We reach a snowy crosswalk
That’s okay I say
But I can feel you pulling away

You don’t want to talk
The words feel stuck in my throat
We live in a democracy do I even get a vote?
The silence you’ve created
I warn you darling is gonna end up ill fated
You’ll wish we never dated.

You don’t want to talk
I’m mad you just sit there
Your miserable silence filling my air

I don’t mind shouting, **** it even fighting
But I assure you I will not survive in this silence
Tell me what’s wrong, walk me through the grey thoughts I see across your stupid face
Because I’m scared of this quiet place

You don’t want to talk
Unfinished thoughts and sad words in a tight lock
And I say that’s okay
But one day I’ll just walk away.

Darling mark,
you’ve had quite a year
(This is not a love poem, let’s be clear,
But i know I’ll blow you out the stratosphere so sit down and have a beer)

You’ve had it quite rough
And although you’re quite tough
You should have died once or twice
So listen to my advice

Don’t change you ****
You’re a half decent chap
You don’t pretend you’re something you’re not
It’s kinda why I mistakenly think you’re quite hot
And I’m certain Freud would have had a field day with you
Beyond reason I enjoyed hanging out at Waterloo
Everything seems nicer with you
so please push through
Listen closely, I’ll only say this once,
You’re kinda funny and you have a kind heart

So this Christmas I won’t ask for much,
And if you tell anyone about this, you’ll be walking with a crutch
please don’t change you ****

I want to claw open my stomach
I said no

I want my fist to smash through
I said no

I want to rip out this dark mass in my stomach
I said no

I want to slice out the feeling inside me
I think I said no enough

I didn’t fight
I didn’t move
I wanted to

I said no
When will these heavy thoughts leave my stomach
Because they’re dragging me further than I imagined
And i hope they pull me to a lake
Because I’ve always felt like drowning

My no doesn’t mean convince me
Saying please don’t doesn’t mean carry on just because I’m smiling

My no wasn’t respected
My right to that word was pushed down with my clothes and thrown into the corner
And I let you

I didn’t move I didn’t stop doing what you asked
I just wanted it to be over

As you wrapped your fingers around my neck you crushed the word as it clawed out
Your soft pressure on my throat was enough to sumbit my no to silence

I’m not worth talking to
that’s what you said in the kitchen
we end up in circles, around and around

I’m not worth talking to
you words wrapped themselves around my legs and took them upstairs
and they’ve worn me down

I’m not worth talking to
they slipped into my spine
and I took them to bed

I’m not worth talking to
your words sat on my chest at night
I waited for that sunshine but it didn’t show

I’m not worth talking to
I sounded like your echo to begin
but now I sound like you
our voices match
entwined

I am not worth it
you’re right

if I keep moving I’ll forget
it started as a stroll through my memories
the complete collection of our friendship
our moments recorded transmitted at night

If I keep moving I’ll  forget
It was then a slow jog, a steady projection forward through repeated images of us
a job through our conversations and with equal speed my replies to your salvations

If I keep moving I’ll forget
I’m running now and out of breath
Escaping these meadows is harder than I thought

My leisurely pace through your actions has confused me
The trees seem like strangers trying to touch me
The grass blades pass like a covered memory

I’m on a train seven hundred miles an hour
The sun sets behind me and yet I’m strolling through your music

I need to keep moving to forget you because you never even remembered me

Dear you, I know you hate the way clothes fit
but you run around calling out confidence, you hypocrite.
Stop covering your face with hair
people just don't care.

Dear you, I know you count the numbers and your days
praying you'd be lighter
so small you might float away.

Dear you, I know in the mirror you're not gentle
hurling abuse at the person in the reflection
are you hoping through rejection she'll change?
Even when you don't say the words they linger in your throat
waiting to -

Dear you, hating yourself is easy
you're full of questions and hate
'put down the plate'
hating yourself is getting into bed in darkness and listening to raindrops

Dear me, please stop.
You're tired of fighting everyone and then yourself
You're tired of catching your reflection looking at you for some validation
i'm yearning for love and i'm tired of starvation

Dear you, you will get out of bed and open the blinds,
you will make it better
I'm sorry for all i've put you through

Dear you, step-by-step unacounted for, I will look after you.

