Asominate: Poems

May 2019 · 1.3k

Asominate May 2019

Crashing,
Spiralling around.

I keep you safe,
But lose my sound

Judgements collide,
Reality becomes a lie

When would be the last time I die?

#existentialcrisis #whatislife #asominate #mylife #crisis #suicide #schizophrenia

May 2019 · 790

Me

Asominate May 2019

Me

Every time I look,
All I ever see,
I wish it didn't show:
All I'll never be.

All I never am;
What you want of me,
Sorry that we're ******,
Sorry that I'm me.

#asominate #me #myself #life #sorry

May 2019 · 931

Illustionist

Asominate May 2019

Illustionist

My mind destabilizes
My memory departs
Empty horizons
Dark storm clouds lurk

Laying out the bricks
I'm building up a wall
Now for my latest tricks
Is it you or I behind the bars?

#iluusion #illusionist #asominate #prison #trapped #mental #memory #schizophrenia

May 2019 · 207

New Horizons

Asominate May 2019

New Horizons

Exploring possibilities,
The future holds so much
A spirit of tranquillity
I'm foreign to its touch

Creating opportunities
Extracting experiences
They've never reached the twos and threes
Much sacrificial expenses

#asominate #school #life #horizon #future

May 2019 · 175

Protective Authorities

Asominate May 2019

Protective Authorities

You know
We're good
We both know
How to hold back

Killing machines,
On command, we can attack

Our defences
Sometimes found offensive
Do the crime, pay the time
Pay for your offences

#asominate #war #crime #protect #attack #paranoia

May 2019 · 188

Happy Thoughts

Asominate May 2019

Happy Thoughts

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness was what I sought.

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
They sure can make my brain rot.

Psychiatrist?
Doctor?
Doctor?
Take it away,
But why bother?
Talking wouldn't make it better...

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness, it can be bought!

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
Happiness in a capsule!

Psychiatrist!
Doctor!
Doctor!
Talk it out,
And make me better
Heal me!
Heal me!
Make my mind still!
"All problems are solved with happy pills. "

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness shouldn't be sought.

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
Happiness, it sure can ****.

Psychiatrist?
Doctor?
Doctor?
Desolate hopes
Therapy: thunder
Must deny presence of disease
I am cured when you are pleased.

#happy #thoughts #mental #sanity #asominate #mind #happiness #medicine #disease

May 2019 · 589

R.I.P. Part 2 (Mercury)

Asominate May 2019

R.I.P. Part 2 (Mercury)

They come in twos and threes
Glistering silver seas
Overwhelming nausea
Worsen anxieties

I feel so far apart
Separate but not separated
How can I rest in peace?
When I am here resting in pieces

#mercury #chemistry #chemical #asominate #quicksilver #rip #death #die #poisen

May 2019 · 196

Well

Asominate May 2019

Well

I hope you are fine,
To know you’re doing well
It distracts of all my constant hell
I won’t get far, but to know you’re okay
It helps me to forget the end’s near for my day

#asominate #sunset #friend #wellness #death #hell #pain #hurt

May 2019 · 387

Gold Dust

Asominate May 2019

Gold Dust

Nothing
Stays the same
For long
There’s always change

To think
I could hold
Onto what
I considered gold

To know
I’ll never keep
Forever
My innocents and sweets

#time #gold #memory #treasure #end #death #asominate #change #life #past

May 2019 · 669

R.I.P. Part 1 (Sunset)

Asominate May 2019

R.I.P. Part 1 (Sunset)

The sun had rise
I see the sunset
Approach in a disguise
Of an unfortunate death

Life was a beast,
But to finally be released
Will I finally find me peace?
Or will I just rest in pieces?

The setting sun
Goes down
Though you’re still believing
Time, don’t turn back
‘Cause finally I see it

I’ll finally depart
I’m glad to say I’m leaving
I feel it tears my heart,
I’ll rest, but I’ll rest in pieces.

