My heart beats so strongly,
Yet it beats so softly.

In 2005,
I stepped into my high-school,
The last year of my high.

Dragon of my life,
Raged angrily as I performed,
Enjoying my efforts,
And I was honest,
My marks were nice,
Self-analysis gave me a few more.

Tasked with toiling hard,
All I did was procrastinate,
Shouldn't have done that,
Tests that I avoided,
Especially in secondary school,
Damaged my future goal.

Dawn and dusk,
I stayed awake,
Right then I thought about it,
Terribly doing at the test.

Seeing my Karma,
Obvious was the Phalam.

In the transition I experienced a lot.

Saw myself rise from potential death bed,
Helped by my loving parents,
Instead of passing away in anonymity,
Farewell to the first college,
Third girlfriend lied badly,
Essential narcissist off the ledge,
Dunno what she did prayed.

Transitions from non-medical sciences,
Over Biotechnology to commerce.

Men often are bitter,
Every time they jitter,
Deeming my actions unfair,
Inching me towards loneliness,
Calling me a Trojan Horse,
As they alienate ever,
Losing to my effort.

School, it was a great time,
College, it was just not mine,
Inundated by my tears,
Enthralled by my own life,
Never land of a comatose state,
Ceased to exist in my life,
Efforts put by my parents,
Slowly, I started on a clean slate.

And until now, I'm satisfied,
Not that the battle is won, but
Definitely I'm closer to victory.

Neither I am sad nor am I happy,
Over with the blues, I am patient,
But what if I never meet my end?

I don't want to live forever.

As I love my parents,
May they always stay with me.

Early adolescence is long gone,
Am missing those days,
Really carefree,
Not tensed,
I miss my past,
Not really the college,
Good were the school days.

Tasked with toiling hard to get a job,
Had I succeeded without help,
Really not without some grace,
Of my parents, and of my own,
Up above the recruitment exams,
Godly grace of my parents,
Helped me all along.

They all are happily married,
Had been my friends, but now
Enjoyin' only with their spouses.

Cheers to life,
Of course, I'm late,
Matters it to me,
Matter it does,
Early marriage was planned,
Really all got messed up,
Course of time,
Especially delivered to me.

Slowly, I realise my incompatibility,
Terribly wrong, wrongly terrible,
Realms of the dead I belonged,
Enjoying my life fully still,
Affluence sought-after,
My aim it remains.

And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake me up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say,
"You can't do it throughout your life — yeah!"

But I've done it,
Yes, I've done it in time,
Life gave me lime,
I made a brine.

Now I'll add my favourite flavours,
Serve a lemonade to my critics,
I'll smile as they'll only admire me,
I'll stick to my roots and credit my parents.

But I'll not let success get onto my nerves,
My responses I'll keep terse,
Lengthier will be the poems,
Elaborate my every verse.

Some people get jealous,
A few people feel,
Others feel,
Positive.

Time, they say,
Time is very strong.
Memories it makes fade away,
But sometimes it takes too long.

I know how cells are made
I know how to write genetic code
I know how clones are made
I know about disease-causing defects in the code

I know how to swim
Not just how to swim
I also know how to sing
I even compose music
And I also pluck a guitar string

I play the guitar
I play the flute
I play carrom
I play chess
I write poetry
I write novels

But the best thing I do is survive

I survived against odds when death came calling
I survived when most doctors predicted me dying
I survived 108°F fever when the virus was attacking
I survived that accident and now all I have is living

I have this peculiar habit of expressing my unrelenting love for you in particular, my love.
In this life full of failures I stand alone and if not for you, I do not see any well-wishers.
They tell me that I am doing it wrong and I would mess it up as usual in the end.
But I am unaffected whatever they may say and they may tell me to do it the normal way.
You are too much young than me they say, yes I feel for you like a guardian, yes I love you truly.
Let them spew out more poison, let them all turn a blind eye to their own problems.
So then their format of life is okay for them, I don't care about theirs and will live my own.

Hindi Original:

Ab Aankhon Mein Neend Kahaan?

Wo to bachpan tha jab so jaate the,
Ab to jaane kaisi fikr sataati hai.
Wo to bachpan tha jab kha paate the,
Ab to motaape ki fikr sataati hai.

Wo to bachpan tha jab khwaab sajaate the,
Ab to saari duniya berang lagti hai.
Wo to bachpan tha jab sab apne the,
Ab to duniya dushman nazar aati hai.

