"beacuse" poems
Jealousy
Is hell
Because I do not enjoy
Myself,
And well
I enjoy all of you-
You
With your smooth moves
Perky and peachy attitudes
Teach me
To be as sweet
As you-
Beautiful
Can be cruel
Not like it is on tv,
Or beside me
Everyone shining,
Smiling,
While my smile feels
Like hiding
Under this wax mask
A painted canvus
Of pale and black
Don't look at me
I'm a heartattack
A bad act-
Broken glass
Of a painted doll
I am a leo lioness
Right?
Righteous-
Your hieness
Sparkles on my eyelids
But you see
I have enough pride
To hide it-
Its priceless,
Really hillarious
Sometimes I feel
Like a bad *****
But I'm none of this
I am the pray,
The gazelle in the grass
But I am also the lion
Waiting to attack myself
Because you see,
Jealousy
Is hell,
I am the lion
I am the gazelle
I am heaven and hell
In a vessle of myself
See what you will,
Your critiques are nothing
My only enemy is me
My only savior is me
I am a lion
But I am also
A sheep
Don't look at me
Sometimes I cry in the mirror
Blink my mascara tears,
Blurry mess-
Can't fit in my old dresses
Tearing apart at the seams,
Literally
Filthy
Famish
Crawled out of my skin
And made some bad habits
Declining wealth
Declining health
Laughing as the scales tip-
After all I am a person,
Not permanent
Why should I care
Oh,
But I do
I do when I look at you
You with your talented hands
With your spider lashes
And good moods
Teach me to feel
As good
As you
My lipstick smears and screams
As the paintings on my face mock me
So will my body,
My body thats bruised
And missused
Perfume to cover the *****
They'll see my cherry lips move
But they won't hear me talking
Its perfect,
The mask of confidence
My incompetence
Is a perfect fit
No, really
Its lovely
When I wear it,
People love me!
Because people think
I love myself
No
Jealousy
Is hell,
Beacuse I do not
Love myself
I love everybody else,
Even the ones who
Say I am full of it,
Selfish leo,
Selfish lion
Exaggerated ego-
Winking eyelids
Sparkle,
Wings to my forehead-
I flaunt
What I don't want,
Because you want me to
You want me
To love me
Like you do
All of you
I remember the words
From my mother,
Jealousy
Is not a pretty color-
Its crimson red,
Exposed
Like blood,
I've had to sew it up
No-
Don't look here
Not at my guts,
Look at my eyelids
Are these not enough?!?!
These cherry lips
Tell you to sush
Less of a lioness,
More of a cub
I know
I am my own predator
My own pray
I am
All of the above
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 3:38 PM UTC
He is only 10 he should
be crying beacuse he
feel down,not beacuse
someone called him a ***
She's only 12,she
should be playing with
makeup,not razors..
He's only 14 he should be out with his freinds,
not tying ropes...
She's only 16, she
should be out on dates,
not staraving herself...
They were all 18, they
should have been
celebrating graduation,
not a furneral...
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 11:42 AM UTC
Dear legs...
I'm sorry how i've alwYs complained about you not being long or straight enough.
Thank you for still carrying me even though i've hated you with such a passion.
Dear arms
I also wanna tell you sorry, for punching you when i got mad, and also for complain about you being too floppy.
Thank you for still helping me, do everything and for just being there, life would be a lot harder without you.
Dear ****
I'm sorry for all the times i've said you were ugly, you not being round, small or smooth enough.
Thank you for still going along and let me sit on you when i've been tired.
Dear stomach
Sorry for pinching and hitting you whever i was hungr, and sorry for never liking you beacuse you were floppy but i know it's just skin
And that's how you're suppossed to look.
Thank you for telling me when i'm hungry and keeping in all the food i eat, you work like a machine and that must be hard to do!
dear *****
Sorry for always thinking you were too small, i regret everything i've said you've grown nice and round, i'm sorry for complaining so tou had to hurry so much you got stretchmarks
Thank you, for grabbing so much attention, that id sort of funny.
Dear hips
I'm dorry for punching you and complaining avput you being too wide.
