adapt
like a bird
building a nest
out of discarded newspaper

a small animal's bones
restructuring
readjusting
around the plastic rings
that once held soda cans

learn to stay put
if you were meant to fly
but find yourself
caged

adapt
change your body chemistry
alter your consciousness
to fit in
where you were not made to

its been a while
since i was
hospitalized

three years ago
i nervously waited
for my verdict
at 2 AM

so when he called me
tonight
with a voice as tired
as someone who had finally
given up

i knew exactly
what was happening

and i relived
my death wishes
through his soft,
defeated words

he looked at me
with sleepy eyes

eyelids trying to hide
deep spiderwebs of thought

"smile"
he said
and when i did
the storm was
calmed

papers take on liquid form
i am drowning in them

a hex
a curse
a spell

im trapped
tormented
teased

i cannot escape
but i love it

i used to
look at you
like you could
walk on water
or like you
created the stars

but you were really
only a thief
who stole
everything
i had
and smashed it
right before my
eyes

she used to be
a good girl
but now she's
smoking away
all her friendships

hello heart-eyed doe,
tripping over your delicate feet
following the warm promise
of spring

hello heart-eyed doe,
don't let your spirit go
while you're out searching
for your love

we broke
each other,
so its only
fair
to say
that you
still have
some of
my pieces
with
you

he wants to sleep
forever
and she cannot stay awake
for two people

they always told me
that my heart would never heal
if i kept letting it break
and break
and break
and break
but i never listened
and probably never will
because i gave up on caution when i was 12
nowadays i claw at my throat
and tear at my hair
pick at scabs on my forehead
and play with pencil sharpener blades
all to get away
just to get away
maybe one day i'll get away
but for now i am stuck
in this never ending ocean
of chewed up words
and scarred skin
and fragments of memories once held dear
because once anything gets close enough to me it shatters
just as i have shattered myself

turn me off
and turn me on
like a wind up doll

who needs love
when you have
electricity

who needs to lie
about their feelings
when they are
made of stone

thinking i had
wrapped myself
around your heart,

i childishly
failed to realize
it was your ankle
instead

bleeding isnt fun
but its easy

he reminded me
that hands
that big
were not only meant
to hurt

and another persons
largeness
was not meant
to make me seem
small

thank you
for swallowing
my hand in yours

thank you
for covering me
with love

the house settles;
i am not alone

they expected me
to miss them
but i kept walking
in the opposite direction

your fingers
still reach out
in the form
of tree branches,
scratching open
remnants of
scars
i almost had
forgotten

i slept inside of your ribcage
until you purposefully broke all of your ribs

you threw yourself down the stairs
and didnt cry until i disappeared

i tried to repair your broken bones
but all i had to my name was some dental floss

now my teeth are rotting out of my skull
because i stitched you back together

you cant make me
undo what i did
and i cant make you
care again

so i will acknowledge the pain
and do my best
to pave a new road

stop hiding behind my eyelids
let me sleep

in shattering
myself
i shattered
you;
i always
considered
you
part of me
but i never
thought
i was
part of
you

when it is cold
i want to freeze to death
and when it is hot
i wish to burn

so whatever the
circumstance
i always wish
to find the way
to die
most violently

the song
pulled out
my old heart
like a mighty
whale
resurfacing for air

huge, yet silent
creating ripples
in the surrounding surfaces

hearts break loudly

overshadowing light

all i can hear
are all of the pieces
hitting the floor

she
bent
to your
will
until
she snapped

now
do not
blame her
for
making you bleed
from the wounds
caused by her
splintering
shards

the finality of flame
smoking out my compassion
i watched the remains
go up in orange ribbons of goodbye

same place,
but never
the same time.

i believed
in breathing
until i realized
every breath
i take
brings me
closer
to death

i deserved the
whole universe
and you wouldnt
even give me
a single star

a number is just
a number

a character
written on paper

it has no value
until we give it one

based on
accuracy
amount
rank

please do not
be mad
at the number
for reflecting
the value
that you give to it

i said id never
rip you apart,
but that was
before
you turned me
into a monster.

sometimes
in the midst
of a power struggle
i miss him

when my head
and my heart
do not feel my
consciousness
bleed for him

im cold
inside and out,
but at least
i wont get
burned

there is a faint glimmer of hope
in escape

the sound of birds singing
through the window panes

a small stitch on a broken heart
forming with each passing day

a deadline
promising graduation
from here
from hell
from heartbreak

i hope i make it