#sunset #asominate #end #death #die #suicide #rip

Apr 2019 · 311

A Poet's Soul

Asominate Apr 2019

A Poet's Soul

Love is for the heart
And poetry's for the soul
One tears you apart
And the other makes you whole

When there's no one to hold you,
You wanna let go,

You're caving in?
Then listen
To the true words of a poem;

A poet's soul,
Straight from the source
In life's storms,
It's a solid anchor

Thoughts are for the mind
And poetry's for the spirit
Thoughts can never find
But the other always reaches

One way or another
If you're ever lost
Read a poem
It'll always be free-of-cost

When there's no one's opinion
To question who are you,
In the dark
A poem always shine through

But would you listen
To lines of the truth?

From a poet's soul
Straight from the source
Raw, unfiltered, very wholesome
An unstoppable force;

Listen the souls of poets!

We write our souls, do you care to listen what they have to say?

#poems #poem #poetry #poet #asominate #soul

Apr 2019 · 564

Hills

Asominate Apr 2019

Hills

Bending grass and rolling hill
Caress my palms and make me still
Essence of the floras' ester
Tickle my nostrils; nose and pester

#asominate #hill #grass #scenery

Apr 2019 · 1.4k

Ring around the Rosie

Asominate Apr 2019

Ring around the Rosie

Ring around the rosie
Pocket full of posies
Now it's too late, I'l never wake
And now you'll never know me

Ring around the coffin
Nobody is certain
Ashes, ashes
I fell down

#twisted #asominate #nursery #death #late

Apr 2019 · 343

Is It

Asominate Apr 2019

Is It

Is it a new beginning
Or an old end?

Is it goodbye to a true enemy
Or hello to a fake friend?

Imprisoned, but...

Is is you
Or me behind the bars?

Are we keeping you out
Or keeping me in from where you are?

#asominate #paradox

Mar 2019 · 1.2k

Focus

Asominate Mar 2019

Focus

I am having a crisis,
But there's no need to response,
Since I've always been like this
So what else can go wrong?

Being under psychosis,
But you won't notice that
Can't tell you anything
Because you can't handle facts

I know it's a lot
It can be a lot to swallow
But feel my hurt today
To give us better tomorrows

I know it's uncertain
The future becomes unclear
So stop ignoring all the things
That fill your heart with fear

I know, you're a human,
I know, it makes you scared,
Seeing all the work you put into me
With an eye blink disappear

I know, you're human,
I know you are not prepared
But this is the way my life goes
It'll be better if for me you're here

I am my own...

#focus #refocus #asominate #perception #psychosis

Mar 2019 · 711

Refocus

Asominate Mar 2019

Refocus

I am having a crisis,
But you cannot respond,
We wonder why I'm like this
Why was I ever born?

Being under psychosis,
But you won't acknowledge
So I tell you somethings
Overreact, astonished

Calm down, there's nothing
There is nothing to fear
For you, I'll change my perceptions
It's alright, I don't need prescriptions

I know it's set in stone
The future's always your way
So I should stop making up all these things
For the fun of it, for play

I know, you're a human,
I know, it makes you scared,
Seeing all the work you put into me
With an eye blink disappear

Because you're human,
I exist to be your slave
Your word is how I should go
Since you say so, I should behave

...but I'll become what you like

#focus #refocus #asominate #perception #psychosis

Mar 2019 · 872

I Can't Stop Part 2

Asominate Mar 2019

I Can't Stop Part 2

I'm not very smart
This is of myself
I gave you my heart
And hope that you help
To...

Keep me together
Keep me from falling apart
But I shouldn't have done that
After I gave you my heart

The pounding sound of heartbeats drown me in their noise
My eardrums on the verge of bursting, but I have no choice
Taken over by the soundwaves, lost in a cloud of rot
My ears are bleeding, because of your voices, I can't stop.

