The thought of death, it pushes me harder
Because overworked bodies don't last longer
This equation backfired because now I'm stronger
Now I'll have to experience the pain for much longer.

Unrealistic-
Expectations
Sends me ballistic,
I can't function!

Animalistic-
The beast in me won't stay in its grave!

A mental misfit-
Tell me am I too much to save?

These pastel colours are painted on my life pallet:
Love and Laughter,
Rage and Regret
The memories I'm after
The memories I want to forget
The red and blues are abused

These aren't the colours I should see!
How could I tell you?
You never come through-
It is killing me
I'm at the point where it hurts so much I hurt myself
Don't you understand the meaning of 'help'?

I don't want to hear
What you have to say about me
I already know
How to think 'bout who I am

It leaves me so scared
Knowing you'd notice the bad things
I already know
That you're going to lose your calm

I never asked,
I never asked!
I never wanted to be born
The way we treat me,
It leaves me feeling forlorn

I never asked,
I never asked!
I never wanted the hurt
I guess this treatment's
Showing me how much I'm worth

Two heads are better than one,
But are two voices in my head better than none?
Too many cooks spoil the broth,
I think that I'm spoilt done.

"Go commit die"
That's what she said.
Guess that makes two of us
That wants me dead.

I saw them, I sw**r
Sometimes they were in line,
Sometimes scattered everywhere

I saw them around me
They were on the ground
Leave them alone and
They'll never make a sound

Touch them the wrong way
And if they’re close, they’ll crumble
In their downfall
In the end, they'll always lose their humble

I can’t see the difference
Is it just me or they are all the same
They’re just clones of each other
I can feel their pain

I couldn’t tell them apart
Without my fingertips
They’re all duplicates
A species of a looped never-ending clips

What if
I am just as bare,
Another domino
I can’t recognise my own reflection
So I guess I’ll never know.

I never knew,
I saw her cry:
I felt her tears;
Pain liquified.

It isn’t real,
It’s all a lie!
A fantasy
Of crystal skies!

It’s all a dream
Of crystal skies!

Conspiracy:
She never died!

I am a very LOVING person.
Any and everyone I see,
Even before I ever know you,
I love you to the ends of the world,
But.If.You.Dare.Try.To.Abuse.My.Love,
I'll love you to the end of your life.

I’m hiding the hurt,
I’m hiding the pain.
I’m hiding the tears,
Although they flow like rain.
I’m hiding the fear-

Just let me brood;
I can’t tell you the secrets trapped inside my skull,
Don’t call me rude.

Let me
Protect you.

I’ll tear myself apart
To put you together
I’ll make it worse for me
To make you feel better

It’s all about you
Don’t focus on worthless things like me
These aren’t the colours I should see
Get it right:
You’re priority.

In layers I hide
Behind my mask
Maybe there’s a monster?
To remove it
Should you I dare ask?

I’d loved you while you lasted
I’ll love you through your plastic
I’ll love you when you’re finite
I’ll love you as fantastic

I know it’s not the best
I know it’s not that healthy
In this case especially
Because it is killing me!

But how can I tell you?
How can I deliberately disappoint?
How can I **** all dreams you have for me?
How to tell I need oil in my joints?

They keep laughing at me
Their noise flow forth from the DEPTHs of their throats
On their thrones they point their fingers
I see their diaphragms trembling in glee

hAHaha
So what if you don't like the real me?
hAHaha
I don't CARE
hAHaha
These aren' the colours I should see

...

They're not there.

I see the colours, the pictures
The words never come

Crashing,
Spiralling around.

You kept me safe,
I’ve lost my sound

Our worlds collide,
My existence becomes a lie

Inhale and exhale one last time,
You never know which one will be your last breath
(But mine never seem to have reached,
Yet).

I don't want to be the chains
I just want to make and see a change
With whatever good judement's left
As priorities rearrange.

You ever had a feeling
That you wanted to die?
And acted on this feeling
And you survived
And questioned why
You're still alive?

You ever had a,
Ever had a feeling?
That made you wanna,
And acted on this feeling.

You ever had a feeling
That rids you of all reason?
And makes you hate your very being?
You are blind
And I'm searching for a feeling

Can't find a feel,
Because none of it is real
I'm traumatized
You say that it's not real

You are blind
And searching for a feeling,
I'm.

