Pride should not be painted over
With a thick layer of jealousy
I am proud of you

That is my final coating

I dream of you far more than I should
In the day, in the night
I imagine how your arms feel wrapped around me
How our hands would feel linked together
And how our lips would fit against one another
I await the day where you become my everything
I long for your love to wholly and entirely captivate me

I don't know why I was so afraid to write about my religion before
I have so much pride and love for this old and sacred faith
Yet anytime someone asks me what my religion is

I hesitate

I am relinquishing my fears today
No longer shall I be too afraid to be who I am
I am not ashamed of my faith
I shouldn't hide behind a decade of prosecution
We've moved past the burnings and the witch hunts
Let them come at me with their torches and pitchforks

It isn't my gods and goddesses who seeks the path of destruction

Through her fingertips she casts a pretty little spell
It fills with words she feels about a petty little devil
Replaced by her blind rage, a hex slips past her lips

Never ******* a pagan witch

I have never known more fear than I have felt on a roller-coaster
The fear of being up so high and the possibility of crashing down

If this is what love is like then I don't know if I want it

There is an uncomfortable stillness in my mind
When my eyes you bind
You've attached them to you
As if you tied a knot between us
I frantically try to unravel all the tangles
I get so mad when wherever I go there you are
When I turn a corner
When I enter a room
Anywhere my thoughts may bloom
You are always in the way

You prevent me from all the things I want to say
My limbs are numbed and I can't move
You are to blame for this humiliation
How dare you make me feel this way?
You no longer deserve this power over me
So I revoke your control and take back my will
Instead of removing myself by untangling the mess you've made
I'll snip the strings that trap me
Free at last from that fraying pain
I'll leave you to tangle up in those strings like chains of shame

Was it me who wasn’t enough,
Or was it you who had no passion?
Who do we place our blame onto,
Who is the one who killed our love?

I'm so tired but all I want to do
Is write about someone I wish I knew

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
One day I'll hold you and call you mine
You'll always be the hardest treasure I'll ever find
But one day you'll only be a whisper away
And you'll always know dear, how much I love you

I think the longest game of tag I'll ever play
Is where I've been it and I'm still chasing you

You and I were never real
We were just kids who played pretend

I feel trapped inside my own festival
I wish I could run away
I dont want to be myself today
Someone else can take my place
Let me off this lonely stage
Force this day to go to waste

My thoughts are so loud and needy
They always slip right out my mouth

Sometimes I wish I was like other girls
That I was able to do hair and makeup
That I could understand shoes and acrylics
Instead I read, write, and learn
I can write poetry and short stories
I can understand foreign languages and cultures
Still I feel like I am lacking
Something I was born to know
I'm a girl
So why don't those girlish things
Come to me as easy as breathing
Other girls learn them like its riding a bike
To me it's like trying to solve an algebraic equation
And its well known I hate math
It's simply a language I do not speak

I always thought that I was patient
I've learned from this unbearable longing
That it is only the extent of my impatience revealing itself
I've missed you longer than I've known you

I wonder when we'll meet?

I want to fill your every broken crack
With the most dazzling precious gold
So that you can see yourself the way I see you

Past thick briers and dense thickets
Beyond inconsolable oceans and insufferable lakes
Amidst the roar of obstreperous winds
Within the abyss of calamity
I've let you past my obscurities into the forest of my heart

In return you promised your own so our forests would grow
Instead you left the seeds of hatred that grew amongst my trees
You used me as an exploit for your own selfish endeavors
Our love was made of rot and mold
The passion expired and you were gone

You left me to swim my way back
To climb past my briers and thickets
To bear the violent winds
To climb out of the dark abyss
So that I may find myself once again in clutters of debris
Spread out across the shores of what remains of me

Like a shooting star
You passed me quick and quiet
I forgot to wish

I wonder what it feels like
To hold the world in your hands
And let it slip from your grasp

Suppose I'll never know

I want to shout into the emptiness
So that I can fill it with something
That defies its quiet chaos

You
Why do
You
Invade my mind
I did not give
You
Permission
In fact I gave
You
The eviction notice
So why do
You
Still taunt me?