#asominate #icantstop #psychosis #life #schizophrenia

Mar 2019 · 1.1k

Radioactive

Asominate Mar 2019

Radioactive

My chemical imbalances
Make me unstable
Releasing pieces of my mind
So I'll become stable
Still calculating the halflife
Of my sanity
Alpha, beta or gammma,
Would not catorize me

#chemistry #radioactive #asominate #life #sanity #schizophrenia #psychosis

Mar 2019 · 793

Static Dreams

Asominate Mar 2019

Static Dreams

Inside my static dreams
Are acid screams

A sphere of broken glass
Spins
On alone a string,

If you pull my cords right,
You'll make me sing

#static #acid #lsd #asominate #dream #disco #dance #sing #voice

Mar 2019 · 231

Biased

Asominate Mar 2019

Biased

Let me die!
Death,
Why don't you like me?

So many time I've tried,
Death,
Why must hide your face?

I'm searching for a way out,
A way out of here
I thought maybe you could me escape
The horrors of life and all its fears

#suicide #selfharm #asominate #death #biased

Mar 2019 · 265

Watchers

Asominate Mar 2019

Watchers

They’re always watching, following me
I can feel their presence everywhere I go
I tried to listen to them, I felt them calling me
So I welcomed them in and let me go

#watcher #asominate #see #eyes #look #lose #lost

Mar 2019 · 308

Curiosity

Asominate Mar 2019

Curiosity

The past memories sit and stare
With nothing left to do, we begin to share
I say this, it replies with that
Deep down we both wish this was more than a chit chat

It showed me videos of things that already happened
I want to end its life, but it's there, crafting
From leaning on a wall about to crumble
With curiosity, I walk over, hoping it would show me it's humble

It was sharpening a knife, and I wonder "For what use?"
"Will it be another object that on myself I abuse?
I lose myself to my imagination,
To all my destructive behaviours that bring about surreal sensations

#asominate #curiosity #curious #selfharm #suicide

Mar 2019 · 228

I'm Human, Too?

Asominate Mar 2019

I'm Human, Too?

Don't be surprised,
I, myself, can feel pain
Even without a external reaction

I've always been swallowing my pride,
For so long, it's no longer a part of me
That gives us one less distraction

#human #asominate #pain

Mar 2019 · 731

Maybe I'm Human, Too?

Asominate Mar 2019

Maybe I'm Human, Too?

I have my destructible behaviours,
I beg for your love and attention
Maybe if I became what you want
You'll give me what I need
Even though what's received
Isn't truly affection

I have my addictions
I overdose on dopamine
But maybe if their levels were stable in my body
I wouldn't behave like the ****** I am
And no longer unwanted, I'll be

I have my happy moments in life,
Though I don't really share
Because if I give them away to others
That means there would be less for me
Although happiness never truly is there

#asominate #human #us #schizophrenia #mental

Mar 2019 · 851

The Moons are all Neon

Asominate Mar 2019

The Moons are all Neon

The moons are all neon
A biohazard still fabulous
The apocalypse is upon us
Let the population die

Together we'll grow extinct
Our species already endangered
The moons are still neon, my love
We'll dance to death in the burning lights

#asominate #moons #neon #dance #apocalypse #death #extinction #dark

Mar 2019 · 272

Thief

Asominate Mar 2019

Thief

If you steal my heart,
You'll bury it in your garden.

Don't plant it too deep
Else it would never emerge
To see the beauty of the sky
And your loving face

Shower it in your love
And make it overwhelmed
To die and drown in a sea
Of material items with no true meaning

Maybe its season will come
And it would finally bear
Seeds of emotion,
Seeds of love to spread
To decorate your garden
And whither into the soil it came from

Maybe its season has passed
And you will never taste its fruits
The weeds would find it
And make a meal
Consuming all the life in your garden
And you'll never plant again

#asominate #garden #thief

Mar 2019 · 1.2k

Gemini

Asominate Mar 2019

Gemini

Cold and calculating
There are equations that need to be solved
I've been contemplating
These situations that'll eventually have to be resolved

Some people leave their mark
Some people bring about change
But it won't change who we are
Instead our species's endangered

The consequences arise from when our heart unfuse
Only a matter of time before we blow the fuse
They call it love, only because they see through abuse
One sided relationships always leave the other used

Claws ready to tear every ligament to shreds
Scream at me, my heart is what broke
Dysphoria won't make me find you dead
It's inevitable that I'm going to croak

There's a reason why they call me magician
I'll confuse your mind, I'll put on a illusion
You'll never notice, without me, there's ok in broken
Your thoughts would never be your own, still harmed by all unspoken.