I'm running out of moonlight,
Soon it will end, the nightfall
Dawn would break, and I'll live to see the daylight
And fall apart at sunrise

Keep myself together while the moon shines
Cause at the sunbeams I fall apart.

I feed my habits
And ignore my needs
As distasteful as it seems
My plan succeeds
I plant the seeds
That grow the weeds
Won't feed myself
I starve, deceased.

She stares
With a bagpack and a ribbon in her hair
I care
But the words have never left my tongue

I'm concerned she's scared
Of how I treat myself

It makes me fear
What she will do
It was only the tip of the iceburg

What if she only knew?

I am no artist
But I do paint with words
I am not insane
But I hear things unheard
I'm no storyteller
But great tales I can weave
I'n not a comforter
But you can always cry on my sleeve

Please stand by, we're having some technical difficulties
We are dealing with the static disturbance
The colourbars are staring right back at me
What a horrible turn of events

Maybe it's time to cut the act
Everything is ruined in moments
I always infect and ruin everything
No matter the type of event

What if I do them a final favour
And just **** myself?
Let me
Put them out of their misery

My problematic existence has always been a waste
I can never get anything right
This worthless circus monster should be rid of with haste
I can't even do that right

Let me
Put you out of your misery
And end it all
It shouldn't be hard to build you up
By having an eternal fall

I'm sorry, it's my fault
I should cut off my tongue
My skull should be bashed in
My neck should be rung

Let me
Put you out of your misery
Can't tell you I'm falling apart
I am worthless, my opinion doesn't matter
Just hurry up and put a knife through my heart

Thinking of all their time that's been wasted because of me
It's a shame their efforts are for naught
Considering that I'll never amount to anything good enough
I was woth it, back then I thought

To it ceased,
My folds increased
I cut the folds
Left me deceased

It's my disease
Makes me a beast
My lines of symmetry
Showed my cemmetry

That's not right-
A polygon,
With too many sides
One for everyone
For their delight.

A side for you,
There's enough so feast
I'll be what you want
The least of these

"Why don't you just use a filter?"
Because I don't like being fake
"Come one, it'll make you look better!"
All the unnecasary effort for unknown people's sake?

Sometimes they're many
Sometimes they're few
Unpractically pretty
But they will do

Flowers in my garden
The only things certain
The only faces I know
Who'd remain true as they grow

They may blossom like my growing fear
The may wither like my sanity
They are stifled by the thorns
Like the skin I'm in, well-worn
They are suppressed by the weeds
Like the guilt in me

Flowers in my garden
I am quite certain
We're the same
But I'm embodied in flesh

Flowers in my garden
I beg your pardon?
What do you mean that you don't exist?

If you leave, what'll happen to me?

I’ll help you find you way;
Live to see brighter days,

When you’re feeling imprisoned,
I’m the key to your cage.

When you’re lost I will find you,
In fogs I’ll always shine through.

When you’ve lost, it’s a gain;
I’ll protect you from pain.

The unending suppression
Leaves no words to be said.

The hurt that goes unmentioned
Keeps replaying in my head!

Your gusty winds of teaching,
Your too-**** persuasive legions
Warm even my deepest regions,

And kills me all the while...

Your fingers at the sides of my mouth,
Telling me to smile.

You're the doctor giving bad medicines to ******* back.

You groom me well, teach me to entice the pains, no matter how vile.

You make the walls of my heart go compact.

I wear my masks to make it better
I anxiously wait as I see the three grey dots dance on my screen
I don't see the point in painting merry smiles to hide the truth
I wear the skin that makes me scream

I’m sorry that things have changed
We aren’t the human I used to know
My mind and my heart have had their exchange
And the fears that have been caught up with at last begin to show

Lying has never felt so fulfilling
I’m about to fall apart again
Monsters shouldn’t exist, now could be their time of killing
But the shadows in the corner of my mind won’t let me rest

I cut the meat and stuff the flesh
To feed the bottomless stomachs of finites
The damage done lives in my veins
It only gets worse, we can’t hope for the best

On the edge-ridden surfaces
I throw myself and is comforted by talking meat
The nation reaches its loving arms out to inflict me
But non-existent persons shouldn’t be acknowledged.

