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Nov 2014 · 1.5k
A Faded Passport
A faded passport,
Of who I used to be,
It says that Dark and Hatred,
Are my nationalities,
It says my forename's Fear,
My surname: Everything,
My date of birth is long since gone,
But it's clear enough to see,
From my picture: a face covered in scars,
My life's been long enough for me.
But the expiry date says today,
And I'm sure I've been set free,
I'll send off the details for my new life,
And rewrite my history.
Nov 2014 · 366
It depends
Am I happy?
It depends.
How are you?
Nov 2014 · 481
A New Heart?
Too clean,
No character,
A new heart would be,
So I mend my old one,
Stitching up the holes,
That I burnt myself,
It's our scars that tell us who we are,
Not the open wounds or undamaged skin,
It's the places we had to fix ourselves,
Where we made it through,
But we'll never forget,
That shape how we smile,
How we cry,
How we love,
How we hate,
So I can't get a new heart,
But I can make this one better,
And I have,
And I will carry on making it better,
Until I can present it to you with pride,
Instead of embarrassment.
Nov 2014 · 460
When I write
Sometimes when I write,
I look for poetic symbolism around me,
It can be hard to find,
So sometimes I make up a story,
Full of metaphors and colour,
But it doesn't seem real,
So sometimes I write about the real things,
That make me angry,
Or upset,
But I just find it depressing,
So in the end I try to open up my heart,
Just a little bit further each day,
And let the words flow like blood,
Organic, free and unprocessed,
Once it starts it's impossible to stop,
I just write and write and write.

Those are my best poems,
But they are the hardest to share.
Nov 2014 · 1.0k
Sorry soldiers
I'm sorry soldiers,
For caring too much about ceremony and the 'Last Post'.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For forgetting the true meaning of all these parades and bugle calls.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For lying with everyone else saying 'We will remember'.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For wearing my poppy this year out of pressure, not respect.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For looking at your memorial and seeing only a piece of architecture.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For reading your names and not caring who you really are.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For thinking of you as foolish men, for obeying orders to the end.
I'm sorry soldiers,
For blaming you for your own demise.
I'm sorry soldiers,
That you had to go through such pain and difficulty only to be killed the next day.
I'm sorry soldiers,
That the rest of the world isn't.
I'm sorry soldiers,
That what you died to end never really stopped.
I'm sorry soldiers,
That I am alive through no act of bravery or skill but through luck.
I'm sorry soldiers,
That you were born at just the wrong time.

I'm sorry soldiers,
That this apology comes one hundred years too late,
But I think it's time someone said it,
So I'm sorry,
Can you ever forgive us?
I don't normally ask for reposts, but this one's important.
In memory of Samuel Yates
Nov 2014 · 471
The Wrong Pain
My throat is sore from all the words I wrote,
My leg hurts from breathing smoke,
My shoulder aches from the cuts on my hand,
My chest crushed from the neck I hanged,
My stomach twists from where my skull smashed,
My spine twinges from where my arm was slashed,
My heart yearns since my eye was jabbed,
My mind forgets since my guts were stabbed.

The pain I feel is all wrong, messed up, confused,
Like me.
This is how I felt about a year ago.
Things are better now.
Nov 2014 · 8.4k
Before tomorrow
Walking quickly,
Just to catch up with you,
So we can talk for a few more minutes,
So I can see your eyes just one more time,
Before tomorrow.

Walking slowly,
Just to make it last longer,
So I can feel your hand in mine for another eternity,
So I can see you smiling for another second,
Before tomorrow.

Holding you closer,
Just to feel your heart,
So I can hear the sound of every gentle breath,
So you can keep me warm for another moment,
Before tomorrow.

Looking back,
Just to see you step inside,
So I can catch another glimpse of your hair,
So I hear the last thing you say,
Before tomorrow.

