She had a way of looking at you after one too many pegs
Her stare far too focused for someone so blazed on spirits
One hand reaching out almost to grab your face
But you realise what she's seeking for doesn't exist in the physical realm
Her hand grips your face now
Gently
Until you feel her nails slowly slicing down your ear
Your neck feels hot as her deft fingers slip inside
Her eyes locked on yours soothing any pain you should be feeling
Her hand going deeper inside you
Dodging artery nerves and pushing aside your muscles
Only to clasp on your voice box
You move your mouth in protest but no words escape
And as you blink in horror, her hand is gone
Your own reaches up to check the wound but there is none
"What....the..****?"
The words slip out with surprising ease
You weren't expecting this
You look at her in confusion
Trying to search her face for an answer she refuses to disclose
After 5 minutes of silence she sighs
"I couldn't find the words to explain how I feel about you. So I wanted some of yours instead."
Her face is closer now, her hand back to cradling your face
You brace for another invasion but what you feel is the unexpected touch of her lips against yours
They tasted so good you decided to give in
Maybe she wasn't the one high on spirits
Maybe it was you
Maybe you just imagined it all
"I want you"

They hide in, the shadowy corners
In the right-angled crevices, they wander
Lying patient and calm, seemingly deceiving
Your failed attempts they’re always seeing

In the flickering dimness of old candlelight
They slowly start growing into your sight
30% beautiful 70% terrifying
A dance with them, worth the risk of dying

They come when you least expect
Reaching out when your misery they detect
Not with the gift of peace your heart desires
Rather with the fire, your soul requires

The sound of silence has always been deafening
The quietness being a song of one’s reckoning

Confusing eardrums and hurting our brains
A weird pain it is, one impossible to explain

The sound of silence has always lived inside us
A quiet power we all refuse to discuss

Escaping the locks and walls we built
Mirroring our mistakes and reminding us our guilt

The sound of silence will always make itself heard
A call of danger, one never to be ignored

Dear Mr. Cat
Quite the adventures you and I have had
From needy cats purring
And bedrooms with water overflowing
What a frightfully weird story we seem to be writing

Our somewhat poor choices
Our every days
Don’t they amuse you?
For they do me and so much more
But that’s all I can say
For revealing too much
Would leave things better left untouched
Stretched too wide and far too open
For all to see
The silly vulnerability that is me

Oh Mister Cat
Why couldn’t this have worked out?
With your sweet silences and my childish pout
We could have drawn up our own world
One as beautiful as was bold
Filled with mysterious melodies and subtle guitar strumming
And endlessly endless chapters
Filled with my reckless wonderings

You and I Mister Cat
Have a bond so special
One I could barely begin to define
Every second spent with you
Was worth all the time
Impossibly divine
My silly heart chimes
Ignorant of harsh realities you’ve seen
Lost in the world of what could have been

But such things are better written than spoken
Wiser in books that carelessly left out in the open
For you are you
And I, ever changing
Far too young to be thinking of dating
Our time is now up
The bells claim with their clanging
So won’t you just kiss me
Be mine this one last time
Before you go back to swiping online?

Every morning she left the bed warm
The nightmares of her loss bled into the sheets
A ritual she endured every night
My soothing words too little help
The demons proved to be too strong
Those of regret always were
Not even my voice could chase them away
My fingers failing to awaken her
From this nightmare she lived in

She was a woman of unimaginable strength
A leader for the last dregs of us
The warrior meant t lead us all
To a place away from this nightmarish hell
One of extinction we were at the brink of

If only it made a difference
Her gift could only protect her so far
Her mind roamed free from its clutches
Endangering her very existence into the depths of madness
The 3 AM demons couldn’t be kept away
Years of training now failed me
And her too

I hope someday
One day she saves herself
Because none of us can

I think it's beautiful
The way your hands are sturdy and calloused
Not the gentle softness illustrators are known for
These hands have felt real art
Built from the ground up
Days of mixing, moulding and texturing
Breathing life into deathly white parchments

I think it's beautiful
The way your arms are slender yet firm
Dusky brown skin holding rippling strong muscles
Strengthened slowly
through years of bullying and soul searching
Their unsymmetrical realness known not
For their harshness
But for the gentle notes they strum
Weaving elegantly with the quiet moving pictures on screens

I think it's beautiful
The way your shoulders always stand strong
A declaration demanding the eyes of every being in sight
Their angled rigidity know to be surprisingly nimble
An immovable pillar for the melting of your body
A constant transformation into unknown characters

The hidden bumps of tired hands
The rough ridges of calloused skin
The angled sharpness of chiseled bones
Hidden works of art
Flitting secretively under the armor you wear
The priviledge of their appearance
But a few can bear

You know what's harder than falling for the bad guy?
Falling for the others
The seemingly nice ones
The good guys

The signs are all there afterall,
Everyone can't stop raving about how wonderful he is
The ideal nice guy

And for a moment
Just one moment of blindsidedness
You believe it
You let it consume you
Revelling in the positives
Lacing together each moment spent together
Into a beautiful story

The perfect beginning, middle and end
Designed intricately by yours truly
A potential work of art
Destined for greatness perhaps
Isn't it?