I’ll never be real enough for the talking flesh.

I find peace in the silence,
But a silent world can be maddening.
Noise drives me to my ends,
It corrupts all my happennings,
But if peace is therefore maddening,
And it's the same for noise,
One way or another I'll lose my mind
Without being given a choice.

If this is what defines me

I
prefer
to
remain
without
definition.

What is a beautiful life
Without a beautiful death?

What are beautiful memories
When all we do is forget?

What's a beautiful rest
Without a beautiful wake?

What's so beautiful about giving
For all you do is take.

1, 2, 4, 8...
Chromosomes and cells of mine,
They duplicate.

My personality divides
Any and every time.

Meiosis -
My rapid mutations,
I find that they
Fuel my psychosis

Unrealistically
High expectations
I let me rip me apart
I divide and split
Over and over again

This is the alien
That I've become
I'm never enough
It's never the same
Gaps of DNA through
Generations.

Meiosis -
I know this,
I know that I'm not good enough
As a single, a one,
Tear myself in half to
Give them two
When I'm done.

It's always the good ones that go to waste
Can't undo the past yet deleted files I still chase
Loss of identity, leaves me traumatized for phases
Only just a little child, way too young for these foretaste

I miss the time where I taught persons actually cared
I miss the time when I taught that people were there
I miss the time when only Satan was evil
I had to find out that the bads ones were the people.

Staring at the static scream
Of the ******* box
And silently scream;
Trapped in this paradox

Because silents screams
Aren't heard, but seen
Repeating patterns erratic
I lose myself to static.

I'm too despressed to notice I'm stressed out
Suppressed emotions inside, shouldn't let out
Seeing is believing but what I see isn't real
I am forced to accept these "realities" and ignore the way I feel

I don't mean to sadden, entertain, bore, or aggravate,
For a decade I find that this is how I communicate
The only way I can precisely speak out on the unhealthy pleasures
As the chemicals of my brain, they fornicate

These levels of relationships aren't supposed to be
It'll **** me sometime later, look at how it has ruined my personality
Seeing is believing, but you won't believe what I see
How can I act 'normal' when you won't acknowledge I can't do 'human being'

My animalistic compulsions are fuelled by my failing brain functions
Don't get too close cause I'll try to bite, I sympathise for your flesh when I malfuntion
Don't be scared, I'm not canibalistic, I just like to use my teeth
Humans scare me, I must defend myself, uh, I mean, to smile and eat

I'm not afraid to say it, but I'm scared when I'm saying it, I have to say
I have been observing your mundane human actions, I really don't want to be put away
I always feel foreign, alienated, out-of-place
But because I'm "considerate," I have to bite my tongue to save me some face

I'm too stressed out to notice that I'm depressed
Wanting mental soundessnes, yes, peace, my hallucinations don't give me rest
My taughts speed down their highway, my delusions are always a-fest
They inflict beneath my exterior, but for the public eye, I wear a crest

"I wear my skin well, don't you think?" I lie, becuase it ill-fits
I am totally normal, "I'm fine." Can't change the fact I'm a misfit.
The beams that bear my bag of meat rust and thus begin to weaken
The lethal sagging's caused by the mental luggage, I'm not heard, even though I'm speaking

Many persons think that I'm overly paranoid, I must admit, that I am
You would be the same way too, if about your health, no one ever gives a ****
Help doesn't come, because their 'laters' always becomes 'nevers'
I am not that superhuman, can't keep myself together, forever

They claim that they would help me, some way, somehow, but their actions never initiate
Someday, sometime, it would all be over, through a thorough death physical or mental
Oh yes, I'm still believing, you can't accuse me of not having faith.
I look forward to my healing, but all the while, my brain chemicals fornicate.

Actions speak louder than words
You r actions are very loud
I let you in enough
Time that I shut you out.

This is the new old me,
Semi-insanity
Is my unsoundness a sin?
Once again, your actions, in verbatim.

Aggravated,
I am losing my patience.
Whole teenage years I've been waiting;
I can't help but feel forsaken.

Am I made to be broken,
Are these the things I deserve?
I'm afraid, now that I've spoken
You'll use them against me, my words.

My true face hidden by these plastic identities
When they're removed, you shun me
It's a battle I'm always losing,
So I come to the conclusion
"I'm not allowed to cry!"

