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Sep 2016 · 423
5 attempts, 5fails
Eloi Sep 2016
sweet children, pay attention closely
I'm the voice out of the pillow
i've brought something for you
i've ripped and teared it out of my brest,
with this heart i've got the power
to extort the eyelids.
i sing till the day wakes up
a bright glimpse by the firmament
my heart is burning.

they come to you by night
demons, ghosts, black fairies
they crawl out of the shaft of the cellar and basement
and will see you under your bedding.


my heart's burning

they come to you by night,
and steal your small hot tears,
they wait until the moon wakes up
and press them in my cold veins.

death welcomed me,
But didn't let me die yet.
Sep 2016 · 433
Russian roulette
Eloi Sep 2016
I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.
Sep 2016 · 2.2k
Psycho
Eloi Sep 2016
A psych ward is the place to be,
Come along, and you will see.
You'll be welcomed by forgotten silent deaths
and torturous screams.
An everlasting place of a need to be free.

Come on down to the "freak show",
We'll show you how we rock and roll,
Some say that we're unhinged,
But trust me honey, the fun is about to begin.

A lobotomy a day keeps the schizophrenia away they say,
An electric chair isn't the cruelest thing there,
By far it is knowing that you are not crazy, amongst a world that is.

We'll dance for you, we do it well.
But if we don't, torture will make it amends.
We sit here day on day, hoping for freedom,
Uncanny, unlikely, and an impossible dream.

A  psych ward is the place to be,
We'll grow old here and die a forgotten death,
The music is still playing,
The patients are still dancing,
This is my last day.

So come on down to our freak show, join our family, we'll show you how to rock and roll,
And die insanely.
This is a poem about when I was admitted to a mental institution for 5 months straight.
Aug 2016 · 805
Still, you never kissed me
Eloi Aug 2016
We sprawled across your double bed for days on end,
Watching movies and eating Chinese food,
We cuddled and hugged,
But we never once kissed.

I wondered why you didn't want to kiss me,
And couldn't think of a reason why,
Until I realised that you, just like me, a few months before, just needed somebody to hold.

I love you, I never even kissed you goodbye.
Aug 2016 · 346
The funeral
Eloi Aug 2016
A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I look down at my arms,
Scarred and scorned,
I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.
Eloi Aug 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Aug 2016 · 693
Deadweight on velveteen
Eloi Aug 2016
I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.


My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.
Aug 2016 · 790
Delusions
Eloi Aug 2016
I woke up late last night,
To a bright burning light,
Heard people talking,
People fighting,
the world turned upside down.

I Wake up,
Then Black out.
How many hours has it been?
3? Maybe 4?
The light is gone,
It's all dark now,
The voices have quietened,
And the fighting has stopped.
I'm alone.

I thought I was in pain when the commotion was going on,
When the fighting was all around me,
When there was fire as the sky.

But I can tell you now,
That nothing is as painful as no one being around, as there being no noise,
And nothing is worse than being lonely.
Aug 2016 · 528
In Dreams
Eloi Aug 2016
I saw you leaving, I saw the light go out.
Now, My house is haunted by wrong desire,
And on my skin is left the scent of betrayal.

For every one of your depicting lies the truth lay underneath it.
paint me a portrait of how happy we were supposed to be,
An oil paining perhaps of how our forsaken  lives were seen as mellow gold.

A painful affair,
Ghost lover extrordinare,
Our fate was never bound to live forever,
But, with you I would've together.

The stars were up above in your eyes,
Beneath the clouds of an October night,
I saw you on the side walk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of leaving.

From that dream I awoke to find that you were no longer sleeping by my side,
But my dream had become a reality,
And you had really left me.

My house is haunted by the ghosts of you,
More than one, more than a few.
I sleep in a bed that's too full to move in,
But everyone else sees it as empty.
They don't know how you scarred me,
How your ghosts will always follow me.

Goodbye,
Goodnight,
I won't be sleeping tight.
Aug 2016 · 316
Everything a reason
Eloi Aug 2016
Such a pain tears me from the inside out,
It makes me want to pull my hair from my head and claw my eyes out.
I scream and cry and shout but nothin relieves the pain except cutting my skin again.

******* hollow inside my thoughts are invaded by a therapist who thinks I'm insane,

Insane
Aug 2016 · 273
Carphernerlia
Eloi Aug 2016
You left me behind along with all of your things,
A day like today with the sun the horizon brings.
Early hours of the morning they found me mourning, they found you then and then their worlds started falling.