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
i saw others don't tip toe around their parents
they're honest and smile

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
so why do you rain the insults
obnoxious, selfish, rude girl

i've heard the symphony so often i now sing it to myself
obnoxious, selfish, rude girl
i saw others aren't afraird of their parents words
they're constructive and gentle

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
so please act your age before the gap between us grows
i can't hold on forever when you're hot and cold
the everchagning tap is burning

please be my mum and not my enemy
i'm tired of this repetitive symphony from you

I will not forget

You called me beautiful and I think about it every night
Twisting and turning in my sheets
I fell in love with you slowly then all at once
You called me smart and stupid and you blushed
I fell in love with you so easily

I will not forget when you lay in my bed till 5 am
I wanted you
you talked the night away eating chips
Wishing I didn’t have to leave you
It felt for real
You said you were glad you met me
I wanted to say so much more

I will not forget when your eyes lingered over my lips
I should have told you
I fell in love with you long before
and now I’ve left but darling I will not forget

I’m in the pool dancing and then I’m not
My mind is far and my body is static
I stand there but where?
I’m so lost but I haven’t moved

I’m at the bar talking and then I’m not
My mind is travelling and my body is marble
the words stop coming because I’m not here
But where am I?

I’m reading, devouring the chapter and then I’m Not
My eyes glitter over and my body remains

I travelled away but I don’t know where
Any empty true nothing
The world moved and progressed
The people around me walked and talked
But I stood there fixed
Thinking of nothing
Going anti clock wise in a wave of progression

I’m disassociating again. I don’t know why I don’t know where
And all I seem to do is glare
maybe into the nothingness , maybe into the past

I’m writing rhymes in my pad and then I’m not
the pen and the lines evanesce
I’d like to come back.

could it be?

it’s been almost a year since I opened that door
the bolted, scared and chained door that boxes my heart
he carelessly lied all over it
he let it whither by refusing to whisper back to it

could it be you creaked it open in a year
i didn’t know what you’d do
could it be I feel something for you
do you do too?

these smirks and glances
could I play my chances?
your affection and care seem more
or am I so empty i pray they are
am I so deprived of feelings since being a ***** that your kindness is mistaken for more

could it be you want more than what we have?
because I sure do
When you left her, I knew it before you told me
my stomach dropped and ached
swirling like Poseidon’s pools, trapping victims in its gushes
I thought, I hoped it was for me
but you must still love her

I think about you, about us, about words left unsaid in our lingering goodbye
when you called me your best friend - you paused- you looked into my eyes and opened your lips- why didn’t you just say it
why didn’t you tell me more
instead I defend our friendship
I’ll make you a dozen playlists darling if it helps you feel lighter

could it be you feel something more for me?
because I’m afraid to say it out loud
but I may have fallen in love with you

I use men over and over again
and they don't mind
I'm humane and kind
I don't cross boundaries
I'm just a guest
we both know it and it's already been addressed.

When he undressed me he didn't ask about my father.
When he kissed me he didn't press into my heart
because that place is very ****** dark.

I use men over and over again
to feel something
to have fun
it doesn't really matter,
because we're all agreed, this is something we both need.

But you pushed and shoved, smashed and cannonballed my wall,
I didn't want you to ask or see behind my mask,
And even though I fought this fight with laughter against your shooting questions,
you pushed and shoved against my door to find out more.

You were sweet I must admit, romantic and gentle,
but there is a reason everything is compartmental.

because when you left the next day you didn't stop to check the doorway,
where you carelessly left behind my open heart and eyes.
I didn't want to share my insides because as you walked away you didn't check to see what damage you had done.
Asking questions you didn't want the answers to.