Every single time
You
Look at me it is as if
You
Crawl under my skin and force me to show
All my weakness
All my flaws
All my insecurity

Even though I know that
You
Have no power over me
I still let
You
Creep inside the cracks
You
Left in me when
You
Last said I love
You

My favorite season is autumn
It is a time where the old fades into the new
Cycles are ended and cycles prepare to begin

The weather is cool but not freezing
The sky isn't as bright, instead it is full of clouds
The stars always seem brighter in autumn

Especially when they are reflecting off your eyes

I wonder what your favorite song is
Which melody is the one that gets stuck in your head
The one louder than the rest?
Can it drown out all of the white noise
Does it really make you that happy?
I hope one day I can be like your favorite song

The one tune you can't erase

Jealousy consumes me like an old mythical beast
One that legends conceal from a story they forgot to pass down
I erupt into flames but the only thing that gets burnt is myself
As I crumble into another pile of ash at the foot of what I can never be
At the pedestal of something that I can never hold within my grasp

When I find you I hope you will be the one to balance my scales
You will lift this dark and overly clouded lens from my world
Unsheathing me to the beauty I've shut out from my hazy sight

You will be to me like the sun is to the earth
Like the moon is to the oceans
Like rain is to a flower

And I would move entire solar systems for you

When plucking the petals from a flower
I don't ask if I am loved or not
I ask whether or not it is worth it
Even if the love goes nowhere
Even if it doesn't stretch
From where the sea begins
To where they sky ends
There is still the experience
There are still
Lessons to be learned
And if heartbreak is one of them
Then so be it

I have messy handwriting, everyone says so
But I will still write you poetry despite the appearance
I will pass them to you at any chance I get
On index cards and sticky notes or even in a gum wrapper
In halls during the afternoon or parking lots at midnight
Anytime our paths may cross I will surely have one for you

Whether or not you can read them
Probably won't matter to you
Because I understand you know within every messy line
Are all the feelings I race out to deliver
All at once they mold together
But I hope it still makes you smile

Looking at those little awkward characters
I hope they remind you of me
The clumsy writing that looks like my stuttering self
As you are the one who makes me crumble into pixie dust
I become so sweet and childish when you so much as look at me
My dear muse, my writings wouldn't be the same without you

Sometimes I get carried away, I turn a few lines into a few stanzas
All that carry the same thought wrapped in different metaphors
Those are my writings that get left behind in the dust

I often forget that my words can stretch around the world five times
Then wrap again back to the axis and far too long to comprehend
They get overshadowed by these shorter laps around the globe

They sink into the far depths of the ocean into the uncharted abyss
They wrap around each other like lace and take breath out from every drowned out idea that I cast into the unforgiving sea

Perhaps this is why they get left unread like unraveled thread that longs to be intertwined within a masterpiece to be marveled upon by the masses and-

I'm doing it again aren't I?

An idea I don't have time to write
For thoughts I don't have time to think

I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth
Mine was made of diamond, sapphire, ruby, and jade
Far more precious than those spoons of silver and gold
Because I didn't know money
But I knew love
The most precious gem that you can't buy

You don't know the depth of your hatred for someone
Until you dream of watching their demise
It is hatred if you enjoy it
It is a lie you tell yourself if you mourn it

You've ruined the beauty of eyes for me
I decided yours were unrivaled to any other
That there could never be a sight so pure
Even as you walked away that icy hue stayed in my mind
Perhaps that is why I do not like the color blue
It sends shivers down my spine and makes me think of you

There was a single rose in my room
It had began to wilt
I thought for sure the next day it would be dead,
But by that morning it had risen
Another two days and the wilting rose
Was as vibrant as the day it was received

Humans could learn a thing or two from roses

When I meet you for the first time
I wonder if it will be an”Aha!” moment
“So this is what it feels like.”

I wonder if you will feel it too

She closes her eyes
As she closes her heart
To the possibility of love
She cowers

Every time she blinks
She tries to hide from the world of love
She lingers
With her eyelids closed

She fears that when they open
She will find someone worth staring
Little does she know that wont work
Her eyes aren’t meant to stay closed forever

She was like a loaf of bread
Unexpecting and unafraid
She didn't expect him to cut into her
Severing her from the feeling of being whole

She also didn't expect for him
To plaster her with sweet honey and jam
He filled her with so much sugar,
But his sweetness was a simple distraction

How could she have known he would consume
The delicious treat he made of her
Only to tire of the taste
And allow the rest to go to waste ?

Though there is such tragedy do not fret,
There is still beauty there in every crumb
He may have taken her apart
But now her next love will have room to overflow

She is the most desired pastry of all
She turns her crumbs into cake
The delicious treat she makes of herself
Will never go to waste

Life is full of a thousand varying scales
Love and Hate
Anger and Joy
Happiness and Sadness
There must be balance to keep the peace

For some reason however,
One of your scales seem to be offset
Love is outweighing hate by far too much
It’s taking a toll on your soul
You’ve become tired and insecure
From all your love overflowing from your scale
As it floods onto those who are heavy with hate

It’s okay to be angry and unforgiving
It’s okay to be sad and admit hatred
They come on par with healing
For without being able to know these feelings
You will drown in the in between
You are far too wonderful to sink below the pressure