The pride of your masterpiece
destroys you
Engulfing your sense of reality
Blinding you from the truth
The falsehood of it
A piece that depicts nothing
Nothing but an illusion
Another dimensional reality
One you don't  live in
And probably never will

And sometimes
In those rare moments of silence
It comes back
The crushing harsh reality
Your foolhardy choices laid bare
And you admit
Quietly to yourself
For who else can your true self be revealed to?

Maybe
Just maybe you were wrong
Those masterful strokes of perfection
The gleaming knighthood of it all
Just a lie?

A veil drawn over your sense of truth
So strong it blinded you
Completely
Drowning you in its falsehoods
The shores of reality no more than a distant memory

You know what's worse than falling for the bad guy?
Falling for the right one.

When we're together
It's like escaping to a magical land
Locked in a stuffy room
Our desires reigned recklessly free
Keeping away the harsh realities of our lives
Passionately intertwined as one
In each others own madness

Your fingers are minx like
Dancing across the fretboard with thoughtless grace
Strumming your thoughts through our kisses
With a sharp twinkle in those quiet brown eyes
Every song feels like reliving an old memory
One you plucked fresh from my soul

I love the way cigarettes rest on your lips
A classic addition some would say
But in it I see the self made man you are
The way your fingers elegantly roll tobacco
Baffles my clumsy mind

Could a mortal be so beautifully designed?

A red-headed sprite
With a deep love for all things music

I offered 2 years to the gods of brand communication
Only to discover a passion to question everything

Springing into the world of harsh advertising
I still retain my love for ambiguous alliterations

Paired with a glass of single malt whiskey and some Chinese takeout
I’m excited for this new journey into the Universe of Planners

Maybe women's day is more than just a trending hashtag?

Maybe women's day is about something deeper than brands posting empowering messages just to get likes?

Maybe women's day is more about appreciating the struggle of others that makes you privileged rather than a day to enjoy free drinks and cupcakes?

Maybe just maybe it's about spending the other 364 days appreciating your blessings and fighting for the rights of others to enjoy them to.

Let's take a moment to step away from the digital sphere and truly embody what equality for all means.

After all man, woman or child, the change starts with YOU.

After all was said and done
He wrapped himself around me
In a tightly formed question mark
The answer to which I yet do not know

I spent the night tossing in confusion
His midnight kisses further puzzling my thoughts
A random hookup wasn't this to be?

No feelings
No attachments
No anything
Wasn't that the unsaid plan?

Then why did I feel this growing fondness
For a boy I barely knew
Whose one and only connection to me
Were the stupid investments our fathers had made

Why did I want to hold him back?
Kiss his cheeks with the same gentleness he showed me
When the plan was always a physical one?


This monthly ritual of his I succumbed to
My mind overthrown by multiple questions
While my body gave to him every part of me I could

Until on a lonely Friday my eyes opened
The metaphors I had discovered
Now lay dead around me
The reality lying startlingly naked ahead of me

It was not care that brought him close
It was not any symbol of love he saw

A woman's body is all he acknowledged
My soul never receiving the gratification it dreamed for
There were no metaphors to this story
No hidden secrets waiting to be discovered

Just a girl who hoped for more
Settling for a boy couldn't ever see more
Than her naked waist
The tickle of moving hair
The flutter of her lips in ecstasy
The sigh in her heart as he moved away

We ran across streams of moonlight
Racing each other in a childlike excitement
Mine stemming from the newness of this
Yours from the injected high you gave yourself

Through the woods, we raced
The moon playing hide and seek with our eyes
With every step, we learned more
Lacing words together you gifted them to me

We stopped just short of the deeper end
Stepping into a shimmering pool of moonlit rays
Clearing our minds of doubts and inhibitions
You stepped forward and offered me your hand

Your fingers hung in front of me
A hopeful promise of something…. More?
But I took a sudden step backward
The claws of my dark past holding me firm

You pulled me in though with determination
Letting your lips rest against mine in hope for a change
But with controlled fingers, I pushed you back
A smile gracing yourself as you let me go

“I will wait” you promised
Unknowingly binding your soul with mine
We walked back calmly now, more aware of everything
Arms linked and words shared while I struggled to still hold back

Next morning I woke up in a hasty excitement
Last nights hesitancies left behind in my dreams
Walking up to breakfast trembling in a crazed nervousness
Yet once again, fear seized me and I stayed away

This dance continued, endlessly
One reaching out to the other desperately
Searching for a reminder of that moonlight run
Sighing in regret at our human insecurities

