i didn't know why i felt dark as i dwelled in the light.
i mean, everything is fine, going well, all swell,
and yet i felt dark and well....left in darkness.
wishing i was dead, crying in the silence of the night at 1am, i was hoping someone could hear my chocked cries.
.
but then.
you reminded me you are real.
you have always been.
you opened my eyes, you opened my wrinkled hands.
you've held my heart close to yours.
your light shines true.
your love, grace, mercy, kindness rings true.
and maybe i don't know why i feel the way i do, the way my mind is wired.
but you say your plans are good.
your plans would not harm me but give me a hope and a future.
you will be my light, my strength, my hope.

and i will shine your light on other people too.
i will do my best.

But i Iove you.
your heart its been shattered before,
its been rooted down to the floor.

your eyes have been through galaxies of oceans and tears.
you hate the voices and shadows, they make you fear, they want you to hear
them.

i can tell you, my love, that i don't deserve anything, except the cursed things and objects. Don't everyone? We dance to music that sells our souls, and talk the talk that kills the heart, and widens the hole.

I love you.
And i don't care if you are "mean", or bad, or a nightmare living in your own mirror.
Because, doesn't true love see all the mess, and scars, and yet, love the same?
I don't want to drive you insane, but I love you.
.
.
.
.
12258

“I have a question.”
“Why is it that the more connected we are, the less connection we have for each other?”
“I...don’t really know.”
“Maybe....because they value phones and social media more than people?”
“I don’t know”
“Or....maybe they place their identity on them too.”
“I Guess.”
“I don’t really know.”
“What If.....the people in this world don’t actually know the ‘friends’ they are sitting beside in during recess or while hanging out.”
“Maybe....i mean, isn’t hanging out supposed to be about spending time with each other, directly, and not i guess, with their phones, or through their phones...is it?”
“I fear about the future.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, what if my children, or other people’s children...”
“Basically the next generation,”
“Ye, the next generation wont actually know what actual friends are, like being trapped in mechanical boxes with those weird things on...what is it called? Oh right, VR headsets. And then they live in those boxes.”
“I don’t know....”
“I just want people to talk to each other, WITHOUT their heads down on the phone and eyes glued to the screen....like the kampong days...”
“Maybe...”

Maybe......

Sitting on the floor.
In the cold and dusty corridoor.
My ears placed on the floor.
The waters carried memories.
The wet mossy floor carried the memories of those who lived here before.
It's careful hands hugged those little lights tight.
The moonlight shone with silver light.
The promises of tomorrow held in his hands.
As the savior slowly lands.
Taking back the land.

Sitting on the floor.
On the once ***** corridoor.
My ears placed on his chest.
His mercies afresh.

dear me:

dont you dare think its your work!
dont you dare think its you who made it happen!!

students were against him.
him. afraid.

i was uncertain.
my faith was shaking.
but LORD you guided my thoughts: "But God wont tell me to force it. So God wont allow it to fail either.
God is with me.
two options:

do it or dont.
if not force him.
i thought. why would God want me to force him? surely God will make this succeed in JESUS NAME!!!

after prayer.

i was still uncertain.
shaken.
afraid for him to say it didnt work.
it did.

IT DID!!!
IT DID!!!
I NEVER EXPECTED THAT TO HAPPEN!!
NEVER!!!!!!!!!

GOD IS REAL!
ITS ALL HIM NOT ME!
NOT ME!
NO ME!
NOT ME!

it.isnt.me.

Is it as deep as the deepest point of the oceans?
Is it a wide as the sky could be?
Would it last longer than life?
Would it be longer than time?
Would it be stronger than anything in this world? In the whole Galaxy?
Would it be mine to keep?
Would it be theirs to keep?
Ours to keep?
Yes.
It will be.
Yes it is.
All of it and more.
This love.
Slowly digging me out of this shell, to reach my heart.
Penetrating through fear, doubt, and sin.
You brought this broken life in.
I would never forget the love you have shown me at the lowest point of my life.
Never.
Would.
I.
Ever.
Forget about your love.
And the life you have given me.
For the life you gave.
On that cross

Lord, you provide for me.
Lord, you provided and prepared me for the famine.
Lord, you prepared me for the upcoming battle.
Lord, you are preparing me to fight against the next enemy.
Lord, you have prepared, in your house, a place for me.
Help me, that I may finish this race, that I have pleased you.
And have done what I had to do and have won this race.

