unique and divergent
unearthing the curses
i am to be studied
omnipresent burdens
burning at both ends, keep working
keep hurting, keep turning
the pages of the holy book
hoping nobody looks
when a single tear spills down my cheek
florescent fish flustered by the hook

oil slicked skin, smothering sunbeams
when did we get so far?
once upon a kin, could we do it again?
soaking up your energy like a sponge
been waiting on your remedy for too long
i have been too strong, waiting for the one

jumping to conclusions like a frog
drinking your delusions with ciroc
drowning down all the clinging thoughts
ribbons tightening, dreams frightening
swimming through the blinding fog

melodies fill my lungs like air
to sing is to be, frequency quartz clear
melodies fill my lungs day in day out
check in and check out
to sing is to be, been mute too long

excellent ears hear the secrets whispered at dusk
incredible intuition detects the creeping predator before it thrusts
marvellous mind can always find a place to hide amongst
crawling up into the corner of the ceiling like a spider, stay there collecting dust

heavy golden mangoes
gushing golden rivers
where the birds are treasure chests and sing like my momma
where a shellshocked man can rest and release the burden of trauma
the grass kisses your skin and the warm wind hugs you from behind
i could not believe my eyes
i found El Dorado from peeking inside

my smile is louder than its ever been
the storms in my eyes has never been this
quiet
entrenched violence; reduced tiredness

water sheds from my eyes
floating on the river instead of panicking
i never felt so helpless in my life
trying to hold on but i am vanishing
slipping into the starry night
tripping into my violent mind
trying to hold on but i am vanishing

land of untold stories
where our half baked entanglement resides
there are no roses on its graveside
just poppies, remembrance in our minds
our muted mouths invisiblize those nights

lizard on warm rocks
an artist in their paint-speckled smock
the wind carrying fallen flowers
jade eyes meet brown
chastity belt unbound
hours upon hours
spent in between the sheets
delicate, delectable, free

my body carries a river of insecurity
causing floods upon innocent harbours
insane membranes, complex DNA
nobody is wired the same
no candle burns the same
but they all end the same

smoking like a chimney
exterminating the negativity within me
each **** relaxes my worrisome bones
each stroke relaxes the perpetual unknown
from this vice to that
from peace to combat
the contrasting colors within me
is why I'll smoke like a chimney
until cheap thrills **** me

watching the clouds from my plane seat
listening to Lana Del Rey speak
compounding words and motifs
wondering how this all came to be
me in the sky, diamonds in my eyes
and worry draped over me
trap me in the mind, time after time
the power of potent poetry

split mind
dichotomy between my head and feet
running away, leave towards the sea
explore the depths, explore me
the shore is suffocating and time is draining
my ankles feel burdened carrying all this dead weight
let me float into the unknown
let me scream at the waves
let me unfold
let me be reborn again

you incubated my fears
bottled up my tears
yet i cannot help but keep you near
you told me here, you hold me dear
but you treat me unfair
let your lies smear, mascara tears
drunken stupor off cheap beers
stuck within your toxic atmosphere
i pray to see the light of day
outside of this

get your hands off of my mouth
feel the smoke in my lungs while you burn down our house
ashes litter my hair, scratches litter my skin
drowning in this love drought
watching the new cycle begin
is love as destructive as a fire?
why is my heart as malleable as tin?
I thought it was ok before the light started to dim

kisses laced with poison
ropes squeezing my joints
is there even a point in struggling?
juggling all these expectations
hear my stomach rumbling
tumbling to live up to my name
dazed, trying to keep sane
who is the owl watching me?
who is the man under me?
why won’t it stop thundering?

my greatest dream and worst fear
my saving grace, my cheating dear
the hearth that burns deep
the emotions i keep
inside my shell, inside my tears
i wished for times, when i didn’t just roam
i wished for kind eyes and a tender soul
my wishes were granted
insecurity vanished

silence is your greatest weapon
nobody can gauge, the inner rage
that is willing to bubble up any second
compliance is your greatest weapon
feelings are saved, integrity betrayed
clean yourself up like an inspection

stomach aches, anxious daze
body anxiety ruining the day
candles burn, ravens sing
the feeling of death is sinking in
acceptance, repentance
anger comes in waves
transcendent, independence
refining my old ways

your name is irony
you were bound to bleed
cut my sisters and me
i thought you were family
you corrected me
you don’t have the capacity

i thought i was mentoring you
i thought i was beneficial
you were using me for all i could give you

wander while I ponder
wonder when I'm farther
out sea, just me, pisces
underwater, wonder if I can feel thunder
running from each other
wonder who can go farther
light green, I am a rusty lover
underneath, wonder if I can get better

