Is this soliloquy fun?
Of good men, I'd like to meet just one,
Isn't snivelling fun?
There's a comedic part of this,
Inner whinese is a lovely chick,
How do oldies get proactive?
Soliloquy of an old woman,
To whom do you reach a hand?
You got the best of men,
I got the worst of men....
This is a soliloquy of one,
Isn't snivelling fun?

Question for you, chicks and dudes,'
What is an ironing board to you?
Did you know they were surfboards,
Yes, they grew up, surf did bore,
Surfboards got a day job,
Being ironing boards is their lot,
Nonsense I do compose,
Only a joke in an ode!

Hello, women footballers on Channel Two,
Is there anything you can't do?
And you've each got three degrees too,
But is your biology your destiny for you?
When you meet a man, the one for you,
Do you end up cleaning the loo?
Yes, three degrees coming through,
Girl footy player cleaning the loo!
Hello there, women footballers on Channel Two,
Sad but true, sad but true,
**** it up, biology is destiny for you!!!

Why did Noah take nits?
Let's pull this ark to bits,
God let Noah take two nits,
Plus two mosquitoes, each proboscis,
Gave humans encephalitis,
What is worse than this?
Why they bring malaria, blip!
What is worse than this?
As well as Noah's two nits,
God let Noah take two rats,
With two fleas on board, that's that,
So Noah brought bubonic plague,
While lovely unicorns floated away,
Then on all those wooden decks,
Noah took two woodpeckers, by heck,
So that was the end of Noah's Ark,
Lucky he wasn't eaten by sharks,
So, why God, did you plan all this, mate?
I know Noah was human to make mistakes,
Taking rats, fleas, mossies, and nits, great!
Was taking two nits more than fate?

In an instant, your life can change,
Individuals are not to blame,
Some women attract men so pitiful,
They can treat chicks so vomitable.
Strength of the human mind,
To overcome difficult times,
Need to focus on positive energy,
Not dwell on past negativity,
To overcome life's diversities,
So, looking forward, not looking back,
The road of life is one long track,
Maybe women are not to blame,
In an instant your life can change.

THE WAY

The way through the wilderness is clear,
Impossible dreams come true, my dears,
Tolerance to be taught to the human race,
We're all sparked with mankind's grace,
There is a way through the wilderness,
Impossible dreams can be achieved, no less.
All children do play together,
Until dissuaded by adult's blether,
The way through the wilderness is clear,
Impossible dreams come true, my dears,
Kindness taught to the human race,
Universal smiles free on everyone's face,
The way through the wilderness is clear,
Impossible dreams to achieve, my dears.

I guess weird is wonderful, eh,
Let's place the fair in welfare today,
Yeah, right, a quest for all our pollies,
Myriad challenges for equity,
True, misery loves comedy,
Someone writes their political scripts,
Listening to Parliament gives me the blip,
Best to off turn the switch,
Pray for a Lazarus economy,
Yes, misery loves comedy.....
But, really not that funny!

The road less travelled,
Personal choices unravelled,
You meet the wrong person in life,
You descend into his strife,
Best to stay remote and aloof,
"Write it a doctor's!" I say, you goof,
Where would my life have gone, eh,
Much ado about nothing today!

The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
That' what he gets for perving!
Get him to the morgue on time!

The old man's getting to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
The undertakers are steady,
Both the coffins are ready,
Extra wide for  the big fat groom and bride!

The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
The bride is wearing her thongy,
His sons are bringing their bongies,
Get him to the morgue on time!

The old man's groom married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine,
The mob are bringing Marijuana pesto,
The transvestites are saying hello,
They can be mothers of the bride!

The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse shall shine,
Yes, that's what you get for perving,
The morticians are all ready,
The coffins are standing steady,
Get him to the morgue on time!

See the golden orb,
Sunrise/sunset, it daubs,
The Earth goes round and round,
Sunlight does abound,
Our source of life is found,
Behold the golden orb,
Sunrise/sunset it does daub...

This tribute to Grandpa to read,
Lifeline in our family tapestry,
Every stitch sewn with love,
Grandpa's guidance from above,
In our web of threads.
Echoes of patterns never ends,
Colours entwining, shades selecting,
Our Grandpa standing tall as a tree,
Our family tapestry,
In him we always believed,
Memories of the olden days,
Our family's exemplar, now passed away,
Endless hours, part of his story,
In perpetual light, he rests in glory,
Our Grandpa stood tall as a tree,
Yes, in him we always believed,
Stitching here endlessly,
Grandpa's place in our family tapestry.

