shes got me coughing up flowers
again and again
and though i love them
and i keep every petal
i can not breathe

i'm ready to go home now
a real home
where i feel weightless
where i feel free
where my stomach doesn't hurt
and my bones don't ache
and i feel warm
and you are their to feel it with me
because you deserve a new skeleton star girl

i can not realize
if i am dying,
you may find me dramatic
but i have a twisted obsession

sometimes it makes me want to run
far and fast
instead of having this trapped feeling in my chest
causing me so much internal pain
making me feel like its pain is mine
its problems are mine
since my problems are suddenly its now.
i do not know how to help
because everything i do to try to fix this
makes things worse.
i feel as though
i do not deserve it
because it gives me so many things
that i can not give in return.

i am crumbling underneath this pressure
to fix what is broken
to fix it without wanting to change it
because that is wrong.

when i try to reach out i am pulled back by such regret
since it is so kind to me
and it does everything it is supposed to
and gives me so many things i do not deserve
so why am i still sad.

darling
i love you
but i think that's my problem
i love you but you are like a slow acting poison
i love you but you are a ticking bomb strapped to me
i love you but i do not believe in love
i know you are killing me, but i love how you **** me.
when i want to be alone,
darling you miss me
i can see from a distance i'm dying
and i know you want to try to help it
and i know that my better is your worse.
darling we are a match
we make a huge fire
and we burn each other out faster.

you accept me for who i am
even when i don't
and when i want to change
and improve upon myself
you are the molasses stuck to my feet
seeping into my skin
leaving me still
dreading who i am
unsatisfied because i know
i can fix my problem
but you think i am lovely right now.
i embrace change
but darling you dread it.

this isn't me breaking up with you
because you may never see this, darling
this is me telling you that despite all this
i'm still here
because i'm still invested
in every extending branch of your life
darling this doesn't mean
i won't go down swinging
because i can fan our fire
until we burn down forests
and then some.

i am not always sad
its just often
often i'm sad
often i feel little to nothing
but you don't accept nothing
you accept sad.

darling you warned me
you told me that you would get boring
and i couldn't believe you
but these days it seems like
you've told me everything
and its all the same
you try to help my problems
all the same
you answer trivial questions
all the same
i keep digging
but i feel i'm at the core.

i'm the "right here right now" girl
because there were girls before me
and there will be girls after me
and you may forget me
and i may break your heart
and you may act like its the end of the universe
but it isn't
and you'll move on.
you aren't the "right here right now" boy
you are the first
and i don't want you to be my first mistake.

i wish we moved slower darling
so i could get to know the real you
before i volunteered
for something i didn't understand.

darling
this isn't goodbye
because i'm at the core
but ill keep digging
i will sit through this
until i can't,
because i'm alive
and i believe i can be happy
with you, darling
this is just the hurt
written down
so i could know
when someone finally says goodbye
when i found out
that i'm dying.

living life , like reading a book
read over and over
knowing it forwards and backwards
understanding the beginning and end
I want a different book

i am a pixie
so do not miss me
when overnight
i fly away

i am a puzzle
with missing pieces
so do not cry
when the picture isn't perfect

i am a drifter
so when you see me
this is what you signed up for
without a contract

i am a nap
for a the insomniacs
what you need
but never lasts

darling its been a minute
and ive left you love notes in your ears
but i cant stop sobbing
and these minutes feel like years

i think im unhealthy
and ive been blaming everyone but you
i can't say this correctly
while saying i love you too

im sorry

yesterday my mom told me a secret
that of you starve yourself your mouth will begin to taste sweet
the sweetest taste you may ever experience
but it makes your breath rancid
i don't know if she told me
because she knows i hate bad breath
or because i have a sweet tooth

there is a numbness in my bones
while i sit on my worthless throne

and since my dreams are ***** and cigarettes
i taste like rotting butterscotch

i want to sit and write poems against your skin
and whisper
pretty words made of sugar
for years of time
that feel like minutes

i thought i stopped loving you the first time
but the thing is people kept coming and going
but no one has ever made me feel the way you made me feel
i keep reaching out to anyone who would take me
this empty shell of a person
with the hope they can fill my heart the way you could
but a part of me knows that the second i lost you
i would never be full again

i am not a poet
i am a word enthusiast

for i am a deer
in a family of hunters

my given name slipped out of his mouth for the last time
how sour it tasted
and man
did i want to spit it back at you

i have to stop falling in love with her
because every time she begins to fade away
i can feel my heart break more and more
and i want to move on but i'm afraid that she may want me back some day
so i have to stick around
because i want her to love me
i want the next time to be forever
i want to keep the barrier broken this time
even though i know
she will build it back up
until she becomes the piece of me that's in love with the past

am i dead?
sometimes i think i am dead
because
i want nothing more
than to be as pale
as the ghosts in my head

i am deleting
every word
i wrote against your skin
until you forget
i even wrote to you at all

answer me please answer me please please please you make me happy you are  usually here please just reply why wont you answer me

darling im lighting myself on fire to keep you warm

i am afraid
my parents will outlive me
because my bones are too brittle
and my blood is seeping into the sea

I am drowning in anxiety please this is my cry for help

i'd rather
you hate me
because
if you love me
you already care
too much