Lifeless and cold,
No future to hold,
You couldn't see past your worries and pain.

It hurts to know that you felt so alone,
But hurts even more to know that you couldn't see that I was always there for you.

One day we will be re United, but until that day comes,
I'll look upon the sun to take the pain away.
Aug 2016 · 516
The secrets
Eloi Aug 2016
Behind the doors the secrets hide,
They whisper and scream,
If you listen, you'll hear them cry.
But the words that they hide
Will never be known,
The love of fear,
Life alone.
Aug 2016 · 256
Sadness
Eloi Aug 2016
The nights are hard to get through,
So much sadness.
Eloi Aug 2016
We walked the narrow path,

Beneath the smoking skies.

Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
Between darkness and light.


Do you have faith
 In what we believe?

The truest test is when we cannot  see.

I hear pounding feet In the streets below,
and the women crying,

And the children know that there's something wrong,
The sun rises a golden sunset over the horizon of the nights broken promises,
And the children marvel at its beauty.


it can't rain all the time.

The sky won't fall forever.

And though the night seems long,
Your tears won't fall forever.

when I'm lonely,
 I lie awake at night,

And I wish you were here.

I miss you.

Can you tell me
 there is something more to believe in?

Or is this all there is?

the window breaks and a woman falls,
there's  something wrong,
it's so hard to believe that love will prevail.




Last night I had a dream.

You came into my room,
You took me into your arms.

Whispering and kissing me,
And telling me to still believe.

But then the emptiness of a burning sea 
Against which we see our darkest of sadness took over me,

Until I felt safe and warm.

I fell asleep in your arms.

When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
can you hear me?

Of course you can't,
You're dead and gone,
I Have to let go,
Despite how much I love you,
I'm living in the past,
And killing my future.
Aug 2016 · 714
hold on until may
Eloi Aug 2016
Suicidal tenencies follow me around,
I felt it so strong once that I took enough pills that my body started to drown.
I felt it again enough to make me hang from a rope, but still here I am, and I have no more hope.

A song that kept me going, "hold on until May"
I told myself that twenty times a day,
and when May came there was nothing else to hold on for,
So I held on to the rope, and tried to let it all go.

That song still haunts me to this day,
Every time I hear it I cry endlessly.
Time doesn't heal things.
Aug 2016 · 826
Skinny
Eloi Aug 2016
Don't listen to the pressure,
Who even said that skinny is better?
Those magazines and tv shows?
Being hateful is money and money is what they want.
So they will hate every minute of the day to make sure that their pay isn't going away.

Propaganda that visible bones is better,
Lies that skipping a meal is alright,
And teaching little girls that with their weight
They will always have to fight.

This is not how we were created to be,
We are all beautiful internally.
Don't listen to the pressure,
Skinny really isn't better.
Since I was 14 I've struggled with eating disorders, I think it's something that all young girls are self conscious about to some extent growing up because of what they see on social media X and in magazines.
It's really sad that some children will literally die trying to be as thin as they think they should be.
Eating disorders are often glorified nowadays,
And people don't realise the severity of it.
Aug 2016 · 573
sad
Eloi Aug 2016
sad
There's so much to be sad about,
How can anyone be happy?
Aug 2016 · 1.2k
Satanic Mystics
Eloi Aug 2016
My ribbons are tattered and torn,
My hair is in a tangle,
My eyes they stare a thousand miles
My chest is a ball of brambles.


Here in the hell between
I meet  The devil and the deep blue sea.

I swallow hard to clear the thorns
A ****** Metallic taste is rising,
And from my mouth, a crimson tear
Adoring and despising.

The devil with his uneasy eyes,
The deep blue sea's unsung surprise.
It's fight or flight, sink or swim
And so I let the games begin.

The jury nod, the death knell rings,
I gaze into the cold abyss.
My sentence called, the words unclear
And in a foreign language.


Circles I can't leave,
They'll Drown me as I weep
I'll Sleep forever sleep
Take me to the deep.
Aug 2016 · 326
Suicidal tendencies II
Eloi Aug 2016
I live  with a suicidal tendency.
It has become a necessite part of me,
I wake up every day, just hoping that it will go away.