At least publicly,
You say you never ever want to hear a whimper out of me.
So in the dark in my tears I lie
But when the sun comes up, I got to dry my eyes.

Sometimes I am not myself
They tell me it's me, not them
Neglect me and free themselves
Is it so bad to need their help?

I believed their false words all of the time,
They feed me, poison me with all their lies
They're too ignorant to question why I'm dying.
Once again, they blame it on me, but unlike them, I'm trying.

Sometimes... They tell me... Neglect... It is so bad?
I believe... They feed me poison... They're too ignorant... Once again.

I'm running out of time,
They continue to waste my mind.
At the bottom of their list is me,
Is it wrong to want to be...
PRIORITY?

I got butterflies as my food
You make me feel so ****
Butterflies' a crazy meal
Now my belly got the feels

You make me die
And make me real
Take me up high
Swim in seas

I wanna go
Where the butterflies aren't
Wish you were not
So freakin' arrogant

I'll try to make it snow
Just to
Keep the butterflies away
Cause when I'm with you
In my belly
The butterflies play

I looked in the mirror
And what did I see?
I saw a human staring right back at me:

Bright eyes, wide smile
On nothing go miles
Well-learnt from situations
I am my inspiration

Independent and strong
Easy to talk,
Easy to get along

Caring, kind,
Beautiful and beyond my years wise.

Got bubbles in my heart;
Air filled needle in my vein.
Don’t remember why I really started!
Oh yeah, right, to stop the pain.

It got me going straight down-
To the underneath
Soon I will be below the ground;
Safe and sound asleep.

Come on the journey
To help you find myself

Oh yes, you heard me,
But I'm not in need of your help

My heart is an open door
You won't be forevermore

So now answer my call
Before your skies falls.

"Get lost...
... And never be found."

I did,
Look at me now.

I'm trapped,
Won't let out.

You monster-making crowd.


So what my mind is scattered?
Bring pain, you leave me battered.
My hopes in you quite shattered.
Make me a fool for laughter.

Don't find me,
I am lost.

'Parently,
The price is too great a cost.

I thought that I was worth it
But you leave me hurtin'
Rid me of my purpose
Reality is uncertain...

... I'm not real,
My life don't matter!
Don't need to be healed
Alice become the Mad Hatter.

Sanity was fun
While it lasted,
Made life feel full,
Made living certain.

I'll make you look pretty
I will make beautiful
You just have to use me
Just by that, I'll make you full

I will hide your empty,
I'll put on an illusion
Overuse'll become healthy
Incomplete? Then I'll make you done

I'm the perfect finish
I'm the cherry on top
Start with me, I promise you,
You won't want to stop.
I'm the creme de la creme
I will make you ENOUGH.

Cover up
Apply emotional makeup.

I can't think right,
I can't speak right,
I can't breathe right,
But it's alright
Because  I like

When it doesn't all depend on me.

Here you go again,
Bringing me down
It's like you live to see me crumble

Say you are my friend
Poison my crown,
Shock me and leave my brain scrambled.

SO WHAT, I'M NOT NOT RIGHT?
I'm never gonna heal if you keep acting like this
NO BUTS, MAYBES, MIGHTS
You have all the resources, but you sure don't act like it,

So you...

Waiting for a reaction, save me
Won't you?

Ignorance would not give satisfaction,
It won't do.

Just like me,
Don't you care for me?
Where could you be be?

Consumed by the fear,
I really wish,
Wish you were here.

Don't hug me, I'm scared!
You all would disappear!
You won't be there,

You wouldn't last,
Sooner or later be of past.

Then it would only be me
The THING that I most fear,
I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF
Don't hug me, I'm scared.

Much sleep, yet unrested
Making my last confessions
Naked layers of aggression,
Beneath the skin it festers.

Say to you that I'm alright.
Loathe you don't see me most nights,
Loathe that I'm me that's not right,
Loathe that I'm NOT A NORMAL CHILD!

I can't stay LONGER,
Wish I was STRONGER,
It's not about me,
It's for you.

I cannot make it,
Sacrifice for you,
Loathe your reactions,
Loathe how you'll react to..
That which you won't accept,
That which is very true.

