Never had i though happiness
Was the medicine i needed all along
Never had i though that
Listening to your voice would be my song
Never did i think i would 
Lay and cry staying here for hours
I just wanted to be the guy
That goes to work bringing back bacon and flowers
Never did i once consider the word love
Could be something far more then great 
Its a bruning feeling of all this emotions
Even just a little bit of hate
This thoughts are beyond 
what i could of ever faced
Howevere it truns out
My mind and person well be amazed

life didn't have to end up in such a place
I'm stuck, no escape, it's to much, it's making me go apes
all I see here is nothing but shame, regrets, and sadness upon everyone's face.....

grew up into what the world views as a **** up, someone who never made it, someone that just wouldn't come to a stop
it slowly developed as a 10 year old who began smoking ****
18 now, **** became his need

I'm happy as can, theres no-one around tell what I can't do, I don't have to come to a stop
next thing you know theres knock on the door
oh ****, it's a cop

promised the cop I'd throw away anything that has to due with drugs
but the cop was way to smart for that, so he stayed and made sure I did what said
instead all I did was hide all of it under my bed

a month later the same cop returned, I tried running but I'm only 103 pounds and haven't seen sunlight for more than then a day
he caught me in the quickness, I pleaded and pleaded that he let me go
"I'm only doing this for your own good, don't you remember me, I'm your only brother, please stop trying to runaway"

didn't recognize him at first until I looked him straight in his eyes
I began to tear up but I didn't want to cry
the pain was getting held back, next thing you now I black out
he thought I was going die

he rushed me to the hospital and everything made sense
that's where I truly opened up my eyes
he wasn't a cop and this wasn't me
I was just in the land of the killer demon bees

that place was where I felt like I was in charge and had nothing but power
now I'm sitting in a place I call home
thinking hour after hour

to live is to dream
to die is to awaken
my life was nothing
more, then surely mistaken
the monsters and demons
that stay inside of my head
don't won't to leave
because they have a
nice comfortable bed
they sing and dance
as they chant their spells
cursing me with sorrows,
regrets, leaving me in hell
my thoughts towards the world
is now just filled with ****
leaving me to drink and drown
on pain and ***
I dream of dreams but
end up with nightmares
now I go to sleep
saying nothing but prayers
I miss my old self, the
person who I once was,
the ***** old homeless who
slept in a broken down bus
the evil is so strong, it's
to late to runaway
like my monsters and demons
I might as well stay.

stars racing towards a planet to hit
way to dosed to focused on this ****
the waterfall runs of orange and pink
Way too distracted, can’t even think
The sprits are running through the walls
getting kicked out of class, now I’m dreaming in the halls
the rabbits, the fishes can’t come to a stop
getting way to blown, I’m in front of a cop
jet planes flying the opposite way
guess I should’ve taken this tab another day

Dear ****,

       ******* and your devilish traps
thanks for making my good days go to crap
thanks for separating me from my mother,
for making me look like a **** up to my brother
thanks for the addiction I have to face
you really did take me to another place
thanks for making me into the person I am
at least you never made me slam
thanks for making me stay up for a week or two
you showed me that I got nothing to lose
thanks for putting shadows in front of my eyes
but if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t have realized my lies
I now put a gat in the side of my lap
cause I can’t even sleep or even take a nap
I’m always moving around , where ever it is you take me
bringing me to my dealers house making me beg on my knees
even if it’s just leftover’s, crumpled up in aluminum foil
Now I pick my arms because I think it begins to boil
I’m known as the black sheep in my family
you made my life a ****** up tragedy
The scars you caused aren’t only visible but mental
Thank god I stopped before I melted my dentals
There’s still a voice in my head telling me not to leave you
but I want to start my actual life, I want to be someone new
I thank you for the **** caused, for the mistakes you made me do
But I’m leaving you now, one last thing, *******.

**** its been years since this thoughts had popped in my head
some of them were good , some were bad, some caused my life to be dead
i cry from tears of joy, sadness, and anger
sometimes i can really put my life at at a risk, at danger
so many dates, and still its a gashly fade
wouldn't be myself if it wasn't for the memories i made
i saw my mom cry for the endless addings of the problems
i saw her giving me her hand when i said i don't know how ill slove them
i saw my nephew being born again and again until i see the signs
im stuck in addiction, and i cant figure out why?
i saw the cop chasing me down to a dead end stop, until i got to the ground
i saw myself lookin at my stupidity luaghting at everything around
i dont see a childhood, and i cant see my future
but i can say what i am know , i need the help, a injection with a cure
i dont sleep and don't eat and only cried about a few times
i still see myself on the corner street asking for nickels and dimes
im sorry mom i love you, i committed the hugest mistake
but this situation isnt just a piece of cake
i see my self walk and talk about gibberish crap
i dont like this stupid cheessy unsexual rap

describe every tone and rhythm between the lines of every sentence , express the expression of the any emotion and see what it creates

breath in your thoughts, relax the fear, do what it takes to keep going, just don't , ever, give up on your faith, believe, your rage to keep living

create another day between the seconds of a minute, and longer it for it for hours, and still about for weeks, reinvent time

care and support :the live most of us dream of to be filled

hate and lonely: broken past that ruin it for the future

fear and love: the two one way roads that end up in the same path

freedom and forever: love made of two human vessels
...

