This is the end of the childhood road
Wish I could turn around
But they say I can't
Why would I want to anyways?
*** holes and collapsed bridges-
Behind me.
Ahead of me-
A freshly paved road.
I want to go back though
Fill up those *** holes
Rebuild the collapsed bridges-
But it's too late.
It's already too late.
Why do I dread this road ahead?

Oh my
Oh why
Can't you learn?
A friend who uses you
Ends up abusing you
Is not a friend at all
As much as they have you believe
They could care less if you leave
They just want special treatment
But in the end
Only your time was spent
They don't care
So beware
I suggest you stop going down this path
**And get your head out of their ***!

It's not the voices in the dark-
That scare me,
It's the voices inside my head-
That terrify me.
The shadows that prey upon
The walls of my home-
Are nothing compared to
The shadows that live among
The deepest recesses of my soul.
So no-
I'm not afraid of a haunted house,
Or a ghost.
I'm afraid of myself.
**And you should be too.

There is a shadow looming over me.
In fact there are many shadows
That I have chosen to bear.
They vary in size and shape
And none of them are mine.
They weigh me down
Make my life seem heavier
I do not know why
I have chosen
To accept this darkness

And none of them realize
The effort it takes to get out of bed
To go outside for the day
And face all of my fears
None of them realize
How tiring it can be
To pretend.

Time has lapsed
Things aren't any different from before
But I am.
Do you want to see me now
Now that I'm not with the new
Because now I tell the truth?

*I'm not the same
But you play the same game
This world is unchanged
I hear different music now
Even though the same song still plays
I can't even count how many days
Things have been this way
How long have I been different?

Scavenging for that once in a lifetime
Four leaf clover
Heads down
Eyes searching the earth
For one small piece of luck
That may never be found
These chins need to rise
People need to see the world
Stop looking for this luck
And realize how lucky they are
To be alive
To live in this beautiful world.

Paper mache hearts
Stepped on
Broken-
As people walk on.
Not enough glue
Not enough paper
To repair them all.
Not enough-
To place the shards of our hearts
Back together.

There was me-
The girl who listened
And watched,
The girl who never did,
But never told.
The box of secrets
I held inside
Bursting at the latch
Never tell what's not mine to tell
But never admit to my own endeavors
I am the girl who has seen it all
In my short life
Without saying a word
Without anything to prove
Without trying to be
Like everyone else.

And maybe in the end-
We are all superheroes.
Each of us with a tragic back story
Specific sets of attributes
Some of us fly
Some of us read minds
And maybe some of us-
Are stronger than others,
We all have potential.
I believe the only difference
Between us all is-
**Who will stand up,
And fight?

And in all my life
I thought about
How wonderful it would be
To be a bird
To fly gracefully above the world
Above all the seas
Traveling with many companions
All the world questioning my adventures
To die a beautiful short life
But a meaningful one,
Without my knowledge of time.

I scrubbed
And I disinfected
Leaving no stains
On me
On my past

You're the book
I've read many times before.
The one with the protagonist
Who does all the wrong things
Who doesn't see the wrong things
Others are doing to them
Behind their backs.
All I can do is scream at them
Even though they will not hear me.
I become so frustrated,
Yet I continue to turn the page
To see what will happen next
Even though
I already know the ending to this book.

I travelled place to place
Looking for something I needed
From Texas to Europe
To New York and Mexico.
I could not find it
What is this thing
I wondered
That they call living?
I looked everywhere
Carefully planning my future
But then
One day I turned around.
I saw all of my past experiences behind me
The good times
The bad times
The nights I felt alive
And I simply said
*oh.

I was built-
In frigid cold
Under painful circumstances
So delicate
Fragile, I was
When they created me.
They built me up from the ground,
Where I had fallen
Carefully they picked me up
Plastered a new nose on my face
Two black eyes
Two very empty eyes
And a smile.
A smile that would always fall off
I was finally something new
Not better,
Just different.
I believed I had been saved.
Until the day I realized,
I had been
Created in the coldest depths
Of other people's souls
Who gave me empty eyes
And a broken smile.
They made a snowman
And left me out in the cold
Because once they made me
I had no more use
Left alone to die
Waiting for-
The first wave of heat to come along.