I use men but I don't ask more than I'm ready to receive,
and they agree I'm not trying to deceive,
but you blew the doors of pandoras box and left me with the mess
that I now have to try and repress

hospitals remind me of you
the frail, the weak, the fed up
It’s been a year and I still think about you
It’s been a year and my chest still feels heavy
I tried my best to be happy and I still do every day but the thoughts of you rush to the front
My mind traces the memory of you in the bed
The beeping of the oxygen tanks
Your muddled voice
Your surprisingly warm hand but pink nose

the lump in my throat is supposed to go away, when will it leave me just like you did?

It’s been a year and I still find myself crying in bed, in the dark and busy bars, on busses and long walks
I want to hear your voice and stupid comments about greek politics

I know you’re resting in peace
I whisper quietly every night to you in the stars
but I still miss you
tell me how do I learn to rest in peace too, knowing you’re gone?

I’m over loving you

I know I’m over loving you because when I look at the space in my bed
It isn’t your outline
I know because I smile more often everyday
I know because I wanted him to hold my hand even though he wasn’t you
I do think about you in the strangest times, on planes, on trains and in coffee shops but as a passing memory
A traveller exploring a city but never experiencing its true delights
I know because I have grown up and I realise loving you was toxic

When I catch myself adoring you again, on your pedestal
I pause and wish you well
I know I’m over loving you because I want the best for you now, and I know now, that isn’t me

If you want to feel come out with me
just for the company
I promise I don’t always bite back and fight. The raging fire is subsided she is neutral, for now.
Is this happiness?
I’d like to hold your hand against mine
Feel the creases and the patterns of your skin, even just for the night.

If you want to feel come out with me, I know it’s far too soon to say I like you but the way you make me feel
I’d like to hold your hand against mine
The last thing I want is to confuse you darling but it’s far too soon to say can’t we just hold hands
Do I cross your mind as much as you run around mine?  

When we kiss I can’t stop laughing
Is this happiness?
I’ve been lost for a while, I may still be lost but I think I’d like to hold your hand just for a little while.

Forty days have passed and I still think about you every night
As I lay down in my bed
As I lay down with my thoughts

Forty days have passed and I don’t wear black everyday
But I feel that shade inside
Plain and simple
Dark and lonely
There’s nothing I can do to change it
You’re gone and that’s permanent
The finality is jarring

Forty days have passed but every night I close my eyes and see them throw dirt over you
My heart sinks and lowers down my rib cage echoing your coffin
I know that wasn’t you, you left us already by then
Yet why does my mind keep returning to that scene

Forty days have passed but Cyprus doesn’t feel quite like home anymore
Neither does London.

Forty days have passed and I keep finding my eyes stinging and breath escaping
I don’t know what to do, I don’t think any of the family know what to do now you’re gone
I suppose just carry on

Forty days have passed and my black clothes mean nothing to these people or my friends but you know and so do I

Every night I look at those constellations you pointed with one hand and the other holding your cigarette
When I see the stars shine
It’s your sign
Six months have passed and I know you’re here but I can’t bring myself to take off this black just yet

I'm so tired all the time,
wishing it was my bedtime
So uninspired and heavy
my thoughts push my head further into the pillow
gravity hooks its steel claws into my skin keeps dragging
my mind keeps lagging
my eyes sting and cry
perhaps I need a lullaby?