3 years deep at least
hiding from yourself more than me
honesty is healing, your honestly killing me
why would you
say that, i need payback
say that, when you knew that
it was lies, projecting all the time
i let your into my house, into my life

blindsighted
i've stopped trying
this whole time, you were a fraud lying
blindsighted
i'm done crying
these bold lies, you were a fraud hiding
snake eyes, snake lips
jealous, bitter, narcissistic scripts
sweet nothings, fake adoration
this i could never predict

happy holidays, fresh white snow
eggnog ***** and fuzzy robes
red nose reindeer and frost-bitten toes
jingle bells and warm throws
happy holidays, hot black coal
SZA's SOS album and ctrl
apple pies and chip-filled bowls
cinnamon candles and a hearty soul

releasing this album has to be the hardest thing I have ever done
always wanted to but shame suppressed
hundreds of files, hundreds of tears wept
my heart painted across instrumentals and melodies
nervous, will people get me?
get the metaphors, get the meaning
purpose, will I let me?
embark on a journey toward the sun
leave everything I hated having to become
shed a few layers, re-introduce me
climbing to the top, sorry excuse me

gave you a mile
but you wouldn’t even take an inch
tried to be sweeter
just a pinch
tried to be a holiday
to the grinch
i tried to love someone tactless
i cried too much for a fake prince

i am a robot
stuck behind all these roadblocks
what came first?
the road or the blocks
i wish i didn’t give a ****
i wish i understood what it was
riddled with curiosity, plagued with confusion
never understanding the extent of my emotion
i am a robot
i am a token
i was made to be used
made to be broken

i love being in a pitch-black room
the void, the lack thereof
cannot see my fingers or
the things i could never love
it's the peace i crave, my hidden cave
no one to tend to
no one to pretend to
i love being in a pitch-black room
no peeking, just sleeping
dreaming of things anew
unfolding the possibilities, new brew

wounded by arrows
some missed but some hit
made my heart split
1 half hates, 1 half loves
1 black raven, 1 white dove
balance my mess
balance my loss
painting with the burgundy blood

no pressing crushes, no bruises to poke
losing autonomy, stuck on cruise control
hold me so I can feel something
no blessings are approaching, no stress is revoked
I choke on my sweet words, I am afraid of being hurt
worked until I was blind
numbed until I was fine
pressing buttons, I tried
to get a reaction, to prove our chemistry
to get a response, to prove you needed me
but you didn't
now it has ruined me

i let it all wash away
everything lives in the gray
my body is mine but my time is yours
you can kiss my body while on all fours
sorry to make you think i would
sorry i didn't think i could
get inside you, underneath your skin
confined in the priest all my fresh sins
did not even need any liquor
did not even need the devil

feast for the ancestors who were famished
embrace the familiar damage
bisou bisou, thankful for the room
used to be so stuffy in the old place
i left my feelings of inadequacy in my old ways
old space, watch the page turn
displace metaphors about the days turn
is getting older just getting further from my innocent joy?
is getting older just pretending that i feel joy?
a glimpse of it underneath the books that weigh heavy on my brain
trying to understand everything but neglecting vain
trying to fulfill the expectations expected of me
for my ancestors who were famished
i am grateful for the feast

many moons ago, i wished for growth
my own wishes have been granted
heart filled rivers no longer suspended
thought processes have ascended
became my recommended
became my #1 investment
many moons ago, i held you close
my dread is now all my own
haunted by images, pursuing solo
independent rivers
follow the erratic flow

never been addicted to the pursuit
loaded the gun but i would never shoot
i like where i am, i understand now
just had to see how it panned out
escapist oasis, touching land now
swam in muddy waters, searched for myself
thought i knew better, looked outside myself
follow the river into the ocean’s mouth
swallow my pride and shut my mouth
observe and serve
discern and curve