#gemini #asominate #maths

Mar 2019 · 382

Blame Game

Asominate Mar 2019

Blame Game

Once again
Here we go
We're playing the blame game
You can't seem
To let go
So it is all the same
Conclusions
But you don't know
Which path down where it came
So, ofcourse I am blamed
The outcome never change

I can never seem to be acknowledged, even when they're in the wrong

#bllame #game #blamegame #asominate #lose #loser

Mar 2019 · 214

You and Me

Asominate Mar 2019

You and Me

Two of a kind
That's who we are
I'm the birth,
You're the death
Of a universal star

You're not that broken

#asominate #you #me

Mar 2019 · 140

Me and You

Asominate Mar 2019

Me and You

I am not that broken
Untreated, but I will be fine
I'm scared now I've spoken
You won't again come and be mine

You had to cut the strings
You have made me unsound
You're the reason I sing
My dopamine won't go down

Education isn't as easy
Like those days that you remained with me
They think I act this, can't help I'm a misfit
Read between the lines, are my actions that cryptic?

For years I've ignored the pain and hurt
I cry for help but it has never worked
I'm a mechanical malfunction put among them, humanity
I don't know for how long I can stand their profanity.

Two of a kind

#asominate #me #you

Feb 2019 · 1.0k

Barbed Wire

Asominate Feb 2019

Barbed Wire

Embrace me tightly
Until I can't breathe
Until all the love I have for you recedes

Pinch my cheek
To draw red water
To coat your surface
Wear me like decor

Wrap around me
And pierce my lungs
Leave me speechless
From lack of tongue

Become the very air
I respire
And love me as
You're made of barded wire

#wire #suffocating #pierce #asominate #barbedwire

Feb 2019 · 434

Speed

Asominate Feb 2019

Speed

Now it's too late
For me to slow down
Must accept my fate:
The lost will ever be found

All down the drain,
Moments lost in a flash
Pushing limits,
We were bound to crash

No matter how speed
I can never seem
To reach
Where I have to go

No matter how fast
I know it won't last
Because
I've always been too slow

Rolling down the road
You were in my path
You left me roadkill
And it makes you laugh

