can i get a deathbed for one?
and that’s not just a metaphor
i know it looked like i was getting better
but this has been a long time coming
i always said that i wanted to die young to save myself

Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "I don't know"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "it's like drowning while someone stands two inches away from you screaming just swim"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "like an empty dark void"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "it feels like I'm screaming for help but everyone has me on mute"

every night I go to bed with my woes
I try to tell myself that this place I'm in is just temporary
but is it?
trying to exist in a void is like
trying to find a metaphor for depression
trying to reason with myself to search for something more
but I'm just a weeping ghost trying to disappear into the abyss for the last time.

i wouldn't have taken so many pills
one after another
after another
and another
and then just one more
i wouldn't have swallowed my sadness
i wouldn't have had to feel the burn in my throat as i threw up
i wouldn't have to carry this secret around that i tried to **** myself last spring
i just wouldn't

remember that night i had a panic attack in your room?
you to told me that my eyes could use some sleep
but instead
i let go of the idea of being anything at all that night
and
anxiety settled into my bones that night
i ache
i ache
i ache so ******* much

The moonbeams cascade over me and wash me out.
Allowing me to become a silhouette, simply fading away.
The sea salt air wraps around me and whips my hair around me.
Walking into December ocean, my blood freezes.
A ghost smile forms on my face relishing in the last moments of life
The water is up to my neck and I can't feel my finger tips anymore
Taking one last look at the moon, allowing the bright moonbeams stream down on me. The wind blows and I allow it to push me into the frozen ocean. My lungs fill with salt water and my hair floats around me but I can still feel the sweet moonbeams on my frozen skin.

Drink
Drank*
Drunk
Trying to forget your face
but I can still see it in
the bottom of ***** bottles

you left a bittersweet taste in my mouth
that i can't seem to rinse out
moon dust covers my room
and it makes me
miss you in the most peculiar way

She danced in the midnight light
The night engulfing her
Her love came in waves
*A goddess of lost souls

i've died 1000 times
climbed to the top of every mountain and jumped off
eaten a cyanid pill
played in traffic with my eyes closed
waltzed with the devil in the middle of hell
but none of those compare to dying in your arms
drowning in your exquisite love

I'm not great with words
I left behind a morse code instead
hoping, praying
someone would find my SOS

my blood is curdled by sin
my heart beats a toxic tune that the devil whistles while he works on my shoulder.
it drives me mad,while all the angels dance with pitch forks around my head
there is no savior for me
God has forgotten about me a long time ago

do you hear that?
that sickly sweet siren song?
she's singing to you
begging you to join her

Why isn't it a fairytale?
Why is it a horror show?

How am I suppose to go to sleep when you're crawling around my brain?
Picking and choosing memories to play for me
I rather have nightmares than spend another night dreaming about you.

I burned every single thing
all the journals, all the pens
all the pillows
the blankets, the sheets
even my skin
if you touched it, I scorched it
I burnt everything until all I had left was a pile of smoldering black ash
I had to fight fire with fire or you would have turned me into rubble

you stole my heart out of my chest
and sold it to the highest bidder
make sure to tell them to hide it under the floorboards
and to wait until the man with the raven come to the door
he’ll be the one saying nevermore
nevermore
*nevermore

you sing sweetly to me almost every night
you make me nervous
but in a good way
i love you to the moon and never back

was it optional for you to do that?
for you to pretend to care
care about the stars
the moon
the milky way
was it optional for you to just pick what time was best
to tear me to shreds
3:12PM
6:48AM
12:02AM
11:12PM
was it an option
or did you plan this

My parents fell out of love
I don't remember when it happen but it did
One day they held each other
Then the next day they held each other at the throat
I promised I'd never let that happen to me
I'd love with my whole being
I'd rot away with my lover into a next life
Letting the sweet feeling get trapped in my bones

I jump at ever single noise. I'm afraid of anything and everything
I just wish it wasn't like that