You may not be
and i envy those who have been freed
those who were able to bleed
they had that chance to let their deaths seep into a surface other than their bodies
their ashes had been swallowed by the ever-present storm
what say they
to the people
who are still struggling
to find a puncture
any point of escape in their skin
just to get the void out
----mind you, they're decaying
have to get through this, fella
Again and again I go back to it.
To its slimy and suffocating grasp.
It’s clawed grip on my heart.
Why am I not committed?
Maybe a part of me likes this world I am in.
Maybe a part of me likes how broken the world is.
Maybe a part of me doesn’t want the world to get better.
My spirit and flesh is weak then who can I fight with and against?
Don’t let me go there again....o please.
I want to be led into that promised land.
What if I can’t make it?
What if I am not perfect.
Not the perfect leader...the perfect child of God.
Why am I stressing?
E a the.
Oh the pain of the grip on my heart.
It’s claws digging deep.
It’s claws crushing it.
B r E
Please keep me in prayer brothers and sisters in Christ :)
Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?
Like, it physically hurts.
Every time you're right beside them
And they don't step closer
Tuck you into their shoulder
Make you feel safe in their arms
It's like a punch in the gut
And your chest seizes up
And you think you'll never breathe properly again
Until they love you too
A crackling upon skin
Numbness penetrate into the bones
Watching the world, but not really being a part of it
Sinking inside, bringing out a different side to deal with what can't be done
Ears ringing but there is no sound
I'm weird, that I can attest.
Today I got blue hair.
And it felt so good.
Finally a change, something new for me.
It's night and I can't breathe.
I hate myself suddenly.
And those tears I can't hold back. Not tonight.
Because at some point I do have to go down. It appears to be tonight.
So I cry myself out. Another time.
Another awful night. Another restless sleep.
And tomorrow nobody will notice. It's a new day. So: just gotta continue to survive. To be the one, how everybody knows me.
Tears running down my face,
my worst fear
has come to life.
Too many thoughts...
I don't want to face him;
my own personal Nightmare.
Don't make me go...
I don't want to..
Wake me up...
I can't go up.
Don't want to.
Don't make me.
I'm like a little girl;
I am a little girl.
Please don't make me.
I can't breathe...
Wake me up...
August 19, 2016.
Wake me from this nightmare. Please. Someone... Help me.