Spare your scales and be honest with your heart
If you weren’t meant to feel both the heaviness and lightness
You wouldn’t have had a heart
Feel the anger, hatred, and sadness
So that you may receive the love, happiness, and joy
Without the consequence of an unbalanced scale

Every time she closes her eyes she conjures him up in her mind
They open only to become clouded by the tears he causes to erupt
From behind those slender doors she thought had long since shut
As he turns the lock and all her walls come tumbling once again
She’s exposed to the vicious beast that love has taken the form of

What can she do to pry her mind away from he whom she longs for?
Where can she store her thoughts so they won’t taunt her relentlessly?
How can she deny what is right before her and singing in her heart?
Out of fear she shuts her eyes to make him disappear forgetting
He is not simply some material being to wish away, he is in everything

He is the beating in her head and the throbbing in her heart
He is in every breath she holds, every sigh she releases
He is in every sunset, smile, and feeling of warmth
He’s torture upon her everyday life as he stabs her day and night
As if he has no choice but to jab her with every what if and if only

It is a violent sort of passion, one that can only be seen briefly
Through the eyes of a passerby it tricks them like a glimmer of innocence
Yet behind that innocence is a fiery sin coated in lust and longing
How much of that sin can she hold before it tears a hole into her soul
One that can no longer be repaired by the illusion of  redamancy?

I don’t believe in her
But how else could I explain
What phenomenon it was
That drew us to the same place
The same time
The same moment
How could I formulate an answer
To define the reason why
Our eyes fit so perfectly
In the same gaze
And why our minds
Seem to mold
Together into one
Single entity?

Was it luck or happenstance
That crossed our paths
And joined our lives?

He is the five layers of blanket that cover me during the freezing winter
He’s the sixth coating of sunscreen I apply in the first five minutes of summer
He is the first book I cuddle up with as leaves fall and change around me in autumn
He’s the first flower to bloom in spring, the one that survives through all four seasons

You are my sanctuary
I find shelter in your words
I feel safe in your embrace

You are my circus
I find mischief in your eyes
I feel out of control in your presence

You are my palace
I find elegance to your stride
I feel blown back by every room

You are my jewel
I find myself jealous of your beauty
I feel you sparkle with life

You are my everything and more
I find more reasons to love you ignite
I feel them spark with everyday

I wonder how many people just met their soulmate right now
Because god knows I wish I was one of them

When I finally meet you the pain of the past will dissipate
It will not be displayed as it is no longer visible
Cloaked by the warmth of your embrace

Patience is a slippery *****
As if it is the very sand inside an hourglass
It becomes thin and runs out

Don't worry though,
Just as an hourglass my patience too resets
However with every reset I become a little more hopeless

So please, shatter my hourglass and stay with me as we count into infinite
While the idea of time running out becomes a faded memory
Let us stay forever within our own time here in eternity

Stress consumes your mind like fire in a forest
It ignites the anger inside to arise as smoke clouds around your eyes
In this moment you are so horribly enraged,
So terribly uncomfortable inside and out,
That you can't control your actions, your words, or the way you feel
You snap, you glare, you place the blame
Once you calm down you realize you are only angry at yourself
And the anger is replaced by regret and fatigue
You're tired of this cycle
Tired of feeling so out of control
This is what stress does
It eats you apart from the pit of your stomach and only consumes more and more till it reaches your mind and you are entirely taken apart
Like the string on an old sweater stress frays the steadiness you contain

When you were mine
I always saw specks of blue
In rivers, oceans, and spread across the sky
On butterfly wings, blue jay's, and flooding feilds of blue bonnets
Yes, within my lovers eyes that blue was mine

When you walked away
You took that color with you
And once again my world was monochrome
I thought I had found my colorwheel
But now I've found the spectrum to be larger than that pitiless hue

One day I will find
Someone who will make my world explode
With a kaleidoscope of all these colors that I've never known
As if their very breath gives life to such sights
And in my view they will stay, for this I'll get on my knees and pray

How do I save you from your fate so bittersweet
It is filled with love, but not by me
How do I free you from your destiny
That is completely lacking me?

How do I put myself next to you
To walk along with you in this life
How do I take your hand in mind
And make you feel alright?

How can I buy you flowers
If you are not mine
How can I tell you that I love you
If you are not by my side?

My poems of love are empty I feel
Because I haven't met someone to fill them
So to whomever may be in my future
Though they aren't about you now, they will be
I desperately desire a day when my poetry feels real
And no longer appear as letters dressed up to look pretty
One day I hope they are filled with something warm
As if my love for you will flow through them like veins
And jump-start the heart of all my passion stored and saved for you