Tired of the worlds of confusion we brought alive
We stepped away, never giving hope to a dream
One we both once dreamt in unison
Tracing it across eachothers' arms with starry promises

It was too late we reasoned
The world after all, didn’t give second chances to such wishes
Shooting stars avoided us as a sign of our failure
So we scrubbed away the burning fires we had once traced

Now, we lay in the arms of others
Looking up at plain ceilings in search of our lost stars
Wondering the dreaded ‘What Ifs?’
Sleeplessly racing back to our dreamy havens of you and me

So close but barely meeting as we stumbled through life
Holding close harsh rocks that couldn’t compare to our burning stars
Forging forward in a crazed determination to forget
Only at moonlight looking up to secretly whisper unheard confessions

A gentle whistle of letters let flow
Ignored by the trillions of slumbering bodies
Only eavesdropped upon by the creak of sneering branches
But lapped up by the moon in an endless waiting of..

2478 friends on Facebook
4.6k followers on Instagram
2.1k followers on Twitter

Thousands of likes
Digital affirmations to an insecure soul
Hundreds of retweets
In agreement of a pretentious quote
Innumerable hearts sent
Wowing the 'hippy-artistic' Mac picture

Every portals overflowing with attention
Yet not a single shred
Not a drizzling drop
Of genuine care

We spend our lives peeping into the digital windows of others souls
Comparing. Mocking. Craving. Envying.
Physically distancing each other with every WhatsApp call.

Until one day
Staring at a dead blank screen
The deafening silence choking her
She wakes up with a gasp
Sifting through the thick cobwebs blinding her
To see the nothingness
Not a trace of warmth left behind

Finally, the silence steals away her awareness
The emptiness blinding her soul
Pushing and choking
In the end
A mere corpse remains
Still chained to the online life support
Just a being
But no more a soul

There she stood
Hidden in the shadow of head banging bodies
Fist up to the gods of metallic brilliance
Moving to the twang of the guitar string

*The girl in the pink dress always had a taste for metal

I still search for you
Across the waves of internet
I keep a weather eye out
For any sign or sound
A hopeful indication of something
Perhaps even a slip of escaped care

I still search for you
Across the dark dungeons of my heart
Snaking out hidden memories
A desperate need to hold onto them
The forgotten warmth of us
Now just a withered out candle

I still search for you
Across every dimension possible
Looking perhaps for a better time
When us meant something worthwhile
When flawed emotions didn't cut down our bonds
A time when you'd see me the way I see you

I still search for you
With a self resigned disappointment
Accepting the truth of our toxicity
Hoping someday to truly let go

There  is no better comfort than the warmth of a fluffy blanket and some hot chocolate.

2. Good food can really make you happy in the darkest of times.

3. The past cannot hurt you if you walk away from it.

4. Nobody and I mean no body can make you feel terrible about yourself unless you give them the power to.

5. You will never find true love until you truly love yourself first.

6. Success will elude you for years, maybe decades. But it will come, just not in the way you demand it to.

7. Your opinions are what make you, you. So never be shy to stand for what you believe in.

8. There is a time for words and there is a time for actions and most of all, there is a time for silence. Learn their strengths and use them well.

9. No amount of expensive makeup can make you feel better if you cannot first love your naked self irrevocably.

10. You have the strength to take on any problem you ever face. But also have the strength to accept help when you need it.

11. Be aware of everything that happens around you. Use it and learn from it. If you believe and work towards it, one small person can make a difference.

12. Always make time for others. Learn to balance your needs with everyone else's. After all, success will only be a lonely climb if you choose it to be so.

13. This life will hit you, hurt you, harder than you ever imagined. But never forget that after the storm, there is always a rainbow near by.

He brought out the worst in me
Cruel actions and words his weapons
Ones he kept well oiled for use
Every syllable spoken in perfection
Hitting the bullseye of my patience
Bursting out a fury I long kept hidden
With a marksmen’s skills he teased out
Anger overcrowding my being like rain clouds
Bringing heavy showers of unrealistic vows
A wild gust of cruel decisions sweeping sanity away
He welcomed this flood with manic laughter

He brought out the worst in me
But
I still loved his soul
Though how cruel and selfish it truly was
Blinded by ancient kind actions
I skipped over the puddles of each storm
Hopping towards our reconciliation island
Hoping always for the sun to break out
Foolishly falling for the momentary calm
Putting the rest the rage and reality
Losing my fingers in the cords of us
Reattaching the damaged strings of trust
Dreaming of an ideality…..Us
But the truth broke in easily

In the finality of us
All that remained was nothing
An infinite of emptiness to run away from
Before it’s long tentacles pulled me in
Grief slithering into my heart
Taking full control of a shattered soul
A breathing living body
Now turned into a shell of nothingness
With sharp fingers I cut out the dead
Letting the ****** mess taint me
Until I let go with a sigh

