I do not remember,
The goose bumps against my skin,
The ice cubes I would hold in the very palms of my hands
I DO REMEMBER the brutal Darkness I had within
Not of them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends;
For myself.

The interruption of trauma put fourth into my mind.
I was;
The outlined name on the piece of scrap paper
That everyone seemed to gossip about
I was the 1 out of 4...

1 out of 4
I had to feel the slim of shame through the outer course of my skin
It felt as if a vast sign was beginning attached to the back of my shirt
Everyone knew
Throughout the whole school,
Throughout the world
It felt to me...

The bitterness in my throat as I choke out the words of ****,
The word **** itself is not hard to say
The kids used to scream it on the playground each and every day
My life today is full of Rage,
Not for them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends
For I myself

Borrow the time never given
Reliving and rewinding everything that confines me
In a place where I rather not be
Trapped in the wrath of the sea
Broken piano keys
In the middle of my one and only song
Scattered thoughts beyond this mind

I speak no evil,
Yet see and hear it
I have to admit
There's something wrong
in this head of lies


Broken thoughts of grief only for myself,
Made up excuses why I don't have wealth
Why I'm a diamond god made not to be the best
And Even a "nobody"  doesn't cares to listen to the chatter from my chest
So I sit back in this white-walled room
With me, myself and I,
A mess

I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make your heart feel something it won't
trick of a reflection shines bright
Peaceful memories,
and purple summer skies at night
Remind me of this beauty;
I am unable to see even in light
you are my out of pure sight
Yet,
visions of you come full force
Seeming addicted to fouling me
They come

sometime I'll cry tears pure hate,
As I know I let you escape,
Escape from the light,
An into the dark

Though you act as we never met
I remember memories,
that your willing to forget
Yet the memories I remember
now seem out of place,
As I cry,
tears running down my face

I would **** just to hear your voice,
One last time
Yet
These walls that you build
Are set beyond our crossing paths
I only cares to look,
Behind your closed book
I dares not to taste
the grapes you once offered,
But look into your eyes,
And release you
from this darkness that you stand in.

Shes the angel that watches over me
For she sees my bad and good,
She understood the reasons why,
For her I never had to apologize

I see visions of her in my sleep,
She weeps away as morning creeps
The arising sun hits,
As her spirit begins split

I had trouble making it through the day
I pray that she finds her way
Or I will end up having to collapse
I take naps,
hoping to receive visions back
For old visions of her always comeback
For now she is where it is not black
"Heaven"

I can't anymore
unable to find the reasons why
Tear drops mark my eyes
It's the common demon I have inside
That keeps me going on this treadmill
not only does it hurts
but it kills
not only does it strangles
but makes me ill

I'm stuck in the dark
Trying to get back to the start
My heart has been black for some time now
Cold and dark as my mind
And I can only wonder why?
Just Why,
So cruel...

I was once an angel
but now Satan at its worst
This curse I face,
Makes my life feel like its going in reverse
Till there's no more of me
Life has become my worst enemy

All I can say is she's full of deception
For it was Breaded in sand and dirt
But yet it occurred
The words didn't slip,
But fell

She says the words break up
Together in one sentence  
Till this day I feel as if I was sentenced
For I can not get over such beauty combined together,
She wears around more then a purple feather
For she was once my valentine
For her personality is free flowing
For she gathered my heart up without knowing

She is unknowingly the girl of my dreams
But dreams have to end sometime
For love no longer streams for me.

The eyes of her;
Are beyond beautiful.
Much more than I, myself, can imagine.
The wondering eyes of me;
Can never stop staring at the beauty,
that swipes Thy heart for herself.

The kind heart of she;
hides throughout the brutal darkness,  
Never for seeing the need of light.
"Those who wonder in to such;
Futuristically get broken down,
And end up where I, myself am now.