Carrying my loads
We came in contact
You died on impact
I was still intact

#race #speed #slow #drive #accident #asominate

Feb 2019 · 1.7k

I Can't Stop Part 1

Asominate Feb 2019

I Can't Stop Part 1

I can’t stop
Another day I starve myself

I can’t stop
Another day I abuse my body

I can’t stop
Another day I tear pieces of my flesh away with nails and teeth

I can’t stop
Another day I lose myself to my voices

I can’t stop
Another day I won’t let myself rest

I can’t stop
Another day I inhale toxic gases

I can’t stop
Another day I write a poem because no one would listen

I can’t stop
Another day I cry and break down, all alone

I can’t stop
Another day I can’t bear my own reflection

I can’t stop
Another day I realise that I’m all Daddy has

I can’t stop
Another day I think about his death

I can’t stop
Another day I claim to be fine

I can’t stop
Another day I sacrifice my being for someone who’s not me

I can’t stop
Another day I scold me for my imperfections

I can’t stop
Another day I give myself the things I deserve

I can’t stop
Another day I feel drawn to a knife’s sharp edge

I can’t stop
Another day I think of falling off a cliff

I can’t stop
Another day I think of the inevitable

I can’t stop
Another day I collapse due to physical and mental exhaustion

I can’t stop
Another day I overwork myself because of expectations

I can’t stop
Another day I wake up to find I’m still alive

I can’t stop
Another day I believe my delusions

I can’t stop
Another day my train of taught halts

I can’t stop
Another day I think of how disappointing I am

I can’t stop
Another day I feel out-of-place

I can’t stop
Another day I wish I wasn’t born

I can’t stop
Another day I try to put you out your misery

I can’t stop
Another day I scare myself

I can’t stop
Another day I use my fists and a wall to inflict damage to my skull

I can’t stop
Another day I enjoy peace in my concussion

I can’t stop
Another day I have an existential crisis

I can’t stop
Another day I wait for my healing

I can’t stop
Another day I wish my heart wasn’t beating

I can’t stop
Because it never stops

Repeat daily

#icantstop #asominate #lifestyle #life #suicide

Feb 2019 · 303

Desire is Dope

Asominate Feb 2019

Desire is Dope

Desire is dope
I might get addicted, I find
If I become dependant
And let it take over my mind

It would become my everything,
I would want nothing else
I would take desperate measures
To feed the cravings of myself

I don't think I want to go down that path
And when you ask, sweep it under the rug
Desire is dope, but no thanks,
I don't do drugs.

Don't do drugs, kids

#desire #drug #drugs #asominate #desireisdope

Feb 2019 · 826

Transfusion

Asominate Feb 2019

Transfusion

I'm sick of these transfusions
I always have to give
You're always the one dying
And you need my blood to live

Universally you recieve
But very picky how you donate
As a universal giver
This I don't appreciate

Not everybody can love me
Not everyone has what it takes
Only my kind,
I find,
Can love me, and love me straight

No matter the circumstances,
My love never be returned
Because our transfusion doesn't work that way
You leave me dry,
To die
And burn

I'm O positive, by the way!
'Tis better to give than to recieve?

#transfusion #blood #donate #recieve #love #donor #recipient #relationships #asominate

Feb 2019 · 211

Guilty Kind of Love

Asominate Feb 2019

Guilty Kind of Love

Should I feel guilt,
Should I feel guilty
Becuase you're out there
Loving someone who's not me?

#guilty #guilt #love #asominate #other

Feb 2019 · 671

Steak

Asominate Feb 2019

Steak

Let me pour my insides out for you
...
Now tell me what else you want me to do?

After all the years of bad experiences,

There's bound to be much damage.

You said you'll leave me never
You said your love's forever
You said things would get better

...As time goes by...

I'm cracking under pressure
I can't keep me together
My dead meat's so much fresher

Butcher, butcher,
Where's your knife?

Mind don't,
Won't you take a life?

It is time to cut the meat
The finites, they love their steak

Rare
They like me super fresh
Yes
They like my meat bare
Because I taste the best
When I do not get any rest.

#steak #suicide #asominate #pain #knife #butcher #cut #rare #beef #meat

Feb 2019 · 1.9k

Unstable

Asominate Feb 2019

Unstable

Go away
I'm chemically unstable

There's no way
Now that we ever will be able

To be considered me
Truely alright, fine, good, normal

Medicine ungiven
Diagnosis wishing
Why others wouldn't listen?
Because they're talking flesh

#asominate #random #schizophrenia #mental #diagnosis #chemical #mind #normal #alright

Feb 2019 · 788

Totally

Asominate Feb 2019

Totally

I'm totally fine,
Yeah,
Totally feeling
The disease you don't believe in

You say everthing has its season,
But my mind, it isn't healing!

Your 'training' leaves me tired
Pain makes me uninspired
Unless by you it's fired
From life, just might retire

#suicide #totally #fine #alrigh #okay #asominate #mental #schizophrenia #disease #pain

Feb 2019 · 1.0k

Expectations

Asominate Feb 2019

Expectations

Whatever you say
I'm up to the task

I try but I know
I'll never be good enough

Realistic expectations,
Is that too much to ask?