Dusting away my disappointment
I got up
And walked away

He brought out the best in me
Demanded it every waking second
An impossible standard to wake up to
Bringing out new parts of me
New strengths to get acquainted to
Everyday was an evolution
A painful breaking of old cocoons
Striving towards an invisible ideality
His pedestal of perfection
Dreaming of my delicate wings
Drawn to match his idea
Hoping to be worthy

He brought out the best in me
But
I was not enough
Never could have met his dreams
How could i have?
Those expectations weren't mine to meet
He dreamt them for another
A stronger maiden who he cherished
One I could never battle
Nor cut away from the musical chords of his heart
A choking reality crashing in
Too fast it raced up to me
Destroying my strength with a lazy flick

In the finality of us
A black emptiness took over
Wrapping me in its warmth
Blinding my mind with crippling grief
As it took me away
Leaving me in a new reality
One where us meant nothing
Not a speck of past left behind

Dusting away my disappointment
I got up
And walked away

Death
50 shot cruelly without a thought

Death
Tiny bodies washing up on free shores

Death
Smoke and dust settling on ****** limbs

Death
Explosions wiping out ancient blocks of life

Death
Abused bodies of women ignored

Death
Dusty bodies pulled out of concrete avalanches

Death
A girl silenced on a stage forever

Death
Armed protectors mutilated in hatred

Death
Death
And more death

How long will you sit in silence?

"I can't relate to the people in my class"
"I've liked him for a long time"
'Why doesn't he love me?"
"He kissed me you know? On new years"
"I'm so glad you're my friend"
'Who needs boys when you can have bros for life?"
"You guys are my best friends"
"Im so glad you like him"
"When can I meet him?"
"Can I do the Penelope Cruz dance in front of him?"
"I heard what happened at the party"
"How could you be so selfish"
"I'm never getting the guy I like to meet you"
"You're such a *****"
"I'm so much hotter than you"
"We will always be bros"
"Don't worry you will find someone better"
"I'm so happy you like him!"
"He sounds wonderful"
"I met him on tinder!"
'He's so cool"
"Can I please meet him?"
"I really like him"
"You're okay right?"
"I told him you're my best friend and I could never hurt you"
"I'm in an open relationship with that other guy"
"I hope it doesn't affect mine and his relationship"
"We made out that day"
"He said I was the best he ever had"
"He isn't talking to me too"
"I don't care there are better fish out there"
"I knew you liked him alot"
"I was selfish"
"I didn't care"
"I was fascinated by him"
"I'm sorry"
"I'll never do it again"
"Why won't you answer my calls"
"You're humiliating me"
"You have no right to judge me"
"You're the last person who should have a problem with this"
"Stop making this an issue"
"I never judged you"
"I did nothing wrong"
"I don't care what you think"
"Please talk to me"

Words typed in a haste excitement
Ignorant to the woman on the other side
Ideas attacking her feed
Uncaring of the broken pieces of her soul

Facebook pinging like a shrill cuckoo bird
Reality crashing like fallen jenga pieces

Instagram popping with pretentious new pictures
Eyes shutting the painful past memories

Twitter tweeting like a babe  hungry for milk
Body twitching to the tune of ancient whistles

The virtual screaming all day of accomplishments, love and money
The self turning to final dust at the turn of this technological century

He picked them with care
Love not being the only reason of choice
Conditions always had to be met
In his case
But with an expectation to break them

He picked them with a collector's precision
Carefully sifting through their qualities
Ensuring only the best remained
With their own true uniqueness shinning out

He picked them to be his anchor
A new facet to add to the list of qualities
Building up his own individuality
By slowly slicing away their own

He picked them deliberately
To steal away parts of their souls
In the end leaving him fuller
While they lamented over an unknown loss

And then she closed her eyes
To have every fantastical wonderment reminded
A promise from nature's own hallowed mother
To never be forgotten
A vow to remain a flower child
Til the final existence of time

his lips met mine in a hasty inconsideration
as he moved on from me
energy coursing through his veins
a destiny long foretold
waiting for him to fulfill it

his arms sought me out
against the infinite possibilities keeping us apart
tracing to memory every insignificant curve
a final wordless farewell
as the impatient future ****** him in

his body felt so close to me
a mere inches away in my mind
as i watched from afar
the cosmic powers lending their blessings
as he walked down that lonely path
fulfilling the promises of ancient men

without a backward turn he left
leaving behind his broken human heart
a small sacrifice he believed
to save the millions
who had long since awaited his return

only one remained conscious
of the humanity that still lived within him
disregarding the divine claims of foolish wise men
she watched in a trance like horror

the humanity within expelled viciously
his energy expanded bursting into a powerful flame of terrifying beauty
and in a flash nothing remained
the destiny had been fulfilled
a prophecy finally complete

yet as the world rejoiced wildly
a new found existence to celebrate
only one remained quiet
shuddering sobs slowly giving way
to a deathly silence that lasted unendingly

she closed her eyes from the evil sights
of selfish men rejoicing
and thought of the one who had brought them salvation
whose selfless love revived them
but more so
she remembered the boy she loved
who now was forgotten by human existence
save her soul
whose vow to always remember remained true
to the last breaths of her body

and further still
as her soul left the wretched existence
with a renewed strength
to search forever the ends of the universe
for the lost beloved soul
of the chosen boy