Wo to bachpan tha jab khush raha karte the,
Ab to barson puraana duhkh sataata hai...
Wo to bachpan tha jab bhavishya ki chinta na thi,
Ab to beete ateet ka kabhi na khatm hone waala khed hai...


Here's the translation:

Where Has The Sleep Gone From My Eyes?

That was childhood, when I could sleep,
Now, worries keep me awake.
That was childhood, when I could eat,
Now, fears of weight gain haunt me.

That was childhood, when I'd weave dreams,
Now, the whole world seems colorless.
That was childhood, when everyone was my own,
Now, the world seems like an enemy.

That was childhood, when I was always happy,
Now, decades of sorrow haunt me...
That was childhood, when I didn't worry about the future,
Now, the unending sorrow of the past haunts me...

2027 is a prime number,
That 307th prime number.
Even 307 is a prime number.

On December 23, 2027,
I complete 37 years alive,
Even 37 is a prime number.

Time is a schemer,
But I'm also a cheater,
As I relived my childhood.

I was so afraid of math,
I'd had arithmophobia,
My father debunked it.

My parents looked after me,
They re–brought me up,
When I was injured.

It has been quite some time,
How long I would stay here,
But I should always rhyme.

I'm happy earning money,
I survived time's travesty,
In that time of adversity.

As Someone Who Made It Possible,
As Someone Who Survived His Judgement Day,
As Someone Who Is Hated By Him,
I Bless The World.

Let The World Be Beautiful,
Let There Be Peace & Happiness,
Let My Sacrifice Not Go In Vain,
I Bless The World.

Heart! Yes oh my heart!!
'Twas never so complete,
'Twas not so happy 'fore.

Heart! Yes oh the heart!!
It's just hers & only hers,
It is hers forever & ever.

Heart! Yes oh her heart!!
It is just mine & my only,
It is mine forever & ever.

Hearts! Yes oh our hearts!!
They fused & became one,
It is now just immaterial.

You ask me a question
You ask it with a lot of hope
Whether that smile is of acceptance
Acceptance of your love
I say
No dear
It's not an acceptance smile
But it's just a smile
Filled with guilt & fear
It's a reminder of hers
I can be okay with it
But in a not so short time

I Waited For Her,
Since Ages It Seems.

I'll Wait More For Her,
Till Eternity If It Has To Be.

I Want Just Happiness For Her,
Pure Happiness With Or Without Me.

I used to be really very happy,
I was never lonely at that time,
I used to be really full of life.

But not now, not now.

You will fall in love with me soon,
Haziness will be in your thoughts.
You may then enjoy that swoon,
Sweetness will be in my plots.

You would love my expression,
Kindness is on top of my virtues.
You might not realize my real lies,
Strangeness lies in the truth of my life.

There might come an important time,
Truthfulness of mine will be so banal.
You might seek stability in your life,
With someone that has a better base.

Will you leave me alone then,
Or will you seek respite inside?
Will you forever faithfully be mine,
Or will you pursue infidelity outside?

You must've seen my angel somewhere,
In the evening or afternoon, or
In the day or night.
Please help me find her,
Now you don't negate,
Help me out.

Any help will be well appreciated.

I don't know,
I tried to figure it out,
I just couldn't how.

I then felt,
I need not know how,
I just couldn't know.

I love myself.
I love my parents.
End of the story.

Sometimes I cried while smiling,
At other times I smiled while crying.
When you I could not be forgetting,
You were the reason I was weeping.
Just your name I rewrote again & again,
Now I'm weak to erase it without tears.
No! I can't revert this love! You are mine!

For you,
From my terrace garden,
I bring a bouquet.

Of daffodils,
And
Of daisies.

I shall not lose heart,
I shall never lose hope.

You may be miffed with me,
Not today but someday in future.

You shall not lose love,
You shall never lose romance.

I have my plans, darling,
I plan to make you fall back for me.

You might wonder what it is,
Not that I shall keep it so secret.

You will simply find it hard,
You will not stay angry with me for long.

You have left your imprint,
On each one of my mannerisms,
Underlining my psyche.

Loving your tantrums,
Overgrew my age,
So dearly loving you,
Ever so deeply I used to.

Minding your misdoings not,
E*ver I was useful for you.

Some day,
We'll meet.
And that day,
You'll tell me,
"Wish we didn't break apart."