Running home,
Just to make the time go faster,
So that the adrenaline can make each minute rush by,
So I don't have to wait quite as long,
Before tomorrow.
Alone they fall,
But with her wings,
Both can soar together,
Both get lost together,
Both are safe together,
Both escape together,
Both feel love together,
Both unafraid together,
Both can smile together,
And finally,
Both are released,
Both are free.
Falling.
Falling.
Fallen.
Rejected by his own mind,
Cast down to a lower plane,
All ties severed with hope,
All memories wiped of love,
All knowledge removed of freedom,
All hints unsaid of safety,
He falls, further, faster,
Wings broken,
Lungs crushed,
Heart stopped,
Eyes closed,
But just caught,
As he bursts through empty skies into her arms.
Her rags become whole again,
As an ebony dress, beautifully woven,
Wraps around her frame.

Her cuts close, her bruises fade,
The aching pains that were her life have gone away,
Never to inflame.

Her boundaries are long gone,
As now she dances alone beneath the cold sun,
Of her empty world.

Her death is far behind her,
Only a distant memory remains of Earth,
As her wings unfurl.

*She flies, finally free,
But alone, her heart must freeze.
Nov 2014 · 434
His wasteful ways
His breathing is slow,
His slumber deep,
A bottle in his hand betrays,
His never-ending wasteful ways.
Nov 2014 · 689
Old me [5]
The old me afraid,
And the girl who knew us both,
It's her who chooses.
Nov 2014 · 531
Let it last
Each moment,
Held, sustained,
Drawn out,
So I can spend more time with you.
I let it last,
Longer than I can't.
Open to interpretation, originates from a typo.
Nov 2014 · 999
Old me [4]
The old me dismayed,
Reaching, grasping for the knife,
The new me refuses.
Nov 2014 · 595
Old me [3]
The old me betrayed,
Offering, wanting the end,
The new me refuses
Nov 2014 · 530
Old me [2]
The old me constrained,
Begging, pleading me for death,
The new me refuses
Nov 2014 · 765
Old me [1]
The old me in chains,
Screaming, ready to be killed,
The new me refuses.
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
Twist my mind
Take my heart,
****** your fingers through my chest -
let them reach. Rip, pull,
tear aside my weary flesh.
Scratch my decaying ribs,
rotten and weak.
Just a sharp, swift tug,
and they snap. Blood leaks,
as you pierce the arteries,
that keep my lungs captive -
chaining them within me,
so that they cannot rest, active
always, slaves to reflex.
Let them be free, at last
unbound, let them relax,
deflate, give up the air of past
days that took too long.
Toss them aside,
Useless and frail, taking
up space in your unrelenting hands,
they keep digging, though aching
and tired of brutality. Hatred
that once coursed through my veins,
now spilled and taken,
for your deathly gains.
Finally, unobstructed, a clear path
to my heart now drained
of life-giving blood is revealed.
Wrap your pale, blood-stained
fingers around it and pluck
the tendons 'till they break.
Grip more tightly, grab, clutch,
****** it from me, still and motionless.
Hold it up to the light, let me see
with my dead, hollow eyes
as you crush it in front of me.

Take my heart.

Crush my heart.

Take my brain.

Twist my mind.
Happy Halloween
I did not know
Back then
What you wanted
I watched as you
Had your mind twisted
By the things you saw
On a computer screen
Things you wanted
Me to see too
Me to do to you
But I couldn't
But I let you
Keep watching that screen
And I know
I should have stopped you
But I couldn't
I watched as you
Fell further
Deeper in the darkest
Parts of your mind
I wasn't strong enough
I could've stopped it
But I couldn't
For fear of losing
Another friend
For fear of making
Everything worse
I will always
Blame myself
For the state
You're in now
And the state
You put me in
Because I could've stopped it
But I couldn't
Risk the one constant
That kept me
From going mad
From hating myself
From hurting myself
From killing myself
But I was wrong
You were the constant
That made me
Go mad
Hate myself
Hurt myself
And try to **** myself
And yet
You are still my friend
Because I blame myself
And I have to protect you
Because I'd never
Forgive myself
If you killed yourself
And I didn't try to stop you

You
Killed
My
Childhood
But
I
Forgive
You
And
Blame
Me
To a friend who will never see this
Oct 2014 · 387
That day (Part 3)
She starts to cry,
I know exactly why,
But there's nothing I can do to help.

Her eyes look down,
To hide her frown?
Or to hide from my reaction she fears?