Amen

so here is what's going on, my heart is cut in half, in between the world and you.
between the pain and the summer hues.
between the "my identity is found in Christ." and "who are you."

I push and pull, I try to ****** my heart back, but yet I want to lay it in your hands, with all its contents.
so now I am struggling with my own heart.
I want to obey and then not.
I want to unwind then there's a knot.
then my blood clots.

then my heart stops pumping, pumping for God knows what.
if it isn't pumping for you O Lord, then what's the point.
then where's the purpose, where's the truth.
I will only be living.
and that's it.
simply moving, simply breathing, simply blinking my time away,
simply letting my life run away.
"run this race."
but I can't even keep up the training, and i know the way but I don't follow it.

am I going to heaven?
I don't know.
I am not assured of what's coming.
where I will be, for all of eternity.

It's simple really, a swipe, a bite, a tap, and a knife might pierce through your back.  

It's simple too, to get a date, a swipe to the left a swipe to the right, nah, we are the gods of this world.

Acting like the master of a master, the creator of the creator, acting like we yield the powers of the sea, or the power and mystery of gravity...

They escape from reality, they put their head down to sleep because their kids were noisy... using those games to replace what was a role of a father or a mother.

Her back was arched too, her chin pressed against the folds of her skin as she sat there, so focused, so engrossed and enjoying the ...... captivity in which she didn't want to look up, no no no, she preferred to look into virtual screens and when she wanted to scream in pain she went to her phone to check that she isn't alone..
That if people didn't like her photos she was an outcast.

People keep talking about MK ultra, but what if it's already controlling us. How those heaps of wires and chips and circuits so easily lures us in it's wake...

Parents, they use those sirens of the technology world to shut up their children. Soon, they would have missed the voices of the once innocent and unbroken child. They would miss the times they talk as a family, only realising those times were filled with "can I use the phone."

Arched backs and arched necks. This is society now.

Broken glasses, sorry can’t see well, wavy lines and broken, wrong ‘finds’

If there is something wrong tell me because I love you. I have done so little.
And I am so brittle.  

Your oks are fine and I feel like brokenness hid in them.
And I feel like I am in debt.
I guess you remind me of God’s love.
I owe so much but you never really forced me.

I am so scared and ashamed.  
Crazy and busy and unsafe.
“Vulnerability is my enemy” I always thought.

I love you. I hope you know that.

When did we started to not dare look into ourselves and say we have a problem and maybe we are part of the fault.
We stopped.
We keep on blaming each other for what they have done, have we ever thought that we might have done something wrong.
Where did the care in our speeches go?
Where did the love in our eyes fade away?
Where did the warmth, the light in us go?
What happened to understanding others, and authentic love?
Let's go with them.
To stop blaming other people for what we have done wrong as well.
To bring them back on track.
On the right path.
In the right way.
In authentic true love, the way that God has loved us.
That's the way.

Suicide.
Doesn't mean this person has mental illness.
Suicide.
Doesn't mean we Christians doesn't have suicidal thoughts too sometimes.
Suicide.
Doesn't mean this person is weak.
Suicide.
Doesn't mean they suffer from depression.
Suicide.
The devil tempted Jesus with suicide.
Suicide.
Understand it better please.
Suicide.
You are not alone.
Keep fighting!
We would fight with you this battle!

Dying under my sins.
Dead already.
My destiny was to suffer and die.

But you had other plans.
You sent, you...sent your only Son, to die for me?
Lord, why would you die for someone like me?
When i already wronged you.
When i hated you.
When i ignored your whispers and pushes and pulls of your eternal never-changing love.