Now of New Age, I am a fan,
I communed with my healing man,
I relaxed, breathed, because I can,
Yes! I communed with my soul's shaman,
He appeared, by my psychic side,
At last, I met my inner guide,
But, you see, it was lunchtime,
Hunger pains panged inside,
Who is this messenger guide?
I asked, yearning deep, besides,
Yes! I did commune with my inner shaman,
Unfortunately, his name is Manga!
Let's do lunch,
End of hunch!

Beware the flooded roads,
Don't drive in that overflow,
You won't drive into a bushfire,
why drive into that watery mire,
Beware, there's danger there,
Some don't listen, it appears,
Washed away in the floods,
Beware, beware, that's far enough,
Beware, beware, my man,
Don't drown yourself in a tin can!

Here is my new recipe,
One for you and me,
Peace recipe, you see,
Take a tinch  of Faith,
Add a dash of human grace,
Stir in some Tolerance, indeed,
Mix with a universal creed,
Bake with a smile,
Won't take a while,
This is my new recipe,
One for you and me,
My Peace recipe, you see......

I found a cure for head lice and nits,
This'll really thrill you to bits,
Pour coca-cola on infested heads,
Happy hoppies shall soon be dead,
But don't give the  cola to your kids,
They'll all get intestinal nits!
To all the parents and teachers of kids,
Happy hoppies cured, no more nits!
Now didn't that thrill you to bits?
A verse written by Navajo the Nit!

Here is the ballad of Web MD,
Self-diagnosing terminal maladies,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

Let's do our own diagnosis,
Teach yourself self-hypnosis,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

Let's sing our ballad of  MD,
Sure we've got terminal maladies,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

That was the ballad of Web MD,
What are today's self-diagnosis,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

How can we all  be a manifest?
To create a world that's blessed?
Should be a lifetime quest,
Smiles and kindness are free,
Sent from each one personally,
To approach each  day positively,
Positive plans for every day,
How can we be manifests today?

One night, I was dining,
A thought appeared, while whining,
'Who cooked this chaff?
Diet water, please?" Made ya laugh!

Isn't football such an event?
Listen to the philosopher's lament,
Old Socrates barracked for his team,
In the AFL, worst you've ever seen,
Socrates gazed at the replay,
Groaned, "We lost again!"
So he drank hemlock and gin,
Slit his wrists, did himself in,
Drowned in his phony spa,
His ghost calls down from afar,
"The premiership is what is meant!"
Woe, Socrates' eternal lament!

It's a rule, so it's right, right?
No, it's a rule, doesn't mean it's right.
If it's a rule, it could be a wrong,
I wonder for how long,
Some rules are wrong,
If it's a rule, it might be good,
Do rules mean what they should?
It's a rule, so it's right, right?
No, if it's a rule, doesn't mean it's right.

(To the tune of "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree!)
Today, I was offered a job, prithee,
Tutoring crims in literacy,
Silent reading for all the he's,
I'd be part of their conspiracy,
They'd all have a million dollars, you see,
Buried under the jail's old oak trees,
For their chicks and kids to live comfortably,
That's why they like gardening, you see,
It looks like the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene!
They swiped the prison bus,
Forgot about "Literacy and Us!"
The governor put the blame on me!
So much for teaching prison literacy,
Now there's lots of holes under the jail's old oak trees,
Yes, the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene,
All with a million dollars, you see,
Well, they learnt to spell 'conspiracy',
That was my job teaching literacy!

Here is my new missive!
Wake up negative!
Don't learn from past mistakes,
Greater mistakes you can  make!
Use any grand failure,
To give up! In Australia,
We'll smoke our vegetables!
Get negative, all you people,
Just give up!
**** it up!
Fill your half full cup of life
with *****, have lots of strife!
Whinge, whinge, snivel, whinge,
Let's all get negative!
Self-sabotage about the ex,
Who does behave like old T-Rex,
Drop out of school,
Break every rule!
Here is my new missive!
Let's wake up negative!

This is a tale of a world reborn,
Beautiful ways of life to form,
After global warming,
Comes an Ice Age dawning,
Then an aeon of floods,
To wash away our crud,
Geographic cycles, yes,
We're all in an age, I guess,
Who shall survive,
Of species still alive?
An ancient Planet Earth,
Always reborn, a vast girth,
This is a tale of a world reborn,
And beautiful ways of life to form!!

I'm so glad you found me again,
As we embrace, my loving man,
In our imaginations, a million years,
Happy memories and not one tear,
Maybe we're both out of time and space,
Our talents have come from another place,
Adam leads Eve across centuries,
So, this is what you mean to me, finally,
As we kiss, entwining, loving man.....
I'm so glad you found me again.

