often times

when I am laying alone at night

I feel his presence with me

and my love for him is overwhelming

it beats within my chest

so hard I worry it may break my heart

It was waste deep in a lake where I realized that if with you was where I wanted to be, then why wasn't I there? Why was I standing in the water, my family around the camp fire in the distance behind me, the moon lighting up my face, and not beside you? Why was I not with you? Sometimes, what seem like the most complicated situations in the world come to complete clarity in the strangest of circumstances. As I gently ran my fingers along the surface of the lake water, I saw a shooting star and I wished for you. I didn't wish for anything but the simple idea that me and you could some day be in the same moment together. That's all I wanted. For me, love was always an undiscovered emotion that I longed to feel. I watched the movies and listened to the songs people wrote about their love and I wanted nothing more than to find mine. But now, after tripping, stumbling and falling harder than I could have ever imagined, my love is 423.3 miles away and I'm stuck here, wishing upon stars and crossing my fingers, to be 423.3 miles away from here too.

By Chloe Elizabeth

You were addicted to me like you were to the alcohol running through your veins.

By Chloe Elizabeth

Living a life worth writing about is not about risking it all together. You don't need to go jumping out of airplanes or off of cliffs. You don't need to conquer all of your fears and break all of your bones. You just need to take chances, give second ones, fall in love, fall out, sneak out of your house, go for long drives, kiss the person your parents don't approve of, drink coffee for the taste, and feel EVERYTHING that life brings your way. Taste the tears that roll down your cheeks from happiness, wipe away the ones from sadness, shake uncontrollably from excitement, tell people how you feel for God's sake! Don't hide what comes naturally and you will live the most amazing life and trust me, your stories will be beautiful.

By Chloe Elizabeth

Nothing about this life is easy and all good things are the hardest to get. They are also the hardest to let go of. If you want them bad enough, you either have to let go or fight harder and I think that there is a very good chance that I will spend the rest of my life searching for him. I will walk, I will run, I will fly, I will not stop because he is the face I will always be looking for in a crowded place. Some say that all good things must come to an end, but I refuse to believe that is true. He is the best, and yes he is the only, love that I have ever had. I will not let that go easily. I will not let him go without a fight.

By Chloe Elizabeth

Maybe he was right
Maybe we weren't meant to be in love
Every star in the sky and page in all of the books in my collection could never explain us
Maybe we should have fought harder for each other
Fallen to our knees and surrendered when we really had nothing more to give
Bruised and scarred from trying to hold on just a tad longer
Maybe it was our doubts that cut the rope
Perhaps it was all of our maybes that killed us in the end
We didn't believe in the 2 a.m cups of coffee or even the blood in our veins
We didn't have faith in what our future could hold, we didn't even have faith in ourselves
I think he was right when he said we couldn't do it
He was right to turn away and never come back
He saved us from more pain and maybe that's a good thing
Receiving peace in exchange for love

By Chloe Elizabeth

My heart was on the floor
and my feet were submerged
in too many tears

It barely felt real

It was so hard to believe,
but the proof was in the pain,
so I had to believe it

The way it hurt was real enough

And the truth is,
I'm not the only one who suffered

I'm not the only one who will suffer

You hunt the weak will powered
and you take advantage of their generous hands,
giving you everything you don't deserve

You said it yourself,
"You can't resist me"
and you were right

I couldn't

So you beat my love with your careless heart
until it was in pieces

But it survived
because things that are broken can be fixed
but you're not broken you're burning

And I'm all out of tears

By Chloe Elizabeth

I think about you a lot;
when I'm sleeping
and our memories take over my dreams

When I'm walking
and I walk past our spot
where I fell deeper into your eyes
and started to drown
and I watch that moment happen all over again

When I'm trying to hide your sweater
under my bed,
in the depths of my closet,
in the burning fire,
but I can still feel your arms around my waste

I can erase your name
from my life
but the indent will still be there,
and it will remain there,
always

And I have started to realize
that you exist
not as a figment of my imagination,
as much as I try and pretend you do

I have walked
in the imprints of your feet in the ground
and you have sat
on the counter where I always stay

And I find a comfort in the struggle
to act like you were never there
because every time
that I can feel your empty space beside me,
it brings me back to the summer
and that smile
and those eyes
and the rainy days
and the lies I called love
and it's overwhelming;
the bitter happiness