I'm an angel,
They said.
But they don't know me.

A poem created in a head-
Lost before it can be written down,
Is a true tragedy.
A story that will never be told
Words that will never be released
Forever ******
To the graveyard
Of forgotten memories
And the crypts
Of stolen livelihood.

Hurry-
Send the troops
A new war has begun.
A war deep inside of me.
We will need ammo
We need survival strategy.
Find me someone-
Who has experienced
This war before
Find me someone-
Who can help me win.

How wonderful it would be-
To find the light
I know dwells inside of me.
I know you want to help me,
But don't you understand?
The difficulty of finding the sun,
When I've been relying on the moon?

Here I go again
To this place
I cannot escape
It is my own personal prison-
I am the one who made
This inescapable cage.
The steel bars,
The prison guards-
All my creation.
My own personal Alcatraz.

I was the unbroken.
The challenge.
All the fates-
Tried to keep me down.
I always got up.
I would run-
Run away from the pain.
But this time,
It caught me,
And here I am
Trying to fight it,
But I know,
Deep inside,
I have already lost.
*I have been broken.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I can't be the person
You need me to be.
I tried so hard for you,
But now I know for sure
There's only one person I know how to be
And that person is **me

It will be interesting to see-
The end of days.
When the sun is blocked out of the sky
And havoc will encompass the earth,
Will I be the one trying to find the light?
Or will I be the bacteria
Thriving in the darkness?

Please excuse me,
Something is not right.
I look alive,
But believe me when I tell you
A part of me has died.
A piece of a puzzle lost long ago
Underneath miles of rubble
In a destroyed world
Since then I've been searching
For the last piece of my soul
Only to find I made a bigger hole.
Now I'm falling
Deep into this hole I made.
Still looking for the puzzle piece
That is burning at the center of the earth.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay.
Nevermind.

Everything is falling apart.
The roof is caving in,
The flooding waters from above
Weighing it down.
My strength is no more
There is no way
I can keep the roof from crashing
Down on me.

I watched as all those months went by
Oh my how time flies

Didn't even know when the time was right.
I didn't know I was supposed to say goodbye

You left me stranded with my thoughts
How many times had we fought?

For all those days you sat in a hospital bed
It made my heart feel like lead

They told us you were coming home
But how were we to know?

**How were we to know you'd die and leave us all alone?

Tell me it's over.
Tell me it's time to start again.
Been on a journey
That never seemed to end.
Would you tell me,
That I have made it to my destination?
Am I free?
Would you hold me,
And never let me leave again?

Time to stop running
It's time for me to face the truth.
Look away from my reflected hate
Forget all the painful loss
Realize that-
Nothing is ever going to work out for me,
But it's the same for most people
So hell,
I might as well try
To live a decent life.

I'm a survivor
But believe me
It's not that great
Give me a bad situation
And I'll come out alive
But give me your love
And I'll give it away
In order to survive.

Don't tell me I'm strong
And then beat me down.
Don't tell me I'm smart
And then attack me with cleverness.
Don't tell me I'm pretty
And then make me feel ugly.
Don't tell me I'm honest
And then make me tell a lie.
Don't tell me I'm brave
And then treat me like a coward.
Don't tell me I'm kind
And then make me fight.

Don't tell me these things,
And then leave me to die.

I'm the drop of water that doesn't quite make it off the leaf.
The shadows the sun's rays don't reach.

I'm a puddle in the rain that no one wants to play in.
The stain that never goes away.

I'm the grave with no flowers on it,
The reason your life is in disarray.

I'm the lightning that starts a fire,
The nail in your blown-out tire.

I'm the dark circles under tired eyes,
The sogginess to your fries.

I am all of these terrible things,
But you are the worst-
You are the reason why I cry.