                   It doesn't.
I've tried to commit suicide many times since I was only 14, it's an urge  that I've had to learn to live with.
Aug 2016 · 549
What was I supposed to do?
Eloi Aug 2016
Take a look at my body,
Look at my hands,
There's so much here
That I don't understand.

You made so many promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them.

I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long,
As if I'm becoming untouchable.

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark.
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart.

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them.

I'm a slow dying flower,
A Frost killing hour,
The sweet distant taste of
untouchable.

I need
The darkness,
The sweetness,
The sadness,
The weakness.

I need
A lullaby,
A kiss goodnight,
Angel sweet,
Love of my life.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth,
Hold your breath,
Kiss me now before your death,
I'm going to miss you,
I wish you had known,
If you had maybe you wouldn't have gone.
Aug 2016 · 445
Blue veins and bloody lips
Eloi Aug 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Aug 2016 · 297
Dead Memories
Eloi Aug 2016
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Don't you feel the pain that we all do at night?
don't ever again look me in the eye.

I realised that you can love someone so much,
But you can never love them as much as you can miss them, I've learnt that he hard way.

Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.
Pain doesn't wash away in the rain,
I've tried that a thousand times to the day.

People will give you an understanding look,
But never will they know the pain that you undertook.

One day,
We hope,
The pain might fade,
But until that day,
I'll keep your memory at bay.
Aug 2016 · 605
The funeral
Eloi Aug 2016
A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.
Jul 2016 · 945
Am I crazy?
Eloi Jul 2016
Am I crazy?
I see people, who aren't really there.
They talk to me, whispering things in my ear.

Shhh,
Don't tell anyone.
They'll lock you back up,
No discretion, but you just have bad luck.

They tell me I'm psychotic,
And dose me up on meds,
To make me feel "sane" again,
Their lies I will be fed.

But I've been there before, I've seen the road and I've been through the doors,
Seconds feel like years when you're in an asylum,
Your heart they will pour.

Don't call me schizophrenic,
Because I swear that I'm not,
I know the people that I see,
Were  once alive like me.
Jul 2016 · 657
Reminiscing
Eloi Jul 2016
How do you come to terms with the fact that the person you love is dead?
How do you accept that you'll never see them again?
How do you find something to live on for?
Because I'm struggling to see the light and the future to go on for.

I know you'd never want me to feel this way because you're gone,
But since you left all of my happiness has left too.

I hope one day I'll see you again,
But until then I'll hold on to our memories my friend.
Jul 2016 · 308
Blood in my eyes.
Eloi Jul 2016
Crimson and bare as I stand,
Yours completely,
Blinded by your ever lasting beauty.

Pale white and fragile skinned,
Waiting for the pain to begin,
I'll leave it all behind,
But I will be leaving with blood in my eyes.
Jul 2016 · 424
1999
Eloi Jul 2016
Flashback to 1999,
It's the summer,
Not a cloud in the sky.
Present day,
Things have changed,
Summer's over
And it rains here every day.

Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.

But how so?
I'm only 19 years old.
I used to be so happy,
until the day the sun stopped rising.
Jul 2016 · 538
The dark
Eloi Jul 2016
People are scared of the dark,
I don't know why.
There is nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light.
in the light you will see something if it's scary;
Where as in the dark you won't.

Why fear something that hides your fears?
Eloi Jul 2016
We weren't what everyone would think to be in love,


We would        sit for hours without talking,                just      looking at eachother.
In Silence.

                               How many   Nights did we                          Spend  staring at the stars,
                                    Hand in hand,
     Head on your chest, I heard your heart pound.


We weren't romantic love songs and picnics in the park,
              
                 We were ****** wrists and visible bones, bones that we loved of eachother so much.

We never said any vowes  or declarations,
            Yet        We knew eachother inside out,


                      In depth.


                                             We were never about sweet nothings, but about raw truth and love,
                  

           Spent days
Learning you, studying you,

                       I knew your every thought,
As you knew mine,


                             We spoke of every night that we slept alone and longed for someone just to hold.



           See,


                          We were both just lonely, eternally, internally.
                  We just needed someone to know us, to know our sadness,

                  To be our happiness,




You
                    Were
                     ­                             Mine.
This is about someone who was in my life who was a carbon copy of me,
The only person that I ever connected with; loved.

Every single moment spent with them was precious.