By Chloe Elizabeth

You broke me once
and then shattered all the pieces
to break me even more

By Chloe Elizabeth

You're so caught up
in your own mind
that you realize you've missed something
that you can't get back

By Chloe Elizabeth

I crawl into this place
where he is not real
and the things he did to me
never happened

I curl up
and enjoy the comfort
that I have found in this place
and I forget the truth
so that I can pretend
that the pain isn't there

By Chloe Elizabeth

Sometimes, I cry
and I don't even know
what I'm sad about
anymore

I'm just crying
about being sad

By Chloe Elizabeth

Days go by
and I still feel you
in the walls of my bedroom

I still smell you
in the indent of my pillow
and the cotton of my bed sheets

I still see you
in the cracks of my palms
and the darkness underneath my eyelids

I still love you
in every corner of my heart
and every breath that seeps into my lungs

Days go by
and I still ******* love you
so much

By Chloe Elizabeth

Dear You,

I've spent a lot of different days and a lot of different nights feeling so many different things about you. There were lots of good things because when you were good, you were wonderful. However, when you were bad, it was traumatizing. It was not my skin that you bruised, it was my heart.

At first, I thought it was unfair that you decided to disappear for three days, leaving me worried and upset, or that when you came back, you left me for reasons that I soon learned were lies when you had a new girl two days later. I thought it was unfair when you stood me up the first time. But when I was sitting by myself in a booth at 12:30 p.m on a Tuesday afternoon because you decided to stand me up for the second time, when I was letting you in to my heart again, that was truly the most unfair moment of my entire life.

The hardest part of everything that happened is that I feel like I lost someone. We were not like this in the beginning...you were not like this. You changed into someone who I could no longer recognize and the truth is that you were probably always the same person just putting on a show for me, telling me all the right things, kissing me all the right ways and making me feel all the right feelings. I stopped being angry at you and I just started missing the boy I thought you were when I first met you at that party, when you put your arm around me and I felt special. You have to be quite the horrible person to treat me how you treated me and I don't understand why I deserved it. Well, I didn't and I hope that one day, you'll wake up or sip your french vanilla coffee or put on your shoes and suddenly realize that I didn't deserve what you did. I hope at in this moment you'll miss me. All I ever did was fall for you which I didn't know was such a crime.

I feel like a fool for giving you more chances than you deserved and it stings remembering how you just threw them away. You purposely set out to hurt me, maybe not in the beginning, but by the end it was intentional. It ***** being on both ends of your tricks, being the girl you ditched for another and being the girl that you ditched someone else for. I never knew what you were doing until it all unraveled in front of me.

Just so you know, you may have broken my heart and shattered my trust and every time I have plans with someone I'm going to be afraid that they are not going to show up but I'm still going to go. You didn't shatter who I am as a person and I'm not going to let you destroy my hope that someone else will treat me better than you did. Someone once told me that if I don't want to get hurt then I  need to put a wall up and be cold to people trying to break it down but I don't believe them anymore. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and I want to give people chances and second chances and hell, third chances even, because in the end, if I loved, that's all that matters and sometimes that's all you can do. You can't make someone love you. I can make you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you come back and I don't want to anymore, anyway. I'm letting you go, not for you, for me, because I get it, you don't want me in your life, I just need to stop hoping that one day you will. I'm leaving you behind and I'm not ever coming back. You don't deserve it. You didn't deserve my hand, or my lips, or my heart and you especially didn't deserve all my tears because I shouldn't be crying over someone like you.

Just like you did, I took a small piece of your heart as well and it's always going to be there. You're always going to be a part of me. You're always going to be a little piece of who I am tomorrow. It sounds cliche but you taught me a lot and I'm always going to carry those lessons with me. Your intentions might have been to break me down until there was nothing left but no one can break my happiness and no one, not even you, especially not you, can break my love.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,
Me

She slept in silent madness,
for the only way to reach his heart
was through her dreams

By Chloe Elizabeth

I drank away the thought of you
while you drank up your confidence
for the girl with the red nail polish
and dark brown hair

By Chloe Elizabeth

Sometimes
I feel like I'm just
f
     l
            o
a
      t
              i
  n
                   ­     g
In the insanity we call society
With the whole world
Touching my skin
But nowhere to go
And no where to sink in

