I know what hell is like. And it is burning me.

But then
this light heartache you don't wanna acknowledge --
cuz you think you can beat it but this heavy, heavy knowledge
that it's already beating you --
does it come as soon as does Attachment?

So I was planning to write
something for you
today. Finally.
but then somehow all of a sudden
my insides hurt so bad
and the ink I had collected
spilled all over the bed sheet
as I twisted and turned;
the pain didn't go then
even when I told it
I wasn't writing you a poem.

I come here to distract myself
To get caught in the labyrinthine hollows
So I won't have to question myself:
When will you return? And why you left.

Sparrows blue perching just inches away
from my feet,
I stand and touch the sky-
taking fistful of a white wet cloud in my mouth.
I love how the butterflies weave
a flower crown
and the tall, young man wearing the straw hat
plays his flute
for me.

Midnight, birthday bells
Morning; a fresh start
Laughter, cake, chocolates

It was just his wish that she waited for.

You make me sad. It's a carbon black kind of sadness.
I hide it behind my chest
There it darkens most.

"Beautiful" is a soft-blue balloon, the string of which is white. I hand it to you and you bounce, bounce, bounce it.
Then I go away and you pick a needle. Plop, it goes.
The soft-blue plastic falls at your face and wraps around it. From then onward, you see the world through blue eyes.
And only blue eyes.

You searched for ...*
Are you sure you want to remover your search?
Yes, god ******. I can't handle this.

He is so much to bear. This pain of this
Distance is so much to feel. I don't want to
Die with a sharp shard in my heart.

She was tryna save you
But she gave up
'Cause you broke her

You can't not miss them, it's not written in your fate
Your fate's an unlucky champ, got pain scribbled on its skin
So yearn - yearn for the moment that is never coming again
For a sense of togetherness which is now uncountable fragments
And hurt yourself, feel the flow... from your heart to your scalp, your nails, your intestines
Wait until it disarms you, disembowels you, and finally drinks you whole.

can someone just come and hold the shaking leaf
tuck it safely in a glass bottle
and without closing on with the cork
let it breathe, too?

Suffering is yellow in color
It hurts your eyes
And ails your heart.

i don't miss you anymore
i don't cry at nights
i sleep well
nothing haunts me--
not your unsaid goodbye,
not your unmeant love-talks,
not what i did, not what you didn't,
nothing.
i don't go back to read your texts
nor do i look at your photo a hundred times
i do not, simply do not care anymore where you are,
what you do, and if you slept peacefully at night.
it doesn't matter now to me. what i went through is history.

I wasn't asked if I'd like to be born to these parents
in this household or society
whether or not I could gladly shout patriotic slogans for this land
and celebrate its victories, cry on its shredding shroud
get defensive for these principles
prostrating before the Allah I found nearby
But I was given a choice to love you
and I failed myself and all of us, miserably there

Thunderbolt strikes;
stars scatter
in her eyes.

I am listening to a song and wish I could send it to you. It's so our type. Or what once was our type.

I miss you now.
But I won't miss you forever
*right...?

Could it be true --
That you miss me too
And all this while,
I wasn't the only one wanting?

count the ways you are sad on your finger tips
if you stop at ten and need more, close your hand in a fist and count on your knuckles
later you can count on your toes and maybe, one by one, on every other part too
count on your scars, why don't you try that?
count on your purple bruises
count on your two eye bags, swollen lip; count on your sometimes-throbbing-sometimes-weakening heart
then cry on your tears

I am sure they would do.

Where it was supposed to be,
It isn't.
Not in my heart, not on my sleeves
Not on my skin, not in my speech
Not here.
But here. Inside me:
A shy, scared, very scared bud
Its petals waiting, waiting since ever
But it won't dare open
For the fear of what has happened.
It doesn't want to be trampled
But does it know--?
Even to be trampled
You have first got to open.

Cry cause it's not okay.
Cry cause it never will be.
Cry cause you're a loser.
Cry, because all fakers are.
Cry because you laugh too much
Cry cause you're hiding
Cry cause you're exploding
Cry because it's all burning
in.side.you
Cry because water might just help
with the flames
Cry, cause you need to
Cry cause nobody wants you
Cry cause it's all over
Cry cause you can't do anything else
but write.
and cry,
and die.*
Die, and cry.

"Verily, with every hardship
comes ease."
And a new day just waits

and night leaves,
and dark fades,
and God sees.

Thou shall come,
And stay.
Cut my throat,
And drink my blood.
Play with my bulging eyes,
Tickle my fears
Hear my screams
Laugh at me!
And Rejoice.
Thou shall not fear,
That my face
Is far more horrible
Than is yours.
Thou must come closer,
Come nearer,
And slay!
And wound!
And slash!
And bash!
Beat!
and thump
and slap
And strike!
And that too
Must thou do,
In the highest degree
Of PAIN.