I'm fading
Ripping myself apart
To put work together
They don't know how it's hard
They have it so much better

They were built for this
Their ignorance is bliss
My brain neurons blistered
Might fire this pis-
Tol

Boom, Splat
Well won't you look that
So sad I have to go like this
Because of all the things you wouldn't notice,
Your ignornce is purely bliss

Welcome, I'm Faerylight
Land in the skies,

Disguised,
See with your mind.

Now, just close your eyes
I am yours, you are mine

Between the lines
There is much to find.

Remember, they're locked and loaded-
The emotion you have, try not to show it.

"They can't hurt you again."
You know better than that.
Now shut up,
Now it's time for your circus acts.

"Sing!"
Then I sing.

"Dance!"
Then I dance.

I will do you these favors 'long as you don't hurt me, "friends"

"Speak!"
Then I speak.

"Defend!"
I will defend.

I don't know why I do this for you,
You'll just hurt me again.

"Repeat the cycle! Repeat the cycle!"
I won't stampede,...
If you just hold fire?

"Repeat the cycle! Repeat te cycle!"
Why, it's hard to believe...
That you are such a liar!


You lions, you tigers, you bears,
Oh my!
"Don't get too close,
Or I'll try to bite."

It's what you say to get me to cry,
And at this point...
...I think you're right

I kicked you out, once,
I kicked you out, twice,
But you apologised, and I'm the reason that you lied!
Then you threw me back into my cage again.
Now you're back for blood, for my heart again!

You shut me in, I locked you out
Point at me, you screamed and shout
"Look how you messed up and everybody's had enough
And you wonder why everyday I go ballistic.
It's not me, it's you.
You're the reason I go
Animalistic,
Animalistic.
Animalistic?
Animalistic

And you wonder why my goals aren't realistic,
It's not me, it's you.
You're the reason I go...

Without your "honesty," without your promising.
Is it sad that I'm glad that you lied to me.
You proved me right all along
I have to fight to prove you wrong.

Animal instincts, not to be messed with.
I'm so tired of all of this

And then you lions sleep
And you bears start to chow
You are the ones that keep shooting us down
So answer me this!
So answer me this...
Aren't you the one that's always on the prowl?

I'm an animal...
Oh, I'm an animal?
I'm an animal.
I'm an animal!

Faint running
Loud jeering
And you're still leering
And you tell me
"That I'm not ever leaving."

The only way you'll take me back is if you just **** me here.
Go on, and shoot me.
Just shoot me dead.

Dear Work,
I love you, I loathe you.


You got my mind overloaded
Thoughts of you fill my head,
No room for anything else.

Hacked my life and you stole it;
Reprogrammed all my rules,
And guessed my passcodes, too!

And now
I can't act the same,
'Cause, Work, you're a bug I can't shake.
You're pushing my hard drive too far,
All my circuits will break.

Work, you are a dangerous game,
You are a dangerous game,
Why must do you?

You are a dangerous game,
Nothing can protect my brain
From a sadistic virus like you!

Getoutofmyhead!head!head!head!head!head!head!
Getoutofmyhea­d!head!head!head!head!head!head!
Getoutofmyhead!head!head!head!he­ad!head!head!
Getoutofmyhead!head!head!head!head!head!head!

You'­re too much of a good thing,
So good, you're bad for me;
Corrupts my memory.

Shocked my mainframe, yes you sting-
In my mind all lines of code
Are glitched up and going wrong.

Sorry for acting a little bit strange,
But now I must do you, whatever it takes,
You're pushing my hard drive too far,
All my circuits might break



If I can't attend to you,
I wouldn't, wouldn't attend to me either.
See "Play" around you.
I want to, want to, wanna just delete her
Sorry for acting a little bit strange
But now I must do you, whatever it takes

I love you,
I loathe you

I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You keep putting me off
To a later date
That would never come
And you wonder why I hate...
Us

I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You keep tearing me apart
Wouldn't fix me back
Deny all your actions,
And wonder why I'm cracked...
Up

I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You ne'er taught me to love,
When there's no love, there hate
Accuse me of having demons
Your concern for me is fake.

Sometimes I wonder
If I'm stupid,

Cause I can't act like the others,
Just can't do it.

I tried to be normal for a time,
Efforts didn't show one bit.