For every slight attempt,
I am turn down.
No trust as expected,
For I am one of the unimportant.
Inside the brittle heart of thy;
And past the walls of hell,
She knows I love every part of her.
The mind of mine;
knows the beauty inside,
has been torture by those of the weak,
For past, and present centuries.
The brain of me;
Understands,
"For thy myself;
Think and feel the same."

As the shining stars cover the dark,
Night sky,
I think to myself
Beyond the darkness of her,
She still amazes thy heart and soul...
Never more

Silence
The timeless pleasures have ended,
In the trap of silence
It has began

The Devils words speak
Making me weak
For my eyes stream out
red streaks,
My future begins
To Fall apart and Creek

Silence
20 feet away
from someone standing beside me
I feel distance
Unable to hear words,
demonic voices
peek beside my ear
Unable to understand
yet,
They're Telling me my time is near

Silence
I don't cry anymore
that's the only control I have left
Physically unable to fight,
Controlling what I have left in my life,
I began to speak to Christ

Sometimes I think
No way this world is this cold
I withhold my tears
And I stay on my throne
Old enough rule,
Yet still time to grow
Give me a chance,
To fit into my shadow

You say the sky's the limit
I believe higher,
Caught up in between these Saints and Liars,
Makes me believe that the devil is in fact here,
Compromise ya to leave himself at ease
My tears use to run down like the Open Sea
Used to cut myself open and see how much I bleed
Thinking disappearing would set myself free
Like Heaven Was supposed to be my destiny

I sit and cry,
I could tell you why,
But you probably wouldn't care
You would just sit, and stare

Well I can not bare,
Much of any longer
I thought I would become stronger,
But that was a lie
The insides gone
I'm crying out
As the outside is a future untold,
I'm no longer a person of the word bold
I just realized the outside cold
And I'm crying out
My Life that is unworthy of such a mold of destruction
This is a beautiful face that you can not replace,
So now,
I am on my knees,
and I am pleading out
I am so much crying out
Even though you act as if you can't see me,
Just because you know you will never BE ME.
Instead of letting me float away,
Why don't you help me stay.
For I am a feather trying to find my way.

Dear ....
I mustn't question thy
But there are things blinded,
I am not able to see
We close are eyes to the darkness,
And years later; wake up to the brightness
we have the slightest clue,
Of what we needed to pursue  

Here we are "earth"
We go though thick and thin,
For us,
evil is the only way to bend,
We spend time dancing around life; like clowns
Not knowing what it is,
that will make you proud,

We suffer in crowds among crowds,
Not knowing who we are,
So we don't make a sound

But one thing that bothers me....
Is that we were put here not knowing;
Hoping to be the best we know how to be,
But we never got the info or the key
To open the golden doors that we blindly can not see
And when we can't find that key,
We our stuck in darkness for eternity
But I mustn't question thy

Dear world,
I understand I'm not the perfect
picture you paint in your mind
Let's be kind to the truth,
I Look at my reflexion,
something isn't right
Dear world,
I'm losing my youth
never had a connection

Day to day I face rejection,
You Say there's redemption
As I see this reflection of non-perfection
I Try getting along
But there is all these objections.
You echo
"I lost connection"
Well Connection was never lost,
That path was never crossed
See world,
I don't fall for your lies and deception
Saying this world is yours,
Well where's mines?
You say see its my world,
You must play by my rules

Well one day I'll say that too,
I will one day feel the same way
Maybe because,
I'll Get you caught up in tricks and lies,
Make you feel criminalized,
In my world,
You'll be victimized
You will be called uncivilized
You won't be the perfect picture
You painted in my mind.

