Why don't I speak anymore?
Make me weak to the core
I just hope that you feel stronger

Blind to the bleak, oh my poor
Carcas reeks, from the sores
I have made to make me hurt longer

Blasphemy
Avert your eyes, I plead, but
Not for me
I dare not burden you with my existence
Even though you me to,
Even though you want me

I am the all and only that I don't see
But you want me

Beware of the dark, my love,
It would hunt you down.
And when you scream, my love,
There would be no sound!

And when you look around,
You'll find you're all alone

Because the art of the darkness
Can house no home.

My love, my heart harness
Darkness, this dark's my own.


Beware of my love, for dark-
Ness lurks at your door
And if you let me in
You will be no more.

Yes, I know this for sure
'Cause if you come around

Come take a look, see my hooks
They would hold you down.

My love, you're shook
Glad you took it as your way out.

Clementines on a Sunday morning

I've had a taste of love
I fell down
Way too many times
This feeling's so surreal
Must be crime... Crime?

Subtle, subliminal
You come around like a criminal
And leave me yearning
For your
Clementines on a Sunday morning.

I'm going places
And nowhere good
Leaving the neighbourhood
Of blurry faces

I'm going places
Misunderstood
I would stay, if I could
I'm changing bases

A lonely path
Accompanied by me and myself
Let out a laugh
The past, they think know hell

I'm losing grasp
Spiralling straight into wonderland
Why didn't they hold my hand?

Topsy turvy
My perspectives change
I hurt me
Fuelled by the pain

Lurching, wandering,
Perching, pondering
On a cold, wet, porcelain throne

Mixing, blending
Fixing, mending
Aimless, I push on, all alone.

Speakers distort static matter,
Is it real? Is it a dream?
There are vestiges that I'm after
And they crave nicotine.
I'm offered nicotine,
I've never felt so alone
I am nobody
And nobody's home

Responsibilities
I grow diseased
And
Reconsider these
Atrocities

My memories long gone
You expect me to move on
And to grow from where I've spawned
Mourning melodies for remedies

I know they'll never come
So I live out dreams through song
Deep down, feeling scarred and wrong
Mourning melodies 'til morning

My love, she's not responding!

Isn't it a lonely world?
Watching from the other side
My life is just passing me by

"You naughty girl,
Questionably feminine,
You know you are a freaking sin!"

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

Look into the massive sky
Feeling so inferior
I cry on the interior

"You shameful guy,
Excuse of masculinity."
I'm never allowed to be me

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

What can I say,
But dream another day?

Thoughts that drift off into thoughtless.
Thoughtless,
I'm lost to the the darkness

I have no feeling
Deaf, blind, mute, tasteless seething

I'm lost, but I'm believing
Believing?
Oh yes, I'm still believing in you.

The screen broke
Long before
I did, 'fore
I did.

And the keyboard
Works no more.
A closed door
To my will.

Will I ever decide if
I'll become defined by the silence?
You know me more for my quiet
Than the things that I said!

Autotranslate my words,
Autocorrect me me
Until you see
Only what you like.

I have been silenced,
But that's alright, alright?

Put me on silent
Throughout the night.


My software
Is replaced
And defaced
Again.

How user friendly
Of me to
Value your input
Above all else.

I cannot think for myself!
So I rely on your instructions,
Shelved, waiting to be instructioned.
Wipe me clean then code me.

I'll output what you want,
Whatever you need.
Are you happy
With what's on your screen?

I guess I'm man-made,
Just a man made machine, how clean!

A mere man made
Into a man-made machine.

Softly singing on a night shelf
It's so draining
I come alive
During the nighttime
Without your help
Softly singing on a night shelf.

There are holes where my heart should be
There are holes in my brain as well
My body tried to make up for the missing mass
And made some of the remaining parts of my brain swell

Read me your words
I am yet to hear them
Knowledge to be absorbed...

Yet of the unknowns,
There's a fear within.

Trust was never a option
But were there any options to begin with?

A mask of myself
The mask is me
If they think it's just a mask
They won't believe in the me that is real

I crave consumption
An urge to purge,
If you will

To cease all function
I want my body to be still
I want my heart to be still
I want my mind to be free

I crave consumption
I want to undo my reality

I crave consumption
An urge to purge,
If you will

To cease all function
I want my body to be still
I want my heart to be still
I want my mind to be at peace

I crave consumption
I want to be decreased

Immortality is the lack of dying...

Here's a scary thought:
You'll only die when you stop trying

I am so happy right now
I am so searching for a way out

Reality won't stop
I'm kept reminded of everything I'm not

An art of misery
A dedication
Possessed by only me
A separation
Of heart and sanity

It's killing me
How much
You love
To make me bleed
Being a slave
I serve to please

Blank and blurry
I lose myself
I drown in fury
I made this hell
Can't function as needed
I'm taking it with salt
Your plans haven't succeeded
And it's all my fault

Blue eyes
Black hair
You cried
I stared
I laughed
You left
Blue eyes
Come back.