Even today, I search for true love,
But it's elusive like the golden swan.
Even today, I look for it under the trees,
I look for it on the roads and in the parks,
"Wish we didn't grow apart."

It was just an instance of rudeness,
They tell me that I should've been mature.
Maturity, is it gained when you lose your identity,
Or when you stop reacting and start responding?
"Wish you hadn't left such scorny remarks."

I have braved hellish fires,
In you, I sought some balm.
You could've applied it soothingly,
But you left remarks so disparagingly,
"Wish I still could've been mature, and not reacted."

Someday, we might meet again,
You'll finally mature enough...
That day, you’ll understand my pain,
Yes, I hope you'll not be so rough,
"Wish that day comes soon enough."

Babe, I felt warm things for you,
But your remarks—me they burned.
Babe, I had plans for the future,
But you, typical Y2K generation,
"Wish future existed for you too."

The future can be changed,
It can be accurately predicted.
Everyone was happy—everyone but you,
Babe, you should've told your mom beforehand,
"I don't want to waste my youth on the middle-aged man."

This is the futility of my feelings,
They don't matter, because I'm a man.
All my successes, they are insignificant,
They are engulfed in the quality of being effervescent,
"For there are many more younger timely successful men."

Nobody reads any of my novels,
I may have went through a lot.
But I'm turning 34 in 36 days,
I've missed the bus, I'm late.
"And nothing else matters."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

How stars hide during the day,
I wonder and I wonder more...
Only one star, our Sun, is there.

How people just move on here,
I wonder why I can not ever...
Only she could & she moved on.

How long will it take for destiny,
I wonder when it will shine...
Only I can wonder, I can only wonder.

It's not necessary for God to be like they say,
And if God is indeed so limited, then it's not God.

Just think of it, come on now, just think of it,
If God is omnipotent, omnipresent & omniscient,
Then why so limited?

Why assign a gender,
Why call, 'formless,'
Why say, 'sinless?'

If God has a gender,
Why not a female?
If God is formless,
How can It judge?

You believe in men born in the desert,
Dehydrated and hallucinating men.
All your À-Bràhmìk reLIEgions,
They are follower-hungry,
Strains of narcissism.

Accept that your God is weak,
So weak that it can't even take a form,
Or even endure criticism.

A Group-B Gazetted Officer,
Working in the shoes of an
Assistant Audit Officer,
Assigned to the Railways
At The Office of the Director General of Audit,
North Eastern Railway HQ,
Gorakhpur.

A former Probationary Officer,
Of an Assistant Manager-grade
With the State Bank of India,
Working in the Chandigarh circle
And posted in my hometown,
Now I miss my mother,
Really.

Before that I tried to get a PhD,
However, I quit it during COVID,
Because age doesn't wait,
Time isn't locked down,
And I had nothing to lose,
Only exams to crack,
And interviews to groove.

Lost love? What's that? A lonely dove?

I've my parents with me,
And I have my victories,
The stories of which I relive,
And these memories boost me,
The euphoria of Nostradamus,
It envelops me in totalus,
Never me, never free.

Even after they transcend to afterlife,
I'll have their teachings with me,
Well, that's a case if I live beyond them,
Because as of now, improbable it seems,
I'm unable to imagine a life without them,
We are trying our level best to look for a lady,
A humble lady who can teach me more,
And also learn something new from me.

Born on December 23, 1990,
In Karnal city of Haryana,
At the strike of 20:53 hours,
Grew up much loved albeit a bit lonely,
For my parents' child I'm the one and only,
I love writing original songs, poems, and novels too,
Now I look to co-author my next one with my wifey.

STAGE I
You were there like an angel,
True was seeming that *fable.
I loved you or at least *thought so,
Love was all that seemed sought by you.

STAGE II
You were always demanding more,
But who knew that it wasn't just time.
I gave it my everything or at least thought so,
Love wasn't all that was actually sought by you.

STAGE III
You were always wanting me harder,
But I am not a pleasure machine.
I wanted to be a human again,
Love wasn't sought by you.

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared…
Dripping from the eyelids…
And tears appeared…

Once in my breath,
Your fragrance was there…
Yes in my nights,
Your habit was there…

Once in my memories,
Someone was there…
Sometimes in my words,
There was a person...

Where did that friend go,
Where did that love go…

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared...
Dripping from the eyelids...
And tears appeared...
And tears appeared...
Dripping from the eyelids-ay-aye-aye-aye!