I can't see past her hair,
But I hear her despair,
As she pours out the depths of her soul.

How to respond,
To such a sad song,
That leaves me with no comforting words?

Tell her it'll all be fine?
She'll know that's a lie,
An easy escape from facing facts.

Nothing I say,
Or price I pay,
Will change the events of the past.

So all I can do,
Is tell her the truth,
And make a commitment of trust.

And try to repay,
Her trust on that day,
With a secret I kept in my heart.

The time she saved,
Quite by mistake,
A weak, blackened and crumbling life.

Finally I feel,
It's time to reveal,
How she rescued me from that box in the cupboard.

It can't help much,
But maybe enough,
That she'll realise what she's worth.

And in holding my hand,
Completely unplanned,
You made me happier than I've ever been.

But three words meant more,
Words I'd never heard before,
Spoken by another to me with honesty.

And I know that they,
Were hard for you to say,
After all that others have put you through.

"I trust you"
Oct 2014 · 1.6k
Hope
Ignorance will never die
Stupidity will never die
Prejudice will never die
Violence will never die
Sadness will never die
Fear will never die
Anger will never die
War will never die

But neither will hope
Maybe that hope will be in vain,
But it will keep understanding alive,
It will keep the intelligent solving problems,
It will keep the downtrodden fighting for justice,
It will give the unsafe peace,
It will dry tears and bring light,
It will comfort those in danger,
It will calm deadly rage,
And it will give the wounded sanctuary.

*It doesn't matter if this hope is false,
If it can do so much good.
Oct 2014 · 1.3k
Waving
She once waved white cloth but now,
Tears of blue satin fall,
As a girl who once smiled at life,
Cries with the pain of it all.

She once waved blue satin but now,
Drops of red velvet fall,
As a girl who once loved the world,
Sees the hatred that's found in all.

She once waved red velvet but now,
Rags of black silk fall,
As a girl who once had everything,
Begins to lose it all.

She once waved black silk but now,
She waves nothing at all,
As a girl who clung to emotions,
Lets go to watch them fall.

She once waved an empty hand but now,
Another's pulls her inside,
As a girl who sat on the edge of life,
Finds new hope in another's eyes.

He let go of all he cared for,
Let it fall to the ground,
In a desperate attempt to repay the favour,
That kept him safe and sound.

His hands now empty, unhindered,
He reached and offered support,
To a girl he could see had lost more than he dared to think of.

She accepted

He smiled

And both now wave together

Made stronger by fear and trust
Oct 2014 · 732
Nightmare
I had a nightmare last night,
Filled with death and fear,
With danger and falling,
Only for a message to appear.

And suddenly I'm in her room,
Panicked and afraid,
Her room is empty and bare,
Apart from a short poem taped to the wall,
To my Mum who will find I don't live here any more,
The next two lines unclear in my mind,
But the final line stands out bold,
I've found hope with you my love.

Underneath a hasty drawing,
Of animals in the wild,
And of one lone wildebeest,
Daring to trust,
In the nature of a falling elephant,
To keep her from falling herself.
But I'm not sure the elephant was strong enough.

I know that sounds strange,
But this was a dream after all,
Even so I'm worried my love,
So if you see this please respond,
And tell me you haven't left home,
And you're not leading your life alone,
Because only my words can reach you from here,
And I'm afraid that when finally I'm near,
You'll have disappeared.
Seriously, are you alright?
This dream isn't made up
Oct 2014 · 438
Your words of art
I won't say "I wish you were here."
Because I wish I wasn't.
I won't say "I miss you, my dear."
Because you know that already.
I won't say "I'll wait for when you are near."
Because we both know I can't.

But I will say this:

Though it's cold and dark and wild,
Your words will keep me warm.
And though I'm just a lonely child,
You mean so much more.
As I leave the eye of the storm,
And deadly, raging clouds form,
The memory of the calm before,
Will remind me all of me is yours,
And there is no way I'll let anything you own be lost.
So I'll take care of my yearning heart,
I'll comfort my mind with your words of art,
I'll let my mouth smile and let my lungs sigh,
So that my eyes won't have to cry,
So when I see you again, I can be happy with no cost.

