I have gold coursing through my veins and silver flooding in my lungs that turn into richened glitter with every exhale
My mind is a garden with exotic fauna to leave all who enter in awe
My words are like the sharpest blades that pierce into a battlefeild of whirling lies
My heart is a chasmic void to trap you in my sweetest lullaby
For my poetry is the wing of a butterfly and a drop of poison all in one

Lying in the pit of my stomach
Is a furious fire breathing dragon
I'll never admit it
But that dragon is tearing at my insides
Trying to desperately claw its way out
And devour every flaw, every mistake
It longs to burn the flesh of whom I despise
Claiming me as it's final prize

If tomorrow I awoke in a hospital room
To be told I'd been in a coma for most of my life
I know I'd ask for five minutes more
Because this dream has left me
So tired, so exhausted
Even if its all just been a long sleep
It hasn't been long enough

I remember a time back in elementary school when we would get golden stars for being good. Sometimes I feel like we are awarded with far too much, especially during childhood. However now that I am inching towards adulthood, I long for the acknowledgement and glory of those shimmering stickers. Some form of praise, a prize, a little bit of nostalgia.

I've learned to miss those golden stars.

Sometimes you need a praise. Sometimes you really need someone to say "You are doing great!" just so you can keep moving forward. Sometimes a bonus or good mark just doesn't cut it. I can't remember how I used to shine. I can't tell if I've lost the luster I once wore.

Sometimes you just need those golden stars.

Inside of this lovely white envelope
There is a sweet little secret love note
It's in delicate lace, covered in hope
But two hearts are not to touch, asymptote

Sealed with glitter so love is not bitter
Perfumed with strawberry to stay merry
Words dressed to look pretty, all hearts jitter
Many burdens to carry, stay wary

Yet who gave this letter such powers?
Building love with beauty and elegance
Love's not a tower to fill with flowers
Love is a humble shrine filled with romance

I will show you what love is meant to be
If you would close your eyes and trust in me

One day these grey clouds that linger above
Will give up and allow their rain to fall
The droplets like an echo of my love
A shadow of the leaves that fell in fall

I long to reach up with my hands and grab
Those hideous clouds I wish would crash
Your sign is cancer, the sign of the crab
It seems we are not meant to be, we clash

But I know your eyes, eyes I can't evade
For that I become a slave to that grey
They bear into me as if to invade
I have no complaint, I only say stay

My hearts the flame that you always enrage
Trapping me in passions bottomless cage

You aren't trapped in darkness
You are simply hiding from the light
Taking a break from being seen

I have a notepad where I quickly jot down ideas
Many are confusing prompts for a poem I didn't have time to write
However most are plans I have for the future
Specifically the future with someone I still have yet to meet

I write about the things I will say to them
What we will do and where we will go
I plan soft trips to Baskin Robins and little comic book shops
Vacations filled with theme parks, museums, and explorations

I write about the days we will stay inside
In our quiet little space we take up in the world
Rainy days where we stay in each other's arms reading a good book or watching classics and horror on the TV

Days where we will come home to each other humming a song or dancing about the room
How we will support each other through times of stress and confusion
How we will look at each other when we know our life's a mess
And how our love will get us through the calamity in between

I think about theses moments very often
I wonder if you are out there thinking about them too?

Everytime I try to find myself
I get lost inside of you
I've become a needle in a haystack
Except I'm the only one who knows I'm missing

You were born with wings
Not to live life in a cage
But to fly, to soar

I know too well that
Breaking some promises is
Like forbidden fruit

More enticing than
Anything certain or safe
I understand that

And you should know that
Promises are made of glass
But not to shatter

They are made of glass
Pellucid so you can see
The reality

Words that hang in a
Still, suffocating, silence
Squeeze your lying lungs

A small punishment
For those who will treat themselves
To forbidden fruit

Love is a strange place
Where you lose yourself wholly
To someone's promise

Love is like a cliff
Where you fall endlessly to
Find yourself again

Love is like a home
Where you place yourself inside
Of another's trust

Love is like a cage
For a bird who's song has been
Silenced in their hearts

Love is a strange place
Where you continue to fall
Into loves chasm

He's cast himself into my memories like a curse, a hex
He's a demon sent to taunt me
A ghost meant to haunt me

I tear away only to be pulled back once again
Like the waves of the ocean are controlled by the moon
He takes control of my willpower pulling me back to him, and away from me

He ties lace around his words
Glitter falling off every syllable
Black glitter to trick your eyes

His lovely lace wraps around my throat
Consuming my thoughts
Trapping me in his silky spider web

Why is it so hard for me to leave
Something I know is not for me
When will I find my way back to me and finally