I'm so tired all the time,
my eyelids are in a constant fight
against the glowing light
i feel all this guilt as I sink further into my quilt

Why do my limbs feel numb and my limbs like they will collapse
perhaps I should get up?
I'm just so tired all the time,
yet why can I not sleep when I'm already in this deep


I'm so tired all the time,
perhaps this time if I close my eyes
sleep will creep upon me

You mean nothing to me anymore
I am no longer your *****
go and tie that noose around your neck
you bet I won't be there
I think about you and cannot remember why
why did I let myself cry
why did I let myself repeatedly die

You mean nothing to me anymore
even your name is just an eyesore
I walk with pride with each stride
no longer sunken and petrified
of your inner Jekyll and Hyde

You mean nothing to me anymore
and with that statement its the end of this cold war
I don't know what my future has in store
but I'm ready to go explore
I'm ready to walk this road alone

You mean nothing to me anymore
I know on this path i'll fall down and ask what's this all for
with disillusioned hopes and words- I miss you come back
I'll get back on track and realise
You may mean nothing to me but I mean the world to me
and its about time I became a ******* priority.

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
when i awake up and go to sleep,
i close my eyes and just see these black sheep
when i'm lying down alone
where the hell is my backbone?

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
even after i had seen him
i find myself wondering where you have been
finding myself dreaming in-between
his childlike charms and your arms

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
that time we spent in bed all day and night
yelling **** the daylight and ***** the moonlight because we have each other and it will be alright

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
that time you left me crying because you had better things to do
that time you left when i needed you the most
and you came back after like a really ****** ghost

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
but i would also be ******* joking if i said i wanted you back
i've enjoyed this good old throwback
but don't confuse thinking with missing
you left and you stink of regret but you've become a memory, a silhouette

I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
but you'd always fall through
and i'm quite busy with someone who cares
because he hasn't caused me any nightmares
and i'm actually proud to be called theirs.

I don't want to walk in to a room full of strangers
have you even thought of the dangers?
Well I have at 3 am each night
they sure do bring me great delight

I don't want to walk in
oh my god give me some gin
They won't like me
I'm just a wannabe
Imposter syndrome
I just wanna go home

I don't want to walk in
They're looking at the white's of my eyes
I don't mean to dramatise
but I might die

I don't want to talk in
and I can feel my chest
I'm so ******* stressed

I'm walking in
Is this auto-pilot because this is your captain speaking and get ready for a crash and ****** burn
I've reached the point of no return

Walk in you big ******* baby
whats the worst that could happen?
I talk too fast with too much passion?
so what if they don't like me I already sound like banshee
At least try to be care-free
I can't make any guarantees
but step by step in to the room
it won't be all doom and gloom

Just walk in and see you might even make a friend in the end
who didn't want to walk in to too

I know you loved looking at the stars
Sitting outside and admiring at what's ours
Shooting stats and cigarettes
I'm full of regrets

I should have come to see you
But I didn't have a clue
I know you loved looking at the stars
Sitting outside in the humid night
Where everything still felt bright

You seemed so happy I came to your side
It's still so raw inside
I look at the stars alone tonight
And I know it will eventually be alright
Because instead of looking at the stars, you're now a part of the constellations you used to describe to me  
You're up there, finally free.

Stargazing with you means that now looking at the night sky
I don't have to say goodbye.

i don't miss you because you treated me like dirt
i just felt so hurt,
we had good times
but being honest you committed too many crimes

i don't miss you because you made me feel alone
you'd say i always moan
but did you ever think that i was saying something other than white noise
people would say they're just boys
but did you ever listen
as i opened the gates to my mind
or were you just blind and resigned

i don't miss you
but i keep falling through the same avenue
i don't know what i am supposed to do
but i know i'm through with you

i don't miss you
but why am i the one who feels numb
whilst you haunt my night
and rob me of my hindsight
because in the sunlight
i don't miss you,  but at midnight
all i seem to write about is how much i miss you with my spite

When you casually left from my life
I know it’s cliché but it felt like a knife
I never expected to lose you
but I guess were through.

I can’t stop brushing my fingers on the old pages
it’s been ages since we last spoke
my eyes devour the written words of our history
how you left me still seems a mystery
your leaving took its toll
it left a void, a hole.

When you casually left from my life
I knew it was the right thing
but im pulling myself on this string.
Pretending its not happening
I never expected to lose you
but I guess our love wasn’t true.