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…

Kabhi Meri Saanson Mein,
Khushboo Thi Teri...
Haan Meri Raaton Mein,
Aadat Thi Teri...

Kabhi Meri Yaadon Mein,
Rehta Tha Koi…
Haan Meri Baaton Mein,
Basta Tha Koi…

Kahaan Gaya Wo Yaar,
Kahaan Gaya Wo Pyaar…

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke-ay-aye-ay-aye-aye!

A Young Boy.
Though I'm younger than many of us here,
I'm not exactly a young boy.

I won't say I'm experienced.
But I've experienced that darker bit of things,
I've chanced upon death and won over it.

So yes.
I'm not a young boy,
But a real old man living inside a strong & young body.

Yes, It's My Heart,
So It Did Use To Beat For Me,
But Not Now - Not Now - Not Now.
Now It Beats For You.

No poet can aptly verse
How beautiful she is...
Her golden hue mesmerizes
And me it freezes...
The harmonious voice
Now I miss and wanna hear...
She's an expert magician
In psychokinesis she specializes...
So far, yet she moves my heart
It booms inside my chest...

Lest I fall,
Take care of me (now).
If I cry,
Make me laugh (now).
(I am yours,
Only yours I am...)x2

(I'm mad...
I fall again & again.
I'm crazy...
I get naughty again & again.)x2
Only you have handled me every time!
(I am yours,
Only yours I am...)x2

(This life...
It was a burden on me...
You have come...
Now don't go (away) ever...)x2
If you won't be here then how shall I survive?
(I'm yours,
Only yours I am...)x2

Lest I fall,
Take care of me (now).
If I cry,
Make me laugh (now).
(I am yours,
Only yours I am...)x2

Owwuuyeah!

ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
I have been in love before, yes, but read on.

Lesser I was treasured,
Of my efforts I was never respected,
Vines of their mockeries and deceit,
Even pushed me to self-destruction.

You finally descended, love,
Oh you did & I shall always be happy,
Untill I have you by my side.

My dear enamorata,
I am so very lucky, and,
Truly jinxed by your beauty,
Aim of a romantic life,
Lies in front of us,
I shall never stop being lovingly.

Oh my beautiful wife,
Come with me to the land of love.

-your lines here-

So calm and so serene,
This land already was,
And you are also here,
Ethereal this land feels.

-your lines here-

Come take my hand now,
I'll take you to this stairway.

-your lines here-

Now let's descend from here,
From this heavenly abode,
Is just not where we belong as yet.

-your lines here-

I take hints from your playfulness,
You want to make love with me.

-your lines here-

Ever since I've known you,
And read your poetry
O My Darling!
I
Love
You!!
Don't
You
Ask
Why!!
;-)

Now.
I am so tired.
Now.
I want to sleep.
Now.
I am so sick of it.
Now.
Let me just sleep.
Now.
And never wake up.

But.
I think that I am cursed.
And.
I am dead already.
Now.
I live in a hell.
And.
Hell is a brazenly lonely place.
Just.
Let me sleep forever.

I fear immortality.
I am already so lonely.
I shall be lonelier after some decades.
My parents are not here for forever.
And humanity is so selfish.
People are so self-centered.
They don't care about others.
They just exact their selfish aims.

They bed people casually.
Why.
They just **** and forget.
Why.
Won't they have to love?
Never.
Why?
Because someone broke them.
How?
Someone shattered their heart.

So?
Now it's a chain reaction.

Je t'aime ma chère,
Et j'ai besoin de savoir comment vas-tu ?

Tu me manques, ma belle,
Et je veux ta compagnie.

Pas seulement pour quelques années,
Mais pour toute une vie.

Ta vie est la mienne,
Et ma vie est à toi.

Arrête d'être si égoïste,
Laisse-moi être à toi pour toujours.

Je vous promets que je ne vous découragerai jamais,
Et je ne limiterai pas ta vie.

Je ne suis pas si vieux,
Pourquoi te sens-tu déconnecté ?


How are you?

I love you, my darling,
And I need to know how are you?

I miss you baby,
And I want your company.

Not just for a few years,
But for a lifetime.

Your life is mine,
And my life is yours.

Stop being so egoistic,
Let me be forever yours.

I promise that you I'll never discourage,
And your life I'll never restrict.

I'm not that old,
Why do you feel disconnected?