Escape

One day this world will shake and fall apart
All the volcanoes will eurupt
The waterfalls will flow backwards
All the flowers will wither and die
Ashamed of their petals
Out of jealousy everything will combust
Until all thats left is you and I

For nothing in this world holds a feather to you

How someone can just walk out of your life so fast
Is insane to me
One day you can be all thats on their mind
The next you're nothing
Just a ghost

The in between of a feeling and a fading memory

My passions are not yours
My dreams are not yours
I am not yours

I will love my passions
I will follow my dreams
I will be myself, you will have no say

So please stop tearing apart
Everything that is me
Simply because it is not you

The feeling of being soaked by the rain while listening to a sad song is enticing,
But have you ever run around in the rain listening to something uplifting and simply feel it?

I love the rain
When I'm mad and sad
When I'm happy and excited
The cool drops animate me and make me feel alive
I'm doing my best

I'm falling in love with the little things

You're sweet like candy
I can only handle you in small doses
Too much will make me sick,
I don't like candy

I only have a sweet tooth if it's you

I sometimes wonder when I leave this house
Will there really be a hole that can't be filled
An absence of this mess I've left
Will I miss the taunting?

When im flying above this state, above this country,
I live for the moment I see how small my problems are
And watch as they fade away and disappear under the clouds

Will I feel fear or relief?

I still remember how she looked at me
I said it didn't bother me
I know it shouldn't

Just knowing she is a spy to report my failures and insecurities back to you
Like some sort of trophy
For some sort of promotion to make you happy

It twists my insides
It makes me sick

I feel like my body is made of grains of rice
When you hold me I collapse and slip through your grasp
You just aren't the 'forever type' are you?
One day someone will either slip with me or help me hold us together

Then you'll see what you could have been with me

I want him to become so dizzy with me that he forgets what language he speaks and has to make up his own

Starting and ending with my name

"I love you"
I hate the sting as this hangs in the air
"I hate you"
I despise this followed by my hands in his hair
"I despise you"
I dont know if its cold because he's gone or because I don't care

"I don't know you"
Well neither do I, love

Im full of love
I find it in everything
It fills me up
Yet even when im full of all this warmth
The absence of a place to let it flow into
Leaves me shivering

Life is a rose
Sometimes it showers you in its petals
Sometimes it makes you grab it by the thorns
But even when you bleed the rose is still the prettiest gift you'll ever recieve

My favorite flower will always be the radiant sunflower,
But my life sprouts from the seed of a rose
And I may never be as tall or happy as a sunflower

But I still refuse to walk away from the sun
The beams like glitter dancing off a dream
A dream I'm too small and scared to reach

I am not afraid of being and accepting who I am
This little garden patch grows despite going through the harshest summers, dryest droughts, and most desperate winters
Other roses wilt and wither away

I make this garden shine with the sunflowers in my eyes

For me, life is scarier than death.
Its full of choices, mistakes, paths.
Some of them are good, some of them make you wither into a shadow of your former self.
Sometimes you learn and sometimes you only learn regret.
But death comes for us all.
There is no choice and no way to mess up.
Life has so many choices which is difficult when you're indecisive.

Sometimes I can't even decide which leg to start walking with.

Everytime they told me I wasn't enough
I believed them
But now I'm full of all the things they wish they could tease
I have gold running through my veins and passion on my tongue

Words no longer cut me

i keep missing these parts of you
parts you never had
parts i wish you did
parts that would have made me stay
parts i could've loved
but they aren't real
i keep missing what i wanted you to be
and i keep forgetting what you really were
because you were an absence of all that i wanted

Use me
Play me
Break me
Tear me
Lose me

Im your toy
So I don't mind

Burn me
Drown me
Rip me
Throw me
Manipulate me

I'm just a toy
So I can't cry

Cradle me
Kiss me
Treasure me
Talk to me
Love me

You own me, I'll always obey
I am your toy
Just never give me away

He said he thinks love is a joke
So I told him I love to make him laugh

One day I'll make his laughter echo off these walls

I don't know you
But you make me curious
I want under your skin
I want to get trapped inside your eyes

I don't know you
But I wish I could list off
All of your favorites
All of your dreams
All of your fears

One single glimpse
And a story of us unfolds
Inside my mind a playback of a possible life
But, I don't know you
I'm only curious

Who cares about empty spaces and long silences
When you fill up everything?
You make me complete
Completely Full

You take up all the space
Between Lonely and Me
You fill the void
With Laughter and Life