I know I need to close the dusty pages I cling to
flick the new pages open and push through.
You seem happier while I still can’t sleep
I don’t cry or weep but I know my wound is **** deep.

It’s about time I had some good sleep
not tossing and turning and thinking
sinking in to my mind, unblinking

I know I need to write my next chapter
escape my abandoned captor.
Once I pick up my pen
I know Ill be almost new again
who knows what awaits
what the fates have in store
but I know i'll no longer be on the floor
thinking and rewinding our time together

I have an unsteady hand to open the new pages
It’s a slow and lonely journey, it may take ages
but I will write a next new chapter.
Where you have lost me but I will be free.

I joke I make a great punch,
but if you knew me you'd have a hunch
something is very wrong,
when I am very gone.

I begin sinking in my chair
my emotions are very bare
I feel my heartbeat.

This liquid courage is a cheat
the after taste is not very sweet,
I drank a glass, or two
it's all gone a bit askew.

This liquid courage is a cheat
I still don't feel complete
I drank a glass, or two
maybe I don't have a clue.

I just wanted to talk without thinking
I didn't want to feel like I was sinking
everyone else in the room seems fine
maybe I should just grow a spine
but it's not even nine and my blood is half wine.

I think I'm drowning,
why is everyone around me frowning?

This liquid courage is a cheat
I just wanted to feel upbeat
maybe if I reapply my lipstick- wait, I'm going to be sick

This liquid courage is a cheat
it leaves you downbeat,
you need to find your own two feet

Get up the chair, brush your hair
and then everyone there will become aware.
Don't worry about what to wear,
because they'll all stare.

Be bare and share, you don't need this much liquid courage
but one small glass I won't discourage.

I joke I make a great punch,
but if you knew me you'd have a hunch
something is very wrong,
when I am very gone.

I begin sinking in my chair
my emotions are very bare
I feel my heartbeat.

This liquid courage is a cheat
the after taste is not very sweet,
I drank a glass, or two
it's all gone a bit askew.

This liquid courage is a cheat
I still don't feel complete
I drank a glass, or two
maybe I don't have a clue.

I just wanted to talk without thinking
I didn't want to feel like I was sinking
everyone else in the room seems fine
maybe I should just grow a spine
but it's not even nine and my blood is half wine.

I think I'm drowning,
why is everyone around me frowning?

This liquid courage is a cheat
I just wanted to feel upbeat
maybe if I reapply my lipstick- wait, I'm going to be sick

This liquid courage is a cheat
it leaves you downbeat,
you need to find your own two feet

Get up the chair, brush your hair
and then everyone there will become aware.
Don't worry about what to wear,
because they'll all stare.

Be bare and share, you don't need this much liquid courage
but one small glass I won't discourage.

There is another chapter in your story
Discover your new territory
Don’t look back, become an amnesiac
These pages are your remedy
Forget the despair and the lost prayer look elsewhere
Start with the first page and dull your rage
This new chapter will be your sage

Put the old pages to rest on sundown
And at the break of dawn you won’t have drowned
Floating in bliss with your pages as a raft
Expel your craft
Release the ink bound in chains within your fingers
Rebound for fresh ground
The sea washes away the sand
Let it wash away your mind
Time will find you a place to stand and I will have your hand

Yesterday is dead; no more tears shall be shed
Abandon that past dread
The ink is being shed
Your new chapters wont go unread
Don’t look back, but look ahead.