Must be the best,
Nothing less
Than perfection

In everything I do,
I do it all for you
No room to fail with these 'expectations'

With every cut that's red,
With every bruise that's blue
I'll fall apart for you
For 'expectations'

With every tear I shed,
With every mask I bred,
There's nothing to be said,
I'm suffocating

The high bar has been set
There are goals to be reached
I can't stop until death
Either yours or one for me

#expectations #asominate #suffocate #suffocation #strangle

Feb 2019 · 133

Thousands

Asominate Feb 2019

Thousands

A picture speaks for a thousand words

A smile speaks for a thousand tears

A song speaks for a thousand hurts

A poem speaks for a thousand fears

#thousand #asominate #poem #poetry

Feb 2019 · 244

Dear Little Angel

Asominate Feb 2019

Dear Little Angel

Dear little angel,
Don't throw yourself from heights.

Can't you see that you've lost your wings?

The clouds wouldn't catch you when you fall

I K N O W T H A T B E C U A S E Y O U N E V E R C A R E D E N O U G H T O S A V E M E A T A L L

#suicide #asominate #angel #wings

Feb 2019 · 748

Mouthlesss

Asominate Feb 2019

Mouthlesss

I have no mouth and

I must scream

I'm going down

It's all a dream

Losing function,

It's ceaseless

Flabbergasted

I'm speechless.

"The unending supression leaves no words to be said."

#asominate #mouthless #speakout #speak #mental #schizophrenia

Feb 2019 · 250

My Poems

Asominate Feb 2019

My Poems

They come in twos

They eat your face

And then they leave

Without a trace

My every-poem-ever (how I publish them).

#twos #asominate #pattern #poem #poetry

Feb 2019 · 158

Foreign

Asominate Feb 2019

Foreign

What hurts most of all is I’m disappointing,
A disappointment,
That is I really am.

For a decade I’ve been trying to change it;
Wear the faces,
Because what you want is masks.

Covered up,
And hidden in plain sight;
Paradotic oxymoron.

More days keep coming in your daylight,
Manipulate
And make
Me foreign.

#foreign #asominate #mask #please

Feb 2019 · 330

Apart of Me

Asominate Feb 2019

Apart of Me

Apart of me
Are the pieces of you,
The beautiful nothing:
Things I can't compute.

Isolated fractals-
Our memories turn grey
Both due to absence,
One dead, one defray

Now you are gone
I don't think I can carry on,
Forever.
In our separate graves,
Let's be alone, together.

There's no use crying over spilt milk, but I liked the calcium

#asominate

Feb 2019 · 1.7k

Mouthful

Asominate Feb 2019

Mouthful

She hides her feelings behind her soft brown eyes
She hides her ugly truths behind the beautiful lies
She hides her growing disease behind a meaty exterior
She hides her everything, afterall, what are people for?

#mouthfull #asominate #hide #hiding #schizophrenia

Feb 2019 · 145

Pica

Asominate Feb 2019

Pica

Non-food items I find as my fetish
How can I resist the thought that sooner I will perish?
Objects flavored with tastes to abhor,
I have had enough of my fill,
Yet my taste buds demand more.

#pica #asominate

Feb 2019 · 3.9k

Chemistry

Asominate Feb 2019

Chemistry

There's chemistry between us
It's written on your face
We're feeling the reaction
It's because I've been displaced.

We work together,
Like an equation,
Stuck here forever,
I can't escape

Now that I've been replaced,
It's a shame, I'm a disgrace
I am not as reactive
I am, well, just misplaced

Maybe our bond was made to be broken.
Maybe I'm supposed
To completely decompose.
Maybe I'm strong, but I don't want to show it
Maybe of something greater I'm composed.

#chemistry #asominate #bond

Feb 2019 · 879

Delusions

Asominate Feb 2019

Delusions

It's putting thoughts
Into my head
I thought
That's what they said

Not real,
It didn't happen
Now look who's
The last ones laughing

Conversions that goes unheard of
By everyone except me
But I was there,
I sw**r,
These aren't the colours I should see.

I want my mental soundness,
But there are so many sounds
Most of them do not exist
Too late this was found

My state of mind we detest
But my delusions don't give me rest
And they refuse to confess
Again I fail the retest

For reasons like these I don't trust myself

#delusion #schizophrenia #asonimate