You allowed the rocks to press on me, crush me.
But you allowed your son to be burdened with my stones and needles.
You allowed the nails to pierce through your Son.
and it wasn't even yours to carry.
it wasn't your fault, it wasn't your nails, it wasn't your stones and mountains to carry.

O, Father. You are so amazing and beautiful.
Your love has no end.
Your grace carried me so far.
You want to spend time with little old me.
You still believe me.
Lord, your mercy and grace pull me into a galaxy of stars and into the peaceful depths of the Sea.

O Bearer of my Sins. You have given your life so that i could have mine.  You suffered that day so that i don't have to do so for an eternity.
Your faith in your Father is steadfast, unshakable.
You love me so much.
Lord, you hugged me and held me close when the lightning struck and the raindrops broke windows when thunder knocked down trees and left me bare.
You didn't regret your decision. To die on that cross for me.

O Holy Spirit, you preserve my soul, you remind me of the Father's love. You inspire and set me on fire for God.
You guide and lead me.
You remind me of who I am.

O Holy Spirit, Father, and Son. You are One.

In the night of  September the first. At 11pm or so.
The love of a mother came and rested upon me.
Your hands are rough and wrinkled. I felt it with my hands. You held me like that too. When I was little and young and didn't knew how hard it was for you to give birth to me.
You are so precious to me.
I held you tighter, slowly as tears went down my face. My heart filled with thankfulness.
Thank you. Mother.
For loving, caring for me.
For washing the dishes, and cooking me meals.
For paying the bills and bringing me to school.
For ironing my clothes. For scolding me too.
Thank God for you.
You would hold me and kiss me.
Like that night that I was sick.
I was a little kid back then. With a pad to cool my fever down.
You placed your hand on my forehead.
I still remember the sound you made when you rubbed your hand against my forehead.
When the childhood memories and fears came in.
Thank you. Mother.
One with such a beautiful heart. And hands that held me close.

From a far-off land.
He wasn't popular.
She wasn't liked.
He was weak.
She was always tired.
He was a runt.
She was called a '****'.
They were never in a team, when the kids played football.
They were pushed when they ran.
They were unloved, pushed around.
Left alone in the canteen.
Where they sat in the seats with dust.
Yet. They were called.
From the heavens.
God called. How could someone so broken like them. Be loved?
But people like them learnt to love others.
But people like them are humbled and was willing to learn.
But people like them were broken so that they can be made stronger.
It was nothing about them though.
Nothing about if they would fail or not.
It was.... Nothing about others too.
It was about God.
He called them his children.
And so does me and you. :)

Loving myself is hard.
And I hardly know you God.
Loving with a hard heart is hard.
Loving others when I am filled with fear won't work.
You say to me " Don't be ashamed of who you are."
When you say that Lord you crack the stone around my heart.
I am starting to fear less.
And starting to actually love.
Teach me Lord, how to Love.
I really do not know....
I really do not know you...
Reveal yourself to me, I pray.
I want to know you.
To learn to love and to fear you.
To not be ashames of who I am because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.... Thank you Lord... For telling me that.

Again and again I go back to it.
To its slimy and suffocating grasp.
It’s clawed grip on my heart.

Why am I not committed?
Maybe a part of me likes this world I am in.  
Maybe a part of me likes how broken the world is.
Maybe a part of me doesn’t want the world to get better.
My spirit and flesh is weak then who can I fight with and against?


Don’t let me go there again....o please.
I want to be led into that promised land.
What if I can’t make it?
What if I am not perfect.
Not the perfect leader...the perfect child of God.
Why am I stressing?
Can’t
      B r
E a the.