An idea hit me like a tornado....
If I were a superhero,
I guess I'd be like Robin Hood,
Always aiming to do good,
I'd grant everyone their wish,
Hand them blessings on a golden dish,
Health, wealth and happiness,
Grant the world a superhero bless,
I see wrongs and wish they were rights,
It's the world, won't get uptight,
This idea hit me like a  tornado,
Oh, if only I were a superhero.

Good morning, God, good morning,
Another lovely day is dawning,
I woke up and the car started, good,
Let's have a peaceful day, as we should,
I do wonder if God is sardonic,
All these armed conflicts, not platonic,
Nuclear weapons amassing, quite ironic,
So from all the waking lemmings,
Another lovely day is dawning,
Good morning, God, good morning......

Bad luck--eggs are now an allergen,
I shall never eat them again,
No soft boiled eggs,
Munched to the dregs,
No fluffy omelettes for me,
My lips turn blue, you see,
So, I placed all eggs on a centrifuge,
This is my cunning subterfuge,
I rotated them in this way,
Eggs flew off to space one day,
Launched as astronauts,
Chooks can't fly, I thought,
Bad luck-eggs are now an allergen,
I shall never eat them again!

When Elijah comes again,
We'll all turn the page of sin,
He is not the Lord,
But a voice of awe,
Heaven above, earth below,
Fire within, ever to glow,
Divine life and love on Planet Earth,
One vision and one dream,
Amity and no more bigotry,
One global fellow humanity,
Ceasing hostilities, such sin,
When Elijah comes again.

Yes, after the loving's over,
You've bowled this maiden over,
Honey, we blew up the universe,
You can believe that, for what it's worth,
Honey, we blew up infinity
again, how's that for chemistry?
Honey, we blew up the systems solar,
Yin and Yang, our love bipolar,
Yes, this is our Big Bang theory,
Love endless between you and me.........

So, I'm starting over again,
Why is this thought in my brain,
That patterns repeat for everyone,
For me, good men appear to be none,
Control freaks take a sweet witch,
And turn her into a right *****!
You can't please bullies, let's say,
I suppose I'll learn that one day,
This pattern long held in my brain,
Being a doormat is a drain!
So, I'm starting over again.

Now that I am old and grey,
Would I meet a friend one day?
Would he look like Sinead?
He might not care, as I am old and grey,
I'd care for him, no expectations,
Like the Omnipotence of all creation,
I might love him to the moon, for fun,
A heart that loves is forever young,
Like Our Lord, as a new day has begun,
He shall never grow old,
As we  here grow old,
So, do we raise our expectations,
As our souls await, in anticipation
of healing love, for every nation,
from the Omnipotence of all creation!

This is a true, but amusing tale,
Hope your laughter does not fail,
'Tis a saga of a cockatoo,
Of life, he held a jaundiced view,
At the going down of the sun,
Cocky embellished his own fun,
And at the rising of each dawn,
Cocky's catharsis our ears did adorn,
The parrot kept talking, none listened to he,
Cocky had such a vivid vocabulary,
All starting with "F...ing C...'s"!
We heard his morning matins, you see,
His vespers were hard to believe,
'Twas sociolinguistic acquisition, prithee,
His jaded look at society,
Swearing is cathartic, but so lazy......

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!
Time to get the breakfast on!
Little Johnny likes to cook,
No, he is no wussy sook,
He is cooking in his apron,
Yes, thirty pieces of bacon!
Johnny decides this is bliss,
As he gives his empty plate a kiss,
But Johnny now has cholesterol, you see,
That was yum, time for tea,
Now he's eating thirty chocolates, prithee,
All gone, Johnny has cholesterol and diabetes!!!!!!
Yes, Little Johnny is heading for obesity!!!!!!

I prayed to God in the silent house,
In the quiet stillness, in came a mouse,
Yes, in scuttled Horatio the Mouse,
Sardonic God has sent me a mouse,
So, a little fur friend,
God's blessings don't end,
This mouse is way too hyperactive,
I ask, does it come from a mouse collective?
Is Horatio pregnant? think twice.
Shall I be plagued by furry mice?
I bought poison and mousetraps, too bad,
Is the mouse collective about to be sad?
Thus spake God, in the silent dark house,
"I shall send you a fur friend mouse?"

Explain the rules,
All you callous ghouls,
What are rules?
Power games for you,
One way traffic, you see,
Why are you exploiting me?
Why can't you get someone better?
Write me your rules in a letter!
So, you callous ghouls,
You explain your rules,
Maybe there are no rules,
You made it up to suit you,
You write down your rules!

National Sarcasm Society,
Sounds like you and me,
Here's some sarcasm for you,
Sarcasm--like I need you!