happiness
the true fear no one dares takes

picture the world as the world you wanted it be after longer for so long
that everything that was considered mistakes became nothing more than wrong
where everyone and everything was at peace, love, and harmony
where there never existed a world where we fight for food and/or money
imagine that never exist, that we ran on daylight, water, and happiness
that we humans wouldn't make cause problems, there'd be no mess
how i wonder about the wonders that could go on if earth wasn't so abused
most of us try to heal our planet, but other  sit back and refuse
imagine how great it'd be if swam with whales, listening to their echos driving us towards the mysteries of the deep blue
letting their waves, drown us into a better world, if only people really had an idea, if they only knew
think about the endless ideas that'd make us into better beings of live
i'd be willing to make that change, i'd take the risk just to make myself feel alive
a better place, wouldn't that be something else, it's something i'd hope for
meanwhile I'll still be daydreaming about it as i lay here on the floor...

such a nice, easy, going day
it seems way to chill to be going away
it's quite and peaceful, haven't had that here for a while
I know that when I leave, it's going to end up
with tears and a smile
I'll miss the memories and friends, the small comfort I found
it's scary, I'm going back home, where disaster is all around
but it feel's so good knowing it's only hours away from leaving
I hope I don't do anything stupid like going missing
I've thought about this day since the first day I came
but now it's crazy thinking that out there it's no game
I've got skills and talents and know how to put them to work
but it's up to me, to see, if I use them, so I won't get hurt
my mind and emotions are about to burst
because I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
it's only hours away, it going by real fast
it feels so great to finally say, at last!
I'm happy and nervous but that's not bad at all
I just hope that I don't begin to fall
I'm ready, everything is packed up
I'm just like a volcano, ready to erupt
I thank the ones who were always there, never turned me down
I'm glad I made friends that never let me fall to the ground
I'll be leaving real soon and it's exciting as hell
to my brothers and sisters I wish you farewell

October 3rd was gonna be a blast a moment to remember, and i was gonna life it up without evening using
the next few hours i m lready holding a beer between my hands
**** 5 months of my life wasted , thrown away because of abusing
i.didnt go home that night instead i went to my dealers house for a little glips of her taste opon my lips
good **** was the first thing that came to mind, now i tell my dealer to gently grab me the hips
after it was over, it was like nothing ever happened i got enough for another day or two i have to come up with an idea
i didnt even think how i just gotten out,my moms working and my aunts in hospital,ivtried leaving but she said eres mia (your mine)
i lost 5 pounds in 12 days and never felt better in my life, i was happy, free and high
i just keep telling myself  , remember that you cant go home beacuse only houses exist , and the only travel is to be fly...... to be continued

grab my hands, hold me tight
tell me that you're gonna be my lover tonight
tell me about all the pain and hurt you've gone through
I'm here to fix them, but I don't even have a clue
tell me you won't leave without saying goodbye
cause baby if you don't then that's my reason to go ahead and die

wake up
throw myself on the floor
i'm shaking
as my life goes out the door
thinking of my fate
its all a disaster
looking for a god
for another life after
life isn't gold
life isn't fun
it doesn't go slow
if you know how to run
temper is explosive
a boiling *** of anger
this **** is persuasive
is my life in danger?

live can be real simple
but at least we're still living

drown me with your pain
and love me with your eyes

"Hey! I miss you like crazy! On that night you left I ****** cried myself to sleep and it continued for a couple days. Everyday I wonder... how is he doing and I had a dream about you the other night and you had your afro.. ha! And I asked you "hey how you been?" And you said "I'm doing good I even have a job now." And when a certain someone heard my dream, they told me "yeah I don't know if he's exactly doing that he's using". When I heard that, my heart stopped.. it was unbelievable. I started crying. And I hardly ate breakfast. Diego, I know you probably aren't going to listen to me but you don't have to do that. Like you said "I have many skills and talents". Well use those! Not ****. You can actually do something. You're 18. There's many things out there for you to do. If there's nobody there to talk to you .. call the Phoenix house and ask for me. No matter how far apart we are, I will still be there for you. To be honest I got a bit disappointed when I heard but just remember what you learned here. Who worry and care about you! Use your artistic skills! Don't let no drug take you away from that. Hopefully you call soon... I miss you I love you. And I will always be your sister... don't forget  - laura "
I'm sorry Diego. I had to tell her. She was very concerned and since I knew.. I just had too, it was eating me up. But I miss you. Its okay , you can always find that start again. I believe in you. - ash

