A friend once asked me What ambition will I let the teachers put In our high school yearbook For everyone to see And I said I'm afraid I do not have one And he said that how would I succeed in life If I don't have any ambition And I've thought about this for awhile And to justify my answer, I replied that You need not to have any ambition To succeed in life I said you just needed to be happy and Maybe I should let them put "To become happy" in the yearbook and you know what? It ocurred to me that I never even give a single **** About what the other students might think or what their parents might think Except for what my parents might think But usually, they don't care as long as it's who I am and what I want And I'm thankful for that
But I've always wondered Why I never had one Never thought of becoming anything Now that I'm in my senior year which is a crucial part Of my career orientation And I'm scared so much I'm scared that before I wanted everything Yet now I end up wanting nothing And I wondered so much On how I changed so gradually From being a ball of blazing fire to a godforsaken blackhole Though I know change is inevitable, I didn’t expect to lose my heart in the process
Once, I've always dreamed to become a doctor Because I wanted to heal scars and unspoken miseries and no I'm not just after using scalpels or stethoscopes or syringes Or cutting off people's brains I wanted to fix the broken Rip my being into shreds to keep them whole I wanted sacrifice and salvation
And I've always dreamed to become a soldier I don’t care how silly it sounds I wanted to protect people and wanted to taste the bitterness Of war and blood and death I wanted to know death and see all the worst And be exposed to them That I wouldn't have any choice But to be brave for myself and the others Because death? It could be sweeter this way To die for a cause, to die for somebody I wanted sacrifice and salvation
And I've always dreamed to become a teacher Beacuse I wanted to influence someone's life Give them power to stand up for themselves Watch a bud blossom into a beautiful flower And then I would make thousands of memories Because at the same time I'm learning through connections and bonds and warmth And that, would be one of the greatest things I will cherish in my life forever I wanted sacrifice and salvation
And then I aspired to be a lawyer, To serve and give way to justice because that's all we have to know And I realized defending a criminial would be unavoidable And I've always sworn to myself That if that happens, I'd rather burn myself to death Because I should only send the right people in jail Those people who deserve to rot in the cells and cling to metal bars I wanted sacrifice and salvation
And I watched the conversation end And feel my heart pound in my ears And I cried so much that night That I realized I seldom cry Because I thought I was better And I was terrified because Nothing hurts more than not knowing What you could actually want in this sad world Because that means you might as well be nothing
A hollow A ******* void And I don't want to be like that Nobody does So i think and think and think What do I actually want?
And the wind blew Leaves fell onto the ground People wheezed and laughed and breathed through their noses And it slapped me in the face I've never been stable in my life I've concealed my greed up until now I dreamed so much that I denied reality Each day, making myself believe That I wanted nothing but I actually Wanted THE power to be everything
Be everything in a world I was bound to craft I wanted to create moons and stars and storms and unicorns And wars and tides that tell "Hey, humans can actually create worlds." I wanted to be out of my control I didn’t want to settle on a skin I was enclosed in, I was held captive by So I changed whatever's written to The paper I had submitted for the yearbook And wrote "To be a Writer" and nothing else
This was supposed to be a slam poem but I don't have that talent to be so raw in front of an audience so I let the words scream at the paper instead. Hehe.