Thank you for giving me the hourglassshape every girl long for.
dear skin
I have so much to be sorry for..
I'm sorry for cutting you, and bruising you and burning you, i' so very sorry i have ruined you this much, i'm sorry for letting my emotions out on you, i have made you scarred and i'm sorry about that. Im sorry for also complaining how you were never clean enough
But thank you! For sticking along and holding my body together you're awesome
Dear face
I'm sorry for never liking you and being sad about my eyes not being deep blue or my nose not perfect
Though i thank you for
Letting my friends know who i am
Dear hair
I'm sorry i put you through a lot of heat and dying and all that but hey you're still on my head i bet i would look weird bald so thank you!
Dear body!
Last but not least
I wanna thank you for being so strong and beautifull i wanna thank you for holding on even though i put you through this much
dear body... I'm sorry.. Thank you
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 3:25 PM UTC
anorexia you inside of me
hysteria is all you'll ever be.
you're a struggle
and you caused me a lot of trouble
yes you made me skinny
all with that stupid theory
but i'm gonna win in the end
even though you are my only friend
i will not die today
just have to get back what i threw away
i called you my master for way too long
but i just realized where i belong
i have my friends here
and they take away my fear
i might have been close to death
but only beacuse of your stupid threat
"you're gonna get fat"
and then we had the calorie chat
but i'm forcing you to leave
so i can freedom achieve
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 4:36 PM UTC
i'm gonna make it
im gonna take the hundred steps
i'm gonna make it
i'll take one day at a time and it will soon be ninetynine
i'm gonna be ok
lots people have climbed this before me
i'm gonna be ok
i can do it beacuse i'm strong
i'm fine for now
but it will get better
it wont be easy
it will take a while
but i'll make it
i'll be ok..
(c.m.h)
Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 8:41 AM UTC
Skating on thin ice my whole life like a figureskater.
First price on sight but the stripes, resembles a broken picture.
A golddigger... Go figure.
Writing straight from my heart so every bar tender. I remember a night in december,
from a walk in the park to a shot in the dark, I wasnt that cleaver.
Pretended to be concious and smart but now the scars on my arms shows that Im a beginner.
Sober for 3 years yet addicted to your liquor.
Sparked my transmitter when ladys slipper fell off after our first dinner,
But I never knew cinderella was a heavy hitter.
Couldnt connect the dots so now im on the ground with seven stars above my head like I got hit with the big dipper.
PTSD...
But **** all the modesty, I just need honesty...
My writtens a blasphemy (blast for me) but I can't be myself anymore like broken prophecy so God,
accept my apology, beacuse there's a monster inside of me that produces sick thoughts like it knew biology.
Some might say im insane but **** my brain, my heart is always by my side. Deranged thoughts but love tells me when its a lie.
So stay in my lane and embrace the fact that we all are going to die or live to busy and miss the heartbeat that takes you to the otherside.
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 9:16 AM UTC
I imagine a biological plant,
I reach for It but can't touch It beacuse It's only my imagination.
I picture the same plant and reach to grab it but this time It's in 2D.
Now I am holding the plant. I can see and feel It got many features trying to prove itself being realistic but
It got no smell, no dirt, no life. It's just a prop.
Unlike your plant..
I can feel the warmth, the edgy imperfections, the good intentions of your plant.
I can see the healthy strains, the perfect ratio, the water flowing through your plant.
I can smell the unique aroma, the soul essence, natures soil all over your plant.
So I inject my plant with drugs, steriods and testoserone to match yours.
Look at my plant now world!
- Its just GMO'd.
Trying to be real made my plant more fake than It ever was.
How am I supposed to spread my seeds when my plant is so dysfunctional?
It would only create more confused and broken plants and eventually the world would be destroyed.
"Evolution could only come after a revolution"
Is a quote stuck in my brain.
Should I let my plant rot for the better
or should I keep watering It hoping for the best?
I really dont know anymore.
Mar 1, 2018
Mar 1, 2018 at 12:53 PM UTC
loving two people...
one not knowing, other heartbroken beacuse he knows he's your true love...
the heartbroken one being 4000 miles away...
the one not knowing being by next door...
the age difference between two true lovers....
the lack of common interests in close lovers....
the lust...
or the love...?