Oh the pain of the grip on my heart.
It’s claws digging deep.
It’s claws crushing it.
Can’t
B r E
A t
H.      E....

expectations crowded my mind in the days when my desperation was sorta high.
it felt like i fitted in with the rest, fitted into their league of rash lovers and surface swimmers.

it started with a "had enough."
which led to me having to rush and led to my second decision and then it hit me ******* me but yet so soft and subtle--it seemed to be.  

bothering and confusing, assumptions were made.
And they tormented me yesterday and the day before, and the day before....it nearly got me today.

i saw _ again and i chose to shut my eyes, just not completely, i chose to slip by but not ignoring the fact that i knew _ saw me at the corners of _ eye.
i didn't even wave goodbye or smiled a "hi".

sigh, how could i forget, the making of a moon?
a laughter that made me cringe and sin,
a memory that never seems to fade away, a lasting portrait still swings in my mind today.
only when i see _.

if i don't know i have let _ down already, when _ expected a nicely wrapped gift from me.
my heart and my chest was tied tightly together, and i seem to be unable to breathe, and i seem to pause           only to know that i am sinking in, bre e e eeeeeeeee a t hing in.

i place them into
                               your hands,
                                                      i do not know what will happen, but i am rest assured in your plans.

I didn't choose to be in pain.
I didn't choose to see the death of another, or myself.
I didnt choose to be in this time of suffering and agony.
I won't have chosen them.
I would never want to forget them.
How they taught me to forgive.
How they taught me things I otherwise wouldn't have learnt.
How they could set someone free when I am in chains...
How I am locked tight to your Love.
Never to be able to leave.
Never to be able to run away.
Huh.
I could have never been happier.
To be in chains.

The name we were given, even before we were born, before we were weaved into existence.
Cities on a hill, we were made to be found.
Don't hide.
There are the Children of Darkness too,
they hide, waiting to ambush, to destroy, only to destroy themselves without knowing for they are blind. Blind to what they are doing.
that all they do is tell half-truths and lies.
Children of Light, its time we unite, to shine in a burning light within, burning bright.
Its about time the Children of Darkness go, it's about time they fade away, down to their bones, its time we change them, to be one of us.
Children of Light, it's about time we take flight.
And do our task!

how your eyes gazed across the vast oceans.
how your heart and mind wondered how you got here.
in the middle of nowhere, your song meddles with the distortion of waves.
afraid to fall.
afraid that when you need help it won't be there.

the sun is shining, your skin burning.
the sharks nearly got you.
the boat shaking,
the waves nearly got you.

one light shone, the sky dark,
the trees painted your eyelashes and the waves made the tears of your eyes.

light flashes.
camera clicks.
you remember again,
you were in that popular clique.

at home.
you cried again.
at the boat.
you were afraid to swim again.

can't change your fate.
going through a lot.
a star shone,
the Savior was born,
he reached down,
and you danced upon your heartache.

Why must every evil deed,
every evil thing,
be so easy to do.
so easy to be deceived by it.
Blinded by their deceitful smiles
and their attractive lies.
These bad deeds can bring you miles
away into darkness and death.
Short-lived joys and sinful pleasures are all they give, its all that you get.
No, you will never be happy with them in you.
Never.
They just trick you into their master plan,
into the darklands.
I would rather suffer to get the true Joy and Peace I would get,
than to live "happily" in the oblivion of the punishments I would get.

Plunging holiness.
Plunging thoughts.
Plunging feelings brought.

Fighting not working.
Not strong enough.
How can I fight this fight without a physical sword?

Falling highs.
Calling lows.
I am trying to find a home.
Where I can feel at peace.
Even in the stormy seas.

You provide that.
I know that.
But my heart doesn't want to believe it...
Why!?
Yearning for something I already have.

Sinful pleasures.
***** sins.
I don't want that.
I don't need that.
I don't want that....
I don't need that...
I don't want this.
I don't need this.

I don't want the darkness covered in light
I want and I need the light covered in darkness.
That pass that thorny bushes and rough walls would I finally be able to get through, and take my crown....

Dear God,

People say you understand.
But I don't seem to understand.
How could a God like you, know me?
How could a God like you, knows how is it like to be human.
A human with sins.
How could you know, how I feel?
How could you know, how fear feels like?
How could you, still love me.
I wonder. I wander.
I just want to be brave.
I just want to feel a blazed.
I just want to feel like a warrior
Just want to feel the way you want me to be.
A conquerer, you said that I am a conquerer.
But I don't feel like I am.
But you know what, sometimes,
warriors could feel that way too.
Because we are humans too.
I hope you see this letter.
Which I have sent to you.
Even though it doesn't rhyme,
I hope you would love me still....