Take me away-
Distract me from this place.
Stress has overtaken me
My life has forsaken me.
I have just realized,
After all that I've done,
I've become like them.
A mindless robot
With sociopathic tendencies.
I'm begining to malfunction.
Help me,
Take me away.
Fix me.

I used to be a bird.
I flew high up in the skies.
Raced the sunrise,
Floated through the starry nights.
Flew above the ocean
With my wings expanded.
I was a majestic creature.
It was a beautiful life,
Until the day
You broke my wings
And I forgot how to fly.

I am who I am
I live how I do.
Because the one moment in my life
That changed me.
There was a before and an after.

Before;
I was her.

After;
I have become this.

Before, you knew me.
But this is who I have become.
Try to understand.

Constantly running a race
That involves everyone
Indescribable and painful obstacles
That we must overcome.
Hurrying as fast as possible
To get to an unknown destination;
Places we only hear about
Places we've never seen.
People have fallen behind me
Lost in this race,
And it's only a matter of time
Before I trip,
And get trampled by millions.

Tell me more lies
Tell me the story.
You swore on a heart
But you don't mind to break
Because what is the promise,
If you no longer have a heart?

It's so beautiful
The flash of light
It's so horrible
The moments of darkness
And then it's over.

And that's all there is to life.

Looking for a way.
To see the day
When everyone finds
The mask to your disguise
The day of your freedom-
The release of your demons.

She loved the rain.
She loved the way it fell with purpose,
The way it changed from sprinkle to downpour.
The way it caressed her face
When she looked to the clouds
She thought it to be gentle
Beautiful.
So maybe that's why she didn't notice,
When the flood began,
That she was drowning.

She trained for years
Mending mistakes
Accepting the mind of a fighter
Archiving past learned lessons.
Her body bearing the scars
From all the times she had fallen.
So much failure turned into strength,
So much success turned into pride.
And one final battle loomed in the distant future.
She was thoroughly prepared
Been ready for this day since she was 10
She was ready to fight.
She was ready to win.
But once the battle began,
She got hit and turned to dust.
Just like that.
Over in an instant.
Years and years of training.
Gone.

They said she needed to fall for someone.
Indeed, she did.
She fell
Into a deep dark pit
Where no one could join her.
It was lonely,
And she was sad all the time.
But she enjoyed the silence.

After all that work
After all the fight,
I find myself
Back where I started.
Do I have any fight left in me?

I'm locked in my own prison.
Stay away.
I cause myself and everyone else so much pain.
Habits need breaking,
Emotions I've been faking.
You will never really know it's me.
Because my body has me trapped.
And I will never be free.

You won't understand it
Until it happens to you.
The day when your stomach drops.
It's the day your eyes become a void.
You want to cry but you can't.
When everything becomes clear.
And it's okay
To hate the world.
To want to die.
To hate all the people you once loved.
It's okay.
You'll get through it.
I promise.
But I can also promise this.
You will never be the same again.

It comes upon you slowly at first
You believe it can be handled,
Can be controlled.
But you are so terribly wrong.
You are so weak,
You have no power of its control on you.
No power when
It quickly eats away your soul.
And changes you.

When nothing goes right,
Do not go left,
For it is when you persevere,
And face the obstacles,
When you become strongest.

Gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.
But it's hard,
You know?
Life allows room for too much mistake.
Mistakes make us stronger
Because we learn from them.
But also,
They can destroy us.
Make us question ourselves,
Our values.
How can we live to perfection?
It isn't possible.
But the thought that we can,
Disappoints us
When we mess up.
I disappoint myself everyday,
So I tell myself
I gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.

Be very careful
With your flaws.
They can be something
To love about yourself
Or they can be something
People hate you for.
Your destruction.
Be very careful.

It is becoming more difficult
It seems;
To hide behind the walls
I built years ago.
The dark cages behind my eyes.
The pain that I trapped,
Hoping it would never escape.
But there is a crack in my walls,
And I am vulnerable.
From the hammer
To which
Only you hold.

I must admit
I'm a little terrified
To have you in my life again,
Because,
You knew me before I changed.
The person I used to be.
And I can never,
Live up to the old me,
Ever again.