(c.m.h)
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 3:42 PM UTC
I'm so sick of it,
The scorn, the hate.
One in your voice,
The other in your eyes.
So condescending in one moment,
gently the next.
I hate it!
Whenever you want something,
You whine like a small child,
After they've already said they didn't want it.
You'll never really be an adult,
No matter how old you get.
Always criticizing,
Making comlpiments meaningless.
Cold, harsh, calculating;
You never know when to stop,
Even when people tell you.
Your kindness is annoying,
Beacuse I know it's fake.
I know you want to hurt me,
but, and yet, you don't.
Often I want to hit you,
Just to make you stop;
Or take a knife to my throat,
Just to make it end.
There are times I think
I love you
But I know that they are false,
Because it just turns back to hating you.
You'll never understand
The things that I have felt,
So don't bother trying to figure me out.
I don't care how you feel,
I don't care what you want.
Just please forget me,
And stop worrying.
Jul 19, 2011
Jul 19, 2011 at 4:59 PM UTC
October 3rd was gonna be a blast a moment to remember, and i was gonna life it up without evening using
the next few hours i m lready holding a beer between my hands
**** 5 months of my life wasted , thrown away because of abusing
i.didnt go home that night instead i went to my dealers house for a little glips of her taste opon my lips
good **** was the first thing that came to mind, now i tell my dealer to gently grab me the hips
after it was over, it was like nothing ever happened i got enough for another day or two i have to come up with an idea
i didnt even think how i just gotten out,my moms working and my aunts in hospital,ivtried leaving but she said eres mia (your mine)
i lost 5 pounds in 12 days and never felt better in my life, i was happy, free and high
i just keep telling myself , remember that you cant go home beacuse only houses exist , and the only travel is to be fly...... to be continued
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 12:30 AM UTC
my momma said
i can't talk to strangers
beacuse strangers
are never nice people
but my daddy
says i'm paranoid
beacuse talking to them
is the only way i'll have friends
and if that is true
then let me be paranoid
i'll always be scared of people
only beacuse of what momma said
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 4:41 AM UTC
Cookie Crumble, why are thee sad?
Rookie Rumble, are you the one responsible?
Yes, i have i did everything that made Cookie Crumble sad
Why Rookie Rumble, why did you make Cookie Crumble sad?
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -- - - -- - - -- - - - -- - - -- - -- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - - -- - - - -- - -
" beacuse i've always loved you , Cookie Crumble
Dec 13, 2014
Dec 13, 2014 at 1:16 AM UTC
It is like this and
this is how it is.
The sun rises and
the sun sinks
but the moon is
consistent.
Don't fear
falling in love
because love is
forever.
Rather fear people
beacuse people
change.
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 3:10 PM UTC
I get hurt I don't mind. She gets hurt I don't care,
You get hurt I worry a lot a lot
Because I care,
I never want to see you hurt,
From all her drama and turmoils,
You still don't realise that its me who
Cares.
She's driven you through hell,
Some little publicity and all.
Silly little drama that could have pushed me way but still I stood with
My sobering heart
Waiting for my chance to
Comfort
You after her dread
And heal your wounds from her
Sharp swords.
It is my endless love that makes me
Care
Yet I don't mind that you are never
Going to love me.
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 4:26 PM UTC
Why when you know, the same thing will happen to you... do we subject ourselves to leason's already learned, roads you have already walked? Why do we live it over and over again until you no longer learn from it ?Whens its burned into your flesh as a map that you just retrace beacuse you don't know how to do anything eles. How do you learn the truth? Stop the cycle? He's lieing, i know he is, i knew he would, and still i fought for him. I hurt someone i loved and cared about, my friend... For what? to take on his shity fantasy, to know when he lies,and to turn the other way? to carry the weight of his faults and have them passed on to be my own? Tuesday i go to remove you completely from my body and wash away the stain you have left inside my womb. I walk away from you, the walking dead, you will not be the end of my heart!I am the mother ******* pheinox and you are just the ashes, that i leave behind at my feet. Your sickness stops with me.