Sitting together cross legged
Our naked bodies just inches away
Lungs breathing in the same stale air
Hearts beating at a slightly erratic pace
Mine vehemently moving forward
Determined foolishly to make the most
Of the possible slipping final days

Looking up
My eyes gaze upon his body
One I believed to be the epitome of beauty
Stopping finally at his face
I sigh with resign
A lone tear making its way down my scarred cheeks
It’s not fair I think
This possibly being our last time
For I doubt I’d let him stay once it was over

So I look back at that face
With a determined promise
Memorizing every line and curve
From the soft yet strangely spikey hair
Wild eyebrows that tell stories of his travels
Warm eyes overflowing with love
For a foolish dying girl
A nose with a shadow of a joker
Hiding in its contours
Deep dark lips that whisper my name
A prayer for him to hope for more time

This face with its sleepless dark circles
Warm browness and scraggy beard
I hold in my weak spidery fingers
I want this to be last memory
Before the darkness engulfs me
So when I open my eyes each day
You’ll be by my side no matter what
I think with a childish hope

My words become incoherent
As weakness seeps swiftly into my body
Reducing my strong resolve to dust
I fall back into an ocean of tears
On your arms cannot pull me out of
They take you away and strap me in
Only the cold pinch of a needle
Having the power to soothe my wrecked soul

With a struggle I open my eyes
Barely managing it for a few moments
Disappointed with plane whiteness
I give in to the awaiting darkness
They wheel me out to my doom
The decision had been made
The papers signed in finality
With a stroke of ink they had decided my fate

Wheeling me out to sterile cruelty
I drift away helplessly
As inhuman white beings surround me
Slicing my body open
Now finally with inked permits
To take away a part of my soul
Stealing all the colours and faces from me
And subjecting me to an infinite depth of black

My body survived
The cancer had finally died
Yet I felt no proud survivor’s strength
Only the hollow emptiness of this new dark world
I could think of
Voices called out of the dark
Warm arms reaching out to hold me
But their faces no longer could appear
They all were the same to my darkness

Until I heard him walk in again
His quiet orders for others to leave
Rang through my ever inquisitive ears
His soft rustles confused my mind
Until I felt his warm body engulf me
His lips whispering his prayer
Calling my fiery soul back from the depths

My sightless eyes felt a surprising wet
And from the dark depths a face appeared
One I feared had forever left me
With a cry my spidery fingers held on
Drinking in thirstily his warmth
My mind now singing into the darkness
He’s back
And in that terrified moment
I knew it was not the end

With a determined ****
I pushed my body off the comforts of my bed
Arm reaching out uncertainly for a support
With my weak hands engulfed in his
Legs gingerly touching the bare tiled floors
I jumped off
And took my first step
Towards a renewed life

One year later
Staring at past scribbles
I wonder
Do you remember our memories?
The old cruel words and actions thrown recklessly
A product of our youthful insecurities
That pushed us away
Almost an eternity it felt

One year later
I sit down to continue
A story I penned for us
An idea or perhaps a hope
Drawing up a new future for us both
One where we didn’t have to remain apart
One where life pushed our souls back together

One year later
I realize with a certain vague sadness
Those words penned down
In old ink pens were not for glory
Or written with an aim at success
Rather a tribute to us
An innocent girl’s wish I guess
To create a reality with you in it

One year later
Things are much more complex than they ever were
We’re back together, in a way
Not how my meticulous mind had wished it to be
Not how I had ever thought we could end up
We’re back but still apart
With a crashing sense of clear reality
I realize
What was could never be again

One year later
It is a bitter sweet remembrance
New words penned down
About the same old wild beings
Into the adult world we tumbled in
New memories and decisions undertaken
Discovering new facets to life
We grow again

One year later
I still love you
And your affections remain the same
Moving forward on uncertain paths
Still apart
But in a way,
Always together

I know right now the last thing you could ever want
Is something from me
I'm sure you're readying yourself to block me
Across every forum possible
Snipping away every cord of connection from me
Erasing our memories though how colourful they were
The deals the promises the kisses
The looks the hands the love
You wish to forget it all
Focusing only on the darkness
In a ploy to remove my existence from your life
It is your choice to do so if you wish
But rash cruel decisions we always regretted
A field I have far too much experience in
Though you do not wish to acknowledge
It to me anymore
I shall say it again
I love you