And just one more thing, that you already know,
I love you no matter what, and no matter where I go.
Oct 2014 · 310
Something, but what?
An overwhelming sense,
That I've done something wrong.
An ever fearful heart,
Breaks free and bursts into song.
It tells my paranoid mind,
That it was right all along.
My growing confidence,
Backs away and won't go on.
My weary fingers,
Blamed for taking too long.
My tiring eyes,
Blamed for misunderstanding the response.
I think something's up,
But I'm not sure what.
Oct 2014 · 551
Find more
I can find more perfect moments,
In one conversation with you,
Than in everything else I've been through.

I can find more joyful feelings,
In an hour together,
Than I could in the rest of my forever.

I can find more nervous heartbeats,
When you hold my hand,
Than in every trial I've had to withstand.

I can find more calm and comfort,
When you hold me tight,
Than in the warmest bed on the coldest night.

I can find more honest concern,
For me and my health,
From you than I've ever had from anyone else.

I can find more words to say,
But I don't have the time,
And to be honest I'm running out of words that rhyme.
Oct 2014 · 305
Searching
There was nothing left there for me,
There was nothing left to say,
So I left on a new path,
To find my own way.

But when I went,
I didn't know where I was going.

I've been searching for the way to go,
I've been searching for a new direction,
But I didn't know how far to run.
You helped me to find my own truth,
And you helped me to find understanding.
And now you're leading me along a route I don't know,
But I will trust your judgement.

I knew you'd made me happy,
And I'll always be thankful.
But I've been lost for so long,
I didn't realise I'd been found.
And now, finally,
I know what I did wrong,
From the very start.

I needed help,
But I didn't know it,
So it just kept growing,
And growing, and growing.
Until it outgrew me,
It overtook me,
But I kept reaching for it.

Until finally, after all this time,
You came and averted my eyes,
And I saw a glowing, blinding light,
That destroyed all the lies,
I've been saying in my own mind.

Because I needed help,
But I didn't need to change,
Because you love me for who I am,
*Not who I want to be.
Oct 2014 · 373
I've had enough
I've had enough of being alone,
I got my fill of that years ago.
I've had enough of empty hands,
So put yours in mine and tell me your plans.
I've had enough of the cold,
So put your arms round me and keep hold.
I've had enough of singing your favourite songs on my own,
So let me hear again that beautiful tone.
I've had enough of being in the year above,
Just 5 months means they try and obstruct our love.
I've had enough of writing poetry like this,
I count the hours until I return to bliss,
*And remove as many as I can with sleep.
Oct 2014 · 1.5k
The Wrong Time
22:34
But now it has passed,
And that time is wrong.
For another 24 hours,
Waiting,
Ready,
For just a single minute of being right,
22:34 lives the other 23 hours and 59 minutes being wrong.
It's admirable,
So determined, that for just a few moments,
Everyone will agree,
22:34 is willing to spend the majority of its life,
Accepting to be unaccepted,
For a brief period of acceptance.
So spare a thought for 22:34,
And for those who try so hard to be right,
That they are fully willing to be wrong.
Oct 2014 · 1.4k
Void
A void,
Empty of all,
A divide,
Between our souls,
I stand,
Afraid of falling,
I listen,
And hear you calling,
I look,
I see despair below,
A ravine,
Filled with dark sorrow,
I step,
And trip and fall,
Air rushing,
The end of the long haul,
I land,
My body crushed,
Life leaves me,
My song is hushed.

At least, that's what would have happened
If your hand there to grab me hadn't
Pulled me up so much higher,
Where things got so much brighter.
Oct 2014 · 542
A message for the morning
My love,
I know you are gone for the night,
Bound by poor battery life,
But I won't be here at morning's light,
So I'll leave you this to make your day bright.

My love,
There is nowhere I'd rather be than with you,
When I'm away our next meeting is what gets me through,
Nothing could replace you, that's the truth,
And I dream of making more memories new.

My love,
I hope you're not worrying about me,
But I know you will, so I hope you see,
That I'm alright, as I walk lonely down the street,
Wishing round the corner you'd be.