Aug 26, 2011
Aug 26, 2011 at 7:52 AM UTC
And you, the most
adored ***** who
away I threw
beacuse
I can't love anymore
maybe there's freedom
in other's arms when
i'll be here aging
One ******* day at a ******* time
you keep seeing places that you haven't
been, and find these boys who help you
in lost and found bins
Dying for your touch,
**** even a ******* grin!
and the light shines right through your
******* *** appeal
into the long forgotten shadow
of when you were real
to me.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC
“Depression does not always mean
Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists
A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity
or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye
Sometimes depression means
Not getting out of bed for three days
Because your feet refuse to believe
That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor
Sometimes depression means
That summoning the willpower
To go downstairs and do the laundry
is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week
Sometimes depression means
Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours
Because you cannot convince your body
That it is capable of movement
Sometimes depression means
Not being able to write for weeks
Because the only words you have to offer the world
Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying
Sometimes depression means
That every single bone in your body aches
But you have to keep going through the motions
beacuse you are not allowed to call in to work depressed
Sometimes depression means
ingnoring every phone call for an entire month
because yes, they have the right number
But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore"
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 11:14 PM UTC
*when i'm awake early in the morning
i think of nothing but you
but i know you don't think of me
when i can't sleep at 3 AM beacuse i miss you
and i know you're sleeping peacefully
i hate myself a little bit more
when i finally fall asleep
i dream of you but i know
you don't dream of me
and every living moment of my day
has become a nightmare not worth living
anymore*
(c.m.h)
Jul 2, 2014
Jul 2, 2014 at 7:19 AM UTC
This new age happy truth life **** I dont condone it beacuse when life hands me lemons... I turn it into haze and smoke it, thats just how my soul is.
Happiness? too hard to control.
Ego? too easy to promote.
Life? too many do and donts.
I dont curse life but when you love something too much you have to let it go!
Wow..
I cant afford to earn dough. Money on my mind but my heart changes flow. Went solo, had nobody swinging the ropes.
Didnt choose the thuglife so in my apartment stayin broke.
Smoking **** drinking coke slowly dying on my own.
Remeniss, think a while of everything from before.
Go to sleep with achievements setted out to score, wake up in my mothers home with nobody to call my own.
Everyday is a struggle to get through the door. Wake and bake or else my body's saying no.
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 9:38 AM UTC
im sorry i am not my sister
im sorry im not strong
like you
im sorry i am in pain and sad
all the time
im sorry i cant breath
im sorry that you hate me
that i've ruined your life
im sorry i dropped out of school
and broke all your plans
im sorry i am not the one you thought
id be in the end
im sorry that i didnt give up my
dreams for you
im sorry that i didnt take care of you for years
that i left and didnt come back
im sorry you had to rely on others
im sorry im dissapointing
im sorry ive broke your heart
im sorry i followed my dreams and left you alone
but mostly im sorry i was born
beacuse i did take care of you
i did save your life
i never asked for anything this just
isnt right
i never told you no i never rose
my voice i gave you everything i never had
a choice
i never followed all my dreams never
got out of this town
and now ill rot here inside
beacuse you've broken me down
so thank you for all your love that
burned right through my soul
thank you and i love you
i dont remember why though
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 11:19 PM UTC
I don't support this war,
but I don't have the key to this
government's door.
Even if I did they'd throw my opinions
to the Congress' janitor's floor
because the fruits of their heart
are rotten
right down to the core.
Do we even know anymore what we're fighting for?
And sometimes...
I feel like I can't speak,
can't say what I think.
The country I loved
is choking me.
On this war is spent billions and what for?
They could be,
should be
doing something
something more
Maybe, just maybe, feeding the poor?
Creating health insurance middle class and below can afford?
Our politicians are prostitutes, they're tainting our youth.
The unemployment line
keeps growing in size.
The cookie is crumbling,
This Nation's economy.
We need a Revolution.
Find the solution.
So LOOK
my generation and SEE
the bigger picture,
what's going on out there
and start to care.
Recycle you paper.
Refresh your beliefs.
Take my hand
and make a Stand with me.