Love, my heart.

Same place, same times,
different colours, no longer black and white.
Texting on the phone, calling home,
being the one resting, your body sank into the floor.
Same anxiety, can't communicate.
Just missing out. Want to be alone...alone?
Can't get out of this shell.
Help me with my mental health....
People has real problems, and I am not one of them.
Sorry for being quiet, despite all your tries.
Sorry for being closed up, locked up tight.
Sorry that the keys dont just fall from the sky.
Confused and lost.
Messy thoughts.
Expectations, sky-high.
Perfection, the "prize"
Losing sight of those eyes...
This big, loving, shining eyes, where you look over me.
Cradling in your arms you sooth me.
Thank you.
Yet again, a similar scene, where you helped me up, and kissed me on the cheek. Yet again you loved me the same each day.
Yet again you show me mercy and grace in every way.
I feel like I experienced this before...
Yet again, it's your saving grace...
Saving me from this dark place...
Yet again you helped me up.
Yet again, I fall down, and still you pick me up, and say " Don't give up!!"
Thank you...God.

i reached out my hand and thought i was helping. I wanted to help.
i am so sorry for stuffing beliefs in your mouth, into your eyes, that you would be annoyed to see the blue-lined paper slipped in your mail box.

i just wanted to show that i care.
i didn't mean to scratch your surface.
i didn't mean to stir and twist.

please forgive me.
i didn't mean to cut and steal.
i wanted to heal.

Even I hear the sounds of silence in your bedroom.
I hear the ever noisy silence ringing outside the cracks of the window.
I am tearing up inside, losing control.
I clenched my fists and buried myself in my moutain of comfort on the fabrics of your bed.
I am trying to stay happy, to talk to you.
But I was afraid to shout, afraid to let the monster in the cage out.
Do you hear me?
As I stand in silence like the wind?
Do you hear me through the Spears and knives of your hurt words?
Do you....?

You slept in a nightmare.
You didn't care.
You didn't want to wake up.

The reality is more painful and scary than the nightmares in your head.
You didn't want to wake up.

Tired of waking up to just find a nightmare of a life.
I was just thinking what if the dream needed you?

cried for what seems like a thousand years worth of tears.
i didn't know i was in so much pain and agony.
i didn't know i was lonely.
where the only friends i had was the voices in my head.
she told me not to call them voices.
but.
i want to admit that they are a part of my life.
i was drained....
the keys to my heart broke, and the scars within sank deep.
i didn't know i was filled....with hurt and pain.
but now i lay empty.
my mind blank.
waiting for someone..something to colour it. to touch it. gently.
i lay beneath the oceans in my mind.
i lay down and i closed my eyes.

Obey, and you will be happy.
Disobey, and you will be in despair.
Pestilences sticking with you till you die,
Everywhere you go, the wrath of God, upon you.
Blight seared on your land, accompanied with a pinch of mildew.
Just a little of curses here and there,
in a bowl of sadness and despair.
A soup of punishments served to you.
Enjoy.

Do you see the world behind that glass door in the woods?
Where you had all the money.
Where you have all you wanted.
Where you can ride on dreams.
Where you can be who you wanted to be.
Where you could be believed.
But...never be happy.
This fantasy I do not want.
Loving this...I can't.
I would just stick onto reality.
Where death is real but still be happy....
Where death is real but life follows behind.

prickles and thorns,
sticks and stones,
brains and maggots,
all limp and cold,
a little darkness here and there,
a little pain will do it right.

bowl cracked and torn,
cursed and wrong,
only beautiful with intricate patterns and bright colors and filters but with musical scores gone wrong.  

click click liked,
swipe swipe left or right,
drinking nights,
they've seen them all.

