no love can fix me
because out of this "love" thing
I was born damaged

I still remember
the night of the living dead
a tempestuous night
when we should’ve stayed inside
the weight of “beloved” stones up on our heads

I heard stories about
vengeful deceased
coming back to life
but if we’re full of hatred
why are we laying side by side?

I buried you
you buried me
but now we are just deteriorating
rotting flesh wandering around
when we should’ve rested in peace

no, I haven’t been writing poetry
I’m busy living

out there
walking down the streets
partying through the nights
working to make the earnings

I don’t have the time to sit down
and write

to think about life
to just exist in this world
contemplate the nothing and everything
but now that I’m writing I feel…

I feel something
I had forgotten
like I lit a spark
in the darkness
like something died
and I brought it back

I held tight my belongings
afraid of everything and everyone
I had this sense of not knowing
where I'm from and where I should go

everything passed by so quickly
people running and screaming
I just sat quietly staring
at the tiffany blue coloured floor

I smelled the pollution
my nose hurting while breathing
this must be what they mean when they say
"it's hard living in the big city”

if you really loved me
you wouldn't do this to me
you wouldn't throw all this weight
on my shoulders
when you know that
what I already carry
is heavy enough

I'm not straight out of a magazine
nor worth a different gaze

men don't faze
women neither want to taste

I'm somewhere in between
nowhere to be seen

there's a lot for me to write
but not much for me to say
because I can never voice out loud
how much you've caused me pain

the anguish
that never leaves my heart

bites my nails
and pulls my hair out

this anguish
one day might **** me

but maybe
just maybe

it already did it

from the day I was born
I wasn't meant to belong to myself
a cursed being without any power of control

my fate was written
in a lazy handwriting
on a wrinkled piece of paper

very early in life I learned so
that I had strings tied to my limbs
and I'd never be able to walk alone

any glance of freedom
where I dared to dream
was followed by a unwanted label

I've always been
someone's sister
someone's youngest child
someone's crush
someone's heartbreak
but never
in the purest
the freest
form
me

I see myself everywhere
and the world I perceive revolves around me
not because I'm narcissist
but because my existence is my entire world
I'm everything I have

toda noite deito minha cabeça no travesseiro
viajo em minha mente como um passageiro
sonho com o inalcançável e me perco por inteiro

se não me identifico com a vida real
se meu eu só é contemplado no surreal
há algo em mim que é verdadeiro?

I wait for this weird blue box to land on my yard,
piloted by an alien who invites me to travel far

because I feel so lonely and depressed on Earth
that I make dreams out of my scars

When I die
Tell my dog that it will be okay, and give it a warm spot next you in bed to keep it warm

When I die
Tell to people that hated me, those who maybe got sad or felt some sort of guilt for not talking to me while I was alive, that there's no use on feeling that you owe something to a dead person

When I die
Tell my friends that even though some felt distant from me, like they didn't know much about who I was, that it was enough that they trusted me, so much so that I always held them close to my heart and our friendship was everything to me when I needed the most to be strong and carry on

When I die
Tell my family that I've never let them know me well on purpose, it's a pity, I wish I could share more with you than blood

When I die
Tell my therapist that I've finally stopped fighting against time, now that I'm dead I became eternal

I started a riot
of abused women

fire in our eyes
bruises left behind

a strenght to be remembered
by a man that no longer scare us

I went back and forth
up and down

suddenly I was nowhere to be seen
not even for myself

I have a garden
on a windy city

it has sunny days for weeks
and stormy nights for months

my plants overheat under the sunlight
and drown everytime the clouds cry

the flowers have scorched petals
and the weeds grows and settle

of some flowers I still take care
but there's dead plants that I could never have back

everything is the same
staying inside, nothing is changed

not a world crisis matter
I've been in quarantine since forever

that's how it's always been
I'm closed for as long as I can

these words are meant to hurt
they are like knives leaving deep cuts

these words are meant to change
what once was untouched
they will never be the same

i gave love
and i received
but i never overflowed
that's not how love's supposed to be
and now i just don't know
why i feel nothing inside me

i want to tape my mouth
'cause sometimes i can't control what comes out
it's like someone else is in control
and after what has been said make damage
it leaves and i'm the one responsible for

i want to close my eyes
'cause whatever disappoints me makes me wanna cry
and if i don't contain my tears and keep it down
i might drown

i want to cover my ears
'cause i'm too low to control my fears
and every little change on the tone of your voice
can make me wanna quit

i want to repress my nose
to not looking for more sorrow
i have to stop mind other people business
even if it has to do with me

you touch her

undress her

you see through her

what frightens her

you take what you need

then

you leave

i kept putting myself in places different than mine
curious, living it inside my mind

i imagined myself getting hit by a car
instantly becoming a shooting star
i imagined myself jumping off a cliff
where no one else could see
i imagined myself bleeding through deep cuts
at last pouring out my guts
i imagined myself getting shot
in peace with no overthoughts
i imagined myself being loved
as my self love evolves

the last one made me cry
'cause it was the farest of what was mine

When she first saw him, he came fearless wearing red
She was uncomfortable, in her usual black
And by that
Anyone could say they didn't match

Although they got along
It was clear that something would go wrong
A mischievous boy
Falling for a broken heart girl
Who would dare to believe that from it
A love could grow?

The girl didn't know how bad this boy could get
And she had confidence to let him in
Like with somebody else she never had

He stabbed a knive at her back
While saying "I love you,"
"I don't know why you always so sad"

One day the girl realized that she didn't deserve to be treated that way
She wasn't able to save him from his demons
'Cause he wanted to be bad anyway

Didn't take long
To the boy realize he was wrong
And so he got hit by the epiphany of all the bad things he had done
All the pain he caused, he felt in his own guts

And with this sad ending
They part from each other
Now the broken hearted,
As so deserved, was him

I love you but,
I will make you jealous and cry
I will make you feel weak,
Crazy,
Insecure,
Unbareable but,
I love you