Mr. Moronic,
you know who you are.
You don't speak for me.
Only wealthy companies.
And your most elite supporters
I want to know
is it for ***** money?
or something worse?
We are suppose to be your people.
You treat us like neglected pets.
What will come next?
You won't take way my choice.
You won't take away my voice.
So go ahead, burn me like the town witch.
Beacuse I won't conform.
Because I'm different.
USA!
Land of the Free!
Dig and you'll see.
You're in bad company.
And those freedoms you treasure
are being taken away
a little more
**every
day**
Congress men and women bought
left and right
Will you be next?
Put up a fight.
We eat their half-truths
and puke up the ruse.
Government closes your eyes
by telling you pretty little lies.
But is it worth being blind?
Keep covering your ears
and you have nothing to fear.
But, eventually the Truth
will make you HEAR.
May 11, 2010
May 11, 2010 at 5:58 AM UTC
Sometimes you will see me walking corridors ahead
Unable to catch up
The hurrying crowd will push by
Not understanding
Or knowing you even exist
I turn
You wave
I'm sorry
I need to feel free
To be grounded within this skin
I stretch
I moan
I long
And then I return
Back to fold in which I belong
Brother
Never worry that we are lost to each other
The ties are strong
And like blood
Poetry is our bond
The beauty
The honesty
The bravery to express who we really are
Creates forces which
Will never sleep
They ever beckon you home
To this madness
Houses change
Colours illuminate your face
And shadows are all we can see
At times things seem bleak
Then we notice that
For a while we will all congregate in the same halls
Why
Because we are interconnected by threads
Of golden silk
Heaven illuminates our souls
And once again we shine
We know the hate
We know the love
We feel the pain
The misery
We council
We pass the brick
Which builds the bridge
We knock down walls which devide each other
We will always be
Beacuse
Just because thats the way
It was always meant to be
x
Apr 29, 2011
Apr 29, 2011 at 4:42 AM UTC
Moments like this, waiting outside without keys or someone to open up the door for me, get me down.
It's not the waiting, is realizing no one cares about you being outside.
Moments when doubt makes you wonder whether your friends are true, get me down.
The Moment that I found out my father has been ill, also got me down beacuse I couldn't be there to take care of him.
The moment I didn't get the job I wished for, got me so down, I actually tought about not working at all.
The moment I realized I never chase my deepest dreams because I'm afraid to fail, got me freaking down too.
The moment I realized that I could, eventually, be left alone in the world, not only got me down, but also scared me to death.
But the moment it occured to me that I might never find true love, got me down the most.
Then there are moments when I feel so amazingly high, that I think I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world, and for just that moment everything is right.
I guess it's because of those moments that life is worth living for.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 10:31 AM UTC
I promised for so long to be strong enough
to face the brake,
so i could take the pain and never think
i ****** up. and i was wrong,
so i would have the nerv to hold on.
Beacuse no matter how many people say
im crazy.
no matter how many walk away.
I can not think.
I can not belive.
I can not acept that everyone
feels so **** alone.
so you can lie and test my boundry
i'll give my heart to break.
you can take my aspirations
and sink them in the lake.
You can walk right in and i'll
pull every gaurd away,
lock them in a cell and throw the key
so there the'll stay.
And you can push on all my bottons
tell you think its good and safe,
and then i'll wipe away your past
scrub away the staines.
I'll clean out all the cobwebs
in the closet.
Hold your hand while you face
every dark place created out of
loss.
I'll help you take your bagage off
tell all the trash is tossed.
than i'll let you be and set you free
and light the bridge we’ve crossed.
Sep 6, 2012
Sep 6, 2012 at 4:37 AM UTC
I was made to love
And i was sure it had to be you
But seems like i was tricked
And you were too
You leave it alone
You're already over me
I'm so desperate to move on
I fall in love with whoever i see
I've been so stupid
Almost lost my innocence
In a ******* forrest
I thought ihad a better taste..
Right now i wouldn't mind dying
I comvince myself i'm happy
But why can't i just face that i'm not?
Beacuse i wanna move on and be all jumpy
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 1:55 PM UTC