is it fun to feed the darkness?
is it fun to feed the pain?
or the anger or the malice or the judgment or the cane?
maybe, the flesh seeks for the pleasure of the wrong kind,
the wrong sign, the evil one loves his daily dose of darkness.
he doesn't want you to draw the line for the things that are wrong.
he wants you to sing his wicked songs.

when you surround yourself with darkness how "sweet" the sound of his teeth crunching, munching on the juicy contents of your choice.
"great choice of food"
here's is his preferences,
instead of light and life,
put darkness and death,
instead of joy, maybe a bit of despair,
instead of full dependence on God, maybe just an "eh I am near there"
instead of choosing to choose Him instead of them, just choose them,
those who love evil and eats its fruit, those who love to dwell in darkness, in the woods, those who feed their darkness....in vain.....

the darkness you surround yourself with will mold you,
the pain you keep feeding will just grow within you,
if you keep feeding yourself with darkness you won't feel very good, won't you?
Jesus is the light, Jesus is life, His Word is light, His Word is life, and it is my guide, i choose Him.
i know it is sometimes easier to choose the dark but it will never be worth it, never worth the wait, never worth the suffering.
in Jesus, the suffering, the pain is worth it, in Him i have life!
life like none other, filled with purpose and light!
i feel so free! feel like i could take flight!
i am truly free in Christ Jesus!
i am truly in peace in Christ Jesus!
i am joyful in Him!

Jesus i love you,
i want to love you, more than the heavens or the stars,
more than anything or anyone in the world,
i want to love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and with all of my might.
on your wings, i will take flight.
i have fed that evil before, but i have learned not to now :)

maybe i understand why they jumped.
maybe i don't.
a sense of freedom was all they wanted.
and yet when they feel happy, they knock into a wall, reminding them of how rotten, messed up, worthless, useless, weak they were.

maybe they jumped because it freed them from the pain and the chains that were on their hearts, squeezing tightly, breaking, tearing it, heart...bleeding.

maybe they jumped because the wind that rushed and skid across the skin, the clothes they were in, went between the chains and broke them free...

maybe they felt the rocks pressed against their shoulders flew to the skies, to be forgotten. never knew it left more on someone else's shoulders.

maybe they jumped because the fear overtook the pain.
maybe they jumped because of the regret that overtook their minds, made them forget on how they saw themselves.

maybe i understand,
maybe i dont.
i just want to say.
theres hope.

So...
A line there, and a thing there,
A circle there, and a staircase there.
A little light here, a little dust there,
A little confusion here and there.
How is this true?
This mystery.
They say it all the time, like ALL the time...I say it too.
But I don't get it...maybe they don't too.
How do I let go.
When I can't see the light.
I am really trying to get this right.
Just don't disturb me now,
as I sit and stare in this room,
trying to figure out what, how to take up room.
So that fear and excuses have no room...

you aren't helping yourself you know.
you are feeding that feelings that's been clawing your heart.
you're feeding it.
yet you want to be free from it.
yet it made you tired and you want to give-up.
please don't
i can tell you this, you are stronger than you think you are.
stop dwelling in this darkness, in this pain and suffering,
he is willing to help you, guide you, lead you, love you and never leave you.
Jesus loves you.

I sit down at the chair of the dining table.
The sunlight shining in.
Giving it's warm colours to the dull metals of the room
It's light curled around the curves of metal.
It's hands curled around you.
When you danced in your ***** pajamas,
the light took you to my eyes.
The light, one of a shadow play, pictured you in my mind.
In the folds and camera of my eye.
You shone so bright.
A silhouette lined with light.
That's who you were when you danced in the sun.
A mere cartoon in front of my eyes.
Step out of the light.
No....no...
May I join you?
Join you in this dance.
So that I can see your face.
So that I can see, clearly the curves and the round cheeks of yours.
Your brown hair skiing across my face.
Bubbling laughter's fill the air.
You and me...
Dancing in the endless light.
Slowly....we take flight...
In the symphony of lights.

