It wont happen to me,
Ill only do it once,
just to see what its like,
i didn't think id like it.
It took hold quickly tightening its grasp,
its taken ownership of my soul,
there's no turning back.
the high is so good,
it only makes the sickness worse,
days when im without it id rather be in a hearse.

The bitterness taints my lips
Liquid hatred shows no love
Forget all my insecurities
I’ll be here to hold your hand when you’re all alone
I’ll be here to tell your secrets to
so hand me the bottle
this shot is mine
after five more
everything is fine.
ill forget that you left me
ill forget all the abuse
and for a few hours out of my life
i no longer love you.

i crush up the pills
place them in 2 nice little white lines
darling im sorry
i promise this is the last time.
my face is burning
i feel so alive
i love you
but im feeding you lies.
for try as i might
and try as i will
my love for you
dosnt comapre to the love i receive from the pills
so ill leave the warmth of your arms
to the comfort of my drug enduced bliss
replace your lips
with a empty kiss
and ill forget everything we had
pretend we never were
i told you to begin with
i am far from anyones dream girl
for my grasp on reality is deluded
tainted by self enduced hate
please dont think its your fault
this is just my fate.
and ill leave you a letter
apolgising for all the lies
then give into my obbession
pill bottles at side
and an array of colors is all ill see
as i swallow them all
i create my destiny.

and darling i miss you
i just thought you should know
ive been lying to myself since the night i watched you go
i wish you were here
in replace of his arms at night
staring into his blue eyes
i imagne them as yours when i close mine tight.

i wish you knew me now
i wish it wasnt to late
i had my chance with you
but i cant change fate.

so ill carry on an empty converstaion
the entire time biting my toung
i cant let it slip that with you im still in love
and ill cling to your memories
while i sleep in his arms at night
for in my dreams im with you
in my dreams i got it right.

like sanity fading to the back of my mind
a mind of which i no longer hold claim to
controlled and medicated
for false reasons
a misguided diease
i stare in horror at figures you dont see
dileauded grasp on reality
objects resemble those from a dream
i try to hide the tears
but they guide their way down my cheeks
fall softly upon my lips
i taste their salty kiss.
sense of sweet nothingness
and everything all at once
shhhhhhhh
if you listen you can hear them calling my name
like their screaming out to me
in vain attempts to help me stay sane.
so baby hold my hand
i promise i wont cry
ill tell you all im better
ill tell you all a lie.

i find refuage in my basement
behind a closed door
screaming out to metal music
broken razor blades litter the floor
and upon the table youll find
pills crushed into powder
like magic it numbs my mind.
in times of anger
i smash my fists agaisnt the wall
knuckles meet cement
i watch a bruise form
while i let the tears fall.
the blade so easy
i caress its shattered edge
the metal to my skin
i dont even flinch
i hate you so much
a **** for every sin.
so i plaster on the makeup
around my emotionless eyes
i dont know if youve noticed
but the love has recently died.
i find my face boring
so plain and mundane
so i shove a needle threw my lip
a maschoist addicted to pain.
and baby you might think youve saved me
but youve only dragged me down
i hate you so much
like a drug
you leave me strungout and hell bound.

I'm a prisoner,
a convict of the worst kind,
a slave kept in restraints,
confined to the four walls of my mind.
   I'm tortured,
I'm punished,
abused in the worst way,
I'm held hostage by my demons,
who always want to come out to play.
   I'm a *******,
trying to win at a sadists game,
there's no hope in screaming,
all escape plans are vain.
   I'm a liar,
truth tastes bitter in my mouth,
my only friends await me,
to drag me farther into hell.
   I'm a thief,
all aspects of me are stolen,
like hundred year old glass,
begging to be broken.
   I'm a puzzle,
that's missing the final piece,
I just want to silence the voices,
and embrace eternal sleep.