I love to dance, I love this routine
But her eyes bore into me and I felt like a machine
My parts and gears were aching, turned into the color of rust
I felt ready to combust
I love to dance, I love this routine
But she's made me in to something that isn't quite me
Suddenly I can't recall the once familiar choreography

Her wicked smile bends me and I crumble under the pressure

If it wasn't for you showing me what a bad relationship was,
I wouldn't know what a good should be like
If you hadn't taught me how weak I was,
I never would have gained such strength
If you had held me like you were meant to,
I never would have found my way back to me

Thank you in the end, for showing me all that love wasn't meant to be

I feel like I'm stuck inside a fish tank with liquid lies and excuses made of water flooding in. Thoughts of him subside, but the water keeps filling to the top. Somehow within this flooding nightmare, I feel calm and steady. The silence is not what I fear, but the thoughts that occupy it. They float around me, but what I fear more is the fact that even though I know how to swim,
I'm still drowning.

Some people make time stop
Some take your breath away

You were a mixture of both

There were parts of you I didn't like
So sometimes I pretended they weren't there
I made believe there were parts of you I couldn't live without
But one day I was looking for those parts of you
And all I saw were the parts I couldn't stand
Slowly I began to realise that you were only full of make-believe
Those parts I loved
Were never real
Neither was our love

You can't love what isn't there

You saw them suffering everyday as you passed by
So somedays you threw money in their little tin can
But their pain lies far beneath the surface
Homelessness is an illness that costs more than pocket change to cure
Starvation and injustice can't be paid with a full tin can
Their lifestyles cant be changed with ten thousand cans of change

I've been changing a lot these days. It feels like up until this point I was just a caterpillar, growing and eating. Absorbing information and understanding. But now I'm ready for the change. Ready to use all that I've learned and absorbed. I've weaved my cocoon and now I am ready to emerge from it's safety and isolation.

Today I leave behind my chrysalis and embrace my life as a butterfly.

You are a work of art made in black and white
You think life is colorless and bland
Alas, I don't like to leave white spaces
You are my canvas now and I promise
To put the color back into your world of monochrome

I will turn your life into a whole *** spectrum

People who love the stars can't be afraid of the dark
Because when you know that light sprinkles across
The darkest parts of the sky, then you can't fear the night
No matter how horrible life may seem to you in the moment
That darkness hovering over you will come to pass
Take a second and look around at your own starry sky
You are not alone and you are not trapped in shadow
Don't fear the dark because you don't want to look for stars
Smile and become one for yourself and the ones you love
Be your own star to fill the dark

I've been played in love
Life makes it seem like a game
Where love is just playing pretend
I won't act like I don't know
All of the things he says about me

He took my heart in his hands
He looked at me like I was a new toy on Christmas morning
Like a child he played with me until a newer version came along
Now I'm no longer his favorite toy, just another lost thing
Thrown to the bottom of a drawer or into the back of his closet

Maybe one day someone will find me
Remind me
Why I was so much fun to play with in the first place
Even if it's just to play pretend
I hope he'll think of me in the end

Someone asked me if there was light within darkness. To answer the question I called them an idiot and said to look up at the stars.

In life there is immeasurable happiness and torment with a bit of everything else laced in between. Within that is the ever shimmering light and the teneberous dark. I believe that every shadow has a light within it's shield of solitude.

When I am gone one day, I hope I will come back as a star. If I go before you, I will be the light that guides your way. Let me show you hope and warmth within my radiant glow, even if I am no longer by your side. Let me float above this world so I may look down upon the wonders left behind. Let me see the beauty in moving on, even if it is moving without me.

Truly, this man brings out the poet in me.

Every poem of love that I write angers me because I don't have this incredible person that's in my writing. Yet from somewhere deep inside me these words escape, and all I want to do is bottle them up, store them away. But what am I supposed to say, "Stay away"?

I just hope you're happy, wherever you are. Not knowing that I am in such inner turmoil because of you. Not knowing this perfect storm I have been brewing for you. Not knowing that I lie awake thinking of you. Thinking of what I would say, of what I would do for you. What I would give up for you.

You don't even know how much you mean to me while you are probably somewhere out there in this world doing who knows what and thinking about who knows who. How am I supposed to tell you how much you bring to my life, if you haven't even entered it yet?

When will you listen to my heart's lament as it tells of the pain that searching brings? The lament a heart releases when its searched so long for its counterpart, it's soulmate, only to come up empty handed in the end?

Do you have any idea what you do to me?

I was reading tarot for myself today
I thought I'd do a soulmate spread
In the center there you were
I could feel you all around me

Will you really come to sweep me off my feet?

You don't fall for an angel and wonder why they fly away
You can't fall for a demon and question why they put you through hell