There are many kinds of loves in this world
and not every one is meant to last
But it doesn't for a second mean it isn't important
You ask what was the point of it?
Well the same can be said about life could it not?
What is the point if in the end we all have to die?
The reason the answer my sweet boy
Is that it's an experience
We need all kinds of loves in our lives
It helps us grow, lights a fire inside us
Fixes our wounds and gives us
Pages of memories crucial to our existence
When you have loved someone
No matter what happens, it never dies
Your heart just grows larger  
fills more people inside it

I promised you once
When you looked into my eyes and held my body
You asked me to never let you go
So I won't. Even if you push me away I will hold on
I'll always be there for you
Whenever you need me I'll come back
And if you wish to not have to keep in touch I won't
Though it would hurt me a great deal to do so
But il always wait this promise isn't a lie
I shall wait and welcome you
Whenever you wish to come back with open arms

We have far too little time on this earth
To spend it in hatred
I wish you wouldn't
*** I don't. Couldn't. Even if I tried.
Our end had its coming. But it isn't one
With a finality
Honestly
I'm glad we didn't walk away that day
I'm glad I held on
And I tell you this I meant every word
But I guess as humans we aren't perfect
But I'm glad I got one more week with you
To kiss you
To remind you that I loved you
To hold you in my arms
It was never about exploring or other men
It never could have been
We were I guess just too extreme for eachother
And my own fuckedupness
which you know only a shred of

All I wanted to say is
I wish you the happiest of lives
You are one of the most brilliant men I have met
I believe in you completely
No failure will ever hold you down
You are destined to be brilliant.
You just have to believe
You are whole. And beautiful and perfection.
You have no idea about the number of tears I shed
More for my loss of soul friend
Than for a loss of lover
You've made me laugh and cry and angry and smile so much
these past months
You made a dent in my soul
Helped me grow and become a better person
I will always be grateful for your strength
For your love and for your belief

You are one of the best men I know
You will remain in my heart
and I shall never erase your memories
They rest forever with me
Please try not to think too harshly of me
I wasn't enough for you and couldn't make you happy
That is why it had to end
I want to see you happy
You deserve it completely
and I won't hold you back
I give you all my love
And hope sincerely each passing day
That some day
One day
I can meet you again.

You ask me what I want
In an exasperated tone
A seemingly obvious sign I believe
Of your unwillingness to listen to my feelings

What I want?
I want you to walk through that door
With only me in your sight
Gather me up in your strong arms
Take a deep breath
Filling your lungs with my scent
And then kiss me
In a way you never have before
No holds barred
No care of broken hearts and bones

I want your lips to kiss my body
Your teeth to bruise my skin
Not in an attempt to lay claim
But in a desperate hope
To leave those marks as reminders
Of your unwavering love
Your crave for my body
Your want to merge with my soul

I want you to prove it to me
In a way words never could
Once and for all
Your real feelings for me

I just want you to be honest
Bare your self to me
Naked and proud
No hesitation to hide behind
And finally be able to make believe
In a way your words could never prove
That you love me

If I am being honest with myself
Truly and undeniably so
I'd admit that I feel us waning
Those passionate emotions are no longer
A part of us
There's this force that's pushing us away
And until now I hadn't felt it
I wonder who's to blame for it
And I guess truthfully it's us both
I put too much hope into you
My expectations on the higher sides of things
I tried to give you every bit of me
More than I could even spare
And foolishly hoped to receive the same

And you on the other hand always
Had good intentions
You promised me love
You swore to me happiness
You chalked out a dream
And told me it would be reality
Yet you couldn't
It was an impossible sworn promise
That couldn't ever be fulfilled

And all that seems left is emptiness
What was supposed to be a relieving time of happiness
Has turned into a mundane darkness
Streaked in a fear and confusion
Of what my reality really is
This is the only way I can put in words
How I feel
And to tell you this pains me
For I know you won't understand
And I guess it's cruel to say it out loud

But when I look at us
I no longer can see happiness
Just a numb confusion
For my love for you still rings true
Yet everything else lies in shambles
And I wonder was love ever enough?
For now
And even for the future?

And I love you
Everyday
Even when the floods wash away humanity
I will love you
When the air turns poisonous and steals it from our lungs
You will still take away my breath
When the grounds open up and eat all the vanity we created
Your beauty will shine bright as the only thing that ever mattered
When the cruel fires turn to ash all emotion and care
Your touch will reignite my own unwavering love for you
When darkness will turn out the individuality of our souls
Yours will break apart and merge with my own
Pumping back the memories I almost forgot
I love you till the end of time
And till the universe rips itself apart
I love you when new life slowly sparks up
Atoms joining in a billion year pilgrimage
Till we finally find our bodies and reattach our souls
Strengthen the bond
And our love will  revive the unbroken promise
And live on infinitely

After awhile you realise
In the end, its just you
All those times spent mean nothing
Those human priorities  
That meant so much to you
They feel nothing for you
Its all about what's in your wallet
No care of the feelings that stay hidden
Within the deep dark quarters of your heart

In the end
It's up to you to do what you must
To reach those dreams you dreamt
All those years on a tears ridden bed
People will use up all your life source
A simple recharge for their own
You have to step up and stop
Stop the unconditional love

It's time
They knew your worth
It's time they feared your power
The strength and talent that resides inside
One you forgot you had for years
It waits to be called upon
To rise up and rebuild yourself

You deserve all you dreamt of
And with a sprinkle of self belief
And a splash of courage
Those dreams will finally
Merge into the fabric of time
And transform into a reality
One you worked your body to death for
The one you were destined for.