Flower of time, how precious is this jewel of mine.
Blooming at birth,  slowly withering at the same time.
This Flower of Time could die anytime, withering in time.
So please be careful with this moment in time.
I hope you are careful with this flower of time.
I hope you are spending it wisely, not wasting your time.
You only have this portion of time to live this life.
Please be careful with this Flower of Time. It might run out at any time.....

People of cotton minds.
Implanted with chips of different sizes.
Shaken and stirred is what makes their thoughts...our thoughts??
Floating around in defiance of truth.
Floating around with uncouth language.

"I Don't Care"
That's what you write of fountain pens of sugar-coated darkness.

Floating around in an abstract, broken glass world. A world of a glass maze.
You think that by closing your eyes you can see better.
Open up.
At least then you can see the pain the world.
At least then you can see the problems of the human heart.
At least you can see the shattered glass on the floor.
At least you can learn how to love.

A loveless life is such a loss.
Such a misery of a life.
Without love. There is no life.

Floating around in fluff and wool.
Obliviously in destructive symphony.
Floating around once in a while.
To avoid the problems of the soul...
To avoid the problems of the heart, the world. . .

Latest gadgets? nah
Most expensive houses? nah,
help another for the sake of my own glory? nah

Suffered and persecuted for God? For his Glory
True Joy and Satisfaction in Him? YEs
ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD? THE ONE WHO SAVED ME OUT OF DARKNESS?  YES.

Unfamiliar faces.
That's what I see.
I couldn't seem to recognize your face,
The familiarity I seem to cannot chase.
" Who are you?" I would say, to the ones I loved dearly, all my life.
I can't seem to see your face.
Everyone looks the same.
Am I going insane?
I got scared looking in the mirror.
To see an unfamiliar face in the mirror.
I tried going nearer.
I couldn't see clearly.

Losing identity.
Who am I then? This entity.
This unfamiliar face then I seem to cannot differentiate.
fragments. Left alone.
I couldn't seem to fit them into my world.
A world without faces. How can it be?

Marble walls tainted blue, crying tears of rain.
Marble sculpture crying rains and years of pain.
Wasn't shattered because I was made too hard by the pain.

Shattered. Finally broken apart.
Freed. Finally knocked down the bars of iron and cards.
Not confused anymore.
Through the shattered glass I can finally see more.

What was once a fogged view, what was once a mirage of what's true. It's mine. Finally mine.

My heart rejoiced.
My soul raises high it's voice, it's praises to the one true King.
No longer a melancholy song sang, but now a song lost.
I look forward to that day. Where I am with you God. Save me from this world, this body.
Break me and build me up.

Marble walls tainted blue, no longer there, just me and you.

So I walked downstairs to the void deck of my flat.
my eyes wandered.
its vision walking through the walkways and the turns of the void deck.

people who worked hard under the sun, from another land, another world, another story.
what if they have dreams unheard off, because what overthrew it was the shouts and mockings and gossips about them.

what if those "thugs" and "rebellious teenagers" had dreams so innocent. only for them to shatter. only that when they pick it back up, the pieces no longer connect, and the numbers no longer add up...

i stand in the middle of the field. in between the vision, my eyes perceived and the thoughts in my mind. people, they sat in the rain and the children, they no longer look to the sky. They no longer looked at the cracks of concrete skin on the tiles or the eye-lashes of lushes green.

followed an old, lonely woman i know. she sat alone sometimes in the food court. she usually forgets what she says, and that makes me laugh.

sat for a while, and i saw a "friend." more of an acquaintance perhaps. He dyed his hair brown, his shirt dark as night as he smoked without consent. His eyes were downcasted, lost in his troubles and problems, he probably didn't know where to go, who to go to. I know through this i could share God's love though.

learned about God this evening, before bed. his wisdom and power. his power to change hearts empowered me. given me, strength and i gave him praise.

said goodnight prayers, i fall asleep. tomorrow morning, ready to sing my morning praises and prayers, ready to do his work, ready to serve him.
ready for him.
ready to sing his hymns.
say a little prayer of love.
and....