Darling, I've fallen for you
It's a lovely view, looking up at you
Because alongside your features I see the stars
I feel like everything is ours
I may be on the ground lying down, but I feel like I'm wearing a crown

The world should slow down, let them frown
because they're the ones missing, the forming of constellations and of magic every time you smile
Your bright glow that can illuminate the darkest of hearts
Each star darts the unique sides to you
It is all worthwhile
Your starry outline will outshine that skyline


Darling, I have fallen for you
But I don't care because it's an extraordinary view

I hope you know
How much I care
Although I may not show it
You mean more to me than air
When I don't speak to you it's such a scare
I hope you know
How much I care
I swear without you I would tear
You hold my world together dear,
You're my glue it's very clear
You've replaced my spear with something sincere
I just want you to be near
I hope you know
How much I care
You are the answer to my prayer
My love I just want to declare
My emotions I want to lay bare
Although I find it hard
With these bars around- I always have my guard
But please don't just discard me
I hope you know
How much I care
I could stare into yours eyes where I'd be lost wondering all day
Everyone else would just fade away
I close my eyes when you're not there
And I remember the memories we share
There's always something in the air
You may be unaware
But you have always been there
I treasure you more than the moon does the stars
Everything is ours
I hope you know
How much I care
I may be attached to you like a heart to a chest
But you treat what I kept suppressed like it was blessed
I just have one request
I hope you know
How much I care
Because for you, wise guy
I would even die.

I hope you know
How much I care.

They tell us we need education
It's a part of creation
It becomes your foundation
And you know what, I want to write a dissertation
But there's a sly deprivation
a twisted and greedy **** that creates this limitation,
our gardens are drowning in them.
Let's stop this perpetuation.
Let's stop the subordination.
We need a reforestation.

They have the education yet they lack communication.
Can't you see the starvation of education? It's causing me frustration.
They hold the apple of knowledge and dangle it above our heads,
I am surrounded by dead ends.
A ******* over education.

Lets demand our own salvation from this privation.
How would they handle a confrontation? Or even better a collaboration?
If we share education as a nation,
Then we can all go to graduation.

I hope you find a way to be yourself
I hope you look in the mirror and you feel a connection to your own reflection
I hope you push away the boulder on your back, that pushed you down to the ground
For that is not where you belong
You should be crowned
Crush the stones for all the wrongs

I hope you find a way to be yourself
Regardless of what others think
Silence their intrusive thoughts with your darts of confidence
Silence their criticisms with your smile of indifference
You've been patient too long, the ink has ran dry
Stop and think
Do you really need that drink?

I pray the best for you but I cannot do it for you
I hope you find a way to be honest with yourself
Shed this uncomfortable skin
Your new life could soon begin

I cannot save you within
Pick up your own ink
For I hope you find a way to be yourself
Or even better to like yourself

Dear dad,
I feel so mad
Whenever I ever hear the word dad
It's like I've been stabbed

Dear dad,
My backbone has been peeled away from my skin
Where the **** have you been?
Without my back I've collapsed into a corner,
you've become a foreigner.

Dear dad,
'My rock'
More like a useless chalk
Crumbling in my hands
If I dared to understand.

Dear dad,
We may be            apart
But you don't even try
Why?
I can't stand our goodbyes.
A knot of words lingers in my throat
Scratching and crawling on my tongue to come afloat.
I don't visit often because every time I leave my chest breaks away,
Why don't you even try to meet me halfway?

Dear dad,
Slipping through my fingers
Into your ashtray
We have truly moved too far away
Even if I lived next to you, in the same ******* house, we are too far

Dear dad,
Lift your cigar
Cover in ashes, the star.
He has forever left an ashy scar.

She skinned her knees crawling through her emotions
She opened her veins on paper and let the thick blood come trickling out
Her heart is made of glass and if you touch it light enough it will break into two, releasing a new beat
She lost her sight in love
She carved words on her chest as if without them she couldn't rest
She scratched words on her throat and clawed them on her tongue like they were her new oxygen supply.

She is a poem who I'm glad lived.

Wake up
Come on, we have a busy day
Come on, you'll waste your day away,
We can go faraway or to a cafe
We can play or do something cliche

Wake up
Get up
I know it's hard and the world feels like a dump
Make that small jump
I won't judge if you firstly trudge
Once you're up, have courage
Once you've gotten up things will be sunnier
Life could be funnier

Wake up
Come on, I want to help you smile
I know the world is hostile
But it will be worthwhile
I want to be the ketchup to your chip
Come on, let's go on a trip
If you get tired you can relax in my imagination
You'll still have my *full admiration

Slowly realising this affirmation
Is my own situation
That would be nice,
If I listened to my own advice

and woke up.