My love,
Promise me to try and keep focused,
Whether it's differentiation or the lifespan of locusts,
Don't let my friends get to you if their words are too potent,
Just know our love means more and their attempts are hopeless.

My love,
Tell me when you see this,
And tell me when you get home,
Because that's what gets me through the night:
*Knowing I'm not alone
Oct 2014 · 355
Not enough
It's not hard to say it.
Just three syllables.
Easy enough right?

What's so difficult?
Young children say it all the time,
So why can't I?

The difficulty is in meaning it,
In being able to express in just three words,
Everything that matters to you.

The difficulty is in living it,
In following through on a promise made in a few seconds,
And showing them that you meant it.

The difficulty is in believing it,
When they try to do the same,
When they try to express all of this to you in the same way.

Three words is not enough,
But I'll say them anyway,
But not here, not now,
Because I can't get all of that into three words on paper.
Or into a message on a screen.
And though I'll probably say those three words to you, as soon as you see this.
I know it won't be enough.
And neither will this poem.
Or all my poems of your eyes and smile.
Because this means so much more than words.
Oct 2014 · 443
Try, fail, learn.
Trying to breathe,
But finding no air,
So learning to live without it.
Trying to see,
But eyes stinging,
So learning to move without light.
Trying to hear,
But sound muffled,
So learning to cope with silence.
Trying to touch,
But all out of reach,
So learning to keep to myself.
Trying to smile,
But I can't raise my cheeks,
So learning to avoid happiness.

Then I try something new,
And suddenly,
I can breathe the damp air of autumn,
I can see your hair, your eyes, your smile,
I can hear your voice, singing a perfect melody,
I can feel your hand in mine, your head on my shoulder,
And you teach me how to smile again.
Out of my comfort zone,
Relearning everything,
That's how I want my life to be from now on.

*Keep teaching me.
Oct 2014 · 541
Twice a day
A small pocket watch, keeping time,
Held in his hand, for him to rewind.
Twice a day it said, with care,
The polished metal reflects his stare.
So twice a day, without fail,
He winds it up to hear its wail.
But the wail, it comes from deep within,
As those ever-turning cogs pull his heartstrings.
And that constant ticking, by his ear,
Never fails to produce a tear.
As the sound, it echoes through his mind,
Telling him, "Now! Now is the time."
He tries to lose it, but the chain holds fast,
Pulling him tighter, towards his past.
And still he winds it, as he was told,
With trembling fingers, through the biting cold.
The dark comes closer, with each screaming tick,
And he loses focus, begins to feel sick.
He forgets one winding, takes a moment to breathe,
And the watch is grabbed from him, thrown onto the street.
To his horror, the watch falls apart,
And the chains let go of his heavy heart.
He turns, to face the cause of his release,
But they are gone, pulled by another timepiece
For a year he searches, to find his saviour,
And for a year he fails, to repay the favour.
But at last he remembers, and returns to the spot,
Where he knew there once was a great grandfather clock.
And there he sees her, chained to her despair,
As the pendulum swings back and forth, slicing her through the air.
And in a moment of madness, he attempts to stop time,
Angry at injustice, raging inside.
The pendulum falls, and she is released from its hold,
And his tiny little watch, seems a little less bold.
Then, she runs up to him, plants a kiss on his cheek,
And tells him that she loves him, as his knees grow weak.
And hand in hand they walk away, over scattered cogs and springs,
And both, now free of time's cruel chains, spread their weary wings.
Oct 2014 · 5.3k
Alone at a piano
Hear your voice in every note,
Feel your breath in every phrase,
As my fingers dance on the keys,
It's you I want to amaze.

But you are not here.

See your smile on every stave,
Sense your hands embracing mine,
An unresolved suspension,
Betrays what's on my mind:

You are not here

But then, in the reflection of that ebony grand,
I glimpse a moving figure,
I see your eyes looking back at me,
My music fades to a whisper.

You are here.

I turn to face you and you take my hands,
You place them gently back on the keys,
"Keep playing," You tell me,
"Let me hear more, please."

I take a breath,
"Now you are here, I could play you my soul."
Oct 2014 · 360
Tears of Trees
Why do the trees cry,
On the happiest day?
Why do tears fall from their leaves?
Why, when the moon's full,
Do they weep through the night?
Can they not share in our love?