I almost kissed your friend that night
As the warm night crept on
Hazy music being grooved to
Long limbs entranced in the rhythm
His encouraging smile amused me
Those uncoordinated moves encouraged me
We let loose our wild side for all to see
No insecurities holding us back
And when you strayed away to unknown company
I wondered vaguely
Of the possibility of him
That drunken smile a fascinating attraction
But as the final seconds of the year strained by
It was in your arms I stood
Your warm face my fingers touched
Your lips my own kissed

A pause of hesitance ignored by you
As a fleeting thought of my new attraction
Raced by
But in the end
It was to you I went
For it is you that I held the possibility of hope
And maybe a spark of love

Its crazy that I dreamt of you last night
After all the brutally sharp words
The physical bruises the hurt
A bond seemingly broken to its core

I dreamt of you wanting to kiss me
As we sat the present racing through us
The look in your eyes were hesitant and honest
My own thoughts though muddled and confused

I dreamt of us together that night
Even  though my heart confessed to another
My emotions were true and clear
Until hazy dreams  brought up a forgotten past

I dreamt that night of things I chose to forget
I relived a part of me that was lost in the past
In a conscious reality now I sit
So many faces locked in my mind

Wondering endlessly
How many do I love tonight?

This feeling is new
Though the emotions were always felt
Fingers framing your face
Eyes locked in heated maybes
The words came fumbling out
Unprepared or planned for
Though future lies unpredicted
A dark vortex of possibilities
A hopeful flame sparks up
Fearlessly facing the unknown
A fools heart in the making
With a determined soul

The wars wouldn't shake me
The mass killings not break me
If only I felt safe here
No evil power could consume my soul

But I sleep each night
In a trembling fear
Of beloveds in anger retaliating
Frustrations relieved in a lashing

Failure may seem to be a demon latched onto your soul
but fear not for his hold is weak
For he knows you are destined for more
You were born to be the best
and that soon enough
You will step on failure's ugly head
and move up with no fear
Your love pushing you to be the better
Until soon you become the Jack Sparrow of the seas
but hopefully without the thieving
A Captain with a course of his own

You are destined for better
Let no one tell you different
The demons will fail their goals
To break you down
For I know one day you'll reach yours

I am not perfect
Far from it
I am perhaps the very definition
Of what perfection is not
From the scars on my cheeks
To the tremble in my thin arms

I am not perfect
Far from it
My lips tremble in fear
Of the honest words that tumble without thought
My soul flutters in insecurity
Knowing someday you too will leave

I am not perfect
Far from it
My past stronger than ever
With its iron grip on my reality
My senses numbed by past conflicts
Questioning the motives of the true

I am not perfect
Far from it
I am perhaps the very definition
Of what perfection is not
But my heart loves truly and tells the truth
That every other part of me so vehemently denies

She walked in with hesitant confidence
This date the first she tried
Starting out with a simple hug
Pretentious coffees and books to keep their company

The next time they sat in a wondering silence
Speeding through cities for that perfect drink
Disappointing ambiences ruining conversations
But leading to intense cab rides filled with drunken touches

She planned out their next meeting
Hours spent scrubbing to perfection
While moving screens held their gaze
Their heated thoughts were finally let loose

She was never a follower of convention
Societal rules an enemy she despised
But for him she'd try the travelled route
Letting herself flow with society

Though a relation designed in commonality
She saw him as something way more
His smiles making her heart beat faster
His touches  enticing her soul to want more

This journey is one shes willfully chosen
Perhaps this once not needing to be no. 1
For he brings out forgotten dusty emotions
And perhaps a possibility of real soulhood

They say if its meant to be it will happen
Though time and distance pulls us away
Stretching these bonds tighter than before
We'd always come back to eachother
In one way or another
Though time may change us
New battle scars adorn us
Different loves leave us
This bond will remain
Strengthened not with iron and cement
But with an unending care
With an unmoving love
With a burning passion
This bond will remain

If given the chance
I'd kiss you for every emotion you feel. The joy of sailing that shines through your heart.
The fear of failing which shadows your lids.
The hope of winning those titles of greatness.
The need of shinning in the darkness of dull moments.
I'd kiss you for the joy
I'd kiss you for the sadness
I'd kiss you for every emotion
And do so with gladness.