Death like a serpent ready to hiss glares from the glass door of the hospital room asking God his permission to enter and destroy.

Mercy points to the waiting room where several hands have joined in prayer and heads of a few are bowed in prostration and tears from nearly everyone are wetting clothes creased from an overnight stay.

God says wait. And he lets Mercy push Death behind--until next time.

Do I cause you pain?
Good. Because it's been a long wait.

It's okay, heart.
Move on.

if she is writing
a fourth poem in a row
at 2:57 a.m.
about the same thing
s      e     n s      e l        e    ss       l      y
her life is definitely *******
right now.

adopted by the moon,
taken care of by the mom gods,
she was fed honey and grass,
green air, golden pistachios
and milk white in the mornings.

time flew by as she swung on swings carried by the sun and twelve planets
and one fine day
grew into an absolute goddess
the celestial princess
crowned by the lord of lords
and also
got her heart first broken
then ruined
by the lord of lords himself.

You are doing it wrong..
really wrong.
how many poems do you write every day?
and at nights?
do you think he deserves it? Do you deserve this?
wake up from your break up
gather up your soul now
pick up the pieces and start your dance.
Magic, magic, magic! Rock't!

A knock
I hear
And run
To the door,
Pull it open
But fail
To find you
You are not
There
I know,
I have looked
To my left
And right
Again and again

The hollow pain
Of disappointment
Is all I will have
For lunch today
And maybe tomorrow
And forever.

I am writing stories about you. And poems. Lots and lots of poems.
I am filling words with fantastical versions of love so people won't see how broken I am.
My characters dance.
Their laughter echoes throughout the book.
But here, look at my heart:
One big wound; blistering blood.

you stop playin'
stop tellin' it's their fault
cuz it's not her fault
and I am innocent
just cuz I told you
I was tired of your lyin'
doesn't mean I deserve you
to ******' tell me I am wrong
I am wrong cuz I put myself
before a ******* for once
doesn't mean I am wrong
if I tell you I wanna quit
I just wanna breathe.

I have understood the fact that you were bad for me
toxic, indeed
I have understood the fact that it wasn't meant to be

But who will explain this to my stupid heart?

Think about the one person that wasn't there.

Don't hope. **** hope: the baby that cries and wakes you every now and then.

Don't wait.
Don't let your heart burn for a friend who herself disappeared in the crowd for 'until next time'.

Don't let anyone
Ruin
Your short life!

There was only one thing that was important for him to know:

it wasn't love. love isn't this.

So I made it clear

but now

I feel as if

it wasn't for me to teach.

but when you go there, you say so boldly,
"I am not afraid, it can't hurt me no more!"
and when you return, you are always trembling
and you never can see me in the eye. why?
why do you go there - that eerie house of yesteryear
where hopes broke, where dreams shattered,
where love was walked upon?
why do you go there - where evil laughter still roars
empty rooms scream silence, windows rattle like teeth chattering on the rainy night he left you.
why do you give yourself that pain, always and again?

Let us sleep so we can be distracted,
Let us travel back into that time and place where we were us and we were fine
Let us dream once again.

We girls are idiots. Attention is our drug;
You could be killing us slowly and we will accept to die
As soon as you leave.

Why do my hands start trembling as soon as you say your goodbye?
It was so meant to be, and I only have to repeat after you.
Goodbye
I say
And it feels like I am asking you to **** me.

I realized I cannot do with you
I realized I cannot do without you

My colors cross yours

but our paths never meet.

Maybe we can finally run away

to some place far

and be free

now.

EXPRESS YOURSELF
says the daily prompt
That’s totally impossible!
Cried the girl and stomped

Tell us about it
They repeat again
What am I to say?
her protests go in vain

tell us about a time
you had no words to say
Well that happens a lot!
with my senses do they play

Tell us, tell us, do they call
Tell us about it, tell us all

Fine then I shall, so said her
and unveil here some moments blur
But listen to me with heart brave
Cautions she with a sound grave

I’ll tell you about that time last..
her eyes surveying parts of past
I’ll open to you each hint, imprint..
Her mind throbbing, as she squint

I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you
suddenly she screams
Rubbing her clenched fist
In emotions extreme

I’ll explain to you such happenings
of haunting nights and mornings

I’ll tell you, I’ll tell each and all
shouts she, before she stumbles and falls
Her pattering heart skips fast a beat
thud and thump as she dropped on feet

Whimpering, limping, she strives to stand
a hand advanced, she couldn’t withstand
You never came forward, you never helped out
she looked blankly, eyes filled with doubt

Weren’t you the same to ask her speak?
where are you now as she dies, weak?
Didn’t you ask her to express, to try?
but you’re nowhere close to stop her cry

You’ve gone because you had come to go
It will take time yes, I’ll get this though
just make sure you never ask another to ‘express’
for it’s harder than you know, to speak or confess.

my heart hurts, that's all.
this is not a poem.
just a helpless cry maybe