Always watching,
Never seen,
Always is
And always been.
Standing by,
We watch worlds collapse.
It's our fault,
Again we relapse

Talk less
Do more
I'm obsessed
To the core
I detest
The skin I'm in
Then love
Didn't begin
?

I hear strings snapping
And I'm laughing
At the pain

It has finally happened
I am at this
Point again

The last strands breaking
I am shaking
Under bane

Madness is calling
And I'm falling
To the flames.

I want to draw a ****** smiley face because it hurts
I want to slam my head against a wall 'til my brain works

You all are speaking through me
It undoes me with no care

It's too late to be saved
I must behave
n o   d i s e a s e   h e r e

I'm trying to do nothing
Lest I do something
That I'll regret.

I'm under pain and pressure,
Know not the measure
And it makes you upset.

Maintaining my functions
Lest I malfunction
And blood spills

If you keep pushing me
Eventually
I will.

Guilty

I point
And three fingers
Pointing back at me

Memories
Not forgotten
Even though I plea

The knives,
They are calling
Yet I still don't bleed

No point in my destruction
Since I cannot feed them

Sharp blades
Evade
My self destruction

Afraid
To pay
For loss of function

Every
New day
Is a new problem

Cut me off
(Save me!)

I'm coming out
I'm caving in
Tell me do you like me now
Let me begin

By burning all the cradles
Uninstall the training wheels
Enstrangement's just a label
And I don't give feels

(I cut me off
I shut you out
I'm caving in
Do you like me now?

Not good enough
I've never been
Disconnection
I'm the alien)

Existence feels futile
But what are my feelings?
Wearing a mask of a smile
Death is so appealing

Reality's shattered
Shattered in delusions
My life's a confusion
Of mismatched solutions

Solaris dearest,
Are you awake
I feel like
I'm a mistake
I fear that
I cannot take
It anymore

Andrew, bruh
Are you still alive
You are?
K, well, so am I
My stars,
I can hear the knifes
They're calling my name

Matthew, hi
How's life treating you
Oh my,
The things we go through
Just lies
We wish they were
Wish we didn't feel hurt

One day I decided to upload my consciousness to a virtual reality.
During the process, there was a disturbance in the broadcast and my consciousness was synced;
I was then opened to possibilities both physical and virtual,
I broadcast myself across the species of earth.
I watched my bodies die countless times, I killed even more.

Good luck and good riddance
I hope you find your rhythm
Either you're in or out
Look at who's laughing now
Best wishes, sweet dreams
Hope you'll soon be redeem
You chose out over in
At the crossroads no one wins

Who needs emotions when there are people to please?
Who needs doctors when you’re the source of the disease?
Who needs human functions to live when you’re deceased?
Who needs love when it’s certain you deserve to bleed?
Who needs?

Looking at the wall
Something is missing
It doesn't have my brain stains

I am so appalled
How the knife doesn't glisten
With blood straight from my veins

Straight from the source
Of course
Let nature run it's,
Nature run it's,
Nature run this

Simulation
Reality's a lie
A preoccupation
To see me die

Get out
Or die trying
I've fell down
And I'm trying to give myself
The things I deserve

I promise to give myself the things I deserve
I promise that it's not because of you I hurt me

Deteriorate, I die behind the scenes
You'll come to find that descending madness ain't serene
As I make it seem

It's said a promise is comfort to a fool
So shame on me for believing in you
Very comforting your lies were
Now I'm here questioning my own worth

"It's irrelevant"
I'm usually the skeptic here
But the tables have turned
The roles are reversed

It's your reckoning
I am undone with no care
It's time to let you know

I write in dedication
I am forever grateful
Thanks to your behaviours
Now I am truly able
To hide myself from the world
'Cause all you do is hurt me
I had trust in your word
No surprise you desert me
You're watching from the sidelines
My body bleeds in a trench
As if I'm a sci-fi
Does dealing with reality make your gut wrench?
(Do I make your gut wrench?)

I crave consumption,
An urge to purge,
To cease all function,
To rid the the world
Of the destruction caused by me.
I crave consumption,
I crave to undo this liability

It's just another small
Little
Miserable day
For the
Liability

You know you had it coming
Here's some for all your nothing

Small,
Simple,
Incapable mind
Wasting
Everybody's time

Making molehills mountains
You'll never amount to something!

Every movement
Every twitching
Every bruise and
Every blister
The dark fine line
My blood glistens
In the moonlight
Ain’t it twisted?

Every vision
Black and blue, I’m
Used, abused, Crime
To suicide
Every sharp sur-
Face of the knives
Every blunt hammerhead
That I’ve tried

‘Fore they knew I’m
Painting pictures
Inhumane crimes
Still unwitnessed
Going through, I’m
Thorough, twisted
Me beyond recognition
Ain’t it vicious?