The moon is bright,
as bright as your beautiful eyes
Your soul is sweet as candy,
Your heart is dark,
Wicked as the devil him self
If I can change your heart I would,
If I could fight all your demons,
But they destroy me deep inside
I'm not strong enough,
your only thing that can destroy me
Physical and mentally
If you follow the trail,
come in my mind
Of the wicked woods of darkness,
**** all the monsters that live inside these woods
They run and fleet from you,
Because your so dark, stronger than anything "any god I can image"
The beautiful angel I was in love with,
Now my tears come from my eyes of the name Isabella
I'm paralyzed of the neck down
Because your magic is so strong, I refuse to fight you
You grab me by the neck,
Your eyes red as blood
I looked you in the eyes and told you I love you
I closed my eyes and told you
- Never more

Diamonds were made under pressure
Weather you or I made them,
in the end their something to treasure

For their hard made lives break NEVER
Hard falls may be endeavors
Yet they never surrendered
For their name is of a defender  

Their strong, and beautiful at the same time,
Some say it's hard to find
They relate to us in a kind of way
We were never clayed into being beautiful or strong,
But we were beautiful, and strong all along
For our creator made us the type of beautiful, and strong,
That's life long

She stands on the edge of her window sill
Two story's high,
She wonders if she will die
For all she wants is to fly
Fly high and away,
She wishes not to stay but go away

If there was away,
Or a push of a bottom,
She would have to nerves to do,
What she has never done
As her feet are on the edge;
she looks up to the sky
And asks why

Why can't I fly?
I have dreams
I wish to achieve
But to afraid to find my way
To afraid to pave my way
So I stay...

Me, but everything that isn't me
Staring through a two-sided mirror,
Broken Angel wings,
crushed up in front for the eyes to see
My own self despises me
Rising up from the depts
of my own personal hell
Red lipstick on my lips,
I feel as if I'm floating
into the wide open abyss

As I proceed to stare,
The person on the other side
can't help but to glare
Her face is a pop of cherry red,
I feel as if I'm crying
and I can't get the sound of her voice
out of my head
My brain is wired
by her hand works of thread
She knows my fears,
my weaknesses and worst enemies,
Being with her,
trapped for lonely and dark centuries

She knows the questions I don't like
she knows my enemies
And when I'm going to fight
She knows when I'm gonna get a knife,
nail throughout her skin
she can't fight back
she never wins
She's me...
but everything that isn't me

Your eyes appear to be the norm
Says everybody who hasn't been through this storm
The storm of lack of self love, and hate
Few escape
For your eyes are a looking glass,
only few see the world through your past
For Most of them are the kind of blind
Where you blatantly chose not to look
Through their innocent eyes
  
Covered in a mass
Because your looking through the glass
Of negative thoughts created
You think your not perfect,
And you hate it...

You are much Broken
Broken because the self image
Is what you may call undesirable.
Undesirable to the world is what YOU think
But really the reason behind it is weak
We just keep say it's life that has us deep
But truly it's it's the lack of self confidence
Well I say "your something special"
Because if you looked closely
The ghostly thought in your mind would realize your the one blind

Glimmer of light on my window sill
Simmering love descending from above
Universal truths bending my will
In unison with those
Who came before me

Muted voice spills
melodic symphonies from the hills
In life's battle field
Stronger I become
With neither sword nor shield

Not a word to speak
As my smile streaks
rainbow across the pavement
into open fields
My tone I speak
with "my mind"
Of valleys and mountain peaks

I will not do,
But have already done
I will not waste, blessings
Dancing to the beat of foreign drums
Not having my visions heard.

I speak what hasn't been spoken,
I write what hasn't been written
I open my eyes to the lightness,
Yet following me is the darkness,
I choose to turn away from both,
In hope they will
leave me in my own growth

I'm forced to face,
What must be faced
Both seeming
"out of place."

I look to the right
And there you are,
"The light."
Could you be a trick?
Being all alone "I stick"
Your beauty is unforgettable
Yet the darkness is unbeatable
The right choice hasn't been chosen,
It is out of sight.

See,
in the light,
There seems to be darkness
within sight.
You confuse me with
lies and deception
How do I follow
your directions?

