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CP 6d
Darling mark,
you’ve had quite a year
(This is not a love poem, let’s be clear,
But i know I’ll blow you out the stratosphere so sit down and have a beer)

You’ve had it quite rough
And although you’re quite tough
You should have died once or twice
So listen to my advice

Don’t change you ****
You’re a half decent chap
You don’t pretend you’re something you’re not
It’s kinda why I mistakenly think you’re quite hot
And I’m certain Freud would have had a field day with you
Beyond reason I enjoyed hanging out at Waterloo
Everything seems nicer with you
so please push through
Listen closely, I’ll only say this once,
You’re kinda funny and you have a kind heart

So this Christmas I won’t ask for much,
And if you tell anyone about this, you’ll be walking with a crutch
please don’t change you ****
CP May 2019
No?
I want to claw open my stomach
I said no

I want my fist to smash through
I said no

I want to rip out this dark mass in my stomach
I said no

I want to slice out the feeling inside me
I think I said no enough

I didn’t fight
I didn’t move
I wanted to

I said no
When will these heavy thoughts leave my stomach
Because they’re dragging me further than I imagined
And i hope they pull me to a lake
Because I’ve always felt like drowning
CP May 2019
My no doesn’t mean convince me
Saying please don’t doesn’t mean carry on just because I’m smiling

My no wasn’t respected
My right to that word was pushed down with my clothes and thrown into the corner
And I let you

I didn’t move I didn’t stop doing what you asked
I just wanted it to be over

As you wrapped your fingers around my neck you crushed the word as it clawed out
Your soft pressure on my throat was enough to sumbit my no to silence
CP May 2019
My friend

You are my friend
I trusted you and you put all that to an end

You were my friend
You came back to my space and shattered my place

I didn’t see it happen
It just fell around me
I should have pushed you, I should have shoved you, I didn’t move
Why didn’t I move
Where did I go when my friend took me

this shattered pride can’t take much more

You pulled me down and giggled
I said no and you heard

You were my friend so why didn’t you stop

You got on top, I said no and you heard
Everything was so slurred

You were my friend, you are my friend
but why did you leave me this empty heavy hell when you fell asleep
CP Dec 2018
I’m not worth talking to
that’s what you said in the kitchen
we end up in circles, around and around

I’m not worth talking to
you words wrapped themselves around my legs and took them upstairs
and they’ve worn me down

I’m not worth talking to
they slipped into my spine
and I took them to bed

I’m not worth talking to
your words sat on my chest at night
I waited for that sunshine but it didn’t show

I’m not worth talking to
I sounded like your echo to begin
but now I sound like you
our voices match
entwined

I am not worth it
you’re right
CP Nov 2018
if I keep moving I’ll forget
it started as a stroll through my memories
the complete collection of our friendship
our moments recorded transmitted at night

If I keep moving I’ll  forget
It was then a slow jog, a steady projection forward through repeated images of us
a job through our conversations and with equal speed my replies to your salvations

If I keep moving I’ll forget
I’m running now and out of breath
Escaping these meadows is harder than I thought

My leisurely pace through your actions has confused me
The trees seem like strangers trying to touch me
The grass blades pass like a covered memory

I’m on a train seven hundred miles an hour
The sun sets behind me and yet I’m strolling through your music

I need to keep moving to forget you because you never even remembered me
CP Sep 2018
Dear you, I know you hate the way clothes fit
but you run around calling out confidence, you hypocrite.
Stop covering your face with hair
people just don't care.

Dear you, I know you count the numbers and your days
praying you'd be lighter
so small you might float away.

Dear you, I know in the mirror you're not gentle
hurling abuse at the person in the reflection
are you hoping through rejection she'll change?
Even when you don't say the words they linger in your throat
waiting to -

Dear you, hating yourself is easy
you're full of questions and hate
'put down the plate'
hating yourself is getting into bed in darkness and listening to raindrops

Dear me, please stop.
You're tired of fighting everyone and then yourself
You're tired of catching your reflection looking at you for some validation
i'm yearning for love and i'm tired of starvation

Dear you, you will get out of bed and open the blinds,
you will make it better
I'm sorry for all i've put you through

Dear you, step-by-step unacounted for, I will look after you.
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