the hunger, the need, to be right by your side
my emotions, my soul, can't seem to hide
my pain, my fear, seems to be fading away
it's probably because I saw your face today
I want, need you to know that I actually exist
I harden, smile, I clench my hands to a fist
I dream, pretend that someday we'll be together
I wanna hear you say that we'll be always and forever
I just hope that you know that I love you, I really do
I'm just hoping that someday you'll say you love me to

sorry for being a lazy ****
sorry about the day , cause all I do is run mucks
muck, short for mockery, the word the represents live, at least mine
sorry for never go backtoschool, like I promised I would, I'm just way to behind
sorry for the curse that now drags along side our family tree
sorry I couldn't find, figure out the reasons to accept me
sorry mom for lighting your hair on fire
but am gonna change for good, thats my true desire
sorry mom for leaving everynight behind your back
I just don't wanna life in house where it feels like I'm getting attacked
I love you, from here untill the days run of light
I promise you, I'm not gonna give up on this fight

joy? what's that?
happy? is that some type of animal?
smile? that's a number...right?

all the blood and tears that I wasted all this years
come from the pain and hurt, that I continue to fear
I'm left alone, left behind from anything possible
I'm not disrespectful nor irresponsible
so why was I lonely most the time
I did nothing more then just a couple crimes
I'm different, I know that for a fact
doesn't mean I have to get attacked
I dream and cry just like all the rest
I don't want to keep getting treated like I'm a lab rat test
I don't blend in with the colors of the walls
why is it that I never get invited to go the mall?
why is it that I don't get asked if I'm alright?
why I'm the person they always want to fight?
I must be a figure that looks like it needs to get beat
might as well throw me in a lions den, since I'm just a piece of meat
it's hurtful and sad that I get told to die
that the only friends I have aren't humans but flies
I'm not the best looking guy in world, I get that
doesn't mean you have to bash my skull with a bat....

It was 1969 the day was 15
I was up in the sky
I was only eighteen
White Lake in the town of Bethel, New York
I saw trees being hugged and loved
I saw no one eating pork
The rhythm, the sense of happiness and being free
I was one with everyone
like it was meant to be
I cried from excitement, tears full of joy
It’s like I relived Christmas
when I was just a boy
I made love with the one I’m with today
I have three beautiful children
And that’s how it’s going to stay
I kept the blanket that kept this family whole
all because of 1969
I rest with the blanket with the hole

Realization could be the hugest  relief or the imagination of hurt

I remember when I'd do nothing in class but draw and listen to Kurt

Mistakes turn to undiscovered
futures , unknown yet made memories

So we can forget about the pain, love, and endless worries

Imagination holds the keys to unopened doors

Dreams probably are the reason why it feels like we hit the floor

Jesus is just a name that kills and heals

Religion are human thoughts of gods making deals

Gifts can be anything and arrive at unexpected moments

To brighten up the sky shoot a flare sit back and have some enjoyment

The brain of a human runs an endless marathon of disaster and successes

anything can get fixed, got water, some soap, and a rag let's clean up the messes

shouts of fear, of discomfort, of continuous abuse
feeling gone, I can't.....

drinking the last drop of my life away

hoping ill find it another day

anything that comes out is lies, is what others say

I try my best to communicate

with my inner being and what some call fate

how can I when I feel the spiritual hate

I wanna speak but afraid I'll say unnecessary crap

to be honest my life is just a demonic trap

I can't remember the last time I ever ran a lap

my family is worried and im a huge mess of a disaster

Im trying to run faster and faster

Im gonna get known as a ****'d up baster

my emotional touch has lost all feel

because we kissed and I know it was real

I am your one true only deal

my mistakes seem to cross along more

I love it all too much, but I don't won't to be a bore

I wouldn't want to get looked as *****

my body wiggled and falls like it was reborn

I just wanna keep the reply botton on to this ****

gosh it's much better then eating a can of corn

I have problems that seem like children and have fun

they never quit they seem to like this run

it could take in any place, like in rainor in the sun

1: 38 am, coming home from the bar
where are my ****** keys?.....every single time
2: 17 am, ughhhhhh
throw-up in the front door, every single time
2: 39 am, knocks out...... z z z z z
9: 37 am, late for work, every single time
10:05 am, barely made in time
still gonna get yelled at, every single time
5: 33 pm, getting ready to leave
lost my keys how the **** I'm gonna start the car, every single time
6: 40 pm, get home, eat a cup of ramen
getting ready to leave, every single time
7: 47 pm, reach the bar and find the lonely **** girl
buy her a drink, spent more $50 dollars, ****, every single time
12: 42 am, hopefully I don't **** anyone today
just make sure I'm driving real slow, every single time
1:38 am, coming home from the bar...............................
Every Single Time...