I speak what has been spoken,
And write what has been written
All that can't be figured
Will forever be a thought disfigured,

Nothing like the rain pouring down
Nothing like a cold hearted tear
Hitting the ground
Oh I can't fly
Oh can't steer
Alone in this world without my lovely dear

I said make it a love that will last
To surpass the pain
But I guess I'm insane to think
I wasn't going to be left in the cold pouring rain

Days feel as if they never change for the better,
but the worst
I'm beginning to think this life is a curse
How could one Rome without the love and comfort of she
Till one and one Unite again and become we
R.I.P

Today you say,
"the bottles half empty."
Simply not because you drunk half a wine bottle
But your life isn't the perfect model
You use to stand tall,
But your leaves begin to say "so long"
As if it was fall,
Yet it is spring,
And your life is dissipate
Oh though it seems

For Your life is the definition of a Dimond ring,
You care about money, and the clothes,
Not about the happiness life brings,
In Your mind its seemingly,
money, fame, and fortune

showing lack of endorsement,
It's been "me, myself and I"
We all look at you and sigh
For negative is your only thought,
In your life,
negative is the only thing you got
If you switched around the bottle is half empty,
To the bottles have full,
Life would be much more to endure

Dear god,
I wear the cross on my chain
As your prays are forever conducted into my brain
And out through my vain
You have a strain on me to do good
For within you I forever could
With me, you forever stood
As I knew you would

For that I'm always grateful
For you are my secret angel
You fly high,
way up in the sky
Looking down making sure I don't drown
And for you I promise never to frown
Or ever turnaround, but to keep on going
Knowing, and showing to way for others
For ****** Mary one of my mothers

My face is pale
I can't breathe
The thought of me dying,
left him at ease
My murderous husband,
Squeezes the life out of me

My knees are weary,
as I plead on onto cold, solid ground for his forgiveness
I pray to god,
He will leave me be
I attempt not to cry
For my murderous husband will see the weakness in me

My mother said,
Never let a soul see you cry
They will take advantage of you,
and leave you to die

She's searches for the path that takes her right,
But of course; it's out of sight
She's makes life long commitments
For in her belly there is a figment
"Three months old"
she says "it is distant"

Her mom asks with Constance's,
how she's supposed to take care of something of her own,
because when it comes to her own self;
Well, she is all alone

every night there is a wish she grants
too find away out what she can't
For smoking ****,
and doing wrong deeds
Doesn't fit her needs

For she dreams higher
She wants to be admired
Not undesired...

The true is right here in the details
She feeds off of what fails
Try's to rebels
For she leaves unmarked trails  

Nobody knows who she use to be
But you see,
the glaze in her eyes is a often disguises
She likes to minimize problems,
Or often hide them
She stands by what's wrong
Instead of right
Others often consider her soul out of sight

She says she might have changed a little
But others say a lot
For she's often caught up in the little trail of dots
She's says I love myself a lot,
she thought it would be easy to rebel,
But it's like hell
Her smoking **** and taking pills,
she says it kills

For she wants to change
And is hoping to start today
She wants to start a new trail,
And knows it won't fail.

Hey gorgeous,
Whats going down?
Seems like you've fallen down,
Since the last I've been around
You speak not a sound
I can only feel your pain
when you push me down

Hey gorgeous,
Don't let them steal your thunder,
you're more than just a number
With them goddess eyes,
You give me butterflies
Others are quick to polarize your heart,
And tear your beautiful mind apart

Hey gorgeous,
I can only think back to when I felt your forehead
Cold to the touch,
I clutch on to you right hand
Holding it;
I felt hypnotized within a  depressed state.
No one was inside
You were just an empty case

Hey gorgeous,
You would think I have forgotten
The list we use to make
The reasons why we should live
And forgive ourselves for our mistakes

1. You can't control what others do
2. The world needs more beautiful people like you
3 you are in battle,
and a soldier may never surrender
4. The people you think don't care; 85% of them would **** for you
5.
Remember when we made those promises
on that cold winter day
I held your hand,
As the wind blew in your face
The sky was a cold dark gray
I said
"hey gorgeous!
Let's Make a Deal,
If I Stay Alive will you do the same?"