They died, I don't know what else to say, or how else to.
Jul 2016 · 609
Run away, child
Eloi Jul 2016
Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.
Self explanatory, really.
Jul 2016 · 1.2k
The ghosts that only I see
Eloi Jul 2016
My house is filled with ghosts,
That only I can see,
I try to tell my mother,
But she laughs at me.

They haunt my every step,
Whispering past events,
telling me their stories,
Filling me with worries.

I lay in bed at night,
Full of anxiety and fright,
That one of them might try to hurt me.

I see jet black figures in my mirrors,
And deformed silhouettes in my windows,
I close my eyes and pray for them to go away.

I guess I'm just intruding,
Living where they once did,
They have followed me around since I was a kid.

My mother takes me to the doctor,
Who diagnoses  me with schizophrenia,
Says' it's all in my head,
That I can't see anyone who's dead.

Locked in an institution for days,
They still wouldn't go away,
They never left my side,
They haunt me still to this day.
This is a true story, that happened to me not so long ago.
Jul 2016 · 1.0k
Silver is not gold
Eloi Jul 2016
There is a light that never goes out,
It burns bright in the darkest part of  night,
Your eyes glistened in the moonlight's sonata,
There was silence felt, even despite the laughter.

Third dimensional,
I see you,
You are gold,
You are not silver;
Silver is me;
Like me you could never be,
That's why we didn't work,
I still feel the hurt,
Tell me the truth about why the Stars have to die to burn?
It's like people,
No one notices,
Until they're gone.


Silver is not Gold.
It never could be.
Jul 2016 · 898
The golden room
Eloi Jul 2016
Endure into the golden room,
The promised land, the sacred tomb.
Disclosure, in the hidden room,
Time is dying, you will too soon.
The serpent is psychedelic,
The serpent is strong,
The serpant is holographic,
Endure into the room.
Eloi Jul 2016
She was oxygen,
But toxic,
Purified but nostalgic,
Transparent but also  hard to read.

She was ice water,
Infused with a dime and a quarter,
Costing you to live,
But somehow always keeping you alive.

She was a sunset in black,
A night sky in red,
She spread her thoughts all over your bed,
When she breathed you felt diseased,
And always had the need; to tell her she is beautiful.

You stare when she's not looking,
And stare when she is,
No matter what, you know exactly who she is.
You know everything about her,
Hair and eye colour,
And every single suicidal thought that she had ever had.

You were intertwined with her;
Back street lovers,
Making A ship out of a wreck of two denying hearts and minds.
Jun 2016 · 237
Untitled
Jun 2016 · 568
Blue veins and bloody lips
Eloi Jun 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Jun 2016 · 543
Elements of the earth
Eloi Jun 2016
The sun rises,
The Skies' awake,
Another soul, they will take.

The tide goes out,
And then retreats,
The tiny *****, it defeats.

The daylight brightens,
The night is over,
It is finally time, to take cover.

The reapers are descending,
To be Nice people they're pretending,
They deny themselves, of who they are;
So they will always get so far,
They attack your soul,
And drain your heart,
Of everything you've learnt so far,

So take cover,
Under the waves of the water,
And drown yourself,
In the sunlight's faulter.
Jun 2016 · 495
Reprise
Eloi Jun 2016
love
i am love
i am all
i am small
i can feel
this is real
this is all i know
this all
i am old
and i am well off
and i don't know myself
this is all
i can sing
but i can't read you
yeah i don't want to know you
not at all
leave me be
yeah let me see you
for what you really are
not a ghost
of some beauty
that i can't deal with
not for a little while
or at all
Jun 2016 · 1.1k
A blackened sky
Eloi Jun 2016
A blackened sky is on the rise,
What will it mean for you and I?
The sea will part,
And then reprise,
Please don't return to the sky tonight.
Jun 2016 · 497
We are not a family
Eloi Jun 2016
A broken home,
Mothers ******,
Schizophrenic father,
Forever arguing.

Alchoholic parents,
Supposive "carers",
We may seem happy,
But I promise you, we are not.

Suicidal daughter,
Her body she slaughters,
With blades and bleeds onto her mattress.

Youngest sister,
Always missing,
She's always so angry,
This is not a family.

We go on,
Day to day,
Arguing away,
Portraying ourselves happy,
But dying inside sadly.

What happens behind closed doors,
Will never be revealed,
The floor gets wripped up,
And the ceiling caves in.