Maybe they can,
But they haven't yet,
Because if they had,
They would never cry again.
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
The Door
A boy leans against his door,
Torn by the grief and loss created by his own mind,
Tear stained cheeks that never knew a smile.

The boy falls to the floor,
The door is blocked by his own weight,
He is trapped by his body in a room cut off from kindness.

The boy hits his head against the wall,
In a futile attempt to escape this life,
His head begins to throb, a confused mess of screaming voices fill his ears.

Then one voice is clear,
Calling him,
Leading him,
He feels safe, sure, free,
He finds himself calling back,
"I trust you." He says, raising his eyes from the floor,
"I trust you," She replies, but that's not what he heard.
"Open the door," Is what he heard, words he'd never even considered.

He lifts himself up, and grabs for the lock,
With a moment of hesitation, he slides the bolt across.
But he can't bring himself to do it, he looks at the handle,
He puts his hand on it and tries to push down.

But his other hand stops him, grabbing at his wrist,
He is so close now, but he can't do it,
He takes two steps back, away from hope,
And the door swings wide open, light streams in,
With a smile she grabs his hand, and pulls him from his cell.

He sees an open door behind her, a room as dark as his,
"How did you get out?" He asks, she just laughs and squeezes his hand.
"One clear voice, calling, leading," She whispers in his ear,
"It told me to open the door."
Oct 2014 · 261
When I see you
When I see you again,
Let me say to you,
The words you already know.

When I see you again,
Let me play to you,
The song I've never shown.

When I see you again,
Let me smile at you,
And watch your smile grow.

When I see you again,
Let me dance with you,
Until the lights are low.

When I see you again,
Let me laugh with you,
As you take away my woe.

When I see you again,
Let me hold you,
And never let go.
Oct 2014 · 470
The Time I Fear
On the first day,
I feared the start.
On the second day,
I feared the end.
After a week,
I feared the weekends.
After a fortnight,
I feared the holidays.
Now?
I fear the day I leave school,
And I'll be forced to leave you behind.
Oct 2014 · 781
The Coat
If my life were a painting,
It would be of the night.
Of rain on pavements,
Reflecting street lights.
And sat on a bench,
shadowed and dark,
Would be a boy in a coat,
Too big and covered in marks.

But life isn't painting,
But a series of stills,
And if you wind the reel forward,
The boy grows, the coat he fills.
And now, another figure joins him,
Pulls him off the bench, to his feet,
And now, they start dancing,
In each other's arms, down the street.

Drenched in rain,
He takes off his coat,
Wraps it around her,
And pulls out a ring and a note.
With a tear of joy, she nods,
With a nervous laugh, he stands,
The sun starts to rise,
As they hold each other's hands.

Then, just a frame or two on,
A small figure runs up to the pair,
And the boy - now a man,
Lifts the child in the air.
Smiling, he holds his wife and child close,
And wipes the rain from their faces,
As the sun is overhead,
And light shines onto their embraces.

And so a new painting forms,
Brighter, now the sun's above,
And the coat around her shoulders,
Reminds her of his love.
Oct 2014 · 458
Even in my sleep
You fill every moment,
With light I thought I'd lost,
You fill every moment,
With hope I thought had gone,
You fill every moment,
With peace I never thought would return.

Even in my sleep, my heart beats only for yours.
Even in my sleep, my mind dreams only of your smile.
Even in my sleep, my soul yearns only for yours to join.

Your words will fill my ears with music,
That harmonises perfectly with my song.
My song which is now devoted to you,
*With you, my love, I belong
Oct 2014 · 233
That day (part 2)
Happiness
A word I'd forgotten
Love
A word I'd never known
Laughter
A word I couldn't let out
Until that day.

No one is perfect,
Of that there's no doubt,
But all your imperfections,
Seem to cancel out.
No one will harm you,
That's my promise today,
If you need me, anytime, anywhere,
Don't hesitate, just say.
No one is like you,
You're one of a kind,
And I know it sounds clichéd,
But you're always on my mind.
No one could reach me,
I was trapped in my own head,
Until one day this summer,
You threw my sorrow down dead.