Today's political agenda
For political puppets--
Manipulated by the powers that be,
Hoping for a Lazarus economy,
Games people play,
Any miracles today?
Mystical revival,
Elections--farcical,
Candidates--comical.
Tweedledum?
Or­ Tweedledummer?
Yes, games people play,
Any miracles today?
Made any jobs today?
Not for the old, for the young,
Their careers not even begun,
Hoping for a Lazarus economy,
Who are the powers that be?

I chanced upon a note one day,
I looked askance, then looked again,
It said, "Do you want to join us today?"
The Mafia application form reads this way.....
"Whattsa you name?"
"Whattu say?"
"Spella dat again!"
"You gotta gun, you say?"
"You gotta shades today?"
"Whattsa car you drive this day?"
"Issa big one, black or grey?"
"You shoota someone, one day?"
"Free cement shoes, our way!"
"Congratulations, eh!
You joinna da Mafia today!"

I was reading old Aristotle,
If a woman is not rational,
Find me a man who is.......
It's a bit of a fetish,
Blaming women for men's blip,
Who is a rational man?
Any known politician?
Any other human?
Media are the modern tribe,
Feeding us daily diatribes,
Who is really rational?
Don't ask me or Aristotle!!!!

My inspirational weight loss journey,
It's like being in Street Sesame,
Just keep saying, "No cookies!"
And no ice cream or choccies!
So, as well I'm gluten free,
I did reduce by 35 kilos, you see,
My inspirational weight loss industry!
Let's hear it for, "Good for me!"

Oh surfer boy....
TV remote is your toy,
You're television's clown,
I won't let you drag me down......

Dear Noah of the Ark,
This is a message from the sharks,
We ate all the unicorns,
Noah leaves at 5pm, they could have sworn,
Whoops! Now there are no unicorns!

Spent today at a Flea Market with she,
All for nothing, nothing for free,
Bought some clothes for she,
A potplant for me, no ****,
Food and books I didn't need,
All for nothing, nothing for free,
Anything old was new again,
Vendors on the gravy train,
All for nothing, nothing for free,
But, I had fun today for free,
Sunshine and good company,
Simple things in life are free,
Flea market was such fun with she!

Now, it's our time to  laze,
We've reached our Autumn days,
Chilling air, smoky haze,
Russet and brown, golden days,
Leaves descending,
Time for sweeping,
Bulbs for planting,
We head for dormancy,
Grey skies, no more sunnies,
Heating on, fleecies adorn,
Every day, a nippy morn,
Winter warmth already?
Yes, comfort food keeps us steady.....
Now it's our  time to laze,
These are our Autumn days.........

Yes, it was a hot day for a black wedding,
I swapped my life for a golden ring,
I did not check those sinister omens,
As I volunteered to change my cognomen,
All our families, garbed in black,
Once hitched, there was no turning back,
A fateful dark matrimonial,
Indeed, a disastrous ceremonial.
'Twas already a dim bleak wedlock,
Nuptials in black was a shock,
So much for my late spouse,
Yelling at me to clean his house,
Is biology destiny? I used to ask,
Is housework only a woman's task?
Once, I swapped my soul for a golden ring,
Yes, it was a hot day for black wedding.
(Tough!).

What does this letter stand for ----"M"?
Now read along, ahem, "M",
"M" stands for mummies,
Magnets for mess,  and dummies,
"M" is for maestro,
Opera tonight? Bleeped if I know,
"M" is for misogynist,
Broomsticks up exes' male blips!
To women, they are not God's gift,
Yes, "M" is for misogynist!

Where did you go to, Doris Stokes?
Do you  still talk to ghosts?
Doris is now a ghost, folks,
Did she just want to get on the telly?
Did the ghosts ever get on her nelly?
Or was she telepathic,
Or only telepathetic?
So, who now talks to ghosts,
Or erstwhile Doris Stokes?

A thought on my neuron is impinging,
If it ain't Armageddon, do stop whinging,
"A happy heart makes a cheerful face,"
A notion apt for our global race,
Smiles to each one are a grace,
Blessing to all as we set our pace,
Way too much negativity.
Largely a waste of futility,
Instead of daily positivity,
Way too much 'stinking thinking',
If it ain't Armageddon, do stop whinging,'
This thought on my neuron is impinging.

My ode to shorts---
We look like fat dorks,
When it's not so cold,
Even if we're so old,
Can't hide varicose veins,
Old age doesn't go away,
We know we look dorby,
We're all well past forty,
Summer's so **** hot,
This heat's a bit of a shock,
We all know we're fat dorks,
Has anyone really thought
We'd look good in shorts?

I arise, shower, get dressed, as normal,
Put on my black shoes, not so formal,
Where shall my boots take me today?
Why, off to my local church to pray!
Silent, alone, but not lonely,
Plaster saints, and God, and me, not only,
I walk away feeling blessed,
Because in these black shoes, I dressed,
These boots were made for walking, no less!