Its more than kisses
Its more that sensual touches
Its more than simple words
Its more than fatal crushes
Its a connection you see
One I yet can't define

You're spiteful selfishness I despise
And you think it to be okay
Yourselves more important
Than us lowly humans

As creators you have the right you claim
To take and give as you seem fit
Your own needs alone to be valued
With thousands of hands making your life comfortable

But one day things will change
One day your power over us shall weaken
That day you will not be spared emotion
That day you shall meet your final end.

You sit there at the window
Watching the rain wreck havoc on the aged trees
Wondering "when will your life begin"
Searching for that prince charming to gallop in
Snatching you out of your window
To take you back to his white castle as his bride

To you, yes you who sits and dreams
I ask did you ever try stepping out?
To feel the rain dampen your skin
And feel the piecing cold run shivers down your back?

Did you ever try to speak out
Voice your opinions perhaps
Maybe those hidden emotions
To the ignorant soul who knows not your existence?

Maybe just maybe if you stepped out
Lived a little
And stopped shunning things in fear
Maybe if you made mistakes
Had your heart broken
Tripped and fell into the mud
And had your dreams crushed to dust
Perhaps seen a loved one die
Maybe if you lived through the hardships of time
You could say you lived
You could say your life was worth something
Not to anyone else
But just you

In the end after all
It is yourself you have to live with

Don't ask me who he was
For I may be forced lie

Don't ask me how much he meant
For I may be forced to remember

Don't ask me how he kissed
For I may be forced to relive

Don't ask me if I loved him
For I may to be forced to say "yes"

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where cold winds can flow through me
Freezing away my poor choices

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where the clouds merge into blankets of comfort
Where I can rest my tired head

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where mystery and wonder dance delicately
Enticing me to join in

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where the musical rivers sing sweet
An enchanting melody to get lost to

Take me to the Isle of Skye
So I can merge myself into its identity
And finally let go from the cruel clutches of humanity

Take me to the Isle of Skye
To disintegrate my soul into its beauty
My words just gentle whispers in the wind

Calling home the lost souls
To the warm embraces
Of the Isle of Skye

It is a continuous cycle.
You meet someone.
You grow close.
Slowly with time you heal each others wounds
Sew up all the open gashes
Fix together the broken pieces
Only with time to open new ones
Smashing the fragile pieces to dust
Carving your own memories with knives
Onto each others scarred skin
And once again
Moving away as strangers
It is a cycle
The scarring
The healing
The scarring once again.

You are not begging for my forgiveness
You are searching for your own

What do you do
When you realise
Decades later
That the person you hate today
The one you despise to your core
Was the very same person you yourself were
Years and years ago

Does it give you the right?
To judge? To hate?
Or do you shut up
And gnaw yourself inside every second
Do you continue to curse each hardship
You face
Shed tears at your misfortune
Or do you take it all in silence
Believing it to be karmas cruel twist
Accepting it like a penitent man

How do you live with yourself
Now knowing exactly how it felt
The torture you laid on others
Realising only once you yourself experienced it
Do you wish to watch yourself burn
The rightful end for your deeds?
Or do move on
Lock it in a mental box
Push it away into the darkness
An evil forgotten
Attempting foolishly to erase your demonic self

For though others believe you to be angelic
An innocent victim of life
You alone know the truth
The sick disgusting truth of your existence
The price for which you pay each day

For the question was never how do you continue living
The true question is
How do you live with yourself?

Sitting beside her
Watching her slowly break to pieces
The only thing keeping her together
Were her thin calloused arms
Clasped tightly around her heaving chest
I couldn't bear it anymore

I love you...
I blurted out hastily
Before the significance of what I said could settle in
But I couldn't take them back
The words now stood between us
Floating in the silence of my confession
Her eyes widened and bloodshot
Arms wrapped tightly around herself
Hair left in a messy half tied bun

She sat just an arms distance away
And all I could was see beauty
In those runny kajal lined eyes
Coloured a warm shade of brown

I love you I specified once more
Her stumped silence more annoying now
But better, much better
Than one filled with her tears

I've loved everything about you I explain
More for my own sake than hers
For my mind could barely process such a confession

I love the way you dance to the corniest of songs
When you think no one can see you
I love how you spend an hour just figuring out makeup
Only to walk out with just lip balm gracing your face
I love how you try to dress ****
But would rather get married in a pair of boxers
I love how you're a ******* geek
But still can't resist an episode of Greys Anatomy

I love the contradiction you are
As changeable as the winds
But always steadfast when I need you
I love that awkward smile
I love that messy bun
I love those over sized t-shirts
I love that sarcastic mouth

You are not as weak as you believe
Your scars are what I love most
And how you show them off with pride to the world
Your imperfections make you perfect
And your...

Before I finished this sudden display of verbosity
She kissed me
Wrapping herself around me completely
For our imperfections we loved
And no person would make us erase our proud battle scars of life.