No matter what happens, I'll love you for all of time
Because words I'd forgotten, are now forever mine.
Oct 2014 · 350
That day
I don't want to go,
I can't,
I messed everything up,
Let me stay home.
My head hurts,
I've had a cold,
I don't think I can get up,
Please, let me stay home.
I'm telling you,
I can't focus,
I won't be forced t-
Wait, was that my phone?

I heard its buzz,
Beside my head,
Who was it?
What have they said?
It's her, Oh God!
Don't let her hate me,
I made a mistake yes,
But still be my friend, please.
"Meet me in the library,
At the start of lunch",
She doesn't sound mad,
Or is that just a hunch?
The decision's made for me,
I'll happily go!
If not anything else,
I just need to know.
If she hates me that's fine,
I understand,
If not, then great!
That's better than planned.
The morning went so slowly,
Each second an age,
Waiting to find out how much,
I'll have to deal with your rage.

Then lunch came,
I was waiting again,
To see your anger break through.

But when you arrived,
You came with a smile,
And just wanted to tell me the truth.

After a few words,
I couldn't believe what I heard,
That you could keep cheerful and happy still.

And I felt compelled,
To begin to tell,
Secrets that made my heart chill.

Then suddenly, I felt your fingers,
Intertwined with mine,
And I realised something, which always lingers,
And will do for all of time.

I was so close to not going to school that day,
And I don't really want to imagine,
What would've happened if I hadn't heard that phone,
And I'd just turned over and let my heart sadden.
Oct 2014 · 379
Sigh
Relief
Release
Content
Happy
Safe
Relaxed
Free
Accepting
Frustrat­ed


Final
Oct 2014 · 2.0k
Looking through the window
There was a time,
When if I tried to look through the window of my soul,
All I saw was my face looking back at me,
And I hated it.

But now, it is brighter,
And I can see through the pane, into my heart,
And I still see a face looking back at me,
But I love it.
It was dark,
I couldn't see,
The light wasn't reaching me.
I was scared,
And I couldn't breathe,
I didn't have what I need.

But as I looked in the cupboards, for that box of who knows what,
A glimmer of hope hit me, I remembered, and I stopped.

I walked out, up to my room,
I lay in my bed, not sure what to do.
I thought about the moment, a month or so ago,
When you enjoyed talking to me, smiled and gave me hope.

All that was last summer,
In the depths of my despair,
And one day this summer,
I remembered being there,
Looking through the cupboards,
For the worst, finally prepared,
And I remembered not doing the right thing,
Because I was always too scared,
To say these words to you,
And strip my torn soul bare.

Thank you,
For giving me your time,
For accepting me for who I am,
And giving me one more shot.

Thank you,
For risking all you have,
On giving me a chance,
To give you something back.
You know who you are
Oct 2014 · 231
Can I ever be awake?
I live in a state of
Perpetual
Unending
Exhaustion

I sleep and it's a
Useless
Restless
Waste of time

When I wake I feel the
Same
Crushing
Weight on my eyelids.

Can I ever be awake?
Maybe
One day
I'll find out
Oct 2014 · 674
Waking
Awake now,
Though it's not quite morning,
I won't sleep again,
The dark is too much for me.

I
Can
Keep
On
Recovering

I
Can't
Stop
My
Suffering

But you can, my love,
I know you're still here now I've returned
Oct 2014 · 1.3k
Tiring
Tired now,
Though it's not yet evening,
I might have to sleep,
Even if it means leaving.

I
Can't
Carry
On
Resisting

I
Can
Feel
It
Persisting

G­oodbye friends
I hope you're still here when I return
Oct 2014 · 611
Unnamed child
Eyes that never saw light,
Hands that never held another's,
Feet that never ran,
Mouth that never cried,
Lungs that never breathed morning air,
Heart that never beat for another's,
Ears that never heard,
Tongue that never tasted,
Hair never soaked in autumn rain,
Lips that never kissed another's,
Arms that never hugged,
Name that was never called.

All these parts make up her,
But I can't piece them together,
Without first detaching myself,
From an unnamed child.
This is written on behalf of a friend, who's sister died at birth.
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