Suicidal daughter,
Cuts herself again,
Before getting the rope,
And standing on the chair,
She writes some notes,
Then burns them,
Never to see her "family again".

She takes a leap of faith,
Into hope and grace,
Of a new life,
And a new happy family.
This is one of the most personal poems I have ever brought myself to write.
Jun 2016 · 321
Hold your breathe
Eloi Jun 2016
Hold your breathe,
Count to 10,
Close your eyes,
Start again.

Hold back the tears,
**** your fears,
Your mind is alive,
Don't let it deprive.

Hold yourself together,
He said it was forever,
No one could see,
It wasn't your destiny.
Jun 2016 · 795
A suicidal tendency
Eloi Jun 2016
I'll hold my head up high,
And pretend not to cry,
But when I go inside,
My feelings are deprived.

How do you hide a suicidal tendency?
It's just the effect of the end of you and me.
Time takes forever to go by,
I sit here and I wonder why.
Jun 2016 · 748
Russian Roulette
Eloi Jun 2016
I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.
A few of my poems explain about this same story,
But this is a different view of it, for me anyway.
Eloi Jun 2016
Light up another cigarette,
It's all I do since you left,
Hold a gun to my head,
No promises were ever kept.

Finish off another whiskey bottle,
Around my neck a rope will throttle,
Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.

I keep your notes locked away;
For when I miss you the next day,
I'll read your words and sing your songs,
Then spark up another ****.

So what if these things are killing me?
I'm dying everyday that you're not with me,
I wanted a future with you,
But now all we have is history.
This poem is about a series of events that happened in my life, and how I "handled" them.
Jun 2016 · 436
Alex is my friend
Eloi Jun 2016
Alex is the best, even when she wants to die.
The whole world sits and waits, 'until she doesn't want to die.
We're both only sixteen, skipping class to smoke ****.
In her brother's house, we saw it on TV, we left immediately.

And the light comes through the window and shines,
Off the stem of her brother's crackpipe.

Alex is my friend, we meet up after school
Her brother knows a guy, who can sell me lots of pills
Lying on her back, she says she wants to die
Then she buys a gram of coke, and she doesn’t want to die.

Summer storm makes for a blackened sky
I wonder where Alex is tonight
Jun 2016 · 1.6k
Honey on bones
Eloi Jun 2016
My blood,
Is like honey on bones.
It drips down my wrist,
like ice cream from a cone.
Jun 2016 · 317
I won't remember me either
Eloi Jun 2016
I don"t want to be awake again,
I spend my days with my head in my hands.
If I go outside I"ll fall apart.
I am mostly scared of passing time,
the world it seems gets more unkind.
Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine.

I am looking for an easy place,
to mask my thoughts behind my face.
Oh brown baked column of victory.
Maybe I should just pack up and run away again,
and let you forget that you where once my friend.
Then watch another go on and do better without me.

But I could not go away, not if I wanted to.
I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you.
These chemical reactions are dividing me.
Self-deprecating thoughts are interrupting all the time,
emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren"t mine.

They speak louder than everybody
I try to keep my eyes closed as my outlook isn"t bright,
compulsively complaining when I haven"t got the right.

I hate the way that I think and act.
I want to end reality but I feel hesitant,
optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present,
and so for today I"ll remain intactz
Jun 2016 · 361
I hate this city
Eloi Jun 2016
I woke up this morning wanting to cry,
and when I called him I realised why.
Although he was honest, he spoke with a cold tongue.
I broke down in the courtyard when it came to light,
He broke every promise in the space of one night.
He made me hate this city, immediately.
I thought he was something else,
but as it turns out he was just someone else.
Jun 2016 · 298
Severe
Eloi Jun 2016
I am suppressed by my own thoughts
And depressed by your actions,
You never practiced what you taught,
Only using small fractions.

I think too much,
And I sleep too little,
I am cold to touch,
And my words are a riddle.

I drink black coffee,
And I smoke like a chimney,
No one will stop me,
You'll never pin me.

There is a place in my mind,
It's dark and un alive,
It's not that hard to find,
Although, it really makes me thrive.

I struggle without you here,
It's so cold it's severe,
I try to keep clear of the prison gates,
We are both destined to different fates.
Jun 2016 · 848
The rising sun
Eloi Jun 2016
I am the rising sun,

I am all of the Christmas fun.

I am the flowering seed,

I am the summer breeze.
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