By Chloe Elizabeth

He told me he didn't want to fall in love with someone 423 miles away
"That's a whole lot of foot steps" he said
I can't say that I didn't feel the same way
But I couldn't help look up at the moon and pray he was looking up too
I wished for him on every shooting star I ever saw
And I watched all the sunsets thinking about his hopes and dreams
"But the truth is I really do love you a lot" he said
The truth is I really did love him with all my heart too
Not a day goes by that I don't think about being with him
I never believed in soul mates, I always believed a person could love many people
And I still think that's true
But never in the same way you love that one person, the person you're meant to be with
That person in the world that in some way, somehow, finds you
That person was him
And maybe some day we'll end up together; but that day is not today, and it's not tomorrow
But one thing I know for sure is that I'll always love him
Just like I did from the start
All those footsteps away

By Chloe Elizabeth

I will stand outside
in the cold
for six hours
if it means I get to see you
when all the minutes have passed

Even if that means kissing you
with my frostbitten lips

By Chloe Elizabeth

I was broken
I needed fixing
and I was wrong
to think you could
glue me back together

You accepted me
when I couldn't even look at myself
in the mirror
and that feeling rushed through my veins
like heroine

You were another one
of my many secrets,
I kept you behind my back

Eventually, I realized schemes
and lies wouldn't put out my bonfire
because it was only getting bigger

Three words...

Three words was all it took
and I was burning
But I didn't want to drag you down
with me so I ran

Then you walked away
You told me you walked away
because you didn't want me
to see you cry
but the look on your face
was painful enough

I can still see it
in the galaxies
beneath my eyelids

That's the only place you exist anymore

By Chloe Elizabeth

The painful truth that I could not bring myself to tell him is that I cannot bear to be with someone who is unhappy. I could no longer look into his eyes and search for happiness that was not there. I could no longer fall asleep in is arms to wake up in the morning knowing that he would rather not wake at all. I could no longer wait for the day to come when he discovers what it means to be happy, because I am already there and I could no longer slow my pace waiting for him to catch up. Life started to stand still as I found myself engulfed in a person that was not capable of giving me what I really wanted from them, and as much as they told me I did, I could not give them what they needed either: happiness. Upon this realization, I had to let go. I had to say goodbye. All I can hope is that one day, one day soon, he will not have to pray for his life to have meaning, he will realize that it already does.

Goodbye J.S.

By Chloe Elizabeth

It's funny
When someone changes you
And all your poems
Don't make you feel the same way anymore

But it's a sigh of relief
Your body feels light
Your heart is pounding
But you are calm
While you read all the old words
And can't feel their emotions

Your bones are empty
And your eyes are heavy
With tears that are only coming from
The deep place inside your body
That you haven't heard from in months
Months

Waiting was painful
Waiting so long for this to happen
But never imagined it would feel
Quite like this
You never dreamed
That you would be so happy

By Chloe Elizabeth

Everything reminded him of her. The pain was like frost bite on the arteries of his heart that beat a little slower ever since that day. He missed the smell of her freshly washed hair in the morning, short and sweet, always tied behind her head. Sometimes, the wind would carry a scent similar to this and it would haunt him the rest of the day. Even hands brought back memories because he could remember every line on her palms like they were his own. “Jenny,” he whispered to himself, “I’m lost.”

By Chloe Elizabeth

People should be more grateful of who they are
and I don't mean the little things, I'm talking about the big picture.
Yes, life is made up of the details,
but you should step outside,
go to the edge of the water
or your city
or town,
listen to the world around you,
feel the world on your skin,
look at how beautiful this ****** up world actually is,
and be so ******* grateful that you are able to be a part of it.
But for some reason,
for some mind blowing reason,
humans are completely incapable of realizing
how wonderful their life actually is.
And no, not the life they live,
but the fact that they are actually alive.
The life that beats in their heart even when they are asleep.

By Chloe Elizabeth

Most days,
it feels like you never existed at all.

But,
you did.

You just don't exist in my life anymore,
you exist in hers.

By Chloe Elizabeth

If I lost him
My heart would miss him forever

And my soul would never stop trying
To find pieces of him in someone else

By Chloe Elizabeth