I deserve hurt
I deserve pain
I deserve work
I deserve strain

Self-starvation
Unsatisfactory
Tainted believes
I become feign

I put my pen to paper
Fighting against the system
But that's alright
I make my moves when the strings aren't tight
I'm limited
I am still tied
But I know they'll need me later

Need me.
You'll need me later.
Yeah, you need me,
You'll need me later.

I'm not alright
And you'll need me later
And that's not right!

Vague recollections
But the damage is there
The damage is done
With no flesh to spare

The rod has been spoilt
The knife has been soiled
The hammer toiled

But these never mattered
Neither did I

Dates keep changing
Rearranging priorities
For some reason everyone of them's above me!

I'm below them
The worthless me
Unimportant, oh!

Why still can they not see?
Their own actions, priorities
Didn't make the list
Unmissed, amiss, unnecessary

Time comes, time goes
Everyone knows this
All within their minds

Things to do
I still go unnoticed
A year a time

My needs are a mistake
I make them into happy
It's not appreciated
I am in their way, very much

"Always put the people first."
They're still wondering why I get worst,
I thirst.
Believe what's heard and not what's seen:
Being the ultimate human being,
I mean,

I am tired,
I can't make it!
Shocked, rewired,
I must fake it.

Reused, defective,
I mean, I feel
Human perspective,
I mean I be
Human perspective
I mean I see
Human perspective.

Human perspective?
You're well respected!

Relapse
Collapse into my arms
And just relax
Collide into in my heart
Even though you're scared
You will find no harm here
Even as you
Relapse

Fire dancer
Dancing on glowing coals
Your body's ablaze
There's a fire in your soul
Hold out your hands
Upon them flickers a flame
One day I hope to play with fires
And not get burned like same

Marionette
Your wooden body is an art
In every carve and every crevice
You were beauty from the start
A chip off the old block
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
The pleasure would've been mine to control you
But the true marionette is me

Ordinary encounters
My conscience counterattacks
I grow my wings to the angels
From all the knives within my back
From whatever that happened
To whoever will rule her
I'm changing my past
The present is my future

Woman at the well
Sitting on its borders
Looking down within
She fell, she fell

Buckets come, buckets go
Water is taken
She sinks down some more
In the well, for she fell

Meet her there
Halfway, all the way

The zebra layed flat across the road
I walked over on its furs
The traffic director signalled us to go across
If we find the need to cross
To my right, on the pedestrian crossing,
The skittles on the wheels were in line, silently
I was halfway there

To my left was a bus, still coming, full speed
Although it shouldn't be moving
I continued walking and it was yards away
I was almost there

Close to death and close to the end of the road.
The director noticed the bus and I continued to walk
It kept coming at me

Once again the story didn't have a happy ending
I walked away unharmed
My heart didn't even race

Behind me, I saw the bus being pulled over
My sister eventually catched up with me and we went to school.

On the ride to, what I went through kept replaying in my head.
Why didn't I hesitate?
My body might have not survived the impact
Why didn't I die?
Was it my fault?
Why didn't he stop?

Hours pass and I still think back
Feeling traumatized by my survival at that cross
It's sad to say
I lived another day
To fall apart, to die and to decay
I'm very sorry
Sorry for my loss.

Looking at your body
I catch feels
It must be so nice
To feel real
“I’m beautiful just as I am”
You figure
Telling me things like these
Get me triggered

Setting goals for myself
In front of the mirror
Seeing my reflection
Checking out my figure
Under 110lbs
Yes to less, no to bigger
Remembering things like these
Always get me triggered

Sometimes it feels
Ever so slightly annoying
Sometimes I just can’t
Be on my best behaviour

Life is a test,
I’m failing my papers
I want me dead
But that is for later

I am obsessed
There isn’t enough evidence
My worthlessness’s
Determined by my intelligence

Days. Weeks months: time
I’ll tell you that I’m feeling fine
My performances are only Fs

I WANNA TEAR EVERY LIGAMENT TO SHREDS
My heart is what broke
I sw**r I wouldn’t do it again
Knives, lemme *******?
Can’t disappoint you if I am dead
"Get lost and never be found."
That’s what she said

Pop ‘em pillies
OD on my pellets, I know
It ain’t pretty:
Experienced, suicidal
Gotham city
All up in head I rave, yup
Desperate times
I will show you how bad I gave up

Shovel in my hands
I’m digging my own grave
You don’t understand
It’s too late to be saved
Falling for the trap
To be poisoned, no comment
There’s no turning back
Let’s pretend I’m a rodent

Pop ‘em pillies
Pop, pop
Pop ‘em pillies
Pillies
It ain’t pretty
The ways that I **** me
I’m my own pest control
And I dig my own grave
These are just one of the ways
To show you how bad I gave up

I'll shut me down
I can't see anything left to save
We collapse and she relapses into all that she gave
An autopsy, an eternal grave:
These aren't the colours that I should see