I have a bath everyday
Washing off yesterday's decay
Washing my hair,
From today's despair
Shaving away,
My memory bouquet.

They say water has powers
I hope it empowers
Momentarily drowning
Counting
One
Two
Three
Maybe I could dissapear?
Quickly I reappear
Watch the soap grow,
Like my hope.

The waves soon become a tsunami
I seem to have an immunity,
Like new opportunity.
The water calms, unity returns
The water no longer burns.

My fingers are wrinkled
I must return to the real world
Leaving behind my dream world
with the pull of a plug and a whirl,
My amniotic birth has brought me back
and ready for tomorrow's attack.

The Big Bang
the way you slam the door
I just ignore
because I want more

The Big Bang
what you do to my heart
when we are apart
I'm under your spell
like a dart to a board

The Big Bang
when you drag your cigarette
stay for another hour or two
maybe we can listen to a cassette
Who knows whats next?
the universe and I are just as complex

The Big Bang
standby
the derby can still fall

The Big Bang*
is the reason I survive
but the reason I'm alive
is because you arrived

I don't want to be perfect
What an incorrect prospect
I like my defect
At least I'm not an object

My eyes do not resemble suns
My words are more like guns
Aimed at your sons
I've only just begun

My hair is not soft and fine
You simply cannot define
Or enshrine
Standby and do not whine

My thoughts are not innocent and pure
Nothing is secure
But I am certainly not your saviour
My behaviour brings danger
I am not your entertainer

My hands are not are not flowers
I have different powers
Which devours and towers
Over your mouth as he cowers

Nature is not just beautiful
And neither am I
How dare you belittle it with unsuitable lies
Save your goodbyes
I am not your demise, that would be unwise
Do you not realise I have a disguise?

I am not  perfect
Yet you could never recreate and resurrect my imperfections
Save your affections
I need to find my own directions, away from your infectious reflections

Vulnerability is scary
I guess that's why I'm always wary
In the palm of another's hand
I solemnly stand

Vulnerability is scary
Someone I know barely
They could *bury me
In debris

I'm flesh and bones
Their words could be stones
The way you shake when you're crying
Or when you blink when you're lying
Because inside you know you're dying

When I tell you how I feel
I may begin to heal
This is so unreal-
Yet I still fear that you will squeal
What I tried so hard to conceal

Vulnerability is scary
I would like to say contrary,
I feel like a freed canary
How very wrong
I've made another prison
With bars made of vulnerability

My secrets have become a liability
For I foolishly trust
You will not run
When we are done

Vulnerability is so scary

I vaguely remember our car rides together
I wished they'd last forever
We drove around singing Queen
Imagine what could have been?
I'm nearly eighteen,
I'm beginning to forget

I vaguely remember us at Disney
I cling on to the memory fragments
Reenactments of my mind
I wish our lives where redesigned

I've been told you rocked me to sleep
Where are you now when I'm trying to fall asleep?
I vaguely remember your bad jokes
When I awake you're still not here

I imagine our little conversations today
We could play or sway or you could help me with an essay
Possibilities which will never be
Because you did not stay

It dawned upon me, I have spent most of my life away from you
That makes me feel so blue
I wish we could start anew
For I so desperately miss you

I am not just my fathers daughter
Please can we slaughter
This idea that we belong to others
I am not another's

I am not just my mothers daughter
Please can we alter
This idea that we are not whole
I am not a doll you can control

I am not just someone's girlfriend
This view must end

Why do I have to defend this dead-end?
I recommend you look again
My fire has awoken, yet
You lit your cigarette
Has my individuality become a threat?
Please do not forget
I am not just a silhouette

                                           I am **someone