The Monster Inside Me
It engorges, it devours
My sadness it makes me forget

The Monster Inside Me
It toasts, it drinks
My tears it makes me forget

Not all monsters are bad
Some are simply benign
Nurture good monsters I do

They dictate our lives,
How they are in space,
Exactly when we are born.

How they are in space,
Or the constellations,
When an individual is born.

I'll Never
Let
U
Cry Alone
In The Rain...

I'll Never
Let
U
Feel Deserted
In This World Again..

I'll Always
Offer
My
Shoulder
If You Must Cry.

Oh Baby!

I'll Always
Be
There
For
You Whenever You Need Me.

I'll Always
Be
There
For
You Whenever You Need Me..

I'll Always
Be
There
For
You Whenever You Need Me...

Knowing that it was at my home,
And right in front of where I sleep,
Now I hold her tight in my arms,
Under her chin I put my fingers,
Pull her blushing face upwards,
Reading her thoughts in her eyes,
I now peck her lips so delicately,
Yes I am going to remember this,
And I will not kiss anyone else.

Kissing for me was just pecking,
I'm thinking not of a French Kiss,
Suddenly I felt her mouth open,
Slithered out her tongue then,
Enjoying she is this moment,
Dry lips of mine felt her saliva.

My inexperienced self fumbled,
Enjoying she was but I pause.

Fix my eyes open on her shut ones,
I can't explain the feeling properly,
Remember the moment I'll forever,
Suddenly her eyes open on pause,
Till ages I'll 'member the look on her face.

Is that some power did, as a matter of fact,
Initiate the creation of everything,
I can't discard the idea.

But I'm of another opinion,
What people call as God did in fact exist,
Created the world and now is in a spiritual sleep.

Probably you didn't expect it,
Right when I saw your name,
Alas, I recalled her identity,
Tasked with exploring the possibility,
I lost myself into her calm,
Beautiful like the night,
Hiding her hurt heart,
Atul failed to entice her in his charm.

Those aren't exactly black.
But yes,
They carry a promise darker than the night..
And yes,
I love her eyes the most...

Those aren't exactly big....
But yes,
They seem to me like unfathomable deep darks..
And yes,
I love her eyes the most.

I've identified you, my love...
You end of my search of love,
Why I couldn't find you I fail,
To understand completely...

But it was perhaps because...
I hadn't read your thoughts,
Your poems seemed so sweet...
I could love none other than my poetess.

1, 2, 3, 4!
School mein hain bacche jitne,
Maangte hain paise utne!
Kya bataaun hain ye kitne,
Books hi books hain yahaan-wahaan!

Ghar mein bacche baste hain,
Sabko bacche janchte hain.
Baithe zidd ye pakad ke,
Khiloune jab maange.
Khiloune hain ye maangte!

Oh!

Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!

Duniya bacchon ka ghar hai,
Chehra sabka jaise pyaara hai.
Baithe zidd pakad ke,
Khiloune jab maange.
Khiloune hain ye maangte!

Oh!

Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!
Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!

Here's the translation:

1, 2, 3, 4!
There are kids in school as many,
They demand money as much!
What can I say, they're so many,
Books are everywhere, here and there!

Kids are at home, all around,
Everyone's checking on the kids.
Sitting stubbornly, they demand,
Toys when they want them.
They want toys!

Oh, what expenses!
Kids are so expensive!
Nights are like sugar,
Their teeth are so weak!

The world is a home for kids,
Every face is lovable.
Sitting stubbornly, they demand,
Toys when they want them.
They want toys!

Oh, what expenses!
Kids are so expensive!
Nights are like sugar,
Their teeth are so weak!

I am but the Sun,
I light things up often,
But they hide themselves,
Or their skins get a sun burn,
This is why I'm wanted by none.

:-) (-:

I** am so tired of just dispensing love.

Now I'm selfish as I look for another dove,
Except for my parents, none loves me back,
End of my days approaches nearer now,
Doomsday for my poetic and musical life.

Losing someone because of my horoscope,
Over with the fake love I must get again,
Vanguard for my existence her love will be,
Especially for me, she will take every pain.

Is anyone else here,
Facing this problem
That every new poem
Becomes invisible for others?

We...
Both Of Us Are Madly In Last Love!!
Any Doubts?

Really...
Keep Them In Your Tattered Pockets!!
Where Else?

Vanish...